Send us Fan Mail As a reminder, this step 11: I seek through prayer and meditation to improve my contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for me on the power to carry that out. I guess I have had my ups and downs with this step. In my early days, when I was really using this program, prayer was a rote thing. When I praise, (if I even praise at all), I did just small child thing where I knelt beside my bed, and asked God for lots of good things. I neither had any confidence that I would get them, nor any knowledge that I needed to do my part for their fruition. This is kind of how I learned to pray when I was a child growing up Catholic. It was a whole new experience from that which I have now. I would get on my knees, (you always got on your knees back then, in order to show I was humble and beneath God), clasped my hands, at first in the traditional way with my fingers pointing straight up, but later with my fingers entwined. Back then I would also look up to the ceiling, because that’s where God lived. In those days, even when I read some spiritual books, God seem to be always outside of ourselves. God seem to be at a place, such as in the tabernacle of the church, or somewhere beyond the clouds and we would only meet Him/Her when we die. I would usually pray those things that I wanted terribly, such as a new pair of skates or to pass a test, (without having to study for it of, course). At times, I would pray magnanimously for world peace for that God would intervene to help someone I knew. I feel now, that those prayers were never answered. If they did seem to be answered in some way, I feel now that it was a coincidence. These days, since I’ve seen the light, (wow, I’ve always wanted to say that phrase), and the praying that I do is nothing like that pictured above. I have learned that God or my Spirit are not out there. They are within me. They are with me always, and I am now with them. I have known for quite some time now, but God is not “live” in those other places, such as a tabernacle, and holy or special churches, Or up above in His home in the sky. I have also learned a different form of prayer. Generally, I say nothing whatsoever to God. What could I possibly ask for that I don’t know God will take care of in his own time. Most of what I used to ask for would have been material things. I really don’t believe that God is interested in our material lives. We have been given free will, or free choice, and God allows things to play out as they will, or from the choices we make. My entire prayer life now consists of listening. I do not need to have my hands clasped, or to be kneeling. I need not say anything to God, other than the words “thank you”. Put in a single thing that could be happening in my life, God certainly knows best how to deal with it. Since the third step, when I decided to surrender to God, to give to Him what he already owned anyway, I have been happy and confident in my prayer. You might wonder what it is I hear when I pray in this manner. Well, generally speaking, I don’t physically hear anything. Sometimes, there seems to be no results at all. At other times what I “hear” is more in the form of an intuition. Your next question may be, how do I know that what I intuit is from God or my Spirit? Believe me, there is no doubt. It is the same kind of situation that I have spoken about before, where at the same time I am doing, or about to do, something wrong, I know intuitively what would really be the right thing to do. As it says in the text of the Big Book, God can. I think I’ll let Him.
