STOP FIGHTING WITH YOUR SON

Natalia Schneidmiller
  • 4.8 (5)
  • Alternative Health
  • Updated Weekly

Stay at home mom of 4 boys, twins, finding solutions to everyday problems and making life better by looking at my thoughts and finding better feeling ones.  Lost 15 lbs with intermittent fasting, got rid of headaches using Louise Hay method, finding peace and satisfaction in being a stay at home mom. 

  1. 10h ago

    The Pressure to Optimize Everything

    Send us Fan Mail In this episode, I’m talking about something I didn’t realize was affecting me so much: perfectionism. It started with blankets. My kids have moved into bigger beds, so I have a pile of blankets I no longer need—but instead of simply donating or selling them, I became completely overwhelmed trying to make the perfect decision. Was selling them worth it? Was donating them wasteful? Should I keep them just in case? It was such a small thing, but it left me stressed, stuck, and unable to move forward. Then I started noticing this same pattern everywhere: how long my son takes in the bath, trying to create the perfect bedtime for four kids, optimizing breakfast and nutrition, choosing the “right” nail colour, and even figuring out the perfect way to celebrate my son’s birthday. I always thought perfectionists had spotless homes and everything perfectly organized—but I’m realizing perfectionism can also look like procrastination, guilt, indecision, overthinking, and being afraid to make the wrong choice. It’s the feeling that everything needs to be optimized before you can relax. In this episode, I’m exploring what happens when we stop aiming for perfect and start looking for progress instead. Maybe two out of four kids eating breakfast can still count as a success. Maybe a birthday can be celebrated twice. Maybe the wrong decision is simply information that helps us make a better decision next time. This is a reminder to notice where you’re taking things too seriously, where you’re trying to make life perfectly efficient, and where “good enough” might actually be more than enough. Support the show

  2. 1d ago

    When Fear Looks Like Good Parenting

    Send us Fan Mail In this episode, I’m circling back to one of the original themes of this podcast: fighting with my boys. I’ve been noticing one common thread behind so many of our arguments—or the moments when we successfully avoid them—and it usually comes down to trust. Whenever I trust my boys, there is less friction. But when I’m worried they won’t manage their time, finish their homework, study enough, come home on time, or do what they said they would do, I start questioning, checking, and assuming the worst. It feels like good parenting in the moment, but often it’s really anxiety and fear pretending to be responsibility. I share a story about buying ski boots with my 10-year-old and realizing that he was right when he said the boots didn’t fit. I also talk about the importance of setting our kids up to fail, because failure is often how they learn. Our job isn’t always to prevent every mistake—it’s to give them opportunities to succeed, fail, and learn for themselves. I also explore the perfectionist side of parenting and everyday life. Sometimes we avoid doing something because we can’t do it perfectly: cleaning the kitchen, working out, recording a podcast, or handling a parenting moment exactly right. My reminder to myself is: do it s****y. Lower the expectations, let go of the perfect process, and just begin. Progress creates momentum, and momentum makes it easier to keep going. This episode is about noticing when we don’t trust, catching ourselves without judgment, giving our kids room to learn, and giving ourselves permission to be imperfect parents who are still doing a pretty good job. Full Transcript Hey guys, how are you? How’s it going? How’s life? I am doing well and solving, problem solving and thinking about you guys. And I think I haven’t talked to you in a long time about fighting, and this is what this podcast started out to be. But I think that I touch upon a lot of different things, and I just wanted to circle around to the fighting with the boys and kind of share with you what’s going on with my teenagers and the one common thread I see throughout all the fights—or lack of the fights. And I’ve definitely talked about it before, but I think it still is very important to repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, because that’s how we learn. So it’s very simple. Very, very, very simple so far. Whenever I trust my boys, I avoid a fight. And whenever there’s a lack of trust, and instead I have a fear—a fear that he’s wrong, a fear that he’s not going to manage his time, a fear that he didn’t do a good enough job with his homework, that he didn’t study enough for the test, a fear that he won’t be home on time from the neighbours, a fear that they won’t do the jobs I asked them to do—that’s when there’s friction. Every single time. And it’s very hard for us to trust them because they don’t know what they’re doing most of the time, right? They’re teenagers. But so many times I’m wrong when I don’t trust. I’m just dead wrong. Especially with their work, their time management, studying enough, and things like that. For example, I was picking out ski boots for my 10-year-old. He tried them on and said they were too small. I did not trust him. To be honest, I said to him, “It is my job not to trust you, because when we go to the store and they measure you, they’re going to tell me you need this exact size that we already have at home. So let’s bring this boot with us and go to the store and have them measure you.” So we went to the store. They measured him, and they did say he needed this boot. But then, when we proceeded to try on this boot and the boot size up, he was right. They did not fit. Either they measured him wrong, or his foot just fits differently, or the boots fit smaller, or something. But I was wrong. He needed brand-new boots—not brand-new, but we bought used. The point is, he said to me, “Mom, you did not trust me. I kept telling you and telling you and telling you.” And this was my 10-year-old. I’m finding my 10-year-olds are a lot less teenage-y, right? They have less attitude. They’re more innocent. They’re so honest. They want to do such a good job. So it’s easier to trust them in some ways, and in some ways it’s not, because they’re still little kids who I do have to check on things with. But I want to share these moments with you so that you start paying attention to when you don’t trust. And you know what? This is the thing: the not-trusting part, when we are not trusting, it doesn’t feel like, “Oh, I’m doing a bad thing.” No. It feels like we’re actually doing a really good job parenting. We’re like, “We know what’s going to happen. I need to make sure that I talk to him about this, and I question him, and I double-check, and I need to prevent this terrible thing from happening.” It feels like anxiety. It feels like worry. It feels like preventative parenting. It just feels like good parenting. Like, this is what I know I should do. But it also doesn’t feel that good, right? Because we’re not trusting. We’re coming from assuming the worst. So, being able to catch yourself when you feel like that—when it feels like anxiety but also feels like good parenting—check yourself. Am I trusting them? Can I trust them? How much trust can I give them here? And also, my friend—I was playing tennis with her—and she was telling me a story about her son. She said, “I have to set him up to fail so that he learns.” And that sentence just got imprinted in my head because that is so true. Set him up to fail. Set him up to fail. Why? Because that’s how they learn. They don’t learn from us telling them. They learn from the failure, which is super hard for us to do because we are constantly trying to avoid the failure, right? And when we trust, that’s what we’re doing. We’re setting them up either to succeed or to fail. But either way, we’re setting them up to learn. Succeed or learn. So that’s my little take on parenting teenagers and 10-year-olds. Hopefully, you guys can access that idea of trusting and not trusting and balance it out. And what else? The other thing I want to put in there—a little sprinkle for you and for me—is: do it s****y. Lower your expectations way down. How do we do that? Well, just plan to fail half of the time. Plan to not trust them half of the time. Why? Because we’re human. Because we’re moms. Because we’re parenting. By setting our expectations way lower—setting our expectation to fail—we’re not going to beat ourselves up. We’re not going to feel disappointed. We’re not going to be so shocked. We’re not going to feel like a terrible parent. No. We’re going to feel like, “Hey, we’re actually doing pretty good. Look at how much we are succeeding here.” And the reason why I’m saying this is because the more I find the perfectionist streak in me, the more I’m realizing how much it affects all of us. And the fear is the perfectionist coming out. Perfectionist people are afraid people. If a person is not a perfectionist, they’re not afraid to fail. They’re not afraid to have a messy ending, a s****y result, the failure, the fight, whatever. The more I uncover this in myself, I’m always so surprised because I don’t think of myself as a perfectionist. But every time I uncover it, I’m so surprised. I didn’t think I was, but I am. Even with cleaning up the kitchen. I often don’t finish it because in my mind I’m like, “No, I have to have a longer amount of time. I have to have no disturbances. If I’m just going to be too stressed trying to clean it with this chaos, I’m not going to do it.” And that is perfectionist-type thinking. Why? Because I’m afraid the process will not go perfectly. I’m afraid that I will be stressed out. I’m afraid that I will snap at the kids. I’m afraid I won’t finish. And that is perfectionist thinking because last night I told myself, “Do it s****y. Do it s****y. Just do it.” And I did it. I totally did not do it as perfectly as I envisioned the process, but I got it done. And it looks amazing. And it feels great to get up to a kitchen that’s tidy. So it’s not only the results that we want to be perfect. It’s the process, too. Like, “I’m not going to attempt a workout if I don’t have a full hour and my perfect outfit and my protein shake.” It’s just going to stress me out to even think about working out right now because it’s so busy and I don’t have a full hour. So I’m not going to do it at all. That is perfectionist thinking. Do you have 20 minutes? Can you do five exercises in the clothes that you’re already wearing? Do you have water? Okay, you don’t have water. Just do 10 push-ups and 20 squats. That is going against your fear of a perfect process. Doing it s****y is going against the fear that the process has to be perfect—the way it’s happening has to be perfect. And I find it so exciting and freeing. What else can I do s****y? But the thing is, doing it s****y is a way to get you to do the thing you want to do. You don’t actually do it that s****y. You just lower your expectations of the process and the result, and you get it done. And then you feel incredible because you have progress. Once you have progress, you have momentum. Once you have momentum, you are more excited to keep going, to keep creating, to keep doing the same thing. So I’m just so happy because this is what I told myself about this podcast. I was like, “It does not have to be groundbreaking, but let’s just do it.” Even if I’ve repeated myself, and I’ve talked about it before, it’s still s Support the show

  3. Sep 10

    This Is What We Signed Up For

    Send us Fan Mail September is busy—and sometimes the unexpected kid stuff just keeps coming. Between orthodontist appointments, physio, tryouts, sick days, social plans, broken instruments, and all the little things that pop up, it’s easy to feel frustrated and think, “Really? I have to deal with this too?” But what if we adjusted our expectations and remembered: this is part of what we signed up for? In this episode, I’m sharing the mindset shift that helped me stay calmer during a very chaotic week. I’m also talking about letting go of perfectionism—whether that means counting the imperfect exercise reps, recording a day late, clearing out one garbage bag of clutter, or showing up with temporary teeth that got hilariously stained by berries and seeds. Life is not always neat, organized, or perfect—but it can still be good, funny, and meaningful. Sometimes we just need to lower our expectations a little, stop making the inconvenience bigger in our minds, and give ourselves credit for doing what we can. Transcript Hey guys, how’s it going? How’s your September going? Is it super busy? It’s been really busy for us, but this is what we signed up for, right? That’s actually what I want to talk to you all about today—the mindset shift that helped me this week, and hopefully it will help you too. This week, just like every other week—but this week a lot more—I’ve had a lot of unexpected things happen. Not necessarily bad things, but kid-related things, requests, schedules, and things that I had to deal with unexpectedly. Things we didn’t plan for. While I was preparing to record this, I thought about a conversation I had with my friend. We went for a walk, and she was sharing some of the struggles she’s having at work. She has to work with someone in another department, and every time she has to communicate with that person, they seem surprised and unhappy about the request—even though it’s literally their job to accommodate the department my friend works with. They have to work together on all the events, schedules, calendars, and everything. My friend works in the planning department, and the marketing department is responsible for communicating all the events through emails, flyers, and other communications. So it’s my friend’s job to give marketing all the information about the events, when things should go out, and what needs to be included. Yet every time they communicate, this person seems displeased. Maybe the information came too late, or too early, or there wasn’t enough detail. They just seem unhappy, even though this is their job. We laughed about it and said, “Well, it’s their job to do that, but why are they so unhappy about it?” Obviously, there’s probably some kind of miscommunication or something going on in their head that we don’t know about. Maybe they want things done differently, or maybe there’s something missing from the picture. But from the outside, it looks like it’s their job, and yet they’re bothered every time they have to do it. Then I started sharing about all the things I’ve had to do unexpectedly with my kids. We realized that I was acting exactly like that marketing department. I was thinking, “Oh, really? Do I have to do that now? Couldn’t you have told me sooner? Really?” It’s kind of comical when you think about it, because it is literally my job to take care of my kids. I’m a stay-at-home mom with four children, and I chose to stay home to take care of my family. So when things come up—like an unexpected trip to the orthodontist because my son broke his bracket again—I have to make the phone call, schedule the appointment, drive there, and work it into the rest of our schedule. And this is probably the tenth time he’s broken that bracket. That same boy also got injured again, so I had to get him into physio. I had to make the calls, schedule the appointment, drive him there, and pick him up. Then two of my boys had tryouts for something, but we didn’t know the times until the very last minute. On top of that, I had a sick kid at home. Every day, I didn’t know whether he was going to school or staying home. And if you’re listening to this, you’re probably thinking, “Yes, that’s me. I understand.” We’ve all had sick kids at home. But because we’re hoping for some peace and quiet, we expect the best. Then when we don’t get the best, we have that little feeling of dread and disappointment. I also had to repair an instrument, and this was all in one week. Then there are the social requests. The kids want to hang out with their friends, and there are all the other things that come up. I realized that simply reminding myself, “This is part of my job,” gave me a little bit of a cushion. It helped me calm myself down and not overreact. I’m very easy to overreact and make things into a bigger deal than they need to be. But at the end of the day, this is my job. If I don’t have to do those things, that’s great. But if I do have to do them, I already signed up for this. That little shift in mindset helped me calm down. At the end of the day, it’s not a huge deal to make the phone call, drive somewhere, drop someone off, or wait. It’s more the way we think about it that makes it feel so bothersome. We think about it, and then we drive and do all these things, and the inconvenience just compounds. There’s a great quote from Modern Family that always makes me laugh. If you haven’t watched that show, we love it. The father says, “Everyone can experience life’s greatest moments if you just lower your expectations.” And I think that applies here too. When we lower our expectations, we can access more calm. We can stop feeling like a victim and instead feel like, “Hey, I’m in charge. This is okay.” Then we can see the beautiful moments in it too. The other thing I’ve been practicing is connected to the same idea: not going for perfect. I’ve been doing some core exercises at home, and I noticed that if I couldn’t do a movement perfectly, I didn’t want to count that repetition toward my goal of 30. I had to correct my thinking and say, “You know what? This does count, even if it isn’t perfect.” One side of my body is weaker and tighter, so the movement isn’t always going to look perfect. I had to decide that I’m going to count all of the imperfect repetitions because I’m still doing the exercise. That has been a big change for me—letting go of perfectionism and letting go of the fear that something doesn’t count if it isn’t done perfectly. I’m still getting closer to my goal of getting stronger. I’m still getting exercise in during the day. I’m making progress, and I don’t have to be afraid that it isn’t enough. So if that’s you, try counting the imperfect repetitions toward your goal. I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re trying to make something perfect until someone points it out, or until we realize we didn’t count a repetition because it wasn’t perfect. A lot of people don’t count exercise unless it’s an hour at the gym or an intense workout. But a walk is exercise. A bike ride with a friend is exercise. Count the things that aren’t perfect, but that still move you toward your goal. That’s helping me get stronger, and it’s also helping me not be upset that everything isn’t perfect. Hopefully these examples help you too. That’s what this whole journey is about for me. I’m just a stay-at-home mom sharing the things I’m struggling with and how I’m working through them. Hopefully it inspires you to approach your own problems in a similar way and keep solving them. Because solving problems gives you momentum to keep solving more problems, and that feels really, really good. And, by the way, I’m going to give you another example. I’m all over the place, but I think they’re all related because they’re all about solving problems. Get another garbage bag and go through your house. Collect things that can be donated, things that are broken, and things that are garbage. It’s going to feel so good. It’s going to feel productive, and it will get you moving in the direction of tackling the clutter wherever it is. It’s going to make your life easier. I promise you. It feels so good, and it is so worth it. Even if you only do five minutes a day, it’s worth it. It will clear out the clutter and make space for the life you’re already living. It will make it easier to organize your home and live in it. It’s really worth it. So that’s what I have for you today. By the way, I’m recording a day late because yesterday was crazy. But see? Not perfect. I just told myself, “It’s not a big deal if it isn’t on a Wednesday. Who cares?” Ideally, I’d like to release an episode every Wednesday, but today is Thursday. So what? But I’m having a good day. I played tennis with my friend, and she beat me today—but I beat her last time. Still, not perfect, but great. Oh my gosh, I have to tell you this funny story. This is definitely another great example of not being perfect. I’m getting some dental work done. I’m replacing the two veneers on my two front teeth. I’ve had them for 17 years, and it’s time to replace them. I went in yesterday and had the procedure done. It was a very long procedure, and I was so ready to leave by the end. They put in temporary teeth while the lab creates the permanent ones. I’m going back in a week to have the permanent ones put in. The temporary teeth don’t match the colour of my other teeth perfectly. They’re much lighter, so they already look terrible—like a little Halloween decoration. I had t Support the show

  4. Sep 2

    Do the Thing Before Your Brain Complains

    Send us Fan Mail Do It Backwards: A Gift to Your Future Self In this episode, I’m sharing a simple strategy that is already making my days feel lighter: do the things you’re dreading first. Instead of leaving the kitchen cleanup, preparing vegetables for the kids, Duolingo, exercise, or dinner prep until later, I’m trying to get them done as early as possible—before my brain has a chance to complain. I talk about how doing things ahead of time can feel like giving a gift to your future self, and how my husband’s meal-prep habits have inspired me to think differently about cooking for a big family. I also share an update about exploring hormone replacement therapy, what I’ve been learning about perimenopause, and why I’m more open to it now than I expected. Plus, I recap the end of our very busy summer: a beautiful hike in Canmore, sushi karaoke in Banff with my parents and kids, and a special visit from longtime friends. It was exhausting, joyful, and a reminder that staying connected to old friendships is absolutely worth the effort. So this week, try doing it backwards: pick the thing you’re most likely to put off and do it first. Your future self will thank you. Support the show

  5. Aug 26

    Die with Zero: Spending on Memories, Not Just Saving

    Send us Fan Mail Hey guys! How’s your summer going? Mine is winding down—today’s the last week before the kids head back to school, and honestly, I need a break. I scheduled a full “mama camp” staycation with all the boys, my nephew, and my parents in town. Right now, I’m sitting in the car while they’re at the trampoline park, and it already feels like Thursday even though it’s only Tuesday! The big takeaway I want to share with you today is this: read Die with Zero. I listened to the audiobook on YouTube, and it completely shifted how I think about money. Instead of feeling guilty every time I spend, it helped me see that money is meant to be used for experiences—especially when your family can enjoy them the most. With five boys (ages 10 to 15), my nephew, and my parents visiting, our family spending is at its peak right now. Sports, clothes, shoes, travel, education—it all adds up. But instead of feeling bad about it, I’m reminding myself that this is the season to invest in memories. Later, when the kids are grown and independent, we won’t need to spend the same way. So why hold back now? This book also challenged the idea of saving everything “for the kids.” If you’re planning to leave them money, why not give it when they actually need it—like for university or a mortgage—instead of waiting until they’re in their 60s and don’t need it as much? This week, I’m splurging a little more than usual: trampoline park, downhill karting, karaoke with sushi (first time ever!), escape rooms, Activate, and even a family rafting trip this summer. Yes, it’s a lot of money for six people, but I’m practicing gratitude instead of guilt. I’m blessed to be able to do these things, and I don’t want to be the person who saves everything and misses out on the memories. So here’s my challenge to you: if you can afford it, spend the money—but feel good about it. And if you can’t, then don’t. Either way, make the choice consciously. And if you’re struggling with the guilt of spending, check out Die with Zero. It’s been a game-changer for me. Alright, I’m off to see how the kids are doing at the trampoline park. Love you all—chat next week! Support the show

  6. Aug 19

    “Nothing is perfect”

    Send us Fan Mail Support the show

  7. Aug 12

    It takes a village

    Send us Fan Mail In this episode, I get real about where I’m at right now: 42, in the middle of summer chaos with four boys (including twins), and finally admitting that it doesn’t just take a village to raise kids—it takes a village to take care of *me*. After our recent vacation, I hit a low point. My back was flaring up, my mood was all over the place, and I realized I was surrounded by males all day and missing my girlfriends’ support. So I started rebuilding my “village”: - Seeing a naturopath for hormones and supplements   - Going to physio and doing core work for my lower back   - Looking into acupuncture   - Seriously considering hormone replacement therapy (HRT), even though I used to think it was “unnatural” I’ve always been very “let the body do its thing” and avoided meds unless absolutely necessary. But after months of feeling like the worst version of myself when I’m tired—snapping, raging over tiny things, feeling almost “crazy”—I decided my quality of life matters more than being perfectly natural. I’m still cautious and doing my research, but I’m open to HRT if it helps. A few big takeaways I land on in this episode: - Hormone decline can start up to 10 years before “menopause age,” and a lot of symptoms (mood swings, rage, anxiety, depression-like feelings) get misdiagnosed or ignored.   - My husband loves me, but he doesn’t know what to do with my symptoms. It’s on me to lead my own care and then invite him in.   - Taking care of myself takes effort: booking appointments, trying supplements, doing the exercises, saying no to the extra bread, asking for help.   - If what I’m doing isn’t fixing it, I need to go back for help—even if I “know what to do,” because consistency is the hard part. I end with a gentle nudge to anyone listening: if you’ve been debating booking that appointment, making that call, or trying that thing you keep putting off, this is your sign. Get that one more person into your village who helps *you* feel better, so you can show up better for everyone else. Support the show

  8. Aug 5

    “He doesn’t appreciate me”

    Send us Fan Mail Hey everyone! In this episode, I’m sharing something that’s been really helpful for me as a mom: how to start appreciating yourself, especially when you’re not feeling appreciated by your partner. I talk about how practicing appreciation for what our husbands do can actually help us feel more appreciated too. I also share a simple exercise I used—writing down all the little things I did in a day that I didn’t even plan on doing—to help me see how much I really do for my family. Plus, I get real about the challenges of parenting teenagers, juggling summer schedules, and learning to coach myself through the tough moments. If you’ve ever felt like your hard work goes unnoticed, this one’s for you. Support the show

See All (315)

4.8
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

Stay at home mom of 4 boys, twins, finding solutions to everyday problems and making life better by looking at my thoughts and finding better feeling ones.  Lost 15 lbs with intermittent fasting, got rid of headaches using Louise Hay method, finding peace and satisfaction in being a stay at home mom. 

Information

  • Creator
    Natalia Schneidmiller
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2026
  • Episodes
    315
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 STOP FIGHTING WITH YOUR SON
  • Show Website
    STOP FIGHTING WITH YOUR SON