Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery

Allen Berger & Thom Rutledge
  • 4.4 (57)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholic's Anonymous, wrote in 1952, "If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root some unhealthy dependence and its consequent demand." Wilson suggested that if we could identify and continually surrender these unrealistic and unrecognizable demands, that we may then be able to accomplish what he imagined to be recovery's next frontier - something he called emotional sobriety.   Flash forward 70 years, and join psychotherapists and best-selling authors Thom Rutledge and Dr. Allen Berger, who have taken up the mantle of exploring Bill Wilson's new frontier. Welcome to Emotional Sobriety.

  1. The Five Points of Balance, Part Two

    1d ago

    The Five Points of Balance, Part Two

    Thom’s Nutshell: Ignoring our own dark potential only makes it stronger. Avoid washing dishes and there are not only more of them, they are also harder to clean. The difference between a reasonable and unreasonable expectation. From Allen: You can want from the best in you, or from the worst in you. You can want from what is healthy and solid, or what is empty and covetous. Wanting from neediness is common. Wanting from your solid, flexible self takes personal development. It takes growing up. From Thom: if any of you are afraid you’ve taken on your parents’ characteristics, relax. You have. The 5 Points of Balance: Staying clear about our values and worth in the face of criticism (not letting others edit your sense of self). Calming our anxiety and comforting our emotional bruises or trauma. Grounded responding and not overreacting or under reacting when there is tension or anxiety. Confronting ourselves for our own integrity and able to meaningfully endure discomfort for our growth and development. Unhooking self, others and reality from unreasonable expectations. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety(00:08:44) - How to Unhook the Hook From Your Relationship(00:17:02) - How to Stop Ignoring Your Own Dark Potential(00:20:55) - Your Sexual Attraction in Therapy(00:24:44) - Countertransference in the Glass Household(00:26:55) - Procrastination and Recovery(00:31:08) - How Complicated Is Writing a Letter?

    32 min
  2. The Five Points of Balance, Part One

    Jun 5

    The Five Points of Balance, Part One

    Thom’s Nutshell: “The promise of perfection is a red herring. Don't be distracted from your pursuit of learning and improving.” Patrick celebrates eight years of sobriety and the gang discusses the importance of honoring recovery milestones. The 5 Points of Balance: Staying clear about our values and worth in the face of criticism (not letting others edit your sense of self). Calming our anxiety and comforting our emotional bruises or trauma. Grounded responding and not overreacting or under reacting when there is tension or anxiety. Confronting ourselves for our own integrity and able to meaningfully endure discomfort for our growth and development. Unhooking self, others and reality from unreasonable expectations. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety(00:04:10) - Joe Sobriety on His Eight Years of Recovery(00:07:21) - Applying the Principle of Differentiation to Emotional Sobriety(00:14:27) - The Differentiation in Personal Life(00:16:16) - 5 Points of Balance: How to Calm Your Anxiety(00:20:51) - Emotional Sobriety: Being More Present(00:25:22) - Tom on His Wife's Fight

    30 min
  3. It’s Not About Just Waking Up, It’s About Growing Up

    May 24

    It’s Not About Just Waking Up, It’s About Growing Up

    Thom’s Nutshell: “Recipe for peace of mind: KNOW what you believe. KNOW what is important. KNOW what is within your control. LIVE congruently with what you believe.” Thom and Patrick discuss “the upside of addiction” (as a means of climbing out of it), emotional sobriety and relationship struggles, using during therapy, and approaching addiction as a binary choice between life and death. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety: Don't Get Married(00:03:40) - A Simple Recipe for More Happiness in Your Relationship(00:08:50) - The Importance of the Recovery Decision(00:12:34) - Patrick on Avoiding Problems(00:16:52) - Joe's Reflections on Alcoholism(00:24:02) - On the Motivation of Recovery People

    30 min
  4. Made a Searching & Fearless Moral Inventory (Of Someone Else)

    May 12

    Made a Searching & Fearless Moral Inventory (Of Someone Else)

    Thom’s Nutshell: Step 16: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of someone else. I can’t say I wasn’t warned. They told me to stop at 12. “Taking others’ inventory” gets to the heart of our functioning. Allen brings this back to Piaget’s studies of pre-operational stages of development. Our emotional development influences our consciousness, and the more immaturity we have, the more we look at the world as reflections of ourselves. Rather than trying to manipulate these people and situations, in emotional sobriety we can try to meet them with empathy to have the best experience we can. The outcome of “taking inventory” all depends on motive. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Emotional Sobriety(00:01:15) - Step 16: Taking Other People's Inventory(00:06:47) - How to Manipulate the World(00:11:12) - How to Stop Being a Manipulator(00:16:25) - Tom Brokaw on Therapy(00:20:38) - The Self in Recovery(00:23:08) - Intro to Self-Realization(00:25:52) - Tom Clancy on His Meditations

    27 min
  5. We Are More Capable Than We Realize

    May 5

    We Are More Capable Than We Realize

    Thom’s Nutshell: "Live this moment as if you chose it. Might as well. And maybe you did." Give yourself permission to doubt. Give yourself permission to disagree. Give yourself permission to decide. Add more self! Reflecting on the emotional sobriety of Viktor Frankl and Christopher Reeve, and having the courage to credit your own point of view. In emotional sobriety we find the “positive opportunism” of paying attention to what Is, instead of what Isn’t. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Couple Therapy: The Next Step(00:02:29) - Live This Moment as If You Had a Choice(00:08:27) - What is sobriety?(00:08:52) - Give Yourself Permission to Decide(00:11:20) - Give Yourself Permission to Dissent(00:15:48) - Alan on His First Alcoholics' Trip(00:20:50) - Tom Hanks on Writing ''

    24 min
  6. “My Brain Would Kill Me if It Didn’t Need the Transportation”

    Apr 28

    “My Brain Would Kill Me if It Didn’t Need the Transportation”

    Thom’s Nutshell: “So much energy we spend wishing things to be different.There are always better uses of our time.” Anxiety is consistent, persistent and disciplined. It wakes up first and works out every morning. To change we must be at least as disciplined. Joe C. talks about the many ways (often with the help of community) we medicate this condition. Allen digs into our relationship with Self, highlighting what we call the “intimate self,” in our navigation of anxiety. This all takes work! Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com  Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs   Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Emotional Sobriety(00:03:13) - The Rock is the Thing(00:08:02) - The Importance of Emotional Sobriety(00:11:35) - Joe and What They Talk About in Recovery(00:13:55) - The Fear of Being Nothing(00:17:22) - Brandon on Codependence and the Intimate Self(00:23:50) - Living on an Airplane(00:28:10) - Having Reached a Spiritual Awakening

    30 min
  7. Don't Stop Before You Even Start!

    Apr 19

    Don't Stop Before You Even Start!

    Thom’s Nutshell: “When you want something, do you begin with a commitment to make it happen or a list of reasons that it probably won't?" The mighty Carol Carter joins us again from the front of a different kind of recovery: triage from a flood which devastated her home. In our pursuit of emotional sobriety, integrity matters most. In adjusting our expectations to meet the moment, we can also “change our source of self-esteem”, to put us into congruency with our value system. Learn more about Jenny, the trauma-informed Certified Professional Organizer helping Carol sort through her belongings in the flood’s aftermath: https://www.sweetgrassorganizing.com . Anyone with a trauma related connection to clutter can find a resource to help. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:07) - Emotional Sobriety (Week 9)(00:01:21) - Rainbow Dance(00:02:16) - In the Elevator With Tom(00:06:21) - Tom Everett on Writing While Recovering(00:10:52) - I Got the Most Heartrending Call From My Friend Writing His(00:12:41) - Tom, What Is Integrity?(00:18:36) - How To Deal With a Hurt Person's Letter(00:23:29) - In the Elevator With a Trauma Victim(00:28:10) - Sometimes I Just Say What I Need to Say(00:28:56) - Carol in the Woods With the Flood

    31 min
  8. Disappointments Are Not Obstacles

    Apr 5

    Disappointments Are Not Obstacles

    Thom’s Nutshell: “Life is a wonderful blessing, with many great disappointments. Can you see disappointment as a gift?” In emotional sobriety, we attempt to believe that we are here to learn from whatever we are given, which Thom calls “positive opportunism.” How can we use what disappoints us to become a better person? How can we use it to be productive? Acting “as if” this was the plan all along can help us through.  If we appreciate the true nature of things, we’re free from expectations about how they’re “supposed to” be. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com    Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events   Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/   Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below):  https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986   For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g   Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings.   We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments. Chapters (00:00:00) - Coming soon: Sobriety for Superman(00:01:01) - Enjoying the Feedback From Our Podcast(00:01:41) - Tom's nutshell for the week: Life is a Wonderful Blessing with(00:03:21) - Nothing in the Universe Happens By Mistake(00:08:53) - Exploring Emotional Sobriety(00:12:43) - Acceptance of Realities(00:17:36) - The Reef: How to Love Your Wife(00:23:10) - Lessons from Working With a Sick Brain(00:26:09) - Does Anyone Really Hate Himself?(00:26:38) - Tom on Disappointments(00:31:49) - Tom Cruise in '(00:32:18) - Jefferson Ross

    34 min
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4.4
out of 5
57 Ratings

About

Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholic's Anonymous, wrote in 1952, "If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root some unhealthy dependence and its consequent demand." Wilson suggested that if we could identify and continually surrender these unrealistic and unrecognizable demands, that we may then be able to accomplish what he imagined to be recovery's next frontier - something he called emotional sobriety.   Flash forward 70 years, and join psychotherapists and best-selling authors Thom Rutledge and Dr. Allen Berger, who have taken up the mantle of exploring Bill Wilson's new frontier. Welcome to Emotional Sobriety.

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