Dad Starting Over

Dad Starting Over
  • 4.5 (83)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

Welcome to the Dad Starting Over podcast! "Starting Over" means different things to different people. It could be that you're newly divorced and starting over fresh with a new life. It could be that you're still married and wanting to hit the reset button and finally do things right within your marriage. Whatever your story may be, you're in the right place. I'm Ralph, a.k.a DSO, the author of books including "The Dead Bedroom Fix", "Divorce Panic", "Real Talk" "Red Flags" and "REBUILD: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man". You can learn more about me, my books, one-on-one coaching, and the member-only part of my site called the Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com

  1. 6d ago ·  Video

    Sexless Marriage: She Was the Sexual One for 20 Years. Then Perimenopause Hit.

    A follower — I'll call him Grant — wrote to me three weeks after a coworker handed him her hotel room number on a business trip. He said no. He also told me it took everything he had, and that the number that kept running through his head while he sat on the edge of that hotel bed was eighteen months — as in, eighteen months since his own wife had touched him. Here's the part that makes this different from most dead-bedroom stories: for the first 18 years of their marriage, she was the one who initiated. Constantly. He's not a man who married a low-desire woman and finally noticed. He's a man whose marriage changed underneath him, starting around the time his wife turned 47 — the mood swings, the sudden anger over nothing, and then the wanting just stopping. When he gently brought up hormone therapy, she shut it down cold: "That's not about my health, that's about you wanting me horny again." A few weeks later she told him, flatly, "We're entering a new period of our life. You need to grow up." In this video I read Grant's email word for word, then answer both halves of the question he actually asked me: is what's happening to his wife something happening TO her — a real hormonal shift that isn't her fault — or is "grow up" her way of telling him she's done? And separately: a man with real options, who almost didn't hold the line once — how much longer is he supposed to hold it? I get into the real biology of perimenopause and why the anger and the vanishing libido aren't a character change (UCL's 2024 research found women are about 40% more likely to experience depression during perimenopause, and testosterone — the hormone that drives female desire — declines by roughly half between a woman's 20s and menopause). I get into why so many women are terrified of hormone therapy because of a 20-year-old study that even its own researchers now say was badly misreported. And I get into the harder conversation: how a man protects his marriage AND his own integrity when he's standing closer to temptation than most. 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join

    Sexless Marriage: She Was the Sexual One for 20 Years. Then Perimenopause Hit.

  2. Oct 9 ·  Video

    Sexless Marriage? Infidelity? Divorce? - It Wasn't All Your Fault

    A follower sent me an email about his divorce. Seventeen years, two kids, final fourteen months ago. He keeps a note on his phone called "What I Did": thirty-one entries, nine years of his own mistakes, and he reads it at night looking for the one that broke his marriage. His question to me: "What else should go on the list? I can take it." In this video I read D's email word for word, and then I answer him — just not the way he wants. Because that list isn't accountability. The self-improvement world taught you to take extreme ownership, and for the guy blaming the economy, his ex, and the dating apps, that message is medicine. But there's a version of "extreme ownership" that looks identical from the outside and is doing something completely different on the inside: assigning yourself fault for things you never controlled, because being guilty feels more powerful than being helpless. Guilty men can earn parole. Helpless men just have to sit with what happened. Psychologists have studied this move for almost fifty years — people blame their own behavior for uncontrollable events because guilt preserves the feeling of control (Janoff-Bulman's research on behavioral self-blame). Guilt has an exit. Randomness doesn't. I break down the fake version of ownership, the codependent engine underneath it ("if I caused it, I can fix it, and if I fix it, the next one will stay"), the three bills this pattern makes you pay, and the distinction that gets you out: fault runs backward, responsibility runs forward. Then I give Dave — and you — the one-page ledger exercise that finally closes the case. 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join

    Sexless Marriage? Infidelity? Divorce? - It Wasn't All Your Fault

  3. Oct 6 ·  Video

    High-Conflict Divorce: How to Stop Feeding the Fire

    Stuck in a divorce or custody fight that never seems to end? Brook Olsen has spent 25 years helping parents get out of high-conflict divorces, and his main point is simple: every time you engage, you keep the fight going. Brook is the founder of the High Conflict Diversion Program and host of the High Conflict Co-Parenting Podcast. He went through a high-conflict divorce himself. We talk about: - What makes a divorce "high conflict," and why custody drives most of it- Why gray rocking is only step one, and Brook's 3 stages of disengagement- "Don't just do something, sit there": calming your nervous system before you act- Borderline, narcissism and attachment, and why your ex probably can't change- Whether family court is biased against men, and how to change how the judge sees you- Why the Nice Guy swings to "me, me, me," and how to set boundaries without being aggressive- Why you should wait before dating again (Brook says 24 months)- What a high-conflict divorce really costs, and where to start if you're early in it Brook OlsenWebsite: https://highconflict.netEmail: brook@highconflict.netPodcast: The High Conflict Co-Parenting Podcast 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join

    High-Conflict Divorce: How to Stop Feeding the Fire

  4. Oct 2 ·  Video

    Sexless Marriage Inevitable? She Sold Her "Hot Girl" Clothes

    A woman posted that her husband was "visibly and audibly sad" watching her sell off her pre-baby hot girl clothes. She thought it was funny. The internet piled on him for being a pig. Every married man in a dead bedroom read that and felt it in his gut. The woman he married was a sexy, fun, feminine creature. Then the kids came, and that side of her got boxed up and sold on Facebook Marketplace. Nobody asked him if he was okay with the trade. I've been working with men in sexless marriages for over a decade and this is one of the most common ways it starts. Not a fight. Not an affair. A quiet decision she makes on her own that a whole part of her is finished, and he just has to live with it. In this one I get into: - Why the anxious guy always gets told "go F yourself" when he asks for the same thing she asked of him- The shotgun house — the clearest way I know to explain what happens to eroticism after kids- The difference between on-hold and gone for good, and why every husband is really only afraid of one of them- Responsive desire, and why most women in long-term marriage never feel it start on its own- The blunt conversation she owes him if she's actually done I also give the moms their due here. I raised three little kids mostly on my own after my divorce. The homework, the house, wiping butts, all of it. You do not feel like a sexy creature when that is your whole world. I get it. It still doesn't cancel out the other thing. He's not a monster for wanting his wife. He's a human being. 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join

    Sexless Marriage Inevitable? She Sold Her "Hot Girl" Clothes

  5. Sep 29 ·  Video

    The Dead Bedroom: What Women Aren't Taught (and Men Misread) - Live With Cassie

    Why does the passion fade after the wedding, the kids, or perimenopause, and what can you actually do about it? I sit down with Cassie, a pediatric occupational therapist and PhD fellow who teaches child development and attachment theory. She's also a high-libido woman with ADHD, so she knows this from both sides. We get into the brain chemistry behind desire, why "openness" may be the most important trait to look for in a partner, how church and family shape a woman's sexuality, weight and hormones, perimenopause, scheduled vs. spontaneous sex, and why getting moving together is the first step. Follow Cassie on X: https://x.com/futuredrsassyJoin the free Intimacy Lab group: https://facebook.com/groups/intimacylab 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join

    The Dead Bedroom: What Women Aren't Taught (and Men Misread) - Live With Cassie

  6. Sep 25 ·  Video

    Why a Sexless Marriage Destroys an ADHD Man Faster Than Anyone Else

    It's 9:40 at night. You texted her about the weekend. She wrote back one word: "Sure." Three months ago that would have gotten you four paragraphs and a voice memo. Now you're standing in your kitchen with your heart going, and nothing is actually wrong. That's withdrawal. In this video I break down a pairing I see constantly in my inbox: the man with ADHD, whose brain runs on stimulation instead of importance, and the woman who floods him with more of it in ninety days than he's had in his whole life. Four things switch an ADHD brain on — novelty, urgency, challenge, and passion — and the opening phase of an intense relationship delivers all four at full strength, every day. For a guy who's been running on fumes since he was nine, that's not a nice feeling. It's the first time the static in his head ever stopped. Then I get into why some women come in like a wave — the idealization phase, why "love bombing" usually isn't a con, and why a woman with an unstable sense of self needs a man who won't back away when she floods him. Two people whose deficits fit together like a lock and a key. It feels like fate. It's chemistry, and not the romantic kind. The third ingredient is the one that makes it dangerous: anxious attachment. That's the guy who doesn't just enjoy the supply, he reorganizes his entire life around protecting it. The friends fall off. The gym slides. The hobby he's had for fifteen years starts to feel like it's stealing time from her. And it all feels like love while it's happening. Then the drop. And this is the part most guys get wrong: the crash feels identical whether she's a borderline woman flipping into devaluation, or a completely secure woman coming down off the honeymoon phase exactly on schedule, the way every human being does. Same racing heart. Same 2 a.m. Same phone in your hand. Your nervous system doesn't check WHY the supply dropped — only that it dropped. So the anxious man chases. With the unstable woman, chasing feeds the fire. With the good woman, chasing creates the first real problem the relationship has ever had — which means you can manufacture the abandonment you're most afraid of. I close with the four moves: name it correctly while it's happening, get more than one power line into the house, kill the scoreboard, and point your wiring at something worth pointing it at. (I'm not a therapist and I'm not diagnosing anyone. This is pattern recognition from thousands of conversations with men, and from being the guy in the kitchen with the phone.) 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join

  7. Sep 25 ·  Video

    Sexless Marriage... She Got Happier The Moment I Gave Up

    You stopped trying. You stopped reaching for her. And instead of the marriage cracking, she got happier. Lighter. Relieved. Just not with you. If your wife seemed to bloom the moment you stopped wanting her, this one's for you, brother. It's not proof you were the problem. It's information. And it points to two roads out. 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join

    Sexless Marriage... She Got Happier The Moment I Gave Up

  8. Sep 18 ·  Video

    Sexless Marriage… Why Her "Duty Sex" Is Destroying Your Self-Esteem

    She still sleeps with you… so why do you feel more alone than ever? In this video we go after one of the most damaging traps in a sexless marriage: duty sex, or "pity sex." The flat, going-through-the-motions intimacy a lot of men accept because they tell themselves "at least it's something." Here's the hard truth: that "something" may be doing more damage to your self-esteem than getting nothing at all, and I'll show you exactly why, and what to do about it. This isn't about blaming you. You're not broken. You're a man at a crossroads. Let's get you back. 🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545 🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com 🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj 🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score 🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join

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4.5
out of 5
83 Ratings

About

Welcome to the Dad Starting Over podcast! "Starting Over" means different things to different people. It could be that you're newly divorced and starting over fresh with a new life. It could be that you're still married and wanting to hit the reset button and finally do things right within your marriage. Whatever your story may be, you're in the right place. I'm Ralph, a.k.a DSO, the author of books including "The Dead Bedroom Fix", "Divorce Panic", "Real Talk" "Red Flags" and "REBUILD: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man". You can learn more about me, my books, one-on-one coaching, and the member-only part of my site called the Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com

Information

  • Creator
    Dad Starting Over
  • Years Active
    2016 - 2026
  • Episodes
    298
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2019 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Dad Starting Over

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