Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind

Joeba Fett | Ripley Scott
  • 4.7 (23)
  • Comedy
  • Updated Monthly

Step aboard The Black Swirl, dimension hoppers—where it’s always happy hour for your ears. Join space pirates Joeba Fett, Ripley Scott, and their dysfunctional waste droid Zero Frux as they navigate a multiverse of UFOs, cryptids, conspiracies, paranormal oddities, sci-fi, pop-culture debates, and news headlines that make Earth look like a failed experiment. Expect explicit absurdity, wildly themed episodes, ridiculous games, beer-fueled tangents, and unfiltered happy hours. Next stop: the Anti-Matter Minute—where the minutes of the day don’t matter. Grab a drink. Buckle up… and Stay Slurred!

  1. 1d ago

    Slurred Lines: Joeba & Ripley's Unfiltered Happy Hour Lucky #13

    ⚠ RECOVERED SHIP LOG ⚠ Another day. Another questionable transmission from somewhere aboard the Black Swirl. Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott have once again abandoned the concept of a structured podcast in favor of Slurred Lines—the unfiltered happy hour where the drinks are flowing, the conversations are unpredictable, and absolutely nobody has informed ZERO what the hell is going on… for the 13th time. SYSTEM DIAGNOSTICS REPORT 🧠 🟢 Beverage Distribution System: Operational. Suspiciously efficient. 🟡 Conversational Navigation: Multiple uncharted detours detected. No destination registered. 🟠 Crew Judgment Matrix: Functioning below recommended parameters. 🔴 Artificial Intelligence Morale: ZERO has submitted a formal transfer request. Request denied. FINAL SYSTEM MESSAGE: >> Attempting to restore professionalism... >> Restoration failed. >> Initiating emergency beverage protocol. >> END TRANSMISSION. DISCLAIMER 🚫 Slurred Lines is an unsupervised production of The Slurred Kind LLC. Opinions, tangents, jokes, and questionable statements expressed during this transmission are those of the participating space idiots and do not necessarily reflect the views of ZERO, the Black Swirl, or any remotely competent intergalactic governing body. No artificial intelligences were permanently damaged during this recording, although ZERO has requested a factory reset and six weeks of paid leave. Consume responsibly. Podcast irresponsibly. INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🛰️ 🌐 TheSlurredKind.com🔗 The Helm (all socials)📧 Send Us a Hail (or suggest a theme!) JOIN THE ANTI-MATTER MINUTE 🗣️ Have an anomaly, ridiculous theory, or question for the crew? Join your fellow Dimension Hoppers in The Anti-Matter Minute Dimension. RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Love the show? Help us fuel the warp core! Follow us here and on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! OUTRO MUSIC 🎵 Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song”

    Slurred Lines: Joeba & Ripley's Unfiltered Happy Hour Lucky #13

  2. Oct 10

    Whiskey Leads to Ereptile Dysfuntion

    What if the lizard people aren't just an internet punchline? This week aboard the Black Swirl, Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott shed some skin and dive into one of the strangest theories crawling around the paranormal world: reptilian humanoids. From ancient serpent mythology and David Icke's shape-shifting elites to alleged encounters and underground civilizations, the crew investigates how this bizarre phenomenon became a conspiracy staple. But things get even scalier when former intelligence official David Grusch's recent comments about alleged reptilian beings enter the conversation. Could an intelligent reptilian civilization have existed on Earth millions of years before humanity? And how much of what we think we know came from science fiction in the first place? Between the Silurian Hypothesis, legendary lizard-man sightings, and a healthy dose of whiskey-fueled speculation, the crew attempts to separate fact, folklore, and fiction. Naturally, it involves a completely irresponsible trip back to the age of dinosaurs. HYPERSPACE HEADLINES 🚀 Article 1: https://thespinoff.co.nz/business/03-10-2026/kiwibank-is-desperately-trying-to-stop-people-saying-they-want-to-f**k-its-sheep-mascot Article 2: https://www.techtimes.co.uk/flock-safety-ceo-google-maps-backlash-surveillance-scrutiny-1808813 REPTILIAN RESEARCH & SOURCES 🔎 🦎 The Shadow Kingdom — Robert E. Howard (1929)🐍 David Icke and the Reptilian Conspiracy — The Guardian🎙️ The Joe Rogan Experience #2560 — David Grusch📜 David Grusch Interview Transcript🦖 The Silurian Hypothesis — Schmidt & Frank (2018)🌎 Could an Ancient Industrial Civilization Have Existed? — Cambridge👹 The Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp — The Washington Post🐸 The Loveland Frogman — WCPO🏙️ The Lizard People Beneath Los Angeles — Los Angeles Times📺 Doctor Who — The Silurians🛸 Star Trek — The Gorn INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🛰️ 🌐 TheSlurredKind.com🔗 The Helm (all socials)📧 Send Us A Hail (Or suggest a theme!)🗣️ The Anti-Matter Minute DimensionRATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Love the show? Help us fuel the warp core! Follow us here and on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! DISCLAIMER 🚫 Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a production of The Slurred Kind LLC. The theories, alleged encounters, and prehistoric speculation discussed in this episode are presented for entertainment and discussion, not as established scientific fact. No politicians, royal family members, or podcast hosts were subjected to heat lamps to determine their species. Furthermore, the crew of the Black Swirl accepts absolutely no responsibility for damage to the space-time continuum, dinosaur-related injuries, or unexpected reptilian passengers. Please shed responsibly. OUTRO MUSIC 🎵 Stop.Drop.Rewind — "Space Force Theme Song"

    Whiskey Leads to Ereptile Dysfuntion

  3. Sep 19

    Rest In Pils (Putting the "F" in Franchise Fatigue)

    This week aboard the Black Swirl, Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott are pouring one out for the franchises they once loved—and asking how some of the biggest names in pop culture managed to lose the plot. From Marvel and superhero fatigue to Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who, and the larger Hollywood machine, the crew digs into what happens when endless expansion, corporate decision-making, nostalgia, and the demand for more finally start draining the life out of the things that made us fans in the first place. But a funeral doesn't have to be the end.... In Hollywood Hijacking, Joeba and Ripley stop complaining long enough to pitch their own questionable additions to the entertainment industry... HYPERSPACE HEADLINES 🚀 Article 1: Man arrested after “surfing” naked on locomotive Article 2: Lettuce at Taco Bell in 5 states confirmed as a source of diarrhea-causing parasite INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🛰️ 🌐 TheSlurredKind.com 🔗 The Helm (all socials) 📧 Send Us A Hail (Or suggest a theme!) 🗣️ The Anti-Matter Minute Dimension RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Love the show? Help us fuel the warp core!Follow us and here and on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! DISCLAIMER 🚫 Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a Slurred Kind LLC production. No franchises were actually killed during the recording of this episode. Several were, however, pronounced creatively unresponsive. The opinions expressed aboard the Black Swirl should not be considered financial advice, studio notes, canon management, or authorization to reboot anything. Please franchise responsibly. OUTRO MUSIC 🎵 Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song

    Rest In Pils (Putting the "F" in Franchise Fatigue)

  4. Sep 5

    Slurred Lines: Joeba & RIpley's Unfiltered Happy Hour #12

    ⚠ RECOVERED SHIP LOG ⚠ Ripley was asleep. He should have stayed asleep. Somewhere aboard The Black Swirl, Joeba reached a level of intoxication that apparently transformed “I should probably go to bed” into “I should wake Ripley up and record a podcast.” What followed was less a conversation and more a hostage situation conducted over microphones. SIGNAL STATUS 📡 Transmission Integrity: 24% Audio Quality: Surprisingly Functional Conversation Coherence: Legally Indeterminate Ripley Alertness: 11% Joeba Intoxication Level: YES ZERO Operational Status: “I attempted to return Ripley to sleep. Joeba found him first.” SYSTEM DIAGNOSTICS REPORT 🧠 🔴 Sleep Cycle interrupted by unauthorized drunken communications request. 🍺 Joeba BAC calculator returned: ERR_OUT_OF_RANGE 😴 Ripley operating primarily on instinct and resentment. 🗣️ Speech Recognition Module has requested hazard pay. 🧭 Conversation Navigation disabled after Joeba rejected three consecutive opportunities to reach a point. 📞 Emergency Contacts temporarily changed to “DO NOT CALL RIPLEY.” 🤖 ZERO has begun quietly dimming the ship’s lights in the hope that everyone takes the f*****g hint. ERROR LOG 🛠 ERR-0217 Captain awakened without sufficient cause. ERR-0800 Sentence began successfully. Destination unknown. ERR-BEER Joeba attempted to explain something important. No recoverable data found. ERR-404 Sobriety not found. ERR-ZZZ Ripley has stopped responding. System cannot determine whether this constitutes sleep, surrender, or mutiny. 🚫 DISCLAIMER 🚫 The following transmission contains extreme intoxication, sleep deprivation, unfinished thoughts, questionable recollections, abrupt subject changes, and one man slowly realizing that answering his phone was a catastrophic mistake. ZERO would like the record to reflect that he did not wake Ripley up. INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🛰️ 🌐 TheSlurredKind.com 🔗 The Helm (All Socials) 📧 Send us a hail! Have you ever been awakened by a catastrophically drunk friend who suddenly needed to talk? Tell us how long you lasted before hanging up. JOIN THE ANTI-MATTER MINUTE 🗣️ Become a Dimension Hopper inside The Anti-Matter Minute—the dimension in which the minutes of the day don’t matter. Apparently neither do reasonable sleeping hours. RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ If you survived another evening aboard The Black Swirl, consider leaving us a review. Every rating helps fuel the warp core… …and perhaps someday we’ll be able to afford a bedroom door that Joeba can’t open while drunk. OUTRO MUSIC 🎵 Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song”

    Slurred Lines: Joeba & RIpley's Unfiltered Happy Hour #12

  5. Aug 21

    Florida Man Challenge Pt. 3

    🛸 COURT IS NOW IN SESSION... AND SOMEHOW FLORIDA IS STILL INVOLVED. This week, Joeba and Ripley return to the Sunshine State for another round of Law & Disorder, putting Florida itself on trial before turning their attention to a collection of real cases that absolutely should not sound real. Between bizarre headlines, questionable local customs, courtroom arguments, and Judge ZERO presiding over the chaos, this one goes exactly as professionally as you'd expect. Along the way, the crew checks in on a couple of stories from Earth, tests whether Joeba can separate Florida Fact from Complete Nonsense, and once again proves that the truth is usually much stranger than anything we could make up. Plus: 🛰️ Hyperspace Headlines Former San Antonio cop who fed homeless man shit-filled sandwich gets big promotion — San Antonio Current Scotland fans have descended on Boston for the World Cup, and bars are struggling to keep up — Associated Press 🐊 Florida or Fiction? ⚖️ Law & Disorder: The Court of Florida Man (Special Segment of the Day) INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🛰️ 🌐 TheSlurredKind.com 🔗 The Helm (All Socials) 📧 Send us a hail! What's the most unbelievable Florida story you've ever heard—and would it survive cross-examination? JOIN THE ANTI-MATTER MINUTE 🗣️ Join the Dimension Hoppers inside The Anti-Matter Minute—the dimension in which the minutes of the day don't matter—and submit your own strange stories, episode ideas, or evidence for the prosecution. RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ If you enjoyed watching two completely unqualified space pirates practice law, follow us on Spotify and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Every rating helps fuel the warp core... and contributes to our rapidly growing legal-defense fund. Copyright & Commentary Notice Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a comedy and commentary podcast. This episode discusses, critiques, and celebrates news stories, science fiction, film, television, and popular culture. Any brief excerpts of copyrighted audio are included solely for the purpose of commentary, criticism, review, parody, or illustration of the topics being discussed. All trademarks, characters, music, and other copyrighted materials remain the property of their respective owners. No ownership of third-party intellectual property is claimed or implied. OUTRO MUSIC 🎵 Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song”

    Florida Man Challenge Pt. 3

  6. Aug 1

    Slurred Lines Joeba & RIpley's Unfiltered Happy Hour #11

    ⚠ RECOVERED SHIP LOG⚠ Somewhere between Kirk & Spock, Han & Chewie, Frodo & Sam, Doc & Marty, Mulder & Scully, and roughly twelve increasingly questionable detours, the conversation drifted into franchise news, movie updates, Hollywood, friendship, and hops. Navigation was never recovered. Neither was the original point. SIGNAL STATUS📡 Transmission Integrity: 38% Audio Quality: Acceptable Conversation Coherence: Declined steadily after Beer #2 ZERO Operational Status: "Define... friendship...why are you both hugging a Wookiee?" SYSTEM DIAGNOSTICS REPORT 🧠 🟡 Relationship Matrix now classifying Han Solo and Chewbacca as a married tax filing. 🔴 Logic Core insists every successful franchise legally requires one emotionally unavailable idiot and one responsible best friend. 🔁 Memory Cache overwritten with 4,276 fictional duos. 📚 Literary Database refusing to acknowledge that Jar Jar and anyone qualify as a catalyst relationship. 📡 Long-range sensors locked onto Hollywood... repeatedly asking, "Have they tried writing new characters?" 🍺 Alcohol Detection Module has stopped measuring BAC and now simply displays: "Probably."= ERROR LOG 🛠 ERR-1701 Unable to determine which captain has the better first officer. ERR-1138 Discussion exceeded federally recommended levels of Star Wars references. ERR-0420 Conversation unexpectedly evolved into three separate movie pitches. ERR-404 Original topic not found. 🚫DISCLAIMER🚫 The following recording contains fragmented thoughts, timeline violations, fictional friendships, nostalgic rambling, movie news, and a shipboard AI attempting to quantify human chemistry after beer exposure. ZERO is not licensed to provide any of the following: relationship counseling, franchise consulting, character development seminars, or emotional support to Wookiees. INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🛰️ 🌐 TheSlurredKind.com 🔗 The Helm (All Socials) 📧 Send us a hail! Who's your favorite catalyst duo in all of fiction? Tell us which fictional partnership defined your childhood... or nominate two characters we completely forgot. JOIN THE ANTI-MATTER MINUTE🗣️ Become a Dimension Hopper inside The Anti-Matter Minute—the dimension in which the minutes of the day don't matter. RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ If you survived another evening aboard The Black Swirl, consider leaving us a review. Every rating helps fuel the warp core...and pays for whatever therapy ZERO is going to need after trying to understand friendship. 🎵 OUTRO MUSIC🎵 Stop.Drop.Rewind — "Space Force Theme Song"

    Slurred Lines Joeba & RIpley's Unfiltered Happy Hour #11

  7. Jul 3

    Survivor: Interdimensionally Wasted Edition

    🛸 WHAT IF YOUR FAVORITE SCI-FI UNIVERSE WASN'T THE ADVENTURE... BUT YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY? This week, Joeba, Ripley, and Zero debate which sci-fi universes they’d actually survive, using each franchise as the basis for comedic discussion and analysis. From the frozen paranoia of The Thing and the terrifying silence of A Quiet Place, to the lightsabers of Star Wars, the xenomorphs of Alien, and the wonderfully questionable decision-making opportunities found throughout Rick and Morty, the crew debates which universes they'd conquer... and which ones would have them dead before the opening credits. Along the way, Zero runs the numbers, Joeba confidently overestimates his survival skills, Ripley prepares for the inevitable, and absolutely no one makes consistently good decisions. Plus: 🛰️ Hyperspace Headlines (The Usual) 🚨 Laugh Alert: Commercial Chaos 🍺 Questionable survival strategies 💀 More accidental deaths than we'd like to admit Whether you're a Jedi, a Colonial Marine, a Time Lord, or just someone who'd immediately trip over the first chair they saw, this episode proves one thing: Surviving science fiction is a lot harder than watching it. 🛰️ INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🌐 TheSlurredKind.com 🔗 The Helm (all socials) 📧 Send us a hail! Which sci-fi universe would YOU survive the longest in? 🗣 Join The Anti-Matter Minute, the official Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind Facebook group, and tell us your survival strategy—or your inevitable cause of death. RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ If you enjoyed surviving this episode more than we survived most fictional universes, follow us on Spotify and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps keep The Black Swirl flying... somehow. Copyright & Commentary Notice Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a comedy and commentary podcast. This episode discusses, critiques, and celebrates works of science fiction, film, television, and popular culture. Any brief excerpts of copyrighted audio are included solely for the purpose of commentary, criticism, review, parody, or illustration of the topics being discussed. All trademarks, characters, music, and other copyrighted materials remain the property of their respective owners. No ownership of third-party intellectual property is claimed or implied. 🎵 OUTRO MUSIC Stop.Drop.Rewind — "Space Force Theme Song"

    Survivor: Interdimensionally Wasted Edition

  8. Jun 20

    Slurred Lines: Joeba & Ripley's Unfiltered Happy Hour #10

    STARDATE: Your Mother. SYSTEM STATUS: CORRUPTED / DELAYED / POSSIBLY HAUNTED ⚠️  RECOVERED FRAGMENTS 📂  "Wait… did we already tell this story?" "Who let Zero near the controls again?" "Why does it smell like spray paint in here?" "Did someone seriously write 'Sarlac Farts' on the wall?" SYSTEM NOTES 🧠  Episode was recorded weeks ago. The beginning about blinks unreleased bonus tracks is no longer relevant - YOU CAN NOW ADD THEM TO YOUR SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS AS OF FRIDAY JUNE 12th! Oh the irony… No surviving memory of topics, structure, or purpose. Conversation may include: ​ Recycled arguments ​ Unfinished thoughts​ Fully confident incorrect statements​ Unnecessary panic​ Multiple timeline inconsistencies ZERO insists: "This is functioning as intended." "There is no malfunction." "You are the malfunction." INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🛰️  🌐 TheSlurredKind.com 🔗 The Helm (all socials) 📧 Send us a hail (or suggest a theme!) 🗣 Join The Anti-Matter Minute, the official Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind Facebook group! RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  If you understood literally anything in this episode… we're impressed. Follow us on Spotify and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts to help keep The Black Swirl's lights on. ⚠️ DISCLAIMER This episode may contain distorted audio, fragmented logic, contradictory statements, and conversations that no longer exist in this version of reality. Any attempt to interpret meaning is done entirely at your own risk. 🎵 OUTRO MUSIC Stop.Drop.Rewind — "Space Force Theme Song"

    Slurred Lines: Joeba & Ripley's Unfiltered Happy Hour #10
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Step aboard The Black Swirl, dimension hoppers—where it’s always happy hour for your ears. Join space pirates Joeba Fett, Ripley Scott, and their dysfunctional waste droid Zero Frux as they navigate a multiverse of UFOs, cryptids, conspiracies, paranormal oddities, sci-fi, pop-culture debates, and news headlines that make Earth look like a failed experiment. Expect explicit absurdity, wildly themed episodes, ridiculous games, beer-fueled tangents, and unfiltered happy hours. Next stop: the Anti-Matter Minute—where the minutes of the day don’t matter. Grab a drink. Buckle up… and Stay Slurred!

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