Holy Desires

Nathan Bartel
  • 5.0 (1)
  • CHRISTIANITY

Hey, I'm Nathan. Each week, I grab a coffee and we talk about what it really means to love your wife well—especially in the bedroom. There aren't many places where Catholic men can have honest conversations about sex. This is one of them. We'll tackle the hard stuff: the struggles, the frustrations, the questions you don't know who to ask. Let's ditch the shame and awkwardness and have authentic discussions about intimacy, desire, and becoming the husband and lover your wife deserves, inside and outside the bedroom. Grab a coffee, pull up a chair, and let's begin!

  1. 5D AGO

    What I Wish I Had Said: A Fuller Response on Desire, Obligation, and the Heart of Marital Intimacy

    I was on the Doug Hinderer Show this week talking about physical intimacy from the husband's perspective. It was a great conversation. But a woman called in and shared something that's been weighing on me since. She said she avoids sex with her husband because it feels purely physical. I gave her an okay response, but I didn't go far enough. She deserved more. So I'm recording what I wish I would have told her. First, I'll talk about the question of obligation. There are voices in the Catholic world that say it's sinful to turn down your spouse. That's just not true. Second, I'll share why "it feels purely physical" is a really important clue. The Church's vision of sexuality is that it's a body language, a reflection of the love and connection you share as husband and wife. If that connection isn't there outside the bedroom, something important is missing. I also talk about leading by example, building the bond first, and letting the physical intimacy flow from it more naturally. This whole conversation is really about one thing: your heart matters. Your experience matters. If something feels off, don't force your way through it. Pay attention to it. That feeling is pointing you toward healing, and healing is possible. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. 🎙️ The original interview on the Doug Hinderer Show (Marriage Unhindered, Relevant Radio): https://relevantradio.com/2026/03/growing-together-in-marital-love/ I also mention my Holy Desires course: https://www.canafeast.com/holydesires ____________ 🔥 Download my FREE guide for Catholic Husbands: 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams Learn the 2 most common reasons wives don't enjoy sex, and what to do about it! >>> Get it here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets

    17 min

  2. MAR 12

    Dealing with Differences in Desire, Part 4: The Road Ahead

    This is the replay of Day 4 of the Dealing with Differences in Desire challenge — a workshop for Catholic husbands. Over 300 men registered for this four-day experience, and Day 4 was different from the rest. After receiving vulnerable, honest feedback from the brothers in the workshop, I threw out my prepared script and dedicated the session to addressing the real themes that came up throughout the week. Here are some themes that we cover: Sex as communication — not just something you do, but something you say. Why marital intimacy is the ultimate body language. Addressing the hard questions that came up during the challenge: Why does so much weight fall on the husband? What about NFP and the physical toll of childbirth? What do you do when you feel like business partners instead of lovers? A personal story from my own marriage — how the Lord handed me a mirror and showed me that I'm a lot more difficult to live with than I thought. (The humility is real.) We also covered insights from the Gottman Institute, the Love Languages (and how physical touch relates to sex) and more. I ended with an invitation to continue the journey inside Holy Desires, my 8-week formation for Catholic husbands. If this episode resonates with you, I'd encourage you to do two things: 1. Tell your wife one thing you learned this week that shifted how you see your marriage. Then ask her what she thinks. 2. If you feel called to go deeper, learn more about Holy Desires at canafeast.com/holydesires. ____________ 🔥 Download my FREE guide for Catholic Husbands: 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams Learn the 2 most common reasons wives don't enjoy sex, and what to do about it! >>> Get it here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets

    37 min

  3. MAR 11

    Dealing with Differences in Desire, Part 3: Four Practical Strategies

    We've talked about the foundation. You understand some of the dynamics beneath the surface. Now what do you actually do? This is Day 3 of the Dealing with Differences in Desire workshop, and it's the most practical session of the series. I walk through four things you can start doing right away to improve intimacy with your wife. First, slow down. Most men have no idea how much time their wives actually need to become fully aroused, and the research on this is eye-opening. Second, learn to talk about sex outside the bedroom. I share some communication principles to help with this conversation, since for many couples, it can be a difficult topic. Third, release the brakes. Try focusing on removing the obstacles: her mental load, unresolved conflict, and the lack of margin in your evenings. This is about creating the kind of marriage where intimacy can naturally thrive. Fourth, address whether she's actually enjoying sex. This one takes courage, but the logic is obvious: nobody desires something that isn't enjoyable. Each of these genuinely works. Each one is also just the first step into something deeper. I'll be honest about that too. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. ____________ 🔥 Download my FREE guide for Catholic Husbands: 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams Learn the 2 most common reasons wives don't enjoy sex, and what to do about it! >>> Get it here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets

    42 min

  4. MAR 10

    Dealing with Differences in Desire, Part 2: Beneath the Surface

    You know there's a gap between you and your wife when it comes to desire. But have you ever stopped to ask why it's there? This is Day 2 of the Dealing with Differences in Desires workshop. I dig into the real dynamics beneath the surface, on both sides. For the lower-desire spouse, we look at things like emotional disconnection, life stress, not actually enjoying sex (more common than most husbands realize), toxic beliefs picked up from purity culture, and the lasting effects of past trauma. For the higher-desire spouse, I get honest about how sex can become a coping mechanism, a substitute for emotional connection, or something shaped by content we've been consuming. None of this is about blame. It's about curiosity. I also share two frameworks that I think are genuinely game-changing: spontaneous vs. responsive desire, and brakes and accelerators. Understanding these gave me a completely different lens on my own marriage, and I've watched them do the same for the men I work with. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. ____________ 🔥 Download my FREE guide for Catholic Husbands: 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams Learn the 2 most common reasons wives don't enjoy sex, and what to do about it! >>> Get it here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets

    29 min

  5. MAR 9

    Dealing with Differences in Desire, Part 1: You're Not Alone

    I just kicked off a live 4-day challenge with a group of Catholic husbands on how to lovingly deal with differences in sexual desire. This is the first session. I share why the usual approach of "let's just compromise on a number" doesn't actually solve anything. It opens the door to a conversation, which is a good first step, but it keeps things on the surface. We need to go deeper in order to identify and address the issues that are really at work. I also share what the Church actually teaches about sex as a "truly human act," and why that vision points us somewhere we men can easily overlook. We can pretty easily compartmentalize our lives, but our wives tend to experience life more holistically. The quality of your sex life reflects the quality of your relationship. If you want to change what's happening inside the bedroom, the work starts outside it. This is the first in a four-part series. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. ____________ 🔥 Download my FREE guide for Catholic Husbands: 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams Learn the 2 most common reasons wives don't enjoy sex, and what to do about it! >>> Get it here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets

    25 min

  6. MAR 2

    It's Not About the Number: Rethinking Desire in Catholic Marriage

    Almost every Catholic husband I've talked to wrestles with this one: you want more intimacy, she seems content with less, and you're stuck wondering if this is just the way it's going to be. I get it. I hear it all the time. In this episode, I'll share why compromise is actually the enemy of a thriving intimate life, what's really going on beneath the surface for both the higher-desire and lower-desire spouse (some of these might surprise you), and a powerful insight from St. Dominic that completely reframes the conversation. You have more agency here than you think. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. 🎯 Free 4-Day Challenge for Catholic Husbands: "Dealing with Differences in Desire" — March 9–12. Replays available through March 20. www.canafeast.com/desire ____________ 🔥 Download my FREE guide for Catholic Husbands: 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams Learn the 2 most common reasons wives don't enjoy sex, and what to do about it! >>> Get it here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets

    22 min

  7. FEB 23

    The Virtue of Sexuality

    Most of us have encountered two very different attitudes toward sex in Catholic circles. On one side, there's the culture's message that sex is basically recreation. On the other, there's a hyper-restrictive view that treats almost everything beyond the bare minimum as suspect. In this discussion, I'll share why I think both of these miss the mark, and that the Catholic tradition actually calls us to a virtue of sexuality, a grounded, joyful mean between extremes. I'll walk through what the Catechism actually says about pleasure and joy in marriage (it might surprise you), talk about why an overly rigid moral framework feeds scrupulosity and can actually work against the natural law, and share a few of the key moral principles that really do matter. I'll also get into what I think is the most important shift we can make as husbands: approaching our wives from a posture of other-centered love rather than self-interest. That's the heart of the sacrament, and it transforms everything, including the bedroom. If you've ever wondered where the line is between moral clarity and unnecessary fear, this one's for you. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. 📄 The What's Allowed List — Sarah's practical guide to navigating moral questions around sex in Catholic marriage 📖 Humanae Vitae — Pope Paul VI's encyclical on the regulation of birth ____________ 🔥 Download my FREE guide for Catholic Husbands: 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams Learn the 2 most common reasons wives don't enjoy sex, and what to do about it! >>> Get it here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets

    23 min

  8. FEB 16

    Discernment of Spirits for your Marriage

    Confession time: I am not always easy to live with. A few days ago, I caught myself being grumpy with Sarah and the kids, and it turned out the whole thing was rooted in a frustration at work that had nothing to do with them. That moment of self-awareness led me back to one of the great gems of our Catholic spiritual tradition: the Discernment of Spirits from St. Ignatius of Loyola. In this chat, I'll share two powerful principles from St. Ignatius that have helped me in my own life and talk about how they directly apply to our marriages. I'll also point you to Fr. Timothy Gallagher, whose work makes these ancient rules incredibly practical for contemporary life. Grab a cup of coffee and let's talk about it. Resources mentioned in this episode: 📖 The Discernment of Spirits: An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living by Fr. Timothy Gallagher 🎙️ Fr. Timothy Gallagher's podcast series on Discernment of Spirits (~20 episodes - apple podcast link) ____________ 🔥 Download my FREE guide for Catholic Husbands: 3 Secrets to Becoming the Lover of Her Dreams Learn the 2 most common reasons wives don't enjoy sex, and what to do about it! >>> Get it here: https://canafeast.com/holydesires-3secrets

    17 min
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About

Hey, I'm Nathan. Each week, I grab a coffee and we talk about what it really means to love your wife well—especially in the bedroom. There aren't many places where Catholic men can have honest conversations about sex. This is one of them. We'll tackle the hard stuff: the struggles, the frustrations, the questions you don't know who to ask. Let's ditch the shame and awkwardness and have authentic discussions about intimacy, desire, and becoming the husband and lover your wife deserves, inside and outside the bedroom. Grab a coffee, pull up a chair, and let's begin!

Information

  • Creator
    Nathan Bartel
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    14
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 Nathan Bartel
  • Show Website
    Holy Desires

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