I was once a homeless, feeble, and blind beggar living on the streets of Dublin, Ireland all until the day I stumbled upon “The Rated E Podcast.” The transcendent sounds emanating from the hosts mouths ignited a fire in my stomach that motivated me to change everything about myself. First, I undertook the process of securing a $2.5 million dollar mansion on the banks of the Thames by responding to the email requests of a Nigerian prince. I then infused my body with the reinvigorating waters of the Himalayas in order to give myself the strength of ten thousand men. Now confident that I was a swole man, I lifted weights for three straight weeks until my sight was restored. My transformation hit a snag when the podcast failed to be posted at 3 am one morning— and I fell into a deep coma. But when I awoke, the first thing I heard was an advertisement for Anchor and I knew I was home. I started hitting the gym eight days a week until the ground could not sustain my unreal muscle mass. But after completely reinventing myself, I still had one hurtle left to climb... my sight. I took the daring step of liquefying the frequency of the audio waves and pouring them directly into my eyes. Miraculously, but not unsurprisingly, my sight was restored. I now reside comfortably with my wife and five children, confident of one constant in my life: The Rated E Podcast.
~ Maurice
