Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties lost queer spaces

We seem to have, in the last few months, had a lot of religious guests, and through that we've had a lot of conversations about how religiosity can be in direct conflict with queerness, and all the issues that that can create.
But what we haven't really talked about are the similarities between religion and queerness.
And, to be fair, there probably aren't that many, but what stuck out for me in this week's conversation is that they both offer community and the promise of belonging.
And that might not have specifically been what this week's guest, Dr Luke Wilson, was seeking in either, but that's what stood out for me in this conversation.
Luke was an Evangelical Christian in his teens and 20s, and though that provided certainty in some aspects of his life, it also threw up a whole host of questions and points of conflict for him.
And, it was at an unknown gay bar in Albuquerque, New Mexico (where he happened to be visiting for a conference) that he got a proper peek at what it might mean if he left religion behind and embraced his queerness.
Find out more in this week's episode.

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Takeaways

Evangelicalism can have a profound impact on personal identity and sexuality, often leading to feelings of anger and frustration.
Motivations for embracing evangelicalism can include the desire for community and the need to appease family members.
Evangelical beliefs can be intellectually inconsistent and resistant to questioning.


Transitioning away from a religious community can involve untangling one's life and finding new sources of support and community.
Entering a gay bar for the first time can be an exhilarating and transformative experience, especially for individuals who have repressed their sexuality due to religious or societal pressures.
Premeditation and repression often accompany the exploration of one's queerness, as individuals navigate the tension between their desires and their religious or moral beliefs.
The queer community can provide a sense of belonging and authenticity that may be lacking in other areas of life, allowing individuals to embrace their true selves.
Early encounters and experiences with same-sex attraction can be confusing and awkward, often leaving individuals with feelings of guilt and shame.


Living authentically and allowing lived experiences to shape one's beliefs can lead to a more fulfilling and genuine life, even if it means challenging previously held religious or moral frameworks. The process of self-acceptance and embracing one's queer identity can be a profound and transformative experience.
Finding a supportive community of like-minded individuals can be instrumental in navigating the challenges of coming out and living authentically.
Religious upbringings can create internal conflicts and feelings of shame and guilt for queer individuals.
Conversion therapy is a harmful and ineffective practice that can lead to further self-hatred and emotional distress.


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Can you really call yourself queer if you don't have a weird love/hate relationship with your home town?

Because even if you love the place that you're from and you had an idyllic childhood there's still that reckoning that you need to have with all of those feelings of isolation and anticipation judgement and scorn when you came to terms with your identity... and, sometimes even experiencing ACTUAL judgement and scorn.

Which brings us to today's guest (not that I'm asking you to judge and scorn him, just that this experience of feeling unwanted in his hometown is something that is familiar to him).

It's singer/songwriter Matt Fishel.

Matt grew up in Nottingham, England in the 90s, and, in this weird pre-internet age (when it wasn't always easy to discover gay bars) he found himself at what he thought was the only gay bar in town, The Mill.



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Takeaways


Discovering one's sexuality at a young age can be a mix of happiness and depression, especially when unable to openly discuss it with others.

Navigating through emotions and accepting one's sexuality is a personal journey that takes time and self-reflection. Coming out can be a challenging and traumatic experience, especially in a conservative and homophobic environment.

Having a supportive network of friends is crucial in navigating the process of coming out.

The timing and fears associated with coming out can vary for each individual.

Validation and liberation are common feelings experienced after coming out.

Media portrayals and societal expectations can create internal conflicts for individuals questioning their identity. Being gay in your teenage years can be a challenging and isolating experience, with the fear of being found out and the pressure to hide your true self.

Finding gay spaces and opportunities to explore and practice your sexuality can be difficult, especially in smaller towns or communities.

Media representation of healthy gay relationships was limited in the 90s, with many portrayals focusing on tragedy or stereotypes.

Despite the challenges, discovering and embracing your sexuality can be a fascinating and liberating experience.
Matt reflects on his journey of self-acceptance and offers advice to young LGBTQ+ individuals to embrace their identity and explore the world beyond their immediate surroundings.





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How much of yourself do you bring to the spaces that you spend time in?

How much of the different sides of yourself do you bring out when you are at work? At dinner with friends? Spending time with your family? Hanging out at the club?

Do you dial back your queerness, do you push down your beliefs or censor your thoughts? Or, are you one of those people who is just 100% themselves no matter where they go?

I think that there are merits to both approaches, so I'm not necessarily advocating one over the other.

But, I find it fascinating to examine our behaviours and understand the reasons behind our approaches.



And this is one of the conversations that I had with this week's guest, the host of the Queer News podcast, Anna DeShawn.

Anna is a black, masc-of-centre lesbian, and when she was younger she felt that she had to dial up or dial down different parts of herself depending on where she was. But not, as it so happens, at her lost space - the lesbian bar Star Gaze in Chicago.



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Takeaways


Finding community and representation is crucial for queer individuals to feel seen and validated.
Navigating different spaces can be challenging, especially when aspects of one's identity are not fully accepted or understood.
Creating safe and inclusive spaces, like Stargaze, is essential for fostering a sense of belonging and allowing individuals to be their authentic selves.
Maintaining energy and confidence while taking up space requires self-care, grounding practices, and a supportive network.
Figuring out adulthood is an ongoing process, and it often involves navigating financial responsibilities and finding a balance between personal and professional growth.
Stargaze was a popular lesbian bar in Chicago that provided a space for the queer community to gather and be themselves.
The closure of Stargaze left a void in the community, highlighting the need for dedicated lesbian spaces.
Anna's journey of self-discovery and acceptance led her to embrace her black and queer identities and find balance between them.
The Queer News Podcast is a platform for discussing important topics and issues affecting the LGBTQ+ community.




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There's one question that gets asked in this week's episode that’s really stuck with me and that I continued to ponder even after we'd said our goodbyes and turned our microphones off...

And that question is: how do you know when you have become the person that you’re supposed to be?

By that I mean - at what point do you say 'yes this is the person I was supposed to be' rather than continue to strive and figure that out? Or, do you just kind of like make do with who you presently are and accept that that might change one day?

And it's one of those annoying questions where there probably isn't an answer, so it's not worth expending any energy trying to figure it out, but if you have any suggestions do let me know!

But for now, let’s focus on our guest for this week’s episode, Amethysta Herrick, writer and host of the Gender Identity Weekly podcast.

Amethysta came out as a trans woman in 2022, but if you've ever come out then you know that it takes a lot of mental computation and processing to get to that point and it's usually something that you know about a long time before you're willing to share it with the wider world.

But luckily for us we have queer spaces where it's safe to explore these things.

And, one of the places that helped Amethysta explore and understand her identity was the Athens, Georgia bar Boneshakers, where, way back in the 90s, she got to try out an alternate identity - she named herself Selina after Catwoman's civilian name - and just got to flirt, hang out, and exist as herself.

Do you have any memories of Boneshakers, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos!



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Find out more about Amethysta by listening to her podcast, Gender Identity Weekly, or by visiting her website (https://www.amethysta.io/)



Takeaways


Identity is a continuous process of becoming and evolving, and there is no fixed destination.
The 90s were a time of both darkness and hope for Amethysta, as she navigated her gender transition and struggled with mental health.
Living in Athens as a student was a formative experience for Amethysta, shaping her understanding of herself and her place in the world.


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Have you ever shown up at the tail-end of a really exciting party just as everything was ending, and you get that overwhelming feeling of having had missed out on something big?

Well, that's kinda what happened to illustrator and cartoonist Eric Kostiuk Williams. He had moved to Toronto in 2008, and took a few years to discover the corner of the scene that felt right for him - in his word, the 'art f*g' scene - but just as he was finding his feet he could feel that the scene was shifting and moving on, meaning that he always feels that he missed out on many magical nights in his lost space, The Beaver.

But that's not to say that he still didn't have a good time!

We caught up to talk about his new book, 2am Eternal, which documents 10 years of Toronto nightlife flyers that he illustrated - along the way we talk about when and how to leave the party, Eric's relationship with the word 'queer', and letting go of your twink-dom.

Do you have any memories of The Beaver, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos!



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Website: https://www.kostiukwilliams.com/



Takeaways


The term 'twink' can have different connotations and meanings, ranging from derogatory to enviable, depending on the context and individual perspectives.
The experience of coming out and embracing one's identity can vary greatly, and it is important to respect each person's unique journey.


Toronto offers a vibrant and inclusive environment for the LGBTQ+ community, with thriving creative and queer communities that provide a sense of belonging and support.
Finding one's community and personal growth often involves exploring different spaces, connecting with like-minded individuals, and embracing self-expression.


The terms 'gay' and 'queer' have different connotations and can represent different aspects of identity and community.
Creating posters for queer parties requires understanding the vibe and atmosphere of the event and collaborating with the organizers.
Generational shifts and the passage of time can bring changes to the queer scene, but new experiences and connections can still be found. The Beaver played a significant role in creating a vibrant queer scene in Toronto.
Being part of a scene involves both a sense of community and practical considerations.
Knowing when to exit a party or scene is important for personal well-being.
The closure of The Beaver highlights the loss of unique spaces in Toronto.
Lessons from The Beaver include embracing oneself and appreciating the value of personal experiences.


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So, it's well documented on this show that queer spaces are good for many things - they're for dancing, socialising, drinking, falling down, getting back up, losing yourself, finding yourself in the arms of some strange men at 2am in the morning...



BUT, they are also for organising and activism, and I think that's something we don't talk about enough on this show.



That's all about to change. This week we are joined by activist Dr Syrus Marcus Ware, who joined me to talk about The Red Spot, in Toronto, Canada. This was a space where he unwound, met and connected with many fellow organisers, and planned protests and marches in the late 90s...



Oh, yes, you read correctly! We are headed back to the 90s, and our conversation starts with the most 90s conversation ever, where Syrus explains all about how answering machines and pagers worked!



Do you have any memories of The Red Spot, or clubbing from your own scene that you want to share? Well, if you have please get in touch - I want to create the biggest online record of people's memories and stories - go to www.lostspacespodcast.com and find the section 'Share a Lost Space' and tell me what you got up to! Bonus points for embarrassing photos!



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Takeaways


The Red Spot was a significant space for activism and organising in Toronto, providing a home for marginalised communities.
Experiencing anti-blackness in LGBTQ+ spaces highlights the need for intersectional activism and the importance of creating inclusive and welcoming environments.
Coming out as trans is a personal journey that can be supported by community and activism. The Red Spot was a significant community space for queer and trans individuals in Toronto, providing a cozy and inclusive atmosphere.
The closure of the Red Spot raised concerns about the loss of a safe and accessible gathering place for the community


The Red Spot taught valuable lessons about the power of community organising, the value of accessibility, and the impact of artistic practice in activism.


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