Growth Over Easy: Relationship Skills for Long-Term Love

Lilly Rachels
  • 5.0 (29)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Growth Over Easy is a podcast about long-term love: what's really happening underneath the fights, the distance and the resentment, and how couples find their way back to each other. I'm Lilly Rachels, a writer who podcasts and works privately with couples. I trained as a therapist (MSW) and in Relational Life Therapy, and I co-founded Relational Somatics. I always tell couples there are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and what actually happened. This show is about that third side. Short solo episodes on conflict, repair, resentment, intimacy, and the patterns that keep two people stuck. Practical, honest, and human. Read the weekly essays at Three Sides: growthovereasy.com www.growthovereasy.com

  1. Oct 8

    Can Resentment Actually Go Away? 3 Questions to Ask First - #191

    Resentment can slowly build in a relationship until you find yourself feeling disconnected from the person you love. But can it actually go away? In this episode, I’m sharing three questions to ask yourself when resentment starts taking over. If you and your partner are struggling with resentment, [book a free call] with me to explore working together. Get full access to Three Sides at www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe

  2. Oct 1

    Walking on Eggshells? You Might Be the One Putting Them Down - #190

    Have you ever felt like you were walking on eggshells in your relationship? Sometimes that feeling is a sign that something truly isn’t safe. But sometimes, the eggshells we’re walking on are the ones our own protective patterns keep putting down. In this episode, I’m talking about how the strategies that protected us growing up can follow us into our adult relationships. Shutting down. Withdrawing. Trying to fix everything. Managing our partner’s emotions. Becoming hyperaware of every shift in mood. These patterns made sense once. But they can make it incredibly hard to stay present when conflict or discomfort shows up in long-term love. We’ll talk about: * Why old protective patterns show up during conflict * The difference between being uncomfortable and being unsafe * How childhood adaptations can affect adult relationships * Why building emotional and nervous system capacity matters * How to stay present instead of shutting down, controlling, or reacting The goal isn’t to never feel triggered. It’s to build enough capacity that your past doesn’t have to run your present relationship. Ready to work on this? If you recognize yourself in these patterns, this is the work I do with individuals and couples. We build the capacity to stay present, understand what’s underneath your reactions, and change the patterns that keep getting in the way of connection. If you’re ready to build a relationship you actually want to come home to, [book a call]. Get full access to Three Sides at www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe

  3. Aug 14

    Relationship advice from my bfs mom

    Get full access to Three Sides at www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe

    Relationship advice from my bfs mom

  4. Aug 11

    The Labels That Let You Off the Hook - #189

    www.lillyrachels.com This week I’m sharing something that came up in a session: a client who kept casting her coworkers as “the parents” and herself as “the kid.” Underneath it was a protective mechanism: if she never took full ownership, she never had to risk being “not good enough.” We traced it back together, and it led somewhere deeper: a lack of self-trust. Not keeping promises to herself. Saying she’d do something and quietly letting it slide. I share my own version of this too, a pattern I didn’t see for years. We all have a protective self. It’s not the enemy; it’s just outdated. This episode is about learning to recognize it, thank it, and let your wiser self take the wheel again. If this episode stirs something up, I’d love to talk. Book a call with me. https://calendar.app.google/18FLkL859zULA2848 Get full access to Three Sides at www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe

  5. Jun 16

    Stop Speaking Your Truth. Start Being Honest. - #188

    “Speak your truth” sounds like the most honest thing you can do. But it’s not. Your truth is your perspective. It is what is real within your current awareness. And when you hold it like a fact, like the final word on what happened or who your partner is, there is nowhere left for the conversation to go. I heard a quote about ten years ago that I have never forgotten. Honesty changes with one’s awareness. The truth is always the same. That is the distinction. In this episode: * Understand why speaking your truth can actually shut a conversation down before it has a chance to go anywhere * Recognize the three ways it quietly breaks relational communication without you realizing it * Learn Terry Real’s feedback wheel, a four-step tool for sharing what you feel and what you need without putting your partner on the defense Your partner cannot meet you in a conversation you have already closed. If you recognized your relationship in this, I work privately with couples. Book a free call → Get full access to Three Sides at www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe

    Stop Speaking Your Truth. Start Being Honest. - #188

  6. Jun 9

    The Time Machine: Why Every Fight Ends Up About the Past - #187

    You start arguing about something small. And then somehow, a few minutes in, you’re not talking about tonight anymore. You’re talking about something that happened three years ago. That’s the time machine. And if it keeps happening, it’s not because you’re petty or stuck. It’s because something real happened that never fully repaired. The present keeps disappearing because something in the past never got what it actually needed. And until that old wound gets real repair, not just an apology, it will keep surfacing every time something pokes at it. In this episode: * Understand why the same fight keeps repeating and what it’s actually telling you about an unresolved wound underneath * Recognize the moment the time machine activates so you can name it before the whole relationship history ends up on trial * Learn the difference between an apology and real repair, and why one keeps the wound open This is episode 5 of 5. When the past finally feels heard, it stops showing up uninvited in your present relationship. If you recognized your relationship in this, I work privately with couples. Book a free call → Get full access to Three Sides at www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe

    The Time Machine: Why Every Fight Ends Up About the Past - #187

  7. Jun 2

    The Performance: Why Being the Easy One Starves Your Relationship - #186

    Being easy to be with feels like a gift you’re giving your relationship. But if you’re performing ease you don’t actually feel, it’s slowly starving you both. You say you’re fine. Your partner believes you. And somewhere underneath that, a quiet resentment starts to build, not toward anything specific, just toward never really being known. The performance keeps the surface smooth. But your needs don’t disappear because you’ve stopped voicing them. They go underground, and they start to cost you the intimacy you’re working so hard to protect. In this episode: * Understand why the fawn response taught you to hide your needs and why it made complete sense when you learned it * Tell the difference between being genuinely easygoing and performing ease from a place of fear * Practice one small daily habit that starts rebuilding the muscle of asking for what you need This is episode 4 of 5. The pattern you’ve been performing your whole life won’t shift overnight, but it shifts one honest sentence at a time. If this one hit close to home, the free PDF covers all five patterns. Subscribe to growthovereasy.com, and it’ll be in your welcome email. Book a consultation: https://calendar.app.google/M7fVjPUj2J1gBByK9 Get full access to Three Sides at www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe

    The Performance: Why Being the Easy One Starves Your Relationship - #186

  8. May 26

    The Scorecard: Why Keeping Score Quietly Kills Connection - #185

    You’re not trying to be difficult. You’re trying to feel seen. But somewhere along the way, the relationship started running on a ledger. Who apologized last. Who initiated last. Who gave more. And no matter what your partner does it never quite feels like enough. That’s the Scorecard. And it’s not a fairness problem. It’s a nervous system pattern built around chronic unmet needs. In this episode: * What the Scorecard looks like and why it starts early * Why keeping track feels like protection but functions like a wall * The difference between a legitimate hurt that needs repair and chronic scorekeeping as armor * One question to ask yourself before you reach for the evidence If you recognized your relationship in this, I work privately with couples. Book a free call → Get full access to Three Sides at www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe

    The Scorecard: Why Keeping Score Quietly Kills Connection - #185
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About

Growth Over Easy is a podcast about long-term love: what's really happening underneath the fights, the distance and the resentment, and how couples find their way back to each other. I'm Lilly Rachels, a writer who podcasts and works privately with couples. I trained as a therapist (MSW) and in Relational Life Therapy, and I co-founded Relational Somatics. I always tell couples there are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and what actually happened. This show is about that third side. Short solo episodes on conflict, repair, resentment, intimacy, and the patterns that keep two people stuck. Practical, honest, and human. Read the weekly essays at Three Sides: growthovereasy.com www.growthovereasy.com

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