Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will

Sarah Elkins

It's not the things that happen in your life that define you, that create your identity. It's how you talk about those things. That's the theme behind this podcast. Research shows that the stories you tell have a major influence in how you see yourself and in how others perceive you, so it's important to be intentional about which stories you share and how you share them. Guests on the podcast share the pivotal moments in their lives and careers, offering keen insights and "ah ha" moments to listeners, while triggering related memories of listeners, opening up opportunities to uncover their own patterns and discover better ways to share their stories. During this podcast, I'm asking you to listen to consider your related stories, and to listen to consider which stories in your life might have impacted you in a similar way. --- Sarah works with executives who know that story sharing makes them more compelling as speakers and leaders, and who want to improve how they connect with audiences, by uncovering the right stories and learning how to share them effectively so they can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision.

  1. 11h ago

    446 Pivot Point: There's a Time and a Place for an Epic Story

    Your stories don't define you. How you tell them will. I'm Sarah Elkins, your host and chief storymaker at Elkins Consulting. If you've been listening to my show for a while, you've probably noticed a big change in the format in recent weeks. Summertime is hard on podcasters! We lose a lot of our listeners this time of year and it can be difficult to be motivated to keep putting out quality content when we know people aren't as likely to listen. This summer I've been focused on brief, less than 20-minute episodes that keep a person's attention while still offering insights and entertainment. What you've been hearing, and will continue to hear in each episode, is a brief story of pivotal moment, and then a thread pulled to generate insights about it. I have two goals for you: One – to uncover your related story for you to add to your collection to practice and have ready when the opportunity presents itself. And two – to demonstrate storytelling in a practical, approachable way so you hear how I compose my words, phrases, and use tone-of-voice to add dynamics and meaning. You've probably heard me say: "Your stories don't have to be epic. They have to be meaningful." But there is a time and a place for an epic story. They can be life-defining, entertaining, and a great way to gather people together. And it's the days, months, and years of related stories generated from the experience that offer far deeper insights and lessons than the experience itself. In today's episode you'll hear one of my epic stories, when, 20+ years ago, my husband broke his leg about 2 miles from a trailhead in a remote wilderness area. I had to find a way to get my husband off the side of a mountain, along with our 4 and 6-year-old boys and a puppy. Over the next few weeks, I'll share some of the meaningful moments that were generated by the epic event. These are the gold of the story - the lessons learned, the deep friendships, and the self-realizations - that happen when you're truly put to the test. This is where we learn grit, resilience, and the importance of being able to receive. After you've heard my story, listeners, it'll be your turn: Were you reminded of an epic event in your life? Can you recall the related stories from that event, the meaningful moments generated by it? What lessons can you take away? Can you share those stories without sharing details of the epic event itself? As always, thanks for listening to Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will. Are you curious to learn about working with me? Visit my website to schedule time to chat and sign up for periodic updates about my work, and connect with me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook for content about strengthsfinder, storytelling, and public speaking. About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.  Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

  2. 11h ago ·  Bonus

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  3. Aug 25

    445 Pivot Point: Finding Your Lost Your Mojo featuring Thomas Lion

    What do you do when you've lost everything? Pivotal Moment: A 2015 wildfire destroyed his home, including the 180-page hard-copy manuscript for his latest novel, Gridless Near Seattle. He rebuilt his life over and over again in the past, but after a wildfire took out his beautiful log home along with the draft of his recent novel, Thomas couldn't bring himself to go back to it. That momentum-killer of loss held him for 7 years - until the right messenger showed up to remind him he's a writer, a talented one, and that he needed to sit down and get started again. He restarted the novel, changed the title to Osprey Gold, and incorporated real-life experiences like his loss of a newly planted vinyard, thanks to highly motivated bears, and the pivot to a legal cannabis growing farm. Curious? Listen to the episode, and then buy the book. I'd love to hear your thoughts! Listeners, now it's your turn: What will you get back to work on, after hearing Thomas' story of resilience and persistence? Who are the people who advocated for you, who are the people you'll listen to when you need a champion and cheerleader? --- From Thomas Lion I've lived a long, colorful life — retiring from major marijuana wholesaling at 25, followed by five fugitive years that ended in an Unsolved Mysteries capture and years incarcerated teaching GED classes. My 1998 memoir was later optioned by Lions Gate. Between Osprey Gold and the Unsolved Mysteries American Fugitive memoir arc that came before it — the long road, the phoenix rise after losing everything in the 2015 wildfires, the rebuild, and the late‑life return to the writing rodeo — I've got a story your Boomer audience will connect with deeply. It's one of those rare indie author journeys that's truly worth telling. My writing comes from lived experience and resilience, with Osprey Gold shaped by the emotional engine of a modern‑day family facing crisis and reconciliation in polarized rural western America. Check out the reviews of Tom's book, Osprey Gold: Amazon.com: Osprey Gold: 9781662970191: Lion, Thomas: Books Interview with Thomas Lion, Author of Osprey Gold - Seattle Book Review Osprey Gold » BabyBoomer.org Book review of Osprey Gold - Readers' Favorite: Book Reviews and Award Contest --- About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.  Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

  4. Aug 18

    444 Pivot Point: A Recent Story with Lessons from the Past

    Your stories don't define you. How you tell them will. Hi! I'm Sarah Elkins, your host and chief storymaker at Elkins Consulting. If you've been listening to my show for a while, you've probably noticed a big change in the format in recent weeks. Summertime is hard on podcasters! We lose a lot of our listeners this time of year and it can be difficult to be motivated to keep putting out quality content when we know people aren't as likely to listen. This summer I've been focused on brief, less than 20-minute episodes that keep a person's attention while still offering insights and entertainment. What you've been hearing, and will continue to hear in each episode, is a brief story of pivotal moment in my life, and then a thread pulled to generate insights about it. I have two goals for you, dear listeners: One – to uncover your related story for you to add to your collection to practice and have ready when the opportunity presents itself. And two – to demonstrate storytelling in a practical, approachable way so you hear how I compose my words, phrases, and use tone-of-voice to add dynamics and meaning. In today's episode you'll hear two stories from my past, and a recent story that demonstrates insights from them. We experience meaningful moments every day, things that shape who we are and how we behave into the future, but most of us don't think about life that way. I've heard people talk about how raising kids takes a village, but when it's time to offer assistance and support, they quickly turn to judgment instead. Shaking their heads and "tsk tsk"ing under their breath, as if a parent doesn't see your expression or hear your judgment. And that's not helpful. Most of us have been on the other side of the equation, accidentally cutting someone off in traffic, and then a few minutes later honking at someone who does the same thing. Or allowing our frustration to erupt in a loud voice at our kid, and years later judging a parent for the same behavior. It was my experience as a parent that helped me see things from that perspective, but it shouldn't take being in their shoes to offer compassion and assistance. Watching the drama unfold at the airport brought it all back to me, the challenges of being a parent, especially of a toddler, and the ridiculousness of the judgment I experienced. Judged if I lost track of the toddler and judged by having the wrist tether on him. Judged if I give in to the tantrum and judged for walking away from the cartful of groceries. It's hard enough being a parent, with all the self-doubt and exhaustion, do we really need to add external judgment to the equation? Offering compassion to that father was a full-circle moment for me, a pivot-point in the realization that my experiences from the past truly shaped who I am today. Listeners, now it's your turn: Did a memory come back to you when you heard my stories in the episode? Did you see yourself in one or more of the characters, and did that generate an insight or discomfort in you? Remember, discomfort can be a powerful tool for self-reflection! Is there something you'll intentionally be more aware of after listening? Something you'll try to do differently when faced with an opportunity for compassion and support instead of judgment? ----- About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.  Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

  5. Aug 11

    Pivot Point: Realizing You Predicted the Future

    If you've been listening to my show for a while, you've probably noticed a big change in the format in recent weeks. Summertime is hard on podcasters! We lose a lot of our listeners this time of year and it can be difficult to be motivated to keep putting out quality content when we know people aren't as likely to listen. This summer I've been focused on brief, less than 20-minute episodes that keep a person's attention while still offering insights and entertainment. What you've been hearing, and will continue to hear in each episode, is a brief story of pivotal moment in my life, and then a thread pulled to generate insights about it. I have two goals for you, dear listeners: One – to uncover your related story for you to add to your collection to practice and have ready when the opportunity presents itself. And two – to demonstrate storytelling in a practical, approachable way so you hear how I compose my words, phrases, and use tone-of-voice to add dynamics and meaning. In today's episode you'll hear an early episode of my podcast, #17, recorded and posted in December of 2017 called Desperate for Connection. I'm re-sharing it, nearly 6 years later, because it's still so relevant – even more relevant now. I don't know who unearthed this old episode, but when I looked at recent analytics for my website and podcast, this one had suddenly re-emerged. So I looked at it and listened to it and had a pretty big insight. Some of us were already talking about the desperation for connection we were seeing in our communities, even before COVID-19, even before our political environment was so seriously compromised and created irreconcilable division. It feels meaningful, this recovery of an old episode right now, as if I could see where things were headed and voiced my concern years before things really devolved. After you listen, it'll be your turn: Did a memory come back to you when you heard my stories in the episode? Did you see yourself in one or more of the characters, and did that generate an insight or discomfort in you? What will you do with this insight or discomfort? I hope you'll  see yourself in one or more of the characters at different times in your life, and that you'll make active, intentional decisions to shift the dynamic of loneliness by connecting with someone with genuine care. Whether that's offering a real, loving smile to a cashier at the grocery store or coffee shop, holding the door open for the person behind you, smiling and waving to let someone into a busy intersection or highway, or offering assistance to someone struggling to carry a heavy load. About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.  Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

  6. Aug 4

    442 Pivot Point: Crafting Your Legacy

    Your stories don't define you. How you tell them will. Hi! I'm Sarah Elkins, your host and chief storymaker at Elkins Consulting. If you've been listening to my show for a while, you've probably noticed a big change in the format in recent weeks. Summertime is hard on podcasters! We lose a lot of our listeners this time of year and it can be difficult to be motivated to keep putting out quality content when we know people aren't as likely to listen. This summer I've been focused on brief, less than 20-minute episodes that keep a person's attention while still offering insights and entertainment. What you've been hearing, and will continue to hear in each episode, is a brief story of pivotal moment in my life, and then a thread pulled to generate insights about it. I have two goals for you, dear listeners: One – to uncover your related story for you to add to your collection to practice and have ready when the opportunity presents itself. And two – to demonstrate storytelling in a practical, approachable way so you hear how I compose my words, phrases, and use tone-of-voice to add dynamics and meaning. In today's episode you'll hear about a pivotal moment that changed me, a story filled with grief and joy in the same moment. Jewish tradition emphasizes that humans are uniquely capable of holding space for seemingly contradictory emotions at the same time, grief & joy, sorrow and gratitude. That it's part of our human experience, and the reason grief can feel so heavy and liberating at the same time. Given that my family experienced a lot of grief over the course of around two years, first my father-in-law, then two close friends who had fatal accidents but were otherwise healthy, and then my father, it's not surprising that those two years had me deeply rethinking my priorities. Which is why this pivotal moment, the one I'm about to describe, came as a surprise to me. I was sitting in a church, attending a memorial service for the mother of a dear family friend. I don't have a memory of reading her obituary, though I'm sure I did. What was deeply memorable was what the majority of people said as they took turns standing and speaking about their mother, grandmother, aunt, colleague, and friend. Almost every one of them mentioned receiving birthday cards and letters every year. They spoke about what it meant to them to see the envelope with her handwriting on it, that they waited until the day of the birthday to open it, no matter how many days ahead it arrived, that they treasured seeing the perfect card she would select, the beautiful, thoughtful words she would write, the way they felt when they held the paper in their hands – seen, loved, valued. Witnessing this outpouring of similar stories made me wonder what stories my family and friends will share when I'm no longer living among them. It was a pivotal moment - a reminder - that if I want to avoid regret, I must live in alignment with how I want to be known. Listeners, now it's your turn - What stories do people tell when you're not around? What stories are you sharing about your loved ones that will continue their legacy beyond your lifetime? The stories we tell about people say everything about who we are and what matters to us, so what stories are people telling about you? Are they consistently in alignment with the legacy you want to leave behind? --- Thanks for listening to Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will. Are you curious to learn about working with me? Visit my website, elkinsconsulting.com to schedule time to chat and sign up for periodic updates about my work. --- About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.  Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

  7. Jul 28

    441: Pivot Point - Choosing Growth and Humility

    I've said this before, and I love the reaction I get from people: "If you have to tell people you're an expert, you're probably not doing it right." In this week's episode of Your Stories Don't Define You you'll hear my answer to a question from when I was a guest on a podcast, and the insights I continue to gain from it years later. Scott Ferguson asked me this question on his show It's Time To Shine Today: "What's one question people should ask when interviewing professional development coaches they might want to work with?" My answer might surprise you. It surprised him, and he has asked hundreds of coaches that question! In early 2018 I walked away from my first keynote presentation feeling great, knowing I did a good job because quite a few guests at the conference wanted to talk to me afterward. I received great evaluations a few weeks after the event, and people wanted to know if my book was available for sale at the conference… (I hadn't written it yet, but that's beside the point.) It was clear to me where I could continue to improve, and when I look back at that time, I know I did well. But I also know that just a few years later I gave a keynote that was significantly better. More refined and more polished, more engaging and with "stickier" language. And now, as I prepare for a keynote I'll give soon, I feel even more accomplished as a speaker. But the thing I keep coming back to is that as good as I feel about my progress and where I am now, I know that with practice and coaching, I may see exponential improvement over the next few years. I'm not done learning and developing as a communication professional and speaker. Here we are, friends, with another episode about how we can uncover a powerful, meaningful story and insights from what could be perceived as a simple question: "What's one question people should ask when interviewing professional development coaches they might want to work with?" Your answer to a question like that says everything about who you are and what matters to you. Listeners, now it's your turn: What question would you ask if you were considering hiring a coach for your professional development? Have you been asked a question that uncovered something important about your own progress and who has influenced you? What memory came back to you as you listened to my story and the insights I gained from that single question? Now that you have this reminder about the stories you share, what's one story you might choose to share differently? The stories we share say everything about who we are. --- After more than 430 episodes of this podcast, I was recently inspired to change the format of the show. The new format for my show aligns with what I'm learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and demonstrates what I've been teaching for years: Sharing a story to reveal who you are and what matters to you. My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to  find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are. --- Thanks for listening to Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will. Are you curious to learn about working with me? Visit my website, elkinsconsulting.com to schedule time to chat and sign up for periodic updates about my work. --- About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.  Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

  8. Jul 21

    440 Pivot Point: When is a Story Just a Story? Never.

    This week's episode came to me as I was working on my second book. I was adding yet another citation about research around how stories affect us, and for some reason, an interaction from a few years ago came back to me. It was a post on LinkedIn that I disagreed with, shared by someone I admire and respect. He was lamenting the criticisms and concerns people were bringing up about the story of Cinderella and the messages that story sends to girls. He suggested that sometimes a story is just a story. We'll set aside the fact that this person is a Rabbi, a Jewish spiritual leader, and that his entire belief system is based on stories. But at the time I didn't have the experience or relevant research that I have access to now, so I couldn't fully make my case. I pushed back in the comments, saying that I disagreed, that we couldn't pick and choose which stories had influence and impact and which didn't. I posted: "Can you tell a 4-year-old that they are expected to learn lessons about morality and ethics in bible stories and fables you share, but to ignore any possible lessons about the world they get through the fairy tales they read and Disney films they watch?" We get signals from everything we consume. When we're reading, listening, or watching, we pick up things that resonate with us, sometimes subconsciously. And stories are especially powerful. As I mentioned in my TEDx talk, bioengineering researchers Jens Madsen and Lucas Perra at City College New York found that when we experience story together, our heartbeats can start to fluctuate in sync. And neuroscientists like Paul Zak find consistent evidence that sharing stories can release oxytocin, the brain chemical associated with feelings of care, connection, and empathy. There's research coming out of Western Washington University that stories influence our identity even before we're verbal. The stories people tell about us give signals about what they believe our personality to be! Think about the conflicts this can generate when we're teenagers starting to explore our identity: We change over time, but our parents and other influencing adults in our lives tell us it's "just a phase", causing us to either rebel or to submit. In this episode you'll hear about narrative identity, and my hope is that you'll take this reminder - again - that stories are powerful, and that if you truly desire peace, safety, and community, you'll be more intentional about the stories you make and share. Listeners, now it's your turn: What childhood story popped into your head when you heard my story about not being good at math? Do you remember what stories other people shared with you or about you related to your story? Can you put the story into greater context now? Math represents a HUGE subject area, encompassing everything from basic addition and subtraction, to algebra, geometry, and advanced calculations. Can you see that failing a math test or even a semester of math doesn't mean you're not good at math overall, but maybe that particular area of math? Can you think of an aspect of your identity that you love, and find a story to support where it came from and how it has been reinforced over time? Now that you have this reminder about the stories you share, what's one story you might choose to share differently? The stories we share say everything about who we are. Thanks for listening to Your Stories Don't Define You, How You Tell Them Will. Are you curious to learn about working with me? Visit my website, elkinsconsulting.com to schedule time to chat and sign up for periodic updates about my work, and connect with me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook for content about strengthsfinder, storytelling, public speaking. --- After more than 430 episodes of this podcast, I was recently inspired to change the format of the show. The new format for my show aligns with what I'm learning about narrative identity (how the stories we tell about ourselves internally and externally influence our identity) and demonstrates what I've been teaching for years: Sharing a story to reveal who you are and what matters to you. My hope is that future episodes will offer more clarity about great storytelling and how to  find and explore pivotal moments to demonstrate who we are. --- About Sarah: Sarah is a Montana based workplace communication trainer, TEDx speaker, DisruptHR speaker, public speaking coach, professional storyteller, musician, and podcast host. Her workshops and coaching packages with teams and their leaders are known to address and reduce miscommunication – the most common cause of tension and stress in the workplace. Using the team's results from the StrengthsFinder assessment, she guides teams in learning to speak each other's "language", learning to value each other's strengths and connecting with each other through enhanced self-reflection and effective listening.  Sarah's nearly 20 years working in government agencies inspired her to complete her MBA and to achieve her StrengthsFinder certification to improve work environments for others, guiding teams toward increased satisfaction, productivity, and happiness. Visit her website to purchase her book, Your Stories Don't Define You in paperback or audiobook.

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It's not the things that happen in your life that define you, that create your identity. It's how you talk about those things. That's the theme behind this podcast. Research shows that the stories you tell have a major influence in how you see yourself and in how others perceive you, so it's important to be intentional about which stories you share and how you share them. Guests on the podcast share the pivotal moments in their lives and careers, offering keen insights and "ah ha" moments to listeners, while triggering related memories of listeners, opening up opportunities to uncover their own patterns and discover better ways to share their stories. During this podcast, I'm asking you to listen to consider your related stories, and to listen to consider which stories in your life might have impacted you in a similar way. --- Sarah works with executives who know that story sharing makes them more compelling as speakers and leaders, and who want to improve how they connect with audiences, by uncovering the right stories and learning how to share them effectively so they can clearly and actively demonstrate their character, values, and vision.

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