First off I need to commend all you men who want to be present but have to figure out how to co parent with a narcissist. I’m the girlfriend of a good man dealing with that type of person (I can’t even call her a mother because a mother doesn’t do those things). His daughter is 3 and I’ve been dating him for almost 2 years. In our 2 years of being together, he has seen his daughter maybe 7 times at most. And not for a lack of trying on his part. This woman used him, emotionally abused him, controlled him, just so he could be a father to her fatherless child. The best way to keep him around was to get pregnant and have his child so he can’t leave. She said she had her tubes tied so she couldn’t have more children, so imagine his surprise 3 months into their relationship finding out she’s pregnant. Even with documentation of her going into psychiatric care for trying to kill her self in front of her 3 children and my boyfriend, being incredibly unstable financially and emotionally-my boyfriend still cannot get time with his daughter without the help of an expensive lawyer.
I’m gonna say something very controversial, especially as a woman. But here it is- equality means equality for all in EVERYTHING. Its not about getting paid more than men or getting more rights than men. It’s about given the equal treatment, no matter the circumstances. A man shouldn’t be expected to pay more in child support while in the same breath not see his child as often as the mother. If the man makes way more money, has a safer background/history and home, possibly more educated, and has the ability to raise the child in better circumstances isn’t it better for the child, the courts, AND the county to have him as the custodial parent? Especially if the mother is on county assistance? All men are treated this way in the family courts. Black, white, Latino, Asian, etc all men are oppressed under the family courts. Even rich white men, still aren’t treated the same as the women. It disgusts me how we enable women to use their children in games against the father. My heart breaks for every man dealing with this, but hopefully one day something will change for fathers. And I will stand and fight right behind all of you to change the system.
