A Rumor of Empathy with Lou Agosta

Lou Agosta, PhD
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Dedicated to expanding empathy in the individual and the community. The empathy lessons extend from a light-hearted look to a deep dive into critical issues and controversies on empathy in authentic human relations. This podcast dedicated to the commitment that empathy be less of a rumor and more of a reality in the community!

  1. 5d ago

    Take the other person as your empathy trainer (Empathy Lesson)

    As an exercise, consider that the other person is one’s empathy trainer. The other individual calls forth one’s empathy. If the Other behaves in a challenging way, the challenge is to one’s empathy. A surprising powerful technique for practicing and expanding one's empathy: take each person you encounter as your empathy trainer and coach. See what a profound difference it makes! If the other person is in an emotional meltdown, the challenge is to one’s empathicreceptivity. If the other person is a conformist, the challenge is to one’s empathic understanding. This may sound backward and paradoxical. By standing things on their head—the customer trains the business person in empathy, the student trains the teacher in empathy, the infant trains the parent in empathy and so on—we get a surprisingly refreshing view of how addressing the survivor’s temporary loss of humanity as a suffering lump of battered flesh. The baby, the student, the patient, the customer, the neighbor, are the individuals who bring empathy into existence for the parent, the teacher, the business person, the neighbor, respectively. In each case, the empathy lesson is a challenge tothe would-be parent, teacher, sales person, consultant, therapist, nurse, attorney, taxi driver, neighbor, and so on, to expand one’s receptivity,enhance one’s grasp of the possibilities, appreciative different points of view, and practice rapid empathic response.  If each of these persons—parent, teacher, business person, neighbor, and so on—begin in any other way than with empathy, they areheaded for trouble. The challenge is straightforward: expand one’s listening to include the other individual in the empathic community or fall back into empathic distress; relate from possibility or get mired in stuckness; work on building community or wander aimlessly in the emotional wilderness. A surprising powerful technique for practicing and expanding one's empathy: take each person you encounter as your empathy trainer and coach. See what a profound difference it makes! Episode art photo credit: David Axelrod confronts Senator Tom Cotton June 2, 2017 in a photo taken by Lou Agosta at the University of Chicago public debate. As one of the architect of Barack Obama's presidential program, Ax (as he is affectionately known) would be likely to disagree with many of Senator Cotton's more-or-less MAGA-oriented views. Take the other person as your empathy trainer! I believe both did!

    Take the other person as your empathy trainer (Empathy Lesson)

  2. Jul 20

    Hard empathy is different than "Empathy is hard"

    The innovation proposed here is to think of empathy, like so many things these days, as existing on a spectrum between empathy as “empathic listening” and empathy as “tough love.” A rigorous and critical empathy includes both options, which maps to the difference between “soft empathy” and “hard empathy,” and a sliding scale of possibilities in-between.  Soft empathy does not work (or at least does not work well) with bullies or a short list of difficult individuals including psychopaths and the criminally insane. How does hard empathy apply? If a bully is attempting to bully you, the empathic response is “de-escalation.” That includes saying something like “This does not work for me” and leaving, departing, escaping. However, suppose the person is the boss or a romantic partner who is throwing a temper tantrum. The best response may still be de-escalation: “I declare a breakdown in communication and am taking a ten minute [or one hour or one day] time out.” Ultimately the solution may require updating one’s resume or finding a calmer partner, but we are talking here about dealing with the moment of crisis and upset. Taking a step back, what if walking away is not workable? Then the empathic response consists in several further steps restore or sustain safety and get back your power to de-escalate empathically - which are covered in detail in the podCast. Check 'em out! Not to be missed! Image Credit: Lou Gossett Jr as Drill Sargent Emil Foley, with acknowledgement to Paramount Pictures and Screen Daley

    Hard empathy is different than "Empathy is hard"

  3. Jul 14

    Empathy SELLS - but empathy's limitations sell even better! Find out what's going on with the anti-empathy movement and how to answer and debunk the dangerous half truths, lies, and total nonsense.

    One can always make a splash by throwing a rotten tomato, and the would-be critique of empathy uncharitably takes the weakest version of empathy and refutes it. In contrast, a rigorous and critical empathy engages in aprocess of continuous improvement of empathy by “cleaning up” the empathicbreakdowns of emotional contagion, projection, conformity, and communicationslost in translation, resulting in the expansion of empathy in the individual and the community. Yet another reason that the practice of empathy sells but empathy’s limitations sell even better is a consequence of empathy’s own success. Empathy works. Empathy makes a profound and lasting difference tothose who are treated with empathy. But in the age of TikTok does empathy work fast enough? Empathy and its many successes are themselves the occasions for the skepticism, resistance, and embracing the obstacles to empathy. A rigorous and critical empathy can be hard work; being empathic can leave onevulnerable; better to take the easy way out. The reader may say, I want instant empathy, like instant coffee, just add hot water and stir. Wouldn’t it be nice? Nor is anyone saying such a thing as “instant empathy” is impossible. It may work well enough in a pinch; but like instant coffee, the quality may not be on a par with that required by a more demanding or discriminating appreciation and taste – or a more challenging situation. Thus podcast debunks the debunkers of empathy and delivers the answers and responses to the dangerous half truths, alternative facts, and total nonsense being published by the anti-empathy cohort. It shows the way to a renewed rigorous and critical empathy and how empathy makes a profound difference to the individual and the community! Not to be missed.

  4. 07/15/2025

    The empathic dozen: Top twelve (12) empathy lessons

    Start with the one minute empathy trainin:g Drive out aggression, hostility, bullying, prejudice of all kinds, dignity violations, hypocrisy, making excuses, finger pointing, cynicism, resignation, bad language, manipulation, injuries to self-esteem, competing to be the biggest victim, and politics in the pejorative sense of the term, and empathy naturally comes forth. Most people are naturally empathic and, if given half a chance, they will spontaneously and willingly speak and act empathically. The training can be spoken in one minute. However, actually implementing it is going to take some work. Engage here with the top twelve (12) tips and techniques for training and expanding your empathy.

    The empathic dozen: Top twelve (12) empathy lessons

  5. 05/23/2025

    Suicidal empathy

    Does empathy make you so kind that you do suicidally foolish things? From the perspective of empathy, one has to advance from standard empathy to radical empathy to deal with the thought experiment of lifeboat ethics and suicidal empathy. The short version of suicidal empathy is as follows. We are in a lifeboat which is filled to the maximum after our ship sank. In the water, treading water, surrounding the lifeboat are additional survivors and other leaky lifeboats about to sink, leaving the survivors treading water. If the survivors in the lifeboat are empathic and take in the other survivors, then the lifeboat still afloat will be swamped and we will all drown. The conclusion is that in such extreme situations, which are more common than one might imagine, then empathy needs to be turned off – or at least dialed down significantly – lest we all perish.  This podcast engages with a strong version of the lifeboat dilemma - not a straw man. It debates and shows the weakness of the argument for lifeboat ethics - even while being fair to what it is trying to say. This is relevant as someone named Elon Musk has asserted (Q2 2025) that "empathy is a weakness of western civilization." Find out who is talking out of their hat in this engaging podcast!

    Suicidal empathy

  6. 05/10/2025

    Radical Empathy and the Trolley Car Dilemma - between a rock and a hard place (Part Two: Concluded)

    Standard empathy gets stretched to its LIMIT in the face of confronting physical and moral trauma, succumbing to compassion fatigue, burn out, and empathic distress. Standard empathy is challenged to deal with empathic distress, and standard empathy sometimes does not succeed in getting across the abyss of empathic distress to reestablish wholeness, emotional equilibrium, and integriy. To get across this abyss, Radical Empathy is required. Radical empathy deploys the same four aspects of receptivity, understanding, interpretation, and responsiveness that standard empathy uses but with this difference: radical empathy has the additional feature that it is committed to empathizing in the face of empathic distress. This commitment of radical emapthy shows up as empathic responsiveness - finding a form of words that recognizes the survivor's humanity. This encounter between radical empathy and the survivor enables the survivor to gain back her or his power form the overwhelming circumstances that have diminished the survivor's agencu. Radical empathy enables agency, choice, and decision making in the face of overwhelming circumstances. The chances of success are expanded by telling a story, providing a powerful narrative, that expresses the humanity of the other person. Find out how radical empathy makes a profound difference in building a bridge across the abyss of empathic distress in this engaging episode! [image art credit: Prometheus by Gustave Moreau (wikimedia commons)]

    Radical Empathy and the Trolley Car Dilemma - between a rock and a hard place (Part Two: Concluded)

  7. 05/08/2025

    Radical empathy and the Trolley Car Dilemma - between a rock and a hard place!/

    What the heck is the Trolley Car Dilemma (TCD) - and how does it relate to Radical Empathy? The TCD is a thought experiment - an intuition pump (to use Daniel Dennet's incisive term) - to generate insights about agency and empathy. You are the agent on a runaway Trolley Car faced with a couple of bad choices - faced with choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea - in a double-bind - now choose! The short version of the TCD: You are the ticket agent on a runaway trolley car with broken brakes, which will run over five people unless you throw the switch to change the track, which, however, will result in running over one person. So far, everyone, including you, is innocent, but not for long. Standard empathy breaks down in empathy distress. Find out how standard empathy gives way to radical empathy to get across the abyss of empathic distress in this engaging podcast! art image: ink drawing Luca Cambiaso (1527–1585) - promethesus chained to the rock - note the eagle gnawing on his liver - ouch!

    Radical empathy and the Trolley Car Dilemma - between a rock and a hard place!/

  8. 05/02/2025

    Radical empathy: a short talk on trauma and radical empathy

    When standard empathy breaks down in the face of extreme situations such as trauma, conformity to the faceless unempathic bureaucracy, compassion fatigue, burnout, or empathic distress, then radical empathy comes forth as the commitment to continue empathizing int he face of the breakdown of empathy. Radical emapthy navigates the rupture, the abyss, of empathic distress, restoring empathy as radical empathy. This talk provides an example of how radical empathy comes forth from empathic distress in the face of trauma. Don't miss this engaging talk on how to expand your power over trauma with radical empathy.

    Radical empathy: a short talk on trauma and radical empathy
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Dedicated to expanding empathy in the individual and the community. The empathy lessons extend from a light-hearted look to a deep dive into critical issues and controversies on empathy in authentic human relations. This podcast dedicated to the commitment that empathy be less of a rumor and more of a reality in the community!

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