Anxiety to Confidence - The Personal Development Unplugged Podcast

Paul Clough

A podcast for those wanting personal development but want it made simple and easy to understand and more importantly use, take action and make a difference to your life and the world you live in. If you want to change the way you feel and the way you act and react. If you have negative emotions, behaviours, that you want to lose forever and create something special in your life then I think you will like what you hear. This genre of self-improvement, self-development and mastery of your mind has, I believe, been made over complicated and secretive and here I am de-constructing the processes into their simple forms that we can all understand and easily use. There's no interviews just little ol' me ;0) Who am I and what do I do?………Paul Clough. I now love helping making changes in people and guiding them to create the life they really want. A personal look at me: The above sentence was not always the case and being the best in the financial realms of the building industry was my aim and getting there by any means. I now know this is, and was, the worst way ~ even if I did make director of one of the largest building companies in Cambridge by the age of 30. One of the major realisations came on my first ever training in hypnosis. I found that it's not a win lose world and that a win win is only a low basis to live. Being true to your beliefs and coming from a place of integrity where service is paramount. This understanding together with lots of NLP skills helped create my last partnership in the building industry grow from a turnover of £800k to £16m in less than twelve years and that can only be done with giving more than expected. Another shaping of me came from two traumatic events in my life that happened within six months of each other which created a number of major changes in me and by beliefs in what is possible. I have written about my experience and how I dealt with it but more importantly it really showed me my love for my three boys and theirs for me and resulted in the step up to become a trainer of NLP (which I never intended) and my close and exciting work with two of my sons. In supporting Joseph and help create change in people in our training's and his wonderful life changing 'Be your potential weekend' and with Luke the continuing development of Cambridge Hypnotherapy and Hypnosis processes. My relationship with my third son Daniel just keeps getting better and better too. Not knowing how good I had become in change work in the beginning I generally studied, practiced and saw clients then things started to happen when I started to work following just my instincts. Two clients come to mind both in effect dying from the effects of what was happening to them and the way they felt and within one and two sessions respectively not only won the will to live they changed virtually in front of my eyes and being apart of that process was and is the best feeling alive. The above are just three of many brilliant learnings I have had in my life. The more formal bit Paul Clough I am a Trainer and Master Practitioner of NLP and Hypnosis and am passionate in assisting those who want to reach their full potential and his special skills form a unique foundation for success. I constantly seek and develop new skills and learning's – through advanced levels of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Time Line Therapy ™, Hypnosis and to improve everyone I work with. I have an understanding of the mind/body connection which enables me to create in my clients the difference that makes the difference ~ from excellence to outstanding. For those that want qualifications: Certified Trainer and Consultant of Neuro-Linguistic Programming Certified Master Practitioner of NLP & Time Line Therapy Certified Master Hypnotist and Hypnotherapist

  1. #477 Don't Blame Your Parents Or Anyone Else

    2D AGO

    #477 Don't Blame Your Parents Or Anyone Else

    Don't Blame Your Parents Or Anyone Else *]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-68429ab0-d338-800c-96c4-a023c498401f-1" data-testid= "conversation-turn-461" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> Who are you blaming? The weather? The economy? Your ex-boss? Your trauma? Your parents? In this deeper dive from the FMQ seed "Who or What Is to Blame?", I take you through something powerful: Blame feels like a reason… but it's actually an excuse. And here's the uncomfortable truth: If you stop blaming… what happens to your story? In this episode, I walk you through two simple but life-shifting processes to help you: Let go of resentment and emotional baggage Reclaim your personal power Release blame without denying what happened Stop living at the "effect" side of life Move back to cause — where choice lives We're not denying the past. We're learning from it. And when you learn… you're free. What We Explore Why blame keeps you stuck in victimhood The hidden fear behind letting go of your story The shift from "This happened to me" to "This shaped me" How empowerment feels safer than excuse-making Why your parents were doing the best they could How to stop dragging emotional baggage through life Process #1 – Letting Go of Someone You Blame A short but powerful visualisation to: Thank the person for the lessons Recognise the connection between you Cut the emotional cord Dissolve resentment Reclaim your personal power This works for: Ex-partners Parents Former bosses Friends Anyone you still feel "connected" to emotionally You neutralise the emotional residue… without denying what happened. Process #2 – Releasing Blame Toward Your Parents This one is beautiful. You visualise your parent as a tiny innocent child. Before the beliefs. Before the limitations. Before the behaviours. You see them as they truly began — just like you. And something shifts. Blame dissolves. Understanding appears. Compassion grows. Empowerment returns. Because now you realise: They were doing the best they could with the resources they had. And now… You get to choose differently. The Core Shift Instead of: "This happened to me." You say: "This happened. I learned. And now I choose." That's the difference between living at effect and living at cause. Blame keeps you small. Learning makes you powerful. Responsibility gives you freedom. And here's the kicker… If you let go of blame, you don't lose your story. You gain your future. In This Episode You'll Discover Why blame feels protective (but drains your energy) The emotional cost of carrying resentment How to release anger without suppressing it Why compassion doesn't mean approval The difference between remembering and reliving How empowerment naturally replaces excuse-making Key Takeaway You are not defined by what happened. You are defined by what you decide now. And once the emotional charge dissolves… clarity appears. Confidence grows. Choice returns. No more dragging the past around like a suitcase full of bricks. Just freedom. If This Resonated… Share this episode with someone who: Blames their past Blames their parents Blames their boss Blames themselves Sometimes the people who need it most are the quiet ones holding it all in. Call to Action If you enjoyed this episode: Subscribe or follow the podcast Leave a review Share it with someone you care about https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/477-dont-blame-your-parents-or-anyone-else And visit the free hypnosis page to deepen the change Because this isn't about blame. It's about reclaiming your life. Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism #477 Don't Blame Your Parents Or Anyone Else . So we're back with the longer deeper dive from the FMQ. Who or what is to blame for your failure? Do you remember that one? Remember those excuses? The excuses? Oh, it was the weather.   Look, I can't do it because the weather's not right. I have to wait for the summer. I have to wait for the winter.   The economics, well, you know, it's not quite right at the moment. You know? Or, well, if it wasn't for them, because they didn't accept me, they didn't support me, you know, and then we get that belief, which is, I'm not good enough. I don't belong here.   It's just all excuses, isn't it? Well, we think they're reasons, don't we? We think they're reasons, bloody good reasons why we haven't succeeded. This is blame, isn't it? We're blaming somebody else or something else. Maybe we're, we're blaming, well, that trauma I experienced when I was younger.   That's given me all these other isms. Because you get isms, don't you? Everyone has an ism these days. And they, I'm sure they were about a long time ago, but it didn't seem to be an excuse then.   People got on. They dealt with things. They took responsibility.   We'll go there later. We even blame our parents, don't we? They didn't support me. They didn't guide me.   They weren't there for me. I've even got a thing that I used to blame. It was an ex-boss of mine.   And he was a mentor. He was a superb guy when I was a fledgling in my first career. And he supported me.   He did everything for me. Until one day. Until one day, he didn't.   And he did it quite publicly. And to the point where I had to leave that company. And he didn't bat an eyelid.   So I thought, anyway, so I thought, in my mind, God, why did you do that? I needed your help. I could have stayed. I could have done something if you'd have been there.   So it's your fault. And I harboured that resentment. Because I lost a bit of confidence.   I lost a lot of confidence. And I thought, you're to blame. I never used to be like that.   Now I am. That's gone, by the way. Because I did some work.   We did one of the processes, and I did promise you two. Two processes, and that's what you're going to get today, in this episode. And one of the processes is to let go of that connection with somebody.   Somebody who you're blaming, or you feel is to blame. Or you use an excuse to blame. I did for a little while.   And then I did this particular process we're going to do. And if I met him now, it would be cool. I'd be okay.   And he'd be okay. And you see, it's all about, are we living at the effect side of life? Because it's cause and effect. And each one I've told you is an effect.   We're giving what we think are reasons, and in fact, they're excuses. Now we have a real issue here. You see, one of the questions just below the conscious level is maybe the question that you don't like to answer.   And what is it? Well, if I stop blaming dot dot dot dot dot, what happens to my story? You know, what happens? Because it's a story I've been telling myself for so long. And if that goes, I'll tell you. We're going to go through the answers, but I'll tell you, you're going to feel absolutely brilliant when it goes.   Your story will be your true story. The real you, the empowered you, because that's where we're going. Empowerment, which seems really grand, but it is when it feels that good.   So at the moment, if you feel like this, it's like it happened to me. This happened to me. It's a story I'm telling again.   They did this. Another story we're telling. Because of X, I can't do that.   Cause and effect. They're all causes, aren't they? And effect. But the real thing is, you're not a victim.   You're not. And that's victimhood, if that's a word. We're just sitting in that victim little mentality and blaming the past, blaming the people, blaming everything.   It's all because, because, because, because. And we're going to change that. There will be a shift.   Now this is a covert bit, but I'm going to tell you it because it's now overt. This is a shift I want to make. I want you to be able to say, this happened to me.   It did happen. Past tense. But I learnt.   And I've learnt this. And this is how I'm using it. I want you to be able to say, that shaped me to the person I am now.   It doesn't define m

    38 min
  2. FMQ528  Who or What Is To Blame For Your Failure

    MAR 20

    FMQ528 Who or What Is To Blame For Your Failure

    Who or What Is To Blame For Your Failure What are you blaming right now? The weather? The economy? Your lack of time? Your past? Your boss? Your parents? In this Five Minute Quickie (that's never quite five minutes 😄), I'm planting a seed that might feel a little uncomfortable… Because blame feels justified. It feels intelligent. It feels protective. It even feels responsible sometimes. But what if it's actually costing you your power? In this episode I begin to unpack: The hidden cost of living at the effect side of life Why excuses can feel like safety How trauma (big T or little t) can become an identity Why dragging the past forward drains your energy And how learning — not reliving — is the real shift This isn't about dismissing your experience. It's about transforming it. In the longer episode, we'll go deep into: Letting go of blame (without diving back into trauma) Releasing anger, guilt, disappointment and resentment Healing the "parent story" Clearing unresolved emotional ties Moving fully to the cause side of life Because when you stop blaming… You start choosing. And when you start choosing? Everything changes. The Seed Question If nothing outside you was to blame… What would you do next? If this hits home, share it with someone who might be quietly carrying resentment or excuses around like heavy luggage. https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq528-who-or-what-is-to-blame-for-your-failure And make sure you join me for the deeper dive — because we're not analysing the past… We're releasing it. Subscribe, follow, and visit the free hypnosis page at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. More fun than you can stand. Wallow in pleasure. Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism     Welcome to the seed of a longer podcast, the FMQ, the five minute quickie that lasts even longer now, and gives you hopefully something to think about, something to ponder, digest, let it germinate and do whatever it does, so when you come to the longer podcast, boom, we can go even deeper and make some wonderful changes in our life. And this one's called, and I'm not quite sure what it's called actually, it's either Who Do You Blame? or Who or What's to Blame? You see, some people like to blame the weather for the things they can't do.   Some people like to blame the economic environment. Some people like to blame, well, time, I haven't got enough time. And that's just a fact, isn't it? Living at the effect side of life.   And they're all wonderful reasons, aren't they? Are they balls? They're not reasons. They're not reasons at all. They're bloody excuses.   And we're going to dive deeply into that on the longer podcast. But we're also going to dive into something I think is even more important. Because everyone talks about cause and effect, living at the cause side, or living at the effect, living at the effect with all those excuses, or coming back to cause and becoming empowered.   And we do that here. Because I believe in that 100%. Once you start living at the cause side of life, you take control.   Everything is your responsibility. And with that comes all the glory. And the glory is just living the life you want to choose because you chose it, and you did it.   But then again, what else can you blame? Well, we've all suffered trauma, haven't we? Some with a capital T, and some with a little t. I think I've maybe had a little t when I was younger, a big T in the middle. And now I don't know what the bloody hell I've got. And maybe you think you haven't had any trauma.   Maybe you think you know that you've got trauma in your life, and you're still blaming it for what's happening into your life right now. And if I hadn't suffered it back then, and if those people hadn't been there back then, well, that's something we can really dive into to let go. Because it's draining.   Drains all your energy dragging that crap around. But if you might think, well, actually, I don't think I've got any trauma in my life. Well, I think if that's the case, you created strategies to cope and also have the learnings from it.   You've learned from it. So that trauma no longer exists in your life. It might be a distant memory.   It was bad back then. But because you've learned it, it's in the past, past tense. And if you have, if I had a hat, which I haven't, I'd take it off you.   And I'll go, awesome. I'd doff my cap to you. Because this is still going to apply to you, it is.   You see, you might not have or can remember trauma, but you might have people that you blame. Blame for the things that didn't happen in your life. And now you're here.   I mean, we're going to dive into in the longer podcast, who we blame. And why, what it costs us and what it wasn't and what it is. See, I have an example in my life when an ex-boss of mine, he let me down more than 100%.   If you can get more than 100%, that's what he did. And he did it in front of other people. And he was my mentor.   He did such good things for me. And then he did something which was terrible to me. But now, I can, I know if I met him, he might be dead by now.   But if I did meet him, or if I knew when I did the work on myself, if I were going to meet him, I'd have been fine. I'd have been fine. I'd have started again.   Because I'd have understood something. And it's understanding and learning, which then allows you to take responsibility for what you're doing now, and allows you to let go of that and be freer. No more reasons, which are bloody excuses.   You see, that's where I want to go. And there's the other thing. Now these all might hit a bell, but the other one is, it's my bloody parents, my mum, my dad, or mother and father.   I don't know, I call them my mum and my dad. You know, back then when we were little, little boys and girls, did they protect us from that thing? Did they encourage us? Or did they discourage us? Way back then. Now, did they do the things they should have done? They could have done? Well, maybe they didn't.   What else didn't they do? Come on, fill in the blank. It's your experience, your thoughts, your limiting belief. It's a belief anyway.   I don't think it's that supportive. But hey, they're the things we're going to be letting go in the longer podcast. We'll be diving to all of that and developing and creating a lovely process.   In fact, I think there might be two, I'm not sure. I like to do two, but there's definitely going to be one. Well, there is, I know now.   There's going to be two wonderful processes. One about our parent thing and one about letting go of other people. And you see, in that way, we let go of blame, anger, sadness, guilt, everything, emotion, disappointment, anything, because we can be at peace.   And once we're at peace with it, and we've learnt from it, and we've had that experience in our life, we can grow from it. If you think of every person who's a thought lead and all that, they've all had shit lives right at the very beginning. I think some of them might have made it up though.   But we do grow from the traumas, big T, little T, once we've learnt from, and they give us opportunities. And maybe we'll just sit and learn how to then create the life we want, because we won't have excuses, we won't have reasons, but we'll have empowerment. We'll have responsibility.   But with that responsibility, we'll have the resources, because that effect, the emotions, limiting beliefs caused by our blame, has been holding us, holding us back, giving us all sorts of visions, visualisations, chatting in our head, why we can't do it, and all this stuff. Once we get that out of the way, the positive self-talk comes in, I got this, good day, I get to do this. And we start to plan because we can, we think we're, and we know, we have that opportunity, and we can grasp it.   We're not going to be dragging around that old crap. It's there to let go now. So if you're ready for that, I think you are.   You wouldn't be listening if you weren't. And if you know of somebody who you know is blaming other things, blaming everything, blaming themselves, then share this with them, please. Because on this deeper dive to come, the longer podcast, the hashta

    10 min
  3. #476 Empathy - A Way That Works Without The Pain

    MAR 13

    #476 Empathy - A Way That Works Without The Pain

    Empathy - A Way That Works Without The Pain In the FMQ527 I said something that probably made you blink. Empathy sucks. And I meant it. Not because caring is wrong. Not because helping people is wrong. Not because being sensitive is wrong. But because absorbing other people's pain is not helping them — and it's definitely not helping you. In this deeper dive, I show you: Why emotional dumping drains you Why empathy often becomes a hiding strategy The crucial difference between empathy and compassion How to stay grounded when people offload on you And how to become truly empathetic… with yourself Because here's the truth: If you feel everyone else's pain, you'll drown. If you stay grounded and compassionate, you can actually help. And the real work? It starts with self-empathy. What We Explore 1️⃣ Why Empathy Can Be Harmful Emotional dumping and energy drain Why taking on others' pain doesn't serve them How empathy can become a badge of honour How it can also become unconscious avoidance of your own emotions 2️⃣ The Shift: Empathy ➜ Compassion Empathy = I feel your pain. Compassion = I recognise your pain — and I can support you without absorbing it. Compassion allows you to: Stay grounded Sustain your energy Think clearly Offer real support Stay emotionally stable It's the difference between drowning with someone… or throwing them a rope. 3️⃣ Process One – Sitting With Your Emotion Instead of pushing emotions away: Sit with the feeling Acknowledge it Ask: What are you trying to do for me? What are you protecting me from? What are you trying to teach me? Every emotion has a positive intention. When you learn the lesson — the emotion doesn't need to shout anymore. 4️⃣ Process Two – Compassion Without Merging (Visualisation) I guide you through: Grounding yourself Breathing deliberately Creating a subtle protective boundary Supporting someone without absorbing their pain You remain: Present Steady Caring Strong And when you walk away? You're still yourself. 5️⃣ Process Three – Deep Self-Empathy Installation This is the powerful one. You: Place the emotion in front of you Speak to it with curiosity Thank it Discover its intention Ask what it needs Create a better strategy for that intention Future pace the change You keep the intention. You release the pain. That's self-empathy. The Core Takeaway Before you help anyone else… Check in with yourself. Am I grounded? Am I breathing? Am I compassionate? Or am I merging and hiding? One emotion. One learning. Then it can let go. That's how you help yourself. That's how you genuinely help others. And that's how empathy finally works. Key Quotes From This Episode "Empathy absorbs. Compassion supports." "Every emotion has a positive intention." "Learn the lesson — and the emotion doesn't need to stay." "Help yourself first. Then you're truly available to others." If This Resonated… Subscribe so you don't miss the next FMQ seed and deeper dive. Share this with someone who: Is emotionally drained Always takes on other people's pain Or thinks empathy is the only way to care https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/476-empathy-a-way-that-works-without-the-pain and don't forget the video https://youtu.be/8iAcW58QreE Let's move from drowning together… to lifting each other properly. Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism #476 empathy - a way that works without the pain     So, you're back for the longer, deeper dive. And following on from the previous FMQ, it's all about empathy. Empathy and to be empathetic without feeling the pain.   Because if you remember from that FMQ, I said empathy sucks. I did. You did listen, didn't you? You did listen.   Empathy sucks. And it does. Everyone pushes empathy as being the biggest thing since sliced bread and empathy.   Because, you know, it what it is. There's such a better way to help people. And more importantly, help yourself.   Being empathetic with yourself. That's where it should start. Number one.   With number one. You see, let me just re-explain something. Oh, by the way, just jumping in before I do that.   If you didn't know, I do this also on video at YouTube. They're a bit bonky, I know. Got two cameras.   There we go. And a bit of light in the background. And apart from that, that's as professional as we get.   But if you wanted to see me doing this, you can. But anyway, let's get back to the real stuff. When I said empathy sucks.   Think about this. I talked about emotional dumping. That's what people do when they think, oh, I want to be so vulnerable.   I'm going to dump on somebody. They just dump everything out they've got. And it's embarrassing.   And because you want to be empathetic, you let them dump on you. You take on their pain. And they walk away going, oh, I feel so much lighter, so much lighter.   And you're going, oh, I got to think about things. I worry about people do this. And you see, that's totally inappropriate.   Totally inappropriate. It's just too much. You got to get out of that.   You really do. You see, I know a couple examples of when people just absorb pain. My mother was one.   People used to come round, offload everything. And she would worry, have sleepless nights, thinking about them, what she could do. And she couldn't do anything about it.   But it affected her. There's a great, she's dead now, unfortunately. She's left this planet.   But Victoria, is it? Virginia Satir was a great family therapist. And she had in her mind a belief that if I can't feel the pain, the pain of the people I'm working with, and really feel it as deeply as them, then I can't help. And she felt that pain so much, whether it was linked to the illnesses she got before she died, because she did, she suffered.   And she was doing it for a wonderful reason. So was mum. But I think there's a better way.   And you see, I think some ways, people who just do that dump on you, and you become the empath. Well, it's easier for them to do that than listening to themselves. It's like a shield, isn't it? A protective shield.   I'm going to just put it all out there. Because in some ways, I can walk away and leave it where I put it with somebody else. That's not right, is it? Not right.   And I think we have these things where we have to repress, suppress. That's no good either, by the way. And I think having empathy is in some ways, unconscious hiding.   What do you mean, Cloughie? What do you mean? I'll tell you what I mean. There's a song there somewhere. I'll tell you what I want.   Anyway, but it's like, if I can throw all my stuff to somebody else, means I don't have to deal with it myself. So we're hiding, we're giving ourselves safety by hiding away from the emotions that we feel. The emotions that are present.   And it's up to us. We have responsibility to ourselves to deal with that ourselves. Because we're the only bugger who can.   Everyone can talk. Yes, you can go to a therapist, you know, one to one, you know, one to one, go to a great hypnotist, an NLP practitioner, timeline practitioner, they will really help. But at the end of the day, you have to do it.   You have to come up, have the will to do whatever it takes and do the work. They're working with you. They're not working on you.   That's what a lot of people think. I do hypnosis on that person. I want NLP done on me.   No, they work with you. You have to put the effort in. They're just a guide.   They don't have great processes. And you see, being that empathetic, it hurts, doesn't it? It hurts taking on other people's pain. We've got enough of it our own sometimes.   We don't need it. So what are we going to do? What are we going to do? Well, I want to shift it. Shift it in a way that taking away the belief about how good being an empathetic or empathy person is, and take away that belief.   I'm empathetic and that's who I am. Because we think that's a little badge of honour sometimes. Two, I'm responsible for my state first.   And I'll show you how to do that in a couple of processes, two or three

    39 min
  4. FMQ527 Empathy Sucks Unless It's With Yourself

    MAR 6

    FMQ527 Empathy Sucks Unless It's With Yourself

    Empathy Sucks (Unless It's With Yourself) I said it. Empathy sucks. Now before you unsubscribe and send me a strongly worded email… hear me out. In this episode I'm diving deep into something that most people believe is a virtue — feeling other people's pain. And yes, empathy can be beautiful. But if all you do is absorb the emotions of others, carry their struggles, and ignore your own… that's not kindness. That's self-neglect. Here's what I explore in this episode: Why absorbing other people's pain drains your emotional energy How empathy can become a way of avoiding your own feelings Why suppressed emotions don't disappear — they generalise The difference between empathy and compassion (and why it matters) How to process your own emotions so they stop running your life Simple processes to turn emotional overwhelm into emotional strength I truly believe this: If you deal with your stuff first, you help people better. When you stop hiding from your own emotions and learn from them instead, something shifts. You become grounded. Present. Powerful. And far more able to support others without drowning in their experience. This episode includes practical processes to: Work with difficult emotions Discover the positive intention behind them Stop suppressing and start learning Shift from emotional sponge to compassionate supporter Because compassion sustains. Empathy without boundaries drains. And if you're going to feel deeply… start by feeling for yourself. This Episode Is For You If: You feel emotionally drained by other people You often absorb the moods of those around you You struggle to process your own emotions You consider yourself "an empath" but feel overwhelmed You want stronger emotional resilience You want to help others without losing yourself A Simple Practice From This Episode Before helping someone else this week, ask yourself: "Am I grounded… or am I hiding?" Then sit with one emotion of your own. Ask: What are you trying to teach me? What are you protecting me from? What can I learn from you? Learn the lesson. And watch what shifts. Share The Love If this episode resonated with you: Subscribe Share it with someone who gives too much of themselves https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq527-empathy-sucks-unless-its-with-yourself Leave a review Let's help more people become emotionally strong instead of emotionally overloaded. And as always… Have more fun than you can stand. Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism Hey, welcome to the five minute quickie, the seed that I sow for a longer podcast. And hopefully you'll find if you, if you have an issue, by the way, if you have an issue and they're not, not directly talked about in the episodes, I think you'll find that I've made, made them in a way that if you concentrate on your issue and set your intention to learn about your issue and how to let it go with every episode, you'll find that they're, they're ambiguously linked.   I'll say that again, ambiguously linked. Done it in a way that you can really use these for so many issues. In fact, you can have any issue you like as many as you like, but pick one and have a listen and you'll find that it will help.   That's my plan anyway. And today we've got another seed and it's about one of the banes of life. And what is it? Bloody empathy.   Empathy because it bloody sucks. Now, title is something different. You have to read the title, but you know, why do I say empathy sucks? I've said it for a long time is that if all you do is feel the pain of others, then, you know, it just adds to yours, doesn't it? It adds to your pain.   The people who just dump on you. And I don't mean it in a nasty way. They're not doing it consciously.   Well, maybe some people are, but most people do it unconsciously. They offload, don't they? They offload their pain. And because you're empathetic and you think it's a good thing to do, you feel their pain, you take their pain, you live with their pain and you add it to yours.   And that's why I think it sucks. But I also think being empathetic does have a sort of positive intention because it hides you away from your pain. Get it? Hides it away from your pain.   Now, you have to think about that for a little while. Because you can say, no, no, no, no, no. This is really good that I'm helping somebody.   But you're not concentrating on yourself. You're not setting an intention to deal with your stuff first, because if you deal with your stuff first, you will help people a lot better. You will.   And I think sometimes when you're in that way of being empathetic and you're hiding things from yourself, you're hiding that emotion from yourself and what it's trying to do for you. Because everything has an intention. Every emotion you have is here for a reason, negative or positive.   You're learning. Or you could and should learn from them. And when you learn from the negatives, they just disappear.   But here's the thing. I know it's a form of safety. But when you're not dealing with yourself first, then there's a little bit of a clash, isn't there? And we need to do that.   Because it's not really safety, is it? If you're not dealing with yourself, how safe are you? Well, you're not really. You're hiding again. I say hiding.   So what are we going to do? You see, one of the reasons we push negative emotions away is because they're painful. They're bloody painful. We push them away.   We suppress them. We repress them. And what happens? The more you push, those emotions push back.   And they don't only push back in the context that they were created in. They generalise, they generalise into different areas of your life. And what happens then is, well, unless you're prepared to learn from them and deal with them, they just get worse, bigger, stronger and in more areas of your life, which is a real shit.   And you can deal with it. You really can. Now you've got, as I said, loads of other episodes, but this particular longer episode coming next is to deal with this thing called empathy, but dealing with it in the right way.   If you're going to be empathetic, be bloody empathetic to yourself. So what can we do about it? These emotions that you're ignoring, you're trying to hide, you're pushing away, you're suppressing, repressing more than we've said it all before. What can you do about it? Well, I've got a plan, a plan and maybe a couple of processes that I'm going to put into the longer episode, because that's what we need to do.   And the thing is, these processes, guess what they are? They are simple. And what does simple do? In simplicity, there is genius. Because it's easy to do.   It's easy to follow. Sometimes it's a little bit hard because it takes effort. That's the only only hardship.   You have to take effort. You have to set your intention. I'm going to do this.   I'm going to find the learnings because this part of me is making me feel this emotion that I'm trying to push away. But if I if I work with it and learn from it, it will disappear and I'll be a better person for it. So that's where we're going on the deeper, deeper, that's where we're going on the longer episode with a deeper dive.   And just in case you don't agree with me, and that's fine. It's just my opinion, my thoughts. If you don't agree with me that empathy sucks, that's just a belief.   And I think it's a limiting belief because I'll show you why when we deal with it. Because I think if you really want to help people, change your empathy into being compassionate. Compassion.   That's where you really get to help people. You can be there for them, support them. You don't have to feel the pain to know they're in pain.   But you can use all your compassion to support them. And that feels bloody good. Oh, there is one other thing before we go, where empathy doesn't suck.   Even though I said it does suck. There's one place where it doesn't suck. Because feeling other people's emotions can be when they're feeling joy, feeling happy, when they're celebrating, you go feel that celebration, you go feel the happiness, you go feel that joy, support them in that way.   Oh, we're being compassionate again, because we're meeting them with that wonderful feeling again. And we'

    10 min
  5. Here's A new Hypnosis track from #475 Creating The Life You Haven't Lived Yet

    MAR 1

    Here's A new Hypnosis track from #475 Creating The Life You Haven't Lived Yet

    HYPNOSIS Creating The Life You Haven't Lived - Yet I thought it would be nice to take the process from the longer podcast and remix it to a deeper and even more comfortable way to connect with your Unconscious mind and sow the seeds of what you dream of for you in the future. So please enjoy with my compliments And........ Let me know what you need now to ensure they happen bigger, better and quicker than you could imagine     :o) Get your unique link here:  https://paulcloughonline.com/podcast Oh! You will also find a further 65+ more complimentary deep hypnosis tracks and NLP processes Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. Music by will |Marshall from will marshall.   Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]

    3 min
  6. #475 Creating The Life You Haven't Lived Yet

    FEB 27

    #475 Creating The Life You Haven't Lived Yet

    Creating The Life You Haven't Lived Yet In the last FMQ, I talked about the idea that there's a book inside you. In this episode, I take that idea further. Because here's what I truly believe… You're already writing your life. One page at a time. One day at a time. The question is — are you writing it consciously? In this episode I guide you through a creative visualisation process that helps you: Step out of "life just happening" Stop letting other people write your chapters Feel your future before it physically exists Align your unconscious mind with what you truly want Take one small, powerful step forward This isn't about pretending the past didn't happen. It's about deciding what happens next. And you don't have to be 100% ready. You just have to start. What We Do Together In This Episode I guide you into a relaxed, curious state. You sit at a desk. There's a book in front of you called: My Life, My Adventure. The past chapters are written. You acknowledge them. You thank them. And then… You begin writing the next chapter. Not perfectly. Not dramatically. Just intentionally. You float outside yourself. You see yourself writing. You feel support from the people who care about you. You see yourself through loving eyes. And then you ask one powerful question: What small step can I take now? Because the magic isn't in dreaming. It's in deciding. What I Want You To Take From This You are not stuck. You are not finished. You are not defined by previous chapters. Responsibility is not blame — it's power. Your future starts now. And remember… Even if you do nothing differently today — you're still writing a page. So why not write it on purpose? If This Resonates Subscribe. Share this with someone who needs it. https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/475-creating-the-life-you-havent-lived-yet And take one small step. Have more fun than you can stand. Wallow in pleasure. Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism     Hey, so welcome back. It's Longer Dive, creating the life you haven't, you haven't lived yet.   And there's a few things that surround what I'm going to be talking about. It's like my intention and a few observations I've made about the subject. And looking as if you were looking down on this subject, my thoughts were, this starts now.   It starts right now. And you don't have to be ready, by the way, you don't have to be ready. You just have to start now.   And what I want to tell you is, you know, this is your choice. Of course, it's your choice. But you get the right to choose.   And the thing is, I believe in you. I believe in you. I want to support you in this.   Yeah, bit hammy, isn't it? But that's what I'm going to do. That's why I'm here. How do I want you to feel through all of this? Well, that feeling is, I want is, I can do this.   I can do this. And why is it so important? Even though you don't know what I'm going to talk about, why is it so important? Because it's our responsibility, yours and mine. No one else's.   No one gets involved in this. It's our responsibility to create this life we haven't yet lived yet. And that's what we're going to do.   You see, I talked on the last FMQ about everyone's got a book inside them. But not everyone has to write it, not write it physically out there. You can do, you can do.   Awesome. If you feel like you've got a book, but this is like taking that metaphor of the book of your life. And I've got a lovely process that I want to, I've adapted, that I was going to help you actually get your unconscious mind to begin to align with your conscious mind and write the chapters of what's yet to happen.   So you're an author. You are an author already. In fact, you write a page a day, at least.   You write a page a day because you create the life you're going to live today, right now. You may not know it consciously, but that's what you do. And you decide your day.   Again, is it conscious? Sometimes. Unconscious? Absolutely. Put the two together.   It can create mayhem. It can create wonders. But when we set our intention of how we want to be, and they're aligned, conscious and unconscious, we can now start writing those paragraphs, those chapters and form a wonderful dedication.   Because we can dedicate this and our life to the people who's come to us in the past, but we've still got mentors to come and experiences to come in the future. And I think sometimes we get involved with other people sometimes too much. We try to write their chapters, their paragraphs.   And it's not our responsibility. Yes, we can be there to support, mentor, but ultimately it's up to them to take responsibility, write their own and create their own life. And then there's the other side of that.   Sometimes we let other buggers write our lives as if they're imposing what we should do. Oh, you could do this. You ought to do that.   Why don't you do this? It's such as, oh, that's the right thing to do. And they don't bloody know because they're not you. They haven't got your experiences.   They haven't got your learnings. They haven't got anything. They just know you from over there, but they don't know you in here, do they? Only one person knows you in here and that's you.   Anyway, having said all of that, what the f**k am I talking about? I'm sorry. Well, this is what I'm going to do. Just follow along with me.   If you could just take this time out, be open, be curious and follow along with me. Because on this metaphor that everyone has a book inside them, whether you actually physically write it or whether you just create it, it's just a story, but you are creating that story. You can look back over yesterday, that was part of your story.   You look back over a month ago, that was just a year ago, but you look into the future and decide how you want it to be. Because it's your choice, you can either live on the effect side of life, which is cause and effect, allow other people to cause you to be a certain way, or it's the weather, a financial situation, oh I can't do this because, because, because. All bloody reasons.   Good reasons? No, they're excuses, aren't they? Cause and effect. You're living in the effect side of life, but when you start to take responsibility, you are creating, you're choosing. You chose, if you did, to live at the effect side of life, you chose that unconsciously, consciously, you let it happen.   Now you can stop because you can do this. You can begin to write every paragraph, every chapter creatively. You see when you become at cause, you take responsibility, you become totally bloody empowered because it's you.   I've got this, happy day. So that's what we're going to do, we're going to take responsibility for this creation. And the best part about this process, the process I want to share with you, it doesn't matter if you're feeling a hundred percent, absolutely wonderful, or maybe you're not loving the world and you're struggling, or you're struggling just a little bit, or you're struggling big time, or even if you're in therapy.   Why? Because it works on your desires, your dreams, and giving your permission to create and have those dreams and desires. So it doesn't really matter what chapters have gone on before, it's now creating your future, how you want to be. So it doesn't matter whatever stage you are in your life right now, this is going to help, this is going to do something.   You are going to be the director of your book, well the author. So what I want you to do is whatever state of mind you're in at the moment, just suspend a little bit of doubt if you've got any, and for a few moments open up your curiosity. Give yourself a break, yeah just give yourself a break to say well if it did work, if I did follow Cloughie's little process, I wonder how good it could happen, I wonder what wonderful effects it will have, that's an awesome question.   And you see what we're going to do is this wonderful process based on an NLP process called, it's a visualization, maybe a bit hypnosis, a bit hypnotic, but it's called my autobiography, but I've changed it slightly, I've adapted it to be for not the life you've lived, but the life you want to live, yours, no one else's. So that's what we're going to do, and all you're going to do is

    29 min
  7. FMQ 526 Writing your future

    FEB 20

    FMQ 526 Writing your future

    Writing Your Future Everyone says, "There's a book inside you." But what if that book isn't about writing your past… What if it's about writing your future? In this Five Minute Quickie, Paul takes the metaphor of "the book inside you" and flips it into something powerful — a way to consciously create the next chapters of your life. Your past chapters? Already written. Some brilliant. Some messy. All done. But the unwritten chapters? They're rich with possibility. And here's the key — you are the author. In this short episode, you'll begin to: Reframe your past through learning and growth See your future as unwritten potential Fire up your imagination intentionally Start designing the emotional tone of your next chapters Prepare for a deeper process in the upcoming longer episode This isn't about fantasy. It's about engaging your unconscious mind through metaphor — the language it understands best — so it can begin spotting opportunities aligned with your dreams. The only limit? Your imagination. And you're in charge of that. Listen now — and become the author of your life, not lived. Share what you hear https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq-526-writing-your-future Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism FMQ 526 Writing your future   Welcome my friend, welcome to another FMQ. A seed, a seed that I want to sow to generate, create a richness in your life. A life to come, because you've already lived a good chunk of your life, or a part of your life, or what, well you've lived anyway because you're listening here.   But we've got a runway, a runway that needs to be filled I guess, needs to be filled. And I heard the other day, and I forgot to make a note of the guy's name, but someone said, everyone, everyone has a book inside them. I thought, you see I get it when people say that, and people literally think, well I've got this book inside me, I've got to write it.   And some actually do write it. I've written a book, I'm not going to say it's a very good one, but it was all about me giving therapy to myself when I went through a dark period. And it was called It Doesn't Have to Be This Way, because that's the way I felt.   I didn't want it to be this way, and then I created processes to get me out of that. I know another guy, a friend of mine, who's written five books, five, five books, and none of them have ever been printed yet, because he's writing them for himself. He has books inside him that he wanted to write just for himself.   Maybe one day he'll let them out, who knows. But taking that aside, that literal view, everybody's got a book inside them, you know, not everyone wants to write a book, do they? No, not everyone. But I do believe in the metaphor now, because I've got a different take on that.   And in this different take, or with this different take, I'd like to use the metaphor to create something special. I'd like to be able to create a process using the metaphor, if you've got a book inside you, to create the life you dream of, to allow those dreams to become your reality. And that'd be good, because we all have dreams, don't we? And I'm here, well, I'm supporting your dreams.   That's one of my aims for this podcast, to support your dreams and support you in achieving those dreams. You know, get you through the naysayers, the people who throw, metaphorically, throw rocks at our dreams. Sometimes they try to just hold us back, because they don't want to let us go.   But we've all got dreams inside us. And I believe those dreams are on our runway, runway for the rest of our life, or they can be. And you see, if you think about the metaphor of having a book inside you, if you think about it, you've got a dedication where you would give thanks to the people in your life.   You've got chapters, chapters you've already written, the past, the life that you've lived, some shit ones. And there's some great ones, you know, there's some great ones. But there's a huge difference in those chapters.   But they've already been written, haven't they? Well, maybe not the complete dedication, because you know, there may be people you come and find along the way, like the hero's journey. You find mentors, friends, accomplices, people who support you, people who give you maybe a little bit of pushback, the challenges. But the past has already been written.   It's all been done. It's been dusted. You got the t-shirt, you've been there, done that, got the t-shirt.   And you can't you can, because the past is only your perception of the past, isn't it? And when you change, your perception changes. You see, when we can learn things from the past, it changes its role. The past changes role because it has new learnings for you.   You see, when we, you, I, grow by learning from our experiences, those past chapters, we take on the learnings, they go inside, our perception changes, our view of those events of the past change because we have the learnings and our beliefs change. We grow. And then, this is what I think, the unwritten part, the rest of your book, the future that hasn't happened yet and is going to come into the now, hasn't happened yet.   And it's rich in opportunities, isn't it? Wow, it's so rich because you can create those opportunities with new perceptions, new learnings, new dreams, goals, aims in mind, all of that. And the thing is, keeping that metaphor going, you are the author. You get to decide, no other f****r, as soon as we square in, but this came out, but no one else has the right to decide how you write your future, how you live your future.   And that's where we're going to go on the longer podcast. We're going to dive in deeper because I know there's a process in this metaphor that we can find at least one, if not two processes, maybe more, that's going to allow you to follow the metaphor through, but give your unconscious mind, because it follows metaphors and imaginations so much better than you telling it, to create your dreams. So for you to write your dreams, to feel them and then have them come into fruition, wouldn't that be brilliant? So what I'm going to ask you to do, a couple of things.   I want to get your imagination fired up. So I want you to begin to think, if this was a book, how would you like the final chapters to be? I'm going to say finally, you can have as many as you like, and you can make them as rich and imaginative as you want, because it's yours. And as you do that, you'll get a feeling.   So I just want you to think about that for the moment. Just think of the things you'd like to write about, what those chapters may be, if you had that book. And that's what I just want you to think about for the moment.   So when we get into that longer, deeper dive, I can get you to hook into and re-remember thoughts you've had from now until then. I'll also get you to think of even richer ones in the longer podcast. Think again.   That's my aim. So we can take this metaphor and allow your unconscious mind to start creating, looking for opportunities to allow those dreams, those goals in mind, those aims to come to fruition. And maybe your imagination along the way will make them bigger and brighter, because you can.   Because with each successful step in the now, as it comes along, you'll be able to think, well, if I could do this, what else is available to me? And the only limit, is there a limit Cloughie? You're saying there's a limit? Yeah, there is a limit. The limit is only your imagination and you're in charge of that. No other bugger.   So allow your imagination to run wild for what you want, what will make you happy, what will make you feel so good, what will give you joy, what will bring love or any other emotion you want to have. Okay? Because when we get those emotions, everything else will just be right. If you would, just pass this on, pay it forward, so other people can come along into the deeper dive and allow them to write their future.   If you do that, and press that subscribe button. So when the longer, deeper podcast comes along, bing, it flashes up for you. And then you can sit back, find a space, because there'll be, if there's a process, it's probably going to be close your eyes a little bit.   Maybe just have a pad and pen or a pencil just to make a few notes as well. So you can be fully prepar

    12 min
  8. #474 Vulnerability starts here - Inside

    FEB 13

    #474 Vulnerability starts here - Inside

    Vulnerability Starts Here – Inside Everyone's talking about vulnerability… But most of it starts in the wrong place. In this episode of Personal Development Unplugged, I slow it right down and take the pressure off. Because real vulnerability isn't about oversharing, trauma-dumping, or spilling your guts to the nearest person who'll listen. It starts inside. This episode is about learning how to be honest with yourself first — safely, simply, and in a way that actually creates change. Inside this episode, I guide you through two powerful, practical steps you can use whether you're struggling right now, carrying something from the past, or just want better emotional resilience for whatever comes next. No forcing. No reliving trauma. No pressure to "open up" before you're ready. Just awareness, understanding, and control. What you'll experience in this episode: Why vulnerability is often misunderstood (and why oversharing isn't the answer) How being honest with yourself changes everything A simple internal process to acknowledge emotions without drowning in them How to work with the part of you that's been "pushing it down" A powerful visualisation to safely explore honesty with someone you respect How to gain insight without needing anyone else present Why vulnerability doesn't have to be uncomfortable, messy, or embarrassing How small internal shifts create real-world confidence and connection This episode includes guided internal processes and creative visualisation, designed to help your unconscious mind let go of what it no longer needs — gently, respectfully, and effectively. If you've ever thought: "If only they knew how I really felt…" …this one's for you. Listen. Experience. Then pay it forward. https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/474-vulnerability-starts-here-inside Key Takeaways Vulnerability starts with honesty to yourself, not exposure to others Acknowledging emotions is different from accepting or reliving them Internal safety comes before external sharing You can gain insight and relief without involving anyone else When you feel safe inside, vulnerability becomes natural, not forced Your Call to Action If this episode resonated: Subscribe so you don't miss the deeper dives Share this episode with someone who might need it Email me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com if there's something you want help with Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi from Pixabay, Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay, Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay, Music by freegroove from Pixabay, Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism #474 Vulnerability starts here - Inside So welcome. Vulnerability starts here. If you listen to FMQ 525, you'll have got into a little bit where we said, or I said, it seems to me like everyone, everyone and his bloody dog seems to go on about being so bloody vulnerable.   You know, just spill it all out there. As if it's that easy. Just spill it out.   Just all out to anybody, whoever's there, whoever's close enough to listen. Now, for most of us, it's not that easy. Because it's private, isn't it? Don't like to share these things.   And really, sometimes and most of the time, it's not usually appropriate because maybe the circumstance or the context is not appropriate, or the person you're sharing with. It's not an appropriate person to share it with. And most of all, you need to be, well, be vulnerable.   You can't be vulnerable to every dick, Tom or Harry or Tom, Dick and Harry, as we say in the UK. And I want to take the pressure off. Because I know you're not one of these people who just, you know, spill it all out.   Because that's inappropriate. You know, sometimes you had it when someone tells you too much too soon. You know, it's overwhelming.   And it's embarrassing, isn't it? You hide, you want to get away. And you don't want to be that person. And you're not that person.   So I want to take the pressure off. And I want to take the pressure off by sharing with you some very simple first steps. Simple first steps, we know what simplicity is.   Simplicity is genius. In simplicity, there's genius. And these steps, well, I think they just work.   Because they work in a very special way. They start at the core. And I believe it will allow you to be in control.   Be in control and truly understand your specific vulnerability, because everyone's bloody different, isn't it? But these two steps, processes, call them what you will. They allow for that. They allow the general, but they're specific, because they allow you to add to the process, your specific needs, your specific issue.   Because I've designed it so they're just for you. And I think that's something that, well, it's just going to work. Now, way back in that FMQ, I sort of hinted, or I might have been very direct.   Being vulnerable, I think, is about being honest. Honest with ourselves first. F**k the rest.   It's about being honest with ourselves first. No excuses. No reasons why you can't understand, or don't want to understand, because we're going to find out.   You know, we've got that confirmation bias, we're going to put that to one side. No excuses, because when you become vulnerable to yourself, I believe things just get different. They become different.   They become easy to understand. And it's the understanding of our issues, from a distance, not in it. Can't read the label when you're in the jar, but we're just going to be honest.   And in that way, we don't need to ask for help at this moment, because when we suffer, when we suffer issues and don't ask for help, it's like pushing it down, doesn't it? Because being vulnerable to others, and it is helpful, by the way, it is helpful when we've done these two processes, by the way, these two steps. Being vulnerable to others and being honest, it's really f*****g hard. But when you get this understanding, and you find the right person, man, it'll change.   And you don't always have to find the right person to be vulnerable to. Because when you go through these steps, being vulnerable can just be like being yourself. And what would that be like? Being yourself in amongst others, and with yourself.   That'd be awesome, wouldn't it? I know that feeling. I've struggled with that feeling. And it's a dream.   At that time, it was a dream to be so open, but in control of that openness. But what tends to happen, I think is, and if you're like me, you're going through an issue. And you're thinking, if only they knew how bad I feel, if only you over there knew how bad I feel, how isolated I feel, how alone this feeling makes me inside now, frightened, scared.   Sometimes you're scared to face it. Because it's uncomfortable. But follow me, come with me, because it doesn't have to be uncomfortable.   Because we don't have to know, we no longer then have to push it down. We don't. We're not going to push it down.   You see, and you may be thinking, you may be thinking to yourself, well, I'm listening to this old boy, this Cloughie, and I don't seem to have those issues. I'm fine. I don't think you're being honest.   Not that, not right now, maybe you're fine right now, but you've had issues in the past. Well, I bet you haven't shared it. Maybe you had that little voice, if only they knew.   I'm a little bit frightened. I'm a little bit isolated. I'm a little bit alone.   I feel frightened and scared. Push it down a little bit. Don't want to deal with it.   You've had them in the past, maybe. If you haven't, that's awesome. You've dealt with it.   But you may know somebody who's going through this. You might see the signs of them holding it down. Because we say, what we do is we just push it down.   And I think I said that saying, push it down, buttercup. Let's just get on with it. But no, we're going to get on with it, but go through these steps.   You see, the first thing I think we do when I say be honest, be honest with ourselves, we need to acknowledge for ourselves or to ourselves how we really feel, how we really feel, and just sit with it. That may be the one and only step you have to do. If it's small, if it's a small issue, and you don't like this, but I don't want to talk about it.   Just sit with that feeling, sit in the middle of that emotion. And sometimes just sitting with it, you'll begin to understand it. You're not accepting it, by the way.   I always say this, never accep

    40 min
5
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

A podcast for those wanting personal development but want it made simple and easy to understand and more importantly use, take action and make a difference to your life and the world you live in. If you want to change the way you feel and the way you act and react. If you have negative emotions, behaviours, that you want to lose forever and create something special in your life then I think you will like what you hear. This genre of self-improvement, self-development and mastery of your mind has, I believe, been made over complicated and secretive and here I am de-constructing the processes into their simple forms that we can all understand and easily use. There's no interviews just little ol' me ;0) Who am I and what do I do?………Paul Clough. I now love helping making changes in people and guiding them to create the life they really want. A personal look at me: The above sentence was not always the case and being the best in the financial realms of the building industry was my aim and getting there by any means. I now know this is, and was, the worst way ~ even if I did make director of one of the largest building companies in Cambridge by the age of 30. One of the major realisations came on my first ever training in hypnosis. I found that it's not a win lose world and that a win win is only a low basis to live. Being true to your beliefs and coming from a place of integrity where service is paramount. This understanding together with lots of NLP skills helped create my last partnership in the building industry grow from a turnover of £800k to £16m in less than twelve years and that can only be done with giving more than expected. Another shaping of me came from two traumatic events in my life that happened within six months of each other which created a number of major changes in me and by beliefs in what is possible. I have written about my experience and how I dealt with it but more importantly it really showed me my love for my three boys and theirs for me and resulted in the step up to become a trainer of NLP (which I never intended) and my close and exciting work with two of my sons. In supporting Joseph and help create change in people in our training's and his wonderful life changing 'Be your potential weekend' and with Luke the continuing development of Cambridge Hypnotherapy and Hypnosis processes. My relationship with my third son Daniel just keeps getting better and better too. Not knowing how good I had become in change work in the beginning I generally studied, practiced and saw clients then things started to happen when I started to work following just my instincts. Two clients come to mind both in effect dying from the effects of what was happening to them and the way they felt and within one and two sessions respectively not only won the will to live they changed virtually in front of my eyes and being apart of that process was and is the best feeling alive. The above are just three of many brilliant learnings I have had in my life. The more formal bit Paul Clough I am a Trainer and Master Practitioner of NLP and Hypnosis and am passionate in assisting those who want to reach their full potential and his special skills form a unique foundation for success. I constantly seek and develop new skills and learning's – through advanced levels of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Time Line Therapy ™, Hypnosis and to improve everyone I work with. I have an understanding of the mind/body connection which enables me to create in my clients the difference that makes the difference ~ from excellence to outstanding. For those that want qualifications: Certified Trainer and Consultant of Neuro-Linguistic Programming Certified Master Practitioner of NLP & Time Line Therapy Certified Master Hypnotist and Hypnotherapist

You Might Also Like