The Luella Jonk Show

Dr. Luella Jonk, PhD
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From the therapy room of a registered psychotherapist, dating coach and solopreneur who has tirelessly attempted a 'healthy' work-life balance for 25 years, it rarely existed for me and likely does not for most business owners, entrepreneurs and executives. The truth is relationships can really suffer. I will be interviewing expert guests who are doing things right so we can all learn to mix business with pleasure. Topics will range from building better relationships, connection, dating, and how to spread more kindness and compassion towards others while doing so. Listeners, you have the right to have passion surrounding your work while maintaining passionate relationships. You can have your cake and eat it too. New episodes premiere every Tuesday.

  1. Episode #102: Joseph Pearce on How Marriage Is Meant to Transform You, Not Just Make You Happy

    5D AGO

    Episode #102: Joseph Pearce on How Marriage Is Meant to Transform You, Not Just Make You Happy

    In this conversation with Joseph Pearce—internationally acclaimed author, Shakespeare scholar, and visiting professor of literature—we're exploring something I don't often discuss on the show: the depth of wisdom found in literature, philosophy, and the contemplative life, and what it teaches us about marriage, suffering, and formation. Joseph doesn't just write about great converts like Chesterton, Tolkien, and C.S. Lewis—he lives the truths they wrote about. After his own conversion from radical politics to Catholicism, he's spent decades unpacking how love, sacrifice, and beauty shape not just stories, but souls. And while his world of poetry and literary references may feel foreign at first, what emerged in our conversation is deeply practical: how we are formed—slowly, drip by drip—by what we choose, what we tolerate, and who we marry. I'll walk you through: ✅ Why marriage is not about two individuals finding happiness—it's about three getting married (husband, wife, and Christ) ✅ The difference between caring about someone and feeling responsible for them (and why we confuse the two) ✅ How pride and feminism have made marriage competitive instead of complementary ✅ Why the acceptance of sorrow—not sorrow itself—is the secret of life ✅ What Joseph learned when his son was born with Down syndrome and a hole in his heart ✅ The healthy trinity Joseph lives by: intellectual, spiritual, and physical exercise daily ✅ Why disconnecting from devices so we can reconnect with reality is one of the most urgent needs of our time ✅ How every dollar we spend is a vote for a better or worse world—and why we choose convenience over conscience Whether you're a spouse struggling to accept your partner's quirks, a parent wondering how to form your children for marriage, or someone hungering for beauty and truth in a world of artificial everything—Joseph offers a perspective grounded in 2,000 years of Catholic wisdom that feels both ancient and urgently needed today. 🔔 Remember: Formation happens whether we're paying attention or not. The question is—are you being formed by the spirit of the age, or the Holy Spirit? Connect with Joseph Pearce: 🌐 Website: http://www.jpearce.co 📰 St. Austin Review (Editor): https://staustinreview.org 📚 Ignatius Critical Editions (Series Editor): www.ignatiuscriticaleditions.com 🎓 Homeschool Connections (Senior Instructor): www.homeschoolconnectionsonline.com Resources Mentioned: 📖 Poem: The Lime-tree Bower my Prison by Samuel Taylor Coleridge 🙏 Surrender Novena 🙏 Litany of Trust

    56 min
  2. Episode #101: The Difference Between Caring and Feeling Responsible (That's Destroying Your Marriage)

    MAY 12

    Episode #101: The Difference Between Caring and Feeling Responsible (That's Destroying Your Marriage)

    In this solo episode, I'm challenging the way we've been taught to approach life—and it all started when I saw someone ask for the macros on a recipe online. Not how it tasted. Not if it was satisfying. Just the numbers. And it hit me: this is how we're being pushed to view everything now. Life has become about measuring, optimizing, tracking, and controlling. We analyze everything down to the smallest detail, believing that if we just manage it all precisely enough, we'll finally feel well. But I don't think human beings were ever meant to work like that. And it's leaving us deeply disconnected from what actually forms us. In this episode, I unpack: ✅ Why we are what we repeatedly do—and how formation happens slowly, drip by drip ✅ The difference between caring about someone and feeling responsible for them (and why we confuse the two) ✅ How trying to regulate your inner world by controlling outer circumstances keeps you exhausted ✅ Why marriages aren't destroyed in one dramatic event—they're formed (or broken) quietly over years ✅ The kitchen example: why you can't help but "manage" your husband's cooking (and what that's really about) ✅ How bad relational habits become so automatic and unconscious that reversing them feels impossible ✅ Why experiencing life—not just measuring or managing it—is what actually brings peace Whether you're a newlywed who needs to hear this before bad patterns set in, a mother watching your child enter a serious relationship, or someone who's been managing your marriage for years and wondering why you feel so empty—this episode is for you. Sometimes the most important question isn't "How do I get them to change?" It's "What am I repeatedly doing that's forming us into this?" 🔔 Remember: Formation happens whether we're paying attention or not. The question is—are you being formed into the relationship you want, or the one you're afraid of?

    46 min
  3. Episode #100: Why Women Who Carry Everything Feel So Empty

    MAY 5

    Episode #100: Why Women Who Carry Everything Feel So Empty

    In this solo episode, I’m following up on last week’s conversation because many women reached out with the same exhausted question: Why is it always me who has to change? Why am I the one being asked to slow down, soften my tone, regulate my emotions, or communicate better when I already feel like I’m carrying everything? This week, I want to bring much more clarity to what I meant — because this is not about tolerating disrespect, staying silent, or excusing poor behavior. It’s about something far more uncomfortable: learning to notice what is happening inside of you before you react to what is happening around you. So many women are living in a constant state of prediction, problem-solving, mental management, and emotional bracing. You are not simply responding to life anymore — you are trying to stay one step ahead of it at all times. And while that may feel productive... it is quietly stealing your peace, your clarity, and your relationships. In this episode, I unpack: ✅ Why constantly focusing on who is right and who is wrong keeps you stuck ✅ The hidden identity many women build around “doing everything” ✅ Why overfunctioning can start to feel safer than slowing down ✅ How anxiety grows when you live mentally in the future ✅ The difference between accepting reality and approving of poor treatment ✅ One grounding question that can completely change how you respond in conflict ✅ Why peace often begins when you stop trying to control everything This conversation is about much more than marriage. It’s about the way many of us have been trained to believe that doing more, carrying more, anticipating more, and controlling more will eventually make us feel safe. But for many women, it’s doing the exact opposite. If you feel depleted, reactive, mentally crowded, and like life is moving by faster than you can catch it — this episode is for you. Sometimes strength is not found in holding everything together. Sometimes strength is found in finally asking: What is actually required of me right now?

    35 min
  4. Episode #99: The Real Reason You're Exhausted in Your Marriage (It's Not What You Think)

    APR 28

    Episode #99: The Real Reason You're Exhausted in Your Marriage (It's Not What You Think)

    In this solo episode, I'm walking you through something I see every single week in my therapy room — and something I've lived myself: the moment a small, ordinary trigger sends your entire nervous system into protection mode, and why the real problem is almost never what you think it is. I'll walk you through: ✅ The four-step pattern playing out in your marriage on repeat — trigger, prediction, body response, behaviour — and why most couples only ever see the surface of it ✅ Why the problem isn't your husband sitting down, opening the mail, or not noticing you need help ✅ How the role of "the one who holds it all together" slowly becomes an identity you don't even realise you've built ✅ Why your feelings are not always a reliable indicator of what's actually true ✅ The difference between reacting from a threatened identity and responding from a grounded one ✅ What it actually sounds like to ask for what you need — without the tension, the tone, or the expectation baked in Whether you're exhausted from carrying everything, stuck in the same argument with different words, or wondering why your husband feels more like a roommate than a partner — this episode will help you see what's actually happening beneath the surface. 🔔 Remember: Your patterns are not your identity. And the path to a better marriage isn't more effort or more control — it's more clarity about the story you've been telling yourself all along.

    39 min
  5. Episode #98: Nothing Was Wrong, But Something Felt Off

    APR 21

    Episode #98: Nothing Was Wrong, But Something Felt Off

    In this solo episode, I'm being honest about something I don't think we talk about enough: what happens after the spiritual highs. It's the Friday after Easter, and instead of feeling joyful and victorious, I've been waking up with this low-level heaviness—not depression, not anything my family would notice, but something quietly off. I'll walk you through: ✅ Why intensity—whether it's Easter, a long-awaited vacation, or a career milestone—often leaves us feeling drained afterward ✅ The intersection of joy and suffering that the cross reveals (and why we can't escape it) ✅ How women especially get stuck in constant mental movement—planning, anticipating, evaluating—even when sitting still ✅ Why the instinct to "fix" ourselves when we feel off is often the wrong move ✅ The difference between circumstantial problems and deeper misalignment ✅ Why I choose work that doesn't make money (my podcast, my writing) and what that says about fulfillment vs. productivity Whether you're coming down from a spiritual season feeling flat, caught in the mental gymnastics of trying to do enough and be enough, or wondering why rest never feels like rest—this episode offers permission to stop overanalyzing and start realigning. 🔔 Remember: Not everything that feels off needs to be fixed. Sometimes you're just human. And sometimes the answer isn't more productivity or better circumstances—it's coming back into proper alignment with what actually matters. #TheLuellaJonkShow #AfterTheHigh #EasterReflection #SpiritualIntensity #JoyAndSuffering #WomenAndExhaustion #MentalLoad #SoulFulfillment #Misalignment #ProductivityVsPurpose #ChristianLiving #LentAndEaster #BeingHuman #InnerPeace #GroundedInGod

    45 min
  6. Episode #97: Hannah Spier on Why Feminism Taught Women to Resent Men in Marriage

    APR 14

    Episode #97: Hannah Spier on Why Feminism Taught Women to Resent Men in Marriage

    In this second conversation with Norwegian psychiatrist Hannah Spier, we're diving into territory that most clinicians won't touch: the rise of personality disorders among women, the feminization of therapy that's made gatekeeping impossible, and why credentials alone won't fix what's broken in mental health care. Hannah doesn't hold back. After years treating patients in outpatient psychiatry, she's watched the diagnostic manual get diluted, differential diagnosis disappear, and an entire generation of women get labeled with disorders they wear like badges of honor. I'll walk you through: ✅ Why Cluster B personality disorders (borderline, narcissism, histrionic, antisocial) are rising—and what's fueling them ✅ How low agreeableness and high neuroticism create the "weaponized emotionality" we see everywhere now ✅ Why the self-esteem movement of the 90s and participation trophies set us up for narcissistic traits ✅ The feminization of therapy—why 85% female therapists means no incentive to gatekeep diagnoses ✅ How secondary gains (attention, accommodation, identity, redemption arcs) keep people sick ✅ Why feminism has trained women to overemphasize their own suffering and contributions in marriage ✅ The difference between relational aggression (women) and outward aggression (men)—and why both are equally destructive Whether you're a woman who's been called "too much," a therapist struggling with what you're being taught to validate, or someone watching workplace bullying and campus protests wondering what's happening to our culture—Hannah offers the kind of clinically-grounded, fearless perspective that's nearly extinct today. 🔔 Remember: Not every struggle is a diagnosis. And a diagnosis you've incorporated into your identity can never be treated. Real compassion doesn't remove truth—it holds both. Connect with Hannah Spier: 📰 Substack: https://substack.com/@psychobabblewithspier 📷 Instagram: @psychobabblewithspier Recommended Videos from Hannah: ▶️ How Dark Traits Express Themselves in Women — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YOmG62tyl0 ▶️ Why Women Get Away With Narcissism (3 Patterns You'll Recognize) — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXCRI6u1bl8 ▶️ Still Selling Feminism: Our Response to Diary of a CEO — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIys5zTk-xs

    55 min
  7. Episode #96: Why I'm Calling Out Chatelaine - The Dangerous Truth About Weight and Responsibility

    APR 7

    Episode #96: Why I'm Calling Out Chatelaine - The Dangerous Truth About Weight and Responsibility

    In this episode, I share my reflections after listening to a recent Chatelaine podcast on weight, identity, and responsibility. This is an important and, at times, uncomfortable conversation. As a therapist, I work with women every day who feel exhausted, disconnected from their bodies, and unsure of what is actually within their control. While modern culture often emphasizes external factors such as media influence, hormones, and environment, we risk removing something essential in the process, personal responsibility. At the same time, I want to be clear that this conversation does not apply to individuals facing legitimate medical or hormonal conditions that significantly affect weight regulation. Those situations are real and deserve proper care and attention. What I explore in this episode is something different: the everyday patterns I see in my practice, where chronic stress, lifestyle habits, and disconnection from the body quietly shape a woman’s health. True compassion does not remove truth. It holds both. This episode is an invitation to reflect, not react, and to consider where responsibility can become a source of empowerment rather than shame. 🎧 Listen to the Chatelaine podcast episode discussed here: Chatelaine's Group Chat Podcast: Listen here

    36 min
  8. Episode #95: Kate Christie - She Bought a Palazzo in Sicily—Here's Why Every Woman Should Have a Life List

    MAR 31

    Episode #95: Kate Christie - She Bought a Palazzo in Sicily—Here's Why Every Woman Should Have a Life List

    In this episode, I'm sitting down with Kate Christie—Australia's top time management expert and the woman who bought a palazzo in Sicily as her midlife manifesto. After losing her ex-husband to pancreatic cancer while raising three teenagers solo, Kate discovered that waiting for "someday" is the biggest trap we fall into. She created what she calls a Life List—not a bucket list for when you're old, but a guide for living audaciously right now. I'll walk you through: ✅ Why tragedy taught Kate that "later might be too late" and how it transformed her entire approach to time ✅ The "24 out the door" parenting philosophy that empowers adult children to thrive independently ✅ How to break down audacious goals into 90-second moments of action ✅ Why empty nesting should be celebrated, not mourned—and what that says about healthy relationships ✅ The three types of Life List goals: Go Big (palazzo dreams), Go Small (daily joy), and Go Now (spontaneity) Whether you're stuck in survival mode, convinced you need to wait until retirement to live your dreams, or struggling to prioritize yourself after years of giving to everyone else, this conversation offers the framework and permission you need to start living now. Sometimes the path to fulfillment isn't through more planning—it's through taking that first brave step. 🔔 Remember: This isn't about abandoning responsibility or being selfish—it's about recognizing that you've earned your turn. Life is precious, and the relationships we build with our children, partners, and ourselves are strongest when we model what it means to live intentionally. Connect with Kate Christie: Website: www.katechristie.com.au Instagram: @katechristieloves Facebook: Kate Christie LinkedIn: Kate Christie Email: kc@katechristie.com.au Kate's Book: The Life List: Master Every Moment and Live an Audacious Life

    1 hr
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About

From the therapy room of a registered psychotherapist, dating coach and solopreneur who has tirelessly attempted a 'healthy' work-life balance for 25 years, it rarely existed for me and likely does not for most business owners, entrepreneurs and executives. The truth is relationships can really suffer. I will be interviewing expert guests who are doing things right so we can all learn to mix business with pleasure. Topics will range from building better relationships, connection, dating, and how to spread more kindness and compassion towards others while doing so. Listeners, you have the right to have passion surrounding your work while maintaining passionate relationships. You can have your cake and eat it too. New episodes premiere every Tuesday.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Luella Jonk, PhD
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    233
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2025
  • Show Website
    The Luella Jonk Show

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