Better Sex

Jessa Zimmerman
  • 4.8 (139)
  • HEALTH & FITNESS
  • UPDATED SEMIWEEKLY

Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual concerns like sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual desire, and intimacy problems. Some will help you develop realistic and helpful expectations. And some will offer information and approaches that can just make your sex life better.The information and discussion on the podcast should not be taken as medical advice or as therapy. Please seek out qualified professionals for medical and therapeutic advice. jessazimmerman.substack.com

  1. Ep. 390: [Soapbox] Easygoing; Hard to Live With

    3D AGO

    Ep. 390: [Soapbox] Easygoing; Hard to Live With

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains how being “easygoing” or people-pleasing—rarely stating preferences and letting a partner decide—can create a hidden burden in relationships. She describes clients who didn’t realize how constant small decisions (meals, plans, TV) led to their partner’s decision fatigue and reduced connection because the partner couldn’t encounter their wants, opinions, and priorities. Zimmerman shares a practical exercise: carrying an object (like Legos) as a reminder to voice “I want/I would like” five times a day, which helped one couple reduce overwhelm and increase mutual satisfaction. She also outlines common roots of easygoing behavior, including being praised for it, growing up around someone with bigger needs, or learning to disconnect from desires to avoid disappointment.00:00 Show Intro00:46 Soapbox Topic Setup01:41 Lego Pocket Exercise02:30 Decision Fatigue Relief04:29 Why Easygoing Hurts05:11 How It Develops06:55 Try a New Habit07:11 Outro and Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.bettersexpodcast.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    9 min

  2. 6D AGO

    389: Adventures in Polyamory

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Natalie Davis about how her marriage shifted from assumed monogamy to swinging and then polyamory after an affair about 15 years into her relationship. Davis describes early insecurity, rules for safety, and how communication and healing helped her and her husband rebuild trust. She explains kitchen-table polyamory, living in a “resident V” with her husband and his other partner (her metamour), and the mundane realities of sharing a household alongside dating others. They discuss jealousy, consent, STI awareness, the lack of legal protections for non-monogamists, and how polyamory can require “graduate level” communication. Davis shares that she wrote a memoir, Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory, publishing January 13, 2026, and where to find her online.Note: Natalie wanted to make sure to credit the person who coined the word "polyamory" in 1990: Morning Glory Ravenheart Zell00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:44 Meet Natalie Davis01:56 From Monogamy to Poly03:33 Swinging After Infidelity06:23 Healing and Rebuilding Trust11:16 Coming Out and Risks14:11 Writing the Book16:38 Kitchen Table Poly19:09 Life in a Resident V22:54 Jealousy and Communication26:01 Dating Beyond the Household28:16 Sex Life Pros and Cons32:47 Skills for Doing It Well35:21 Book Details and Where to Find36:47 Final Thanks and Wrap UpJessa's quizzes are available:The higher desire partner quiz: https://intimacywithease.com/hdp-higher-desire-partner-mistake-quiz/The lower desire partner quiz: https://intimacywithease.com/ldp-lower-desire-partner-mistake-quiz-organic/BioNatalie Davis is the author of the new poly memoir, "Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory" (pub date Jan. 13, 2026). She is the editor of the online publication Polyamory Today, and her work has appeared in Heart Affairs, Discovering Polyamory, Monogamish, and The Memoirist. Her opinions on polyamory have been published in The Washington Post. She has presented workshops on communication and non-monogamy across the United States. A recovering lawyer, she lives in the Washington, DC, area, with her partner and marvelous metamour. You can find her on Instagram, Medium, and her website as nataliedavisadventures. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    38 min

  3. MAY 7

    388: [Soapbox] Comfort and Growth Cycles in Long Term Relationships

    In this soapbox episode recorded on the road, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a concept from David Schnarch about the natural rhythm of long-term relationships: alternating comfort cycles and growth cycles. Growth cycles require effort, change, and transformation, and when partners do that work they earn a new “normal” they can relax into until the next growth phase arrives. Jessa explains that couples may be pushed into growth by external changes (such as shifts in sexual functioning or illness) or by complacency, routine, and unspoken dissatisfaction when someone avoids “rocking the boat” until it becomes urgent. She reframes these moments as normal opportunities to adapt, refocus, experiment, and reconnect, and reassures listeners that intense effort is usually temporary and leads back to renewed comfort.00:00 Show Intro00:45 On the Road Setup01:09 Comfort and Growth Cycles01:39 How Growth Creates Comfort02:39 What Triggers Growth02:46 Change and Health Events03:15 Complacency and Avoidance04:20 Reframing Crisis as Opportunity04:50 Reassurance and Takeaways05:08 Outro and Credits This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    7 min
  4. 387: Bad Marriage Advice

    MAY 4

    387: Bad Marriage Advice

    On Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews relationship coach Monica Tanner about her book Bad Marriage Advice, written initially for her son before his marriage. Tanner shares how her parents’ divorce and her own early marital struggles led her to study relationships and train in Relational Life Therapy and sex-related coaching. They discuss common couple dynamics (pursuer–distancer, fighting, withdrawal), how unskillful communication erodes trust and leads to resentment and “roommate syndrome,” and why thriving marriages require learned relational skills rather than fairy-tale expectations. They address sex myths, the need to discover and communicate desires, and the idea that emotional connection and sexual connection are related but distinct systems requiring intentional work. Tanner critiques clichés like “compromise,” “happy wife, happy life,” “don’t go to bed angry,” and “don’t sweat the small stuff,” and suggests practices like regular “sex talk Tuesday.”00:00 Show Intro00:45 Meet Monica Tanner01:33 Why Relationships Matter04:28 Common Couple Dynamics06:40 Romance Myths And Control08:42 How Sex Gets Impacted10:23 Love Versus Desire12:44 Jess Quick Break13:13 Bad Sex Advice Myth15:12 Compromise Versus Collaboration16:59 Cliche Advice Debunked18:33 Learning Relationship Skills21:17 Healing Childhood Wounds23:34 Rebuilding Spark And Context26:04 Book And Where To Find27:23 Final OutroWant to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Monica Tanner, RLT trained, Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast, transforms marriages with simple communication, connection, conflict resolution and commitment strategies. Her mission is to lower the divorce rate and improve marital satisfaction. Through her engaging podcast, new Amazon Best-Selling book, Bad Marriage Advice, vibrant social media community, and couple’s coaching practice, Monica's expert guidance has impacted thousands of couples, by helping them ditch resentment and roommate syndrome and get back to living their happily ever after love story.www.badmarriageadvice.comwww.monicatanner.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    29 min
  5. 386: [Soapbox] The Plight of the Higher Desire Partner

    APR 30

    386: [Soapbox] The Plight of the Higher Desire Partner

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the “plight” of the higher-desire partner who wants sex to be part of a loving relationship but feels stuck in a catch-22: bringing it up can be labeled as pushing and create more shutdown, while staying quiet can make the lower-desire partner assume everything is fine. She encourages finding a “sweet spot” for advocating without nagging, and suggests avoiding framing the issue only as unmet needs and unhappiness, which can increase guilt and pressure. Instead, approach conversations with compassion for the lower-desire partner’s struggle, emphasize the goal of a win-win sex life both can enjoy, and highlight the emotional intimacy and connection sex can provide—not just physical release. 00:00 Better Sex Intro00:45 Higher Desire Dilemma01:57 The Catch 2202:40 Find the Sweet Spot02:58 Talk Without Pressure03:35 Compassion and Win Win04:50 Sex as Connection06:22 Closing and Next Steps This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min

  6. APR 27

    385: The 5 Love Languages: in the bedroom

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Krish Phua, a certified sexologist and intimacy and sexual wellness therapist at Underneath the Moon Singapore, about applying Gary Chapman’s five love languages (physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts) to erotic connection. They address the common misconception that “physical touch” simply means sex or entitles someone to it, emphasizing that physical touch includes many non-sexual forms of contact and that sex involves more than touch alone. Krish frames love languages in three layers—how we express love, how we want to receive it, and how we love ourselves—arguing self-love and self-awareness underpin erotic connection. He shares practical bedroom examples for physical touch (non-goal-oriented body mapping, post-climax connection), acts of service (preparing a calming space), and highlights the power of words of affirmation. They also discuss rebuilding safety, curiosity, and communication to reduce performance pressure.00:00 Show Intro00:45 Episode Setup01:53 Love Languages Basics04:15 Touch Is Not Sex05:13 Erotic Connection Map07:52 Three Layers Framework09:46 Bedroom Examples11:26 Substack Invite13:42 Reconnecting As A Couple18:25 All Five In Bed20:04 Words Of Affirmation21:42 Gifts And Generosity22:23 Where To Find Krish23:26 Podcast OutroSubscribe to Jessa on substack: https://www.intimacywithease.com/substackBio:Krish Phua is a registered Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Intimacy and Sexual Wellness Therapist and certified Clinical Supervisor. He is also a Board-Certified Diplomate and Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology.Since 2013, Krish has served in diverse settings such as counselling centres, recovery centres, clinics, therapy centres, hospitals, prisons, halfway houses, special schools and educational institutions. He provides therapy in individual, couple, family and group contexts, and has facilitated mental health talks and workshops for varied communities.Krish is also an appointed Adjunct Faculty (Lecturer) for counselling and psychology subjects in private educational institutions for adult learners. He regularly publishes professional insights and reflections through blog articles.Krish holds a Master’s degree in Social Science (Professional Counselling) and Master’s degree in Business Administration (International Management).Fluent in English, Mandarin and Cantonese, Krish integrates multicultural perspectives into his therapeutic and academic work.www.underneaththemoon.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    25 min
  7. 384: [Soapbox] Choose to Focus on the Anti-Fear

    APR 23

    384: [Soapbox] Choose to Focus on the Anti-Fear

    In this soapbox episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a client-inspired lesson on how fear-based conversations can spiral into a reactive cycle that fuels negativity and creates the outcomes partners most dread. Drawing on the idea that events lead to thoughts, interpretations, emotions, and then actions, she introduces the concept of the “anti-fear”—the opposite of a feared outcome—and encourages listeners to imagine and reinforce a more empowering story instead of worst-case scenarios. She walks through how one partner relaxed quickly when focusing on feeling supported and loved, while the other found it edgy because it conflicted with a long-held belief that his needs won’t be met. By choosing a positive vision and looking for evidence that supports it, couples can respond more collaboratively and stay connected when bumps arise.00:00 Better Sex Intro00:46 Soapbox Episode Setup01:11 Fear Spiral In Couples02:04 Anti Fear Reframe03:35 Partner A Finds Evidence04:18 Partner B And Life Story05:20 Reinforce A New Narrative06:16 Try This Yourself06:47 Outro And Credits Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.I'm on Substack! This is where I am focusing my energy to connect with the people who I seek to serve. Come visit: More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    8 min

  8. APR 20

    383: Yoni Mapping with Freya Graf

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Freya Graf about yoni mapping therapy and how she combines it with internal pelvic release work. Freya shares how her own history of shame, body image struggles, and fear around intimacy led her into this work, explains what “yoni” means and why she’s moving toward more clinical language, and walks through a typical 3–4 hour session (extended intake/sex education, home practices, full-body massage, external vulva mapping, and optional internal vaginal/pelvic floor massage). They discuss who seeks the work (prenatal/postnatal support, vaginismus, painful sex, pelvic tension, PMS, education, trauma and consent violations), why pace and client-led consent matter, how trauma can surface, and the importance of thorough training. Freya also offers guidance on vetting practitioners and shares her online course, coaching, podcast, and website for those without local access.00:00 Show Introduction00:45 Meet the Guest02:01 Why This Work Matters05:08 What Yoni Means07:51 How Sessions Work13:07 How Many Sessions14:24 Quick Quiz Break14:51 Who It Helps17:58 Consent and Empowerment20:19 Common Reasons Clients Come21:11 Partner Involvement Question21:27 Partner In Sessions23:24 Trauma Screening Approach27:03 Training And Safety29:26 Finding A Practitioner33:10 Consent And Boundaries34:31 Online Course And Resources38:28 Closing And CreditsTake Jessa's quizzes at https://www.desirediscrepancy.comFreya's Bio:Freya Graf is a Holistic Sex Educator & Coach and Yoni Mapping Therapist with a passion for holistic health and personal development. She keeps it real, raw and relatable when it comes to talking about sex, relating and bodies, and is on a mission to dismantle the shame, taboo and stigma shrouding these important topics by having open and vulnerable conversations about them through her work with women and on her hilarious podcast The Labia Lounge.With a background of study in Kahuna massage, internal pelvic release work, facilitation, early learning, yoga teaching, tantric bodywork and sacred sexuality, Freya works to inspire, educate and empower, supporting you to cultivate a fulfilling and life changing relationship with your body and sexuality!Freya offers one-on-one Yoni Mapping Therapy (YMT) and Internal Pelvic Release Work (IPRW) sessions for vulva-owners, as well as online sex coaching and education programs for the whole gender spectrum. She has launched an epic 3 month online course called Queen Out and pours her heart, soul and lots of laughter into her podcast The Labia Lounge where she interviews incredible guests about all things womanhood, sex, vaginas, relationships, holistic health and self development!- A podcast episode about yoni mapping: https://youtu.be/eO8Plj6-Coc?si=ss8qabcwtC_NqB8t- How to choose a yoni mapping practitioner:Blog: https://www.freyagraf.com/vagina-chronicles-blog/how-to-choose-a-yoni-massage-practitionerYouTube video: https://youtu.be/IVCsP6AmpmA?si=7AQc_QKwFw7-Ac3Y - Online course: https://www.freyagraf.com/online-course- Free mini course on female pleasure - a great place to get started if people are curious: https://www.freyagraf.com/freebieswww.freyagraf.comthe Labia Lounge Podcast Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water. More info and resources: Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

    40 min
See All (391)

4.8
out of 5
139 Ratings

About

Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual concerns like sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual desire, and intimacy problems. Some will help you develop realistic and helpful expectations. And some will offer information and approaches that can just make your sex life better.The information and discussion on the podcast should not be taken as medical advice or as therapy. Please seek out qualified professionals for medical and therapeutic advice. jessazimmerman.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Jessa Zimmerman
  • Years Active
    2017 - 2026
  • Episodes
    391
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Jessa Zimmerman
  • Show Website
    Better Sex

You Might Also Like