UNDERSTANDABLE

Robert Siegers
  • 4.9 (7)
  • Mental Health
  • Weekly

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others. Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions. I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

  1. 23h ago

    When You Stop Accepting Crumbs, THIS Happens

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I show you what happens when you stop accepting crumbs, and how to actually do it. As a recovered avoidant who used to date unavailable people, I share my own online dating story and the moment I stopped letting others be the gatekeepers of my love. When you become the gatekeeper of your own love, the power flips and the avoidant one gets triggered and starts chasing. Then I get practical: only invest in someone truly committed to a long-term relationship, set your emotional, love and communication standards, and let go of the belief that love has to be earned. You deserve the full meal, not crumbs. ► Links and Resources: Why They End Up Obsessed Video: https://youtu.be/UckVISJAUJA ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 00:58 My Online Dating Story 05:14 Become the Gatekeeper of Your Own Love 07:33 Why It Triggers Them 09:57 How to Actually Stop Accepting Crumbs 14:16 Set Your 3 Relational Standards 19:15 The Beliefs Keeping You Chasing 20:58 What Is Actually True About You ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  2. 3d ago

    Why the One Who Only Gave You Crumbs Will End Up Obsessed

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I unpack why the person who only gives you crumbs ends up obsessed once you stop chasing. As a recovered avoidant, I explain that breadcrumbing is a way to keep you warm from a safe distance for their own regulation, rooted in childhood, and why you keep chasing from your own familiar wound and hope. I show the cage you built to protect yourself and what happens when you step out of it: the whole psychology flips and they start chasing you. In the end I cover the three reasons they come back, and which one is actually worth taking back. ► Links and Resources: What Breadcrumbing Really Is Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVoakqE9UXg Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=12s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:22 Why They Only Give You Crumbs 05:01 The Childhood Wound Behind Breadcrumbing 07:33 Why You Keep Chasing Them 09:23 The Cage You Built Yourself 12:25 Flip the Game: Stop Chasing 15:43 What Happens When They Come Back ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  3. 5d ago

    If an Avoidant Does THIS, They Secretly Love You (They'd Never Admit)

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share five things an avoidant partner does when they are secretly in love with you but cannot show it, from my own perspective as a recovered avoidant. I explain why love, closeness and vulnerability feel dangerous to them, using the image of real feelings buried under a pile of poop, their protection strategies and childhood trauma. Then I walk through the five signs, from keeping coming back and showing love through actions, to getting triggered by you and hiding their fear of losing you. In the end I explain why you should not always accept this incomplete love, because you deserve someone who is willing to do the work. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGDhim-YlY&t=34s My Moment of Change Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:03 Why Avoidants Hide Their Love 06:18 Sign 1: They Keep Coming Back 10:08 Sign 2: They Show Love Through Actions 12:02 Sign 3: They Stay in Contact Even When It Is Hard 13:42 Sign 4: You Trigger Them 14:52 Sign 5: Hidden Jealousy and Fear of Losing You 19:53 Why You Should Not Always Accept Their Love ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  4. Oct 30

    Never Make THIS Mistake When an Avoidant Comes Back

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I share the one big mistake most partners make when an avoidant comes back, and the best way to respond instead. As a former avoidant who came back multiple times, I explain why taking them back with open arms only signals you still will not stand up for yourself, and why their return is always a test. I break down the three reasons avoidants come back, from being thirsty for love, to wanting closeness from a safe distance, to actually having done the work. The best response is to stay steady, keep building your own life, and ask one real question: why are you coming back? Then the real test begins. ► Links and Resources: The 3 Reasons Avoidants Come Back Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4umBMT2pBpY&t=12s Why Avoidants Don't Know Their Needs Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoerBrHSdUI How an Avoidant Sees a Healthy Relationship Video: https://youtu.be/6bFFqAAWobU?si=X0bAP0bkaHqb7nmr ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 00:48 The Pain Avoidants Cause 04:14 The Big Mistake Most Partners Make 05:50 When They Return, You Have the Power 06:16 The 3 Reasons They Come Back 10:52 The Best Response When They Return 13:23 The One Question to Ask 16:01 The Real Test Begins ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  5. Oct 27

    When an Avoidant Offers You Friendship, Say THIS First (Take Your Power Back)

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain what to say first when an avoidant offers you friendship after rejecting you or pulling away. As a recovered avoidant, I share that friendship lets them keep the good sides of the connection and regulate with you from a safe distance, without facing the closeness that triggers them. The real question is whether you want to be friends with someone you have feelings for, who does not love you fully. The answer is to set one clear boundary: you want them fully, or you go separate ways. It feels like a loss, but staying strong is what puts you back in the power position. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Offer Friendship Video: https://youtu.be/hEXO-Fnkn2o ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:12 Why Avoidants Offer Friendship 06:18 The One Question to Ask Yourself First 12:28 Say THIS First, When They Offer Friendship ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  6. Oct 25

    Why an Avoidant Will Offer You Friendship (The Hidden Message)

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain why avoidants offer friendship after a breakup, what the hidden message behind it is, and why you should almost never accept it. As a recovered avoidant, I share that friendship gives them connection and emotional regulation from a safe distance, without having to face their anxieties or do the work. I tell my own story of offering friendship to my ex, and why it is usually a bad deal for the partner, who loves more deeply and gets left in a position of hope. The answer is to set a clear boundary, because you deserve someone who wants you fully, not halfway. ► Links and Resources: My Rock Bottom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s Standards, the Ick and Avoidant Needs Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOxRnU4pEU&t=3s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:00 Why Avoidants Fear Closeness 05:43 Why The Offer Friendship 07:15 The Hidden Message Behind Friendship 08:20 My Own Story 12:38 Why Friendship Is a Bad Deal for You 17:21 Why You Should Never Accept Friendship ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  7. Oct 23

    How to Become So Unbothered They Start Chasing You

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I unfold the psychology of why some people stay so unbothered in dating while others, like me a few years ago, end up overly sensitive, needy and obsessing over someone they barely know. As a recovered avoidant, I share the story of a girl I chased in university, and why you attract and cling to detached people, often from a childhood wound and the hope that keeps you self-abandoning. Then I show how to swap that psychology, not by playing games, but by breaking out of your box, building other life areas and a purpose bigger than the relationship, and finally learning to set boundaries. You become genuinely unbothered, not cold. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:36 The Girl Who Was Unbothered 04:14 Why You Chase the Detached Ones 06:21 Swap the Psychology 10:11 1: Allow Yourself to Break the Box 12:03 2: Build Other Life Areas 14:29 3: Find a Purpose Bigger Than the Relationship 15:20 4: Learn to Set Boundaries ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  8. Oct 20

    When an Avoidant Realizes You'll Leave, The Game Flips

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you honestly who an avoidant does, when they're terrified of losing you. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:53 The Core Wound 04:02 The Chase Before the Relationship 05:09 The Commitment Shift 07:06 Pulling Away and Conflict 10:07 When They Are Afraid of Losing You 11:46 Two Reactions When They Return 14:38 What You Can Do ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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Ratings & Reviews

4.9
out of 5
7 Ratings

About

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others. Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions. I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

Information

  • Creator
    Robert Siegers
  • Years Active
    2018 - 2026
  • Episodes
    438
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Robert Siegers
  • Show Website
    UNDERSTANDABLE

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