Play Healing Parent Podcast Deborah John

In this episode, Debi and Dr Tina explore how the Pause, Play Connect Flow can also be a framework for deepening intimacy and connection between couples. Sexual intimacy is a natural way that many adults like to play, however, we can get caught up in the business of life and parenting, experience traumatic sexual experiences that affect or ability to enjoy sex, and be raised in ways that don’t encourage pleasure and play.
We also discuss the importance of raising our children to understand what healthy relationships look like.
 
Dr Tina Shameless
 
Dr Tina’s Website: https://www.tinaschermersellers.com
 
https://instagram.com/drtinashameless
 
https://www.nwioi.com/
 
Visit: www.playhealing.com
Links to book a call about speaking/training/consulting can be found on the website.
 
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debi-john-159343a8/
 
Instagram: @playhealingofficial
 
Tiktok: @playhealing
1000 Feather Project
https://www.gofundme.com/f/1000feathers?qid=9a1e5ca0b6b40e1fb64cfc7bd0bb2586
 
Professionals Training Course link: https://www.playhealing.com/training
Intro to some exciting Play Healing news including Debi’s trip to Poland to work with Ukrainian refugee families, the release of the new PAUSE, PLAY, CONNECT for professionals course and the release of brand new PAUSE, TATTOOS to raise funds for the work in Europe and help parents and their children to practice mindfulness and breath work in a playful way.
 
https://www.playhealing.com/shop
 
 
Intro to Tina’s work teaching sexuality for the last 30 years.
 
6 min The impact of writing your Sexual Narrative as a therapist.
 
7min The impact of not talking about sexual shame. Self-hatred
 
7:30 min Understanding normal developmental sexual experiences. The impact of the abstinence education.
 
‘Abstinence training was religious training in public schools.’
 
‘I was seeing levels of sexual shame that I had not seen before.’
 
10 min the impact of repressing feelings of connection.
 
Women are responsible for men's bad behaviour by just being and just living.
 
*11:45 min How do we deal with negative sexual experiences.
 
‘We’re built for connection and we’re built for pleasure. … it is hard wired in us. We may go about this
 
We leave out children to get their sexual education from the media .. is their body ok?
 
14 min. The impact of negative self image.
 
14:45 The symptoms of Sexual trauma locked in the body
 
A lot of people talk about having negative sexual experiences but their body went frozen. They didn’t
 
16:30 The impact of sexual trauma.
 
*17 min A compassionate response.
 
18:20 the model for healing sexual shame.
18:40 Frame, Name, Claim and Aim.
 
20 min learning how to claim your body as good.
 
20:30 breaking the cycle with our kids. How we can talk about sex with our kids.
 
21:15 The best sex linked to a feeling of safety
 
“What helps me know that I can trust myself?
What helps me know that someone else is trustworthy?”
 
23 min
Integrating the pause, play, connect framework and applying it to relationships
 
Pause to ask:
‘Get to know yourself and see yourself as beautiful and valuable.’
‘What brings you pleasure?
 
25 min
There’s safety to be who I am.,,
 
25 min noticing the environment and creating optimal environments for play.
 
25:30 min Who is that person that I am with where I want to bloom?
 
Experimentation and curiosity are all part of learning
If we were to learn differently our pre-frontal cortex would develop differently.
 
28:30 min deconstructing what is sex.
 
In the queer world there’s so much more permission to play and be whoever you are.
What are you into?
 
Allows for pausing and playing…
 
29:30 mum story …
 
*31 min What is the message we want to give our young people?
 
33 min Learning from the kink community.
 
34:30 Sex and flow.

Overcoming depression and finding our playful side again.
Dr Molly explains some of the recommendations she gives the parents she works with who are struggling to connect and play with their children with practical and visual tools. She also shares about how she would change the educational system to serve the needs of our children more.
 
Dr Molly’s details:
https://www.drmollyoshea.com/
Insta - @doctormollyoshea
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/molly-oshea-b951a27/
Debi's Details:
Visit: www.playhealing.com
Links to book a call about speaking/training/consulting can be found on her website.
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debi-john-159343a8/
Debi loves to connect on LinkedIn and posts regularly on Instagram:
@playhealingofficial
And sometimes Tiktok: @playhealing
Timeline:
1:30 Intro from Dr Molly
5:00 Playfulness
6:30 The other side of playfulness
Perfectionist Productivity…leading to an outcome that has ‘value.’
8 min Play Preferences - we come to play with our own preferences
Taking over and leading the play…
9 min The power of non-directive play.
11.20 Finding your flow
Letting play happen naturally
10:00 The power of curiosity
11:30 Building the play relationship and seeing behavior as communication.
Going into their flow
12:30 How we respond and communicate affects the relationship
14:30 How anxiety affects play
The power of presence - 14 min SOUNDBITE…
15 min Being the ‘banister’ and creating that sense of calm…
‘As parents, we are a tomato cage’ 15 min 45
“Strong protective framework safe space around them to rest providing them the opportunity to grow…pretending we’re more than that gives us way to much credit and frankly too much blame.”
18:00 What happens when we feel stuck and have lost our playfulness?
20:30 The power of journaling
21:10 Disconnection with our body- practical strategies ….
24:00 Playfulness and steps to overcoming depression and building connection.
26:00 Mindfulness in education - the one thing to change…
31:00 Final advice to parents who are struggling- growing in self-awareness and self compassion.
35min Contact Details for Dr Molly

Playing with VR and AR within the metaverse from a Tech Savvy Dad’s perspective
Ben Fryer LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/benjaminfryer/
 
Diverse Interactive: https://www.diverseinteractive.com/
 
“We make the impossible happen…Bringing big ideas to life through technology, craft and curiosity, Diverse Interactive is an independent experience agency where epic concepts become an exciting reality.”
Debi John LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debi-john-159343a8/
 
Play Healing CIC: https://www.playhealing.com/
 
During this podcast, awesome dad and co founder of diverse interactive…Ben Prior co founder of Diverse Interactive speaks to Debi about his experience of raising two kids that have access to some pretty cool tech! Over last 7 years he has been supporting  brands to use the meta verse to it’s full extent using specialised immersive technology.
In this podcast I wanted to find out more about the meta verse and how he thinks it will affect our lives and more importantly the lives of our kids in the future…
Timeline:
1:50  What is the Metaverse?
2:30 Where is the Metaverse?
4:00  App Recommendations for kids?
4:20 What is Augmented Reality?
4:40 The power of Pokemon
5:10 The joy of Minecraft
5:40 How Minecraft can help you to build connection through play?
6:10 Minecraft Education.
6:45 How can we as parents connect with our kids in the metaverse?
7:10 The challenge of Fortnight!
7:45 Working together with your child with games.
8:30 Virtual Reality and our kids.
9:15 Playstation VR
9:20 Quest Headsets
9:30 Age recommendations for headsets.
11:40 Proprioception and VR Headsets.
12:15 Saving lives through VR and further applications.
12:30 VR for Education and it’s potential.   
14:00 Concerns for parents around the Metaverse
15:00 The biggest concern.
16:30 The cost of virtual goods.
18:30 What one thing would you want to change in the education system today?
19:00 Worldwide impact.
19:30 Diversity and Inclusion are shared widely.
20:00 The one thing.
20:50 Outro thanks to Diverse Interactive.
21:00 Supporting parents in the corporate sector.
 
 
Disclaimer: VR Headsets are designed for older teens/adults and Play Healing CIC would recommend sticking to government guidelines with regards to the age of children using these VR devices. We would also encourage parents to be actively involved with their children when they are using VR and be aware of the content they are accessing where possible.
For more information check out the link below:
 
The safety of virtual reality systems Government Guidelines
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/923616/safety-domestic-vr-systems.pdf
 

"Hello and welcome back to Season 2 of the Play Healing Podcast.
Hello I’m Debi and I’m the author of the Play Healing Flow: PAUSE PLAY CONNECTⓇ - three words that can make such a difference in our lives. I train people about the importance of PAUSING and tuning into where we are, at tuning in to where our child is at. Playing how are using the tool  to connect with children and to use their language which is PLAY to be engage them and make them feel seen and heard.
In this season I’m going to be talking about how over 80% of the total the parents I work with struggle to PLAY. Either because they haven’t got the time but feel like they should or they just simply don’t enjoy it. And that’s okay because we have to start somewhere, but I know the Power of PLAY and actually PLAY is related to Joy to happiness and the opposite of PLAY can be rigidity, some people would say depression. So we want to be moving towards playfulness. We want to be moving towards enjoying the life we have in front of us and I believe that there are some very simple ways that I can step forward into this and discover the true nature and value of play in our busy lives.
So, welcome to ‘Too busy not to play,’ the series that we can integrate play in giving you permission to play your way.
Visit: www.playhealing.com
Links to book a call about speaking/training/consulting can be found on the website.
 
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debi-john-159343a8/
 
Instagram: @playhealingofficial
 
 
Tiktok: @playhealing

The app that transforms you into a playful parenting hero
 
About Debi:
 
Debi is the founder of Play Healing and a mother of two teenage daughters. Debi coaches parents online and has featured on BBC Radio to talk about parenting, home schooling and preventing tech addiction. She has worked in education with children aged 4-16 for over 20 years, performed as a musician for 25 years and studied a Post Grad in Therapeutic Play. 
She is the author the PLAY HEALING PAUSE Model helping parents to Pause, Play and Connect deeply with their children in a fast-paced, digital age. 
 
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/debi-john-159343a8/
 
Music used on the podcast written by Debi John and produced by the amazing Paul Frazer.
 
About Ben Geliher
 
Ben Geliher, CEO and founder of Caper has been developing and project managing the Caper app for families for the last year or so thanks to seed funding from LEGO and Founders Factory. He is an ethical and highly experienced game designer with a passion to encourage connection between parent and child.
 
https://www.linkedin.com/in/bengeliher/
 
https://www.caper.co
Resources 
22 Screen Free Ways to Build Connection with your Tween/Teen - https://playhealing-tween.gr8.com 
Play Healing website - https://www.playhealing.com/Play Healing Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/playhealingofficial/
Play Healing Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/playhealingparent/
If you think that working with me may be something you’d like to do then contact me at playhealing@outlook.com and we can arrange a chat.
 
Managing tech for emotional health course coming soon so do send me a message or check out the website for more information.
 
 
Value Bombs: 
 
 
Ben: I’m not a saint being in the games industry they use a lot of the mechanics of addiction, if you look at the top grossing apps on the app store games in the chart they use elements of gambling and addiction. 
 
There’s a lot of debate in the ethics of game design.
 
Extrinsic motivators are points in the game where you reward your player eg. points coins, items. 
 
When we were looking at caper we wanted the intrinsic motivators including: Why would we want to play with our kids? What makes it fun to play with your kid?
 
Often it’s about pretend play, physical connection, running cuddling and playing in the space you feel comfortable in. 
 
 
Often there’s an effort gap when you’ve been working to then be in a place where you are able to click into ‘play mode’ and give your child focussed attention. It can be really tough…not everyone can make up these magical worlds, not everyone is good at doing pretend play. So Caper provides a backbone a story with loveable characters and then encourage you with suggestions and starters.
 
Debi : Creativity is so important and a way of future proofing our kids. We don’t need them to be able to recall facts - we have google but we will need children that can think outside the box whether physically or digitally. 
It’s important to give parents a framework when it comes to managing tech in a healthy way.
 
Ben: Lego seem to care the most about play and the philosophy of play and creativity. Lego itself has infinite possibilities. 
One of the other key factors is that sometimes parents find it boring to play. Playing a board game is boring for many parents themselves. 
I do not feel playful when Im feeling stressed.
Some parents really find play boring so we wanted the characters to have a pixar quality that parents can also enjoy the content as well as the child.
You want the parent to have fun with the kid as that aids connection.
 
To download the app or for more information check out:
https://www.caper.co
 
 
Sponsors
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The Impact of Dance, Education and Parenting on Racism
 
About Debi:
 
Debi is the founder of Play Healing and a mother of two teenage daughters. Debi coaches parents online and has featured on BBC Radio to talk about parenting, homeschooling and preventing tech addiction. She has worked in education with children aged 4-16 for over 20 years, performed as a musician for 25 years and studied a Post Grad in Therapeutic Play. 
She is the author the PLAY HEALING PAUSE Model helping parents to Pause, Play and Connect deeply with their children in a fast-paced, digital age. 
 
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/debi-john-159343a8/
 
Music used on the podcast written by Debi John and produced by the amazing Paul Frazer.
 
About Nuna Sandy:
 
Nuna is an amazing mum, dancer, choreographer and producer with Company 3 working creatively with young people aged 11-18. Prior to this, she worked with Zoo Nation, Plague, Boy Blue and other dance companies as well as tonnes of teaching children in dance from ages 4-18.
 
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/nuna-sandy-23b4092b/
 
This is the link to the Video Nuna mentioned and recommended at the end of the podcast. 
https://youtu.be/inA3G4hzryU
 
 
 
 
 
Support the Play Healing Podcast
 
If you fancy treating yourself of a loved one to some Neals Yard Organics Products then support this podcast by using this link: uk.nyrorganic.com/shop/debijohn
 
 
 
Resources 
 
Free e-book: https://playhealing-bb694.gr8.com
22 Screen Free Ways to Build Connection with your Tween/Teen - https://playhealing-tween.gr8.com 
Play Healing website - https://www.playhealing.com/
Play Healing Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/playhealingparent/
Play Healing Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/playhealingofficial/
 
If you think that working with me may be something you’d like to do then contact me at playhealing@outlook.com and we can arrange a chat.
 
 
Value Bombs: 
 
Dance has the power to make you think in different ways, to challenge your perception.
 
‘It’s about what dance can open up for you and what it can teach you in terms of life skills. ‘
 
Dance transcends language
 
5min - Nuna explains all about the importance that youth clubs had in her life.
 
10 min - Nuna talks about working on transformative projects with young people.
 
Setting achievable goals helps to build a sense of accomplishment.
 
‘Teaching challenge based routines that I knew through practice they would get it - the level of pride and accomplishment makes them want to come back and build on it…’
 
16 min  - The story about how her daughter struggled with racist comments about her hair and how the family helped her. 
 
17 min -  It’s important to model celebrating our differences and thinking about how others feel with our children.
18 min - It’s important to educate our children about race and have those age appropriate conversations.
19 min - The key is not shying away from those conversations 
 
19.30 ‘I got off the ‘train' cause I was suffering trauma cause of what I’d seen…’
 
 
20.30 min Big hair don’t care…great book.
 
 
‘Representation matters - it starts at home but needs to be backed up by everything else we see…’
 
 
22min - A wonderful example of how a school dealt with racism.
 
‘Not every black person wants the role of educator…’
 
27 min - It’s not about being easily offended if someone is trying to learn.  
 
28 min - Talking about having black and white babies with our children.
‘We’re all ignorant until we ask questions and learn.’  It’s not being afraid to have conversations. 
29 min having conversations about age gender in an age appropriate way… 
30 min contextual safeguarding …
31min - ‘skin is colour of poo’ = a really negative connotation. 
 
 
33 min Nuna’s Secret to her parenting s