Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

Michelle Burkhard
  • 4.9 (18)
  • Education
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This growing tribe of thinkers focuses on finding the results we want in our personal AND professional lives by becoming more aware of our patterns of thinking and choosing how we want to think. Join us! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Give from your heart: CashApp: $growby1 Venmo: @Michelle-Burkhard-3 PayPal: GrowBy1@gmail.com

  1. 5h ago

    When A Skillful Coach Meets Emotion

    What if the emotion is real, but the story attached to itisn’t the only story available? Our coachee’s employee is leaving, and she feels like she failed. But “she is leaving” is a fact. “I failed” is the meaning she has attached to that fact. In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens whenemotion meets the Skillful Coach. By noticing language, separating facts from meaning, exploring responsibility, and gently identifying patterns, we can help someone untangle what they are experiencing without trying to talk them out oftheir feelings. Sometimes the goal isn’t to help someone feel better. It’s to help them feel more accurately. And sometimes that shift can turn “I failed” into something much more truthful: “I’m sad this ended differently than I hoped.” Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Want to grow your confidence, skill, and capacity as acoach? The next Coaching Academy begins in January. Learn more and join us at CA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions How could you help a coachee separate what happened fromwhat they believe it means? What might you notice in phrases such as “I failed” or “Ishould have done more”? How could you help the coachee distinguish theirresponsibilities from another person’s choices? How might you invite exploration of a pattern withoutdeciding its meaning for the coachee? How would you know whether exploring an emotion is serving the current coaching goal?

  2. 1d ago

    When A Relational Coach Meets Emotion

    What do you do when someone you care about gets emotional? For many of us, the instinct is immediate: reassure them, make them feel better, or somehow make the emotion go away. But sometimes being relational means resisting the urge to rescue. In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens whenemotion meets the Relational Coach. Trust, safety, and presence create a space where someone doesn’t have to apologize for being human. Instead of arguing with “I failed” by quickly responding, “No, you didn’t,” we can become curious about what that belief and emotion are telling us. Sometimes meaningful progress isn’t making someone feel better before the conversation ends. Sometimes it’s giving them a safe enough place to finally tell the truth aboutwhat they’re feeling. Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Want to grow your confidence, skill, and capacity as acoach? The next Coaching Academy begins in January. Learn more and join us at CA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions How do you communicate that a coachee can safely expressemotion with you? When are you most tempted to reassure or rescue someone who is hurting? How might saying “No, you didn’t fail” close off somethingthe coachee needs to explore? What could you ask to understand what the coachee isgrieving? How would you recognize meaningful progress if the coacheestill felt sad at the end of the session?

  3. 2d ago

    When A Structured Coach Meets Emotion

    What happens when the person you’re coaching suddenly starts crying, gets angry, or simply stops talking? Even a capable coach can have that moment of, “Oh my gosh, what do I do now?” In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens whenemotion meets the Structured Coach. Frameworks and processes can be incredibly helpful, but sometimes our desire to get back to the structure is really about making ourselves more comfortable. Emotion doesn’t automatically mean something has gone wrong, and it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve wandered outside the boundaries of coaching. Sometimes the tears are not interrupting the coaching.They are part of it. The challenge is learning to stay present without panicking, fixing, rescuing, or rushing the person toward a solution. Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Want to grow your confidence, skill, and capacity as acoach? The next Coaching Academy begins in January. Learn more and join us at CA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions What happens inside you when a coachee becomes emotional? When have you used a coaching framework to ease your owndiscomfort with emotion? How might moving too quickly toward solutions affect thecoachee? What would help you pause and stay steady before asking your next question? How could you make room for emotion while keeping thecoaching process available?

  4. 5d ago

    Integrated Coach: What Should I Do?

    So, does a great coach ever give advice? The answer may be alittle more nuanced than simply yes or no. In today’s episode, Michelle brings “What do you think I should do?” to the Integrated Coach, where the focus shifts from following a rule to using discernment. Sometimes a question is exactly what someone needs.Sometimes it is silence, reflection, or an observation. And sometimes our experience or perspective may genuinely be helpful. The key is remembering that even when we have something valuable to offer, we do not own another person’schoice. Integrated Coaching protects their awareness, agency, and ownership while remaining flexible enough to respond to what they actually need. Because the goal isn’t to make people dependent on our answers. It’s to help thembecome increasingly able to hear and trust their own. Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Reflection Questions What happens inside me when someone I coach directly asksfor my opinion or advice? How can I tell whether sharing my perspective will expandsomeone’s thinking or become louder than their own voice? When I have relevant experience or expertise, how can Iclearly distinguish between coaching, mentoring, teaching, and sharing information? How comfortable am I allowing someone to make a choice that is different from the one I might make for myself? How can I help the people I coach build greater awareness,agency, discernment, and trust in their own thinking?

  5. 6d ago

    Transformational Coach: What Should I Do?

    What if “What should I do?” isn’t really about the decisionin front of you? What if the deeper question is about who you believe you are supposed to be? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when thisquestion meets the Transformational Coach. A promotion may look like success on paper, but what happens when our definition of success, growth, or potential begins to change? Sometimes we discover that we have been trying to want what we think a successful person should want instead of becoming curious about what actually matters to us now. Transformational coaching isn’t about guiding someone toward the more enlightened choice. It’s about helping them see themselves, their beliefs, and their choices with greater clarity so they can decide from who they are becoming rather than who they once thought they had to be. Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Reflection Questions When I hear myself or someone else say, “I should wantthis,” what beliefs about identity, success, or worth might be underneath that statement? How has my own definition of success changed over time, andhas my identity fully caught up with that change? What am I still using as a measure of my potential or worththat may no longer fit who I am becoming? How can I help someone explore a deeper belief withoutbecoming attached to which decision they ultimately make? If I did not have to prove anything through the decision infront of me, what might I choose?

  6. Oct 7

    Skilled Coach: What Should I Do?

    “I don’t want it, but I should want it.” Have you evercaught yourself saying something like that? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when “What do you think I should do?” meets the Skillful Coach and one little word opens the door to a much bigger conversation: should. By listening closely to language, energy, and even whathappens in someone’s body as they explore their options, a Skillful Coach can help uncover information that might otherwise be missed. Maybe the real question isn’t whether to take the promotion at all. Maybe it’s, “What doessuccess actually mean to me?” The goal isn’t to use our coaching skills to steer someone toward the answer we think is right. It’s to expand their awareness enough that they can discover their own. Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you!Michelle@GrowBy1.com Reflection Questions What words such as should, have to, supposed to, always, ornever tend to get my attention when I am listening to someone? Where do the “shoulds” in my own life come from, and howoften do I stop to question them? How can I use reflection, observation, visualization, orother coaching skills to expand someone’s awareness without steering them toward my preferred outcome? When I think I see the answer for someone, how disciplinedam I about remaining curious instead of asking questions that subtly lead them there? What decision in my own life might look different if Istopped asking what I should do and instead asked what truly matters to me?

  7. Oct 6

    Relational Coach: What Should I Do?

    When someone asks, “What do you think I should do?” they may not actually be asking you to make the decision. They might be asking for reassurance, permission, certainty, encouragement, or simply a safe place to say what they are really thinking. In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when that question meets the Relational Coach. Trust and connection can create the safety someone needs to be honest, especially when what they want is different fromwhat they think they should want. But there is an important balance here. The stronger the relationship, the more weight our opinions can carry. Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is not give someone an answer, but createenough safety for them to hear their own. Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you!Michelle@GrowBy1.com Reflection Questions When someone asks me what I think they should do, howquickly do I assume they are actually asking for advice? How well do I listen for the need underneath the question,such as reassurance, permission, certainty, support, or simply a place to think out loud? When I care deeply about someone, am I ever tempted torescue them from the discomfort of making their own difficult decision? How might the trust someone places in me increase theinfluence of even a casual comment or opinion I share? How can I create a relationship that feels safe enough forsomeone to become more confident in hearing and trusting their own voice?

  8. Oct 5

    Structured Coach: What Should I Do?

    “What do you think I should do?” It sounds like such asimple question, but for a coach, it can open up a whole lot more. Do you give your opinion? Ask another question? Toss it right back to them with, “Well, what do YOU think you should do?” and hope for the best? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when thisquestion meets the Structured Coach. Protecting someone’s ownership of their decisions matters, but coaching isn’t simply about following the rule that good coaches never give advice. Sometimes the more important question is what the person is really asking for. Do they want an answer, another perspective, reassurance, permission, or simply help thinking through something that feels too close to see clearly? Before we respond, we may need to get curious about the need underneath the question. Questions or comments? I’d love to hear from you! Michelle@GrowBy1.com  Reflection Questions What happens inside me when someone I am coaching asks,“What do you think I should do?” Do I have a tendency to give advice too quickly, or do Ibecome so committed to not giving advice that I miss what the person actually needs? What might someone really be asking for when they ask mewhat I think they should do? How could asking, “What would be most helpful about hearing my thoughts?” change the direction of a coaching conversation? How can I protect someone’s ownership, awareness,responsibility, and agency while still being fully present and helpful?

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Ratings & Reviews

4.9
out of 5
18 Ratings

About

This growing tribe of thinkers focuses on finding the results we want in our personal AND professional lives by becoming more aware of our patterns of thinking and choosing how we want to think. Join us! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Give from your heart: CashApp: $growby1 Venmo: @Michelle-Burkhard-3 PayPal: GrowBy1@gmail.com

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