In this episode of The Hidden Why Podcast, I sit down with Leslie Harter-Berg, writer, speaker, business owner, founder of Vids for Wids, and author of You're So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favorite Compliment. In 2019, Leslie was on a family holiday when her 34-year-old husband, Ryan, died suddenly following an aneurysm and stroke. In an instant, she became a young widow raising two boys, then aged three and one, while also taking responsibility for the business she and Ryan had built together. We talk about the messy reality of grief, why there is no correct way to move through loss, and how the pressure to appear strong can prevent people from giving themselves permission to fall apart. Leslie also shares how losing Ryan transformed her relationship with control, stress, success, parenting, and what really matters. This is a deeply human conversation about grief, but also about love, humour, surrender, and learning to live alongside something that never entirely leaves us. Leslie shares her experience of suddenly losing her husband, Ryan, at just 34, and explains why the familiar "five stages of grief" were never intended to be a neat checklist. She discusses how grief can move unpredictably between anger, denial, acceptance, sadness, and even joy, and why members of the same family may grieve differently and at completely different speeds. Leslie explores what people may unintentionally communicate when they tell someone, "You're so strong," and why true strength can sometimes mean allowing yourself to stop pretending you're fine. She shares her belief that the good doesn't have to make the bad worth it, and explains why every experience of death and grief brings its own "brand of terrible." The conversation also covers preparing for anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and other emotionally difficult dates, helping children remain connected to the memory of a parent who has died, and the surprising importance of dark humour and connection with other widows. Leslie reflects on how loss changed her need for control and her definition of success, ultimately emphasizing that being gentle with yourself can sometimes be the most useful thing you can do. Key Topics Discussed: Grief isn't linear. There is no timetable, sequence, or correct way to experience losing someone. Being called strong can become a burden. Sometimes people need permission to struggle rather than another identity they feel responsible for Two truths can coexist. Life can contain profound joy without making a devastating loss somehow "worth it." People grieve differently. Even within the same family, one person may be laughing or celebrating while another is struggling deeply. Connection matters. Finding people who understand loss from lived experience can provide a kind of support others simply cannot replicate. Loss can change our relationship with control. When life demonstrates just how little we ultimately control, it can shift how much energy we give to stress, perfection, and things that don't really matter. About Leslie Harter- Berg: Leslie Harter-Berg is a writer, speaker, entrepreneur, and owner of the video production company Harter Creative. After the sudden death of her husband Ryan in 2019, Leslie found herself navigating life as a young widow, single mum, and solo business owner. Her experience sparked a desire to better understand grief and help other widows feel less isolated in theirs. She founded Vids for Wids, a nonprofit creating grief-related content and resources to help widows feel seen, understood, and less alone. Leslie is also the author of You're So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favorite Compliment, an exploration of grief, identity, resilience, and the complicated expectations placed on people after profound loss. Action from This Episode: Think about someone in your life who is going through grief or another difficult season. Instead of trying to fix their pain, explain it, find meaning in it, or remind them how strong they are, consider simply giving them permission to be exactly where they are. And if you're the person carrying something heavy, Leslie's advice to her younger self is beautifully uncomplicated: Take a nap. Slow down. Be gentle with yourself. You don't always have to be strong. Sometimes getting through today is enough. Peace, passion, and purpose. Resources & Links: Get Leslie Harter-Berg's book on Amazon: You're So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favorite Compliment Website: Leslie Harter-Berg Connect with Leslie Harter- Berg: Instagram Facebook TikTok
