Weekly Inspire

Rabbi Joey Haber
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Weekly ethical messages and lessons curated from the Parasha orated by Rabbi Joey Haber

  1. 3d ago

    Adjusting Expectations

    Toward the end of Parashat Hayeh-Sara, we read what seems like a very peculiar incident, which took place when Rivkah saw Yitzhak for the first time. As soon as she saw him, the Torah tells, she fell off her camel. She then turned to Eliezer, Avraham's servant who brought her from her home to marry Yitzhak, and asked who this person was. Eliezer explained that this was Avraham's servant, whom she was going to marry. Rivkah then took a veil and covered her face. What is this story all about? Why did Rikvah fall off her camel when she saw Yitzhak? Rav Eliyahu Dessler suggests what I believe to be a beautiful – and crucially important – answer, conveying an idea which every married couple needs to understand. Eliezer chose Rivkah as a bride for Yitzhak when he saw her extraordinary quality of hesed , how she rushed to draw water for him and for all his ten camels. When Rivkah heard that she was chosen to marry Yitzhak, she was overjoyed. Yitzhak was, of course, the son of Avraham, the bastion of hesed , the embodiment of kindness toward other people. And Rivkah, as she displayed at the well, was all about kindness, giving to others. This was, she thought, the perfect match – hesed joining with hesed . When Rivkah first saw Yitzhak, he was praying in the field. Observing Yitzhak, Rivkah was able to see that Yitzhak's primary quality was not, in fact, hesed . His quality was gevurah – self-discipline, selfless devotion and sacrifice to G-d. His character was very different from what she expected. Rivkah therefore fell off the camel ( גמל ) – an allusion to her "falling" from the quality of גמילות חסדים – kindness toward others. She turned to Eliezer in bewilderment, wondering how this could be, whether she was truly meant to marry Yitzhak, who was so different from her. Eliezer confirmed that she indeed was. Rivkah then did something heroic. She put on a veil. This symbolizes the "blurring" of her vision, of her hopes and expectations. She made the firm, resolute decision to make it work. Every person before he or she gets married has a vision of what their marriage will look like. And never has there even been a marriage that fully met all the expectations. In order to be happy in marriage, a couple needs to adjust their expectations. If a husband or wife insists on everything they hoped their marriage would bring, they are going to be disappointed and frustrated. In a pasuk in Shir Hashirim (1:5), the Jewish People declare to Hashem, שחורה אני ונאוה – "I am black yet beautiful." We believe – and we must believe – that we are beautiful before Hashem despite our "darkness," our mistakes, our flaws, our struggles, our failures. Hashem's love for us is unconditional. Even when we make mistakes, He still loves us. For a marriage to work, both spouses need to feel this unconditional love. They need to feel that they are accepted and loved for who they are even when they mess up, even when they get it wrong, even when they disappoint, even whey aren't what the other spouse expected. They need to know that שחורה אני ונאוה , that they are "beautiful" despite their mistakes. And they need to know that their spouse is willing to put on a "veil," to look away at their faults, to adjust expectations so they can build a beautiful and happy relationship together.

  2. Oct 28

    Turning Lemons Into Lemonade

    Our parashah begins with Avraham Avinu sitting by the entrance of his tent, a 99-year-old man writhing in pain following his berit mila , on a scorching hot day. Later in the parashah , Avraham is informed by Hashem that the city of Sedom, where his nephew, Lot, lived, was about to destroyed. Later in the parashah , Avraham moves to Gerar, where his wife is abducted by the king. Later in the parashah , Avraham is commanded by Hashem to offer his son as a sacrifice. These are four very difficult positions to be in. Most of us would probably lose our cool, and maybe even our minds. But Avraham doesn't. Sitting by the entrance to his tent, he sees what appear to be three travelers in need of hospitality. Avraham proceeds to set the gold standard of hachnasat orhim (welcoming guests) and hesed that continues to guide and inspire us to this day. Upon hearing of the decree against Sedom, Avraham offers an impassioned prayer, one which is still studied as an example of tefillah . And although the decree is not rescinded, Lot is rescued. After Sarah is abducted, Hashem punishes the king by causing all the women in the royal court to become infertile. The king asks Avraham to pray on his behalf, and Avraham agrees. In reward, Avraham's wife has a child after decades of infertility. Finally, and most famously, Avraham's preparedness to sacrifice his son becomes the model of self-sacrifice for Hashem, and provides merits which continue protecting us even now. Whenever Avraham confronted a challenge, he turned it into a catalyst for greatness and blessing. Or, as the saying goes, when life gave him lemons, he turned them into lemonade. The Gemara in Masechet Ta'anit (21a) tells the story of Nahum Ish Gamzu, whom the Jews appointed to deliver a gift to the king – a chest filled with precious jewels. As Nahum slept overnight in an inn, the innkeeper secretly removed all the jewels, and filled the chest with earth. When Nahum arrived at the palace, the chest was opened, and the king saw that it was filled with earth. Assuming the Jews were mocking him, the king was about to condemn the entire Jewish population to death. Just then, Eliyahu Ha'navi appeared as one of the royal servants. He noted to the king that the Jews' ancestor, Avraham, defeated four large armies by throwing earth upon them in the battlefield, and the earth changed into deadly arrows. The king decided to try this with the earth presented to him by Nahum Ish Gamzu. Sure enough, the earth became arrows, enabling the king to capture a region which they had been unable to conquer until that point. The king rewarded the Jews by sending them a chest filled with jewels. This story is teaching us a critical lesson – to turn our "earth" into "arrows," to find away to transform adversity into blessing, to view life's challenges as opportunities for greatness. When a person loses his job, this is an opportunity to find an even better job. If a shidduch doesn't work out, this is an opportunity to find someone even better. If an unwanted circumstance arises, we have the power to turn it into something amazing. If a person is struggling, he shouldn't cry and complain and feel sorry for himself. He should stand up tall and trust that Hashem can help turn the situation into a great blessing. We all have "lemons" thrown at us every day. We need to grow up, stand up, and have the courage to say, "What can I do to make something incredible out of this?" And, with Hashem's help, we will.

  3. Oct 18

    Going Where Hashem Wants Us to Go

    Hashem's first instruction to Avraham Avinu was לך לך מארצך...אל הארץ אשר אראך – to leave his land and to go to "a land that I will show you" (Bereshit 12:1). Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, in Kedushat Levi , explains that this command is relevant to each and every one of us. The words אשר אראך – "that I will show you" – refers to moments of clarity, the times when it is very clear to a person what he must do. Just as Hashem showed Avraham the land where he was to resettle – Eretz Yisrael – similarly, there are times in a person's life when Hashem opens his eyes and shows him where he needs to go, what he needs to do. When a person has a decision to make, this is what he needs to do – figure out what it is that Hashem wants him to do, how Hashem wants him to choose. This does not mean that what Hashem wants is going to be easy. It was very difficult for Avraham to just pick up and move to a new land. Nor does it mean that everything will go smoothly once one does what Hashem wants him to do. Soon after Avraham arrived in the Land of Israel, there was a famine, and he was forced to move again, to Egypt, where his wife was abducted. Ultimately, however, everything worked out for the best, because Avraham went אשר אראך , in the direction that Hashem wanted him to follow. In this first prophecy to Avraham, Hashem promised, והיה ברכה – "and you shall be a blessing" (12:2). The word והיה consists of the same four letters as the Name of Hashem (the Name known as " Havayah "). The Name is spelled י-ה followed by ו-ה . In the word והיה , the two pairs of letters are reversed – the ו-ה is positioned first, before the י-ה . The commentaries explain that the pair י-ה represents Hashem, whereas ו-ה is associated with the Jewish People. In Hashem's opening prophecy to Avraham, instructing him to go forth and create a special nation, He was alluding to us that we need to take the first step. והיה means that the first step is ו-ה – that we, Am Yisrael , must fulfill our obligations, do what Hashem wants from us, and then, ultimately, י-ה – Hashem will do His part and care for us, granting us ברכה – His blessings. So often, we have the clarity of אשר אראך , we know what Hashem wants us to do, but we're intimidated, we're scared. The task seems too daunting, or too risky, or too difficult. Or it entails too great a sacrifice. We need to remember the promise of והיה ברכה , that the blessing ultimately comes, even when we do not understand how. The Chiddushei Ha'Rim makes a remarkable comment about this week, the week of Parashat Lech-Lecha. He says that when we speak about a deceased person, that person is, in a sense, present with us. When we learn the writings of the Rambam, for example, the Rambam is here with us. And so this week, when we read about Avraham Avinu, Avraham Avnu comes to be with us. And just as Avraham illuminated the world, bringing them out of the darkness of idol-worship, so can he take us out of whatever darkness we're in right now. This week offers us a special opportunity to chase away the "darkness" in our lives, whatever problems we are facing. The way we do this is by learning from Avraham's example of לך לך – of going where Hashem tells us to go even when it is difficult, and even when we do not understand how it will work. By placing our trust in Hashem the way Avraham did, we receive some of the brilliant "light" that he brought to the world.

  4. Oct 11

    Building & Achieving – Together With Hashem

    How did the world fall to such depths that Hashem decided to destroy it, sparing only Noach and his family? The Ketav Sofer traces the origins of this process back to Noach's name. When Noach was born, his father – Lemech – declared: זה ינחמנו ממעשנו ומעצבון ידינו מן האדמה אשר אררה ה' – "This one shall console us from our work and the sorrow of our hands because of the land which was cursed by G-d" (5:29). Rashi explains that Noach invented farming tools which made farming easier and more efficient. Before Noach's time, people would just drop seeds on the ground and hope for the best. Noach invented the plow, which ensured that the seeds would penetrate the ground, take root, and grow. Farming became far more successful. The Ketav Sofer writes that this invention had the effect of distancing the people from Hashem. Until then, they realized full well that their success and good fortune depended on Hashem. But with the invention of the new tools, they felt confident and self-assured. They no longer saw themselves as dependent on Hashem, and this led them to act as they wished, without any restraint. No matter what we do, no matter how good we are at what we do, no matter what kind of skills, talents and resources we have, we must never forget that we depend on Hashem. Nothing we do can ever succeed without His assistance. Of course, this does not mean we can just sit back and relax, waiting for Him to do the job for us. Not at all. The Midrash speaks of how Noach worked tirelessly throughout the year spent on the ark, running around feeding all the animals. The Torah tells, וישאר אך נח – "Only Noach remained" (7:23), and Rashi brings a Midrash that explains this to mean that Noach was barely alive. He was exhausted and worn from the hard work he had to invest to keep the animals alive. Hashem arranged it this way because if the world was going to be rebuilt, it would need hard work and effort. He could not allow Noach to relax and take things easy, because Noach was charged with the responsibility of rebuilding – and this would require a considerable amount of exertion. And this is true of all of us. We are not here to relax and take it easy. We are here to work hard, to build, to achieve, to produce, to make a significant impact on the word, each in his own way. But we need to do this together with Hashem, placing our trust in Him and recognizing that nothing we do can succeed without Him. By all means, we should use all the "tools" at our disposal, and take full advantage of all the remarkable technological breakthroughs that can help us achieve. But we must never forget that no "tool" can take the place of Hashem, as only He determines the outcome of our efforts.

  5. Oct 6

    We Just Have to Try

    We read toward the end of Parashat Bereshit that Hashem saw the evil of mankind and decided to destroy the world. Next week, in Parashat Noach, we read of the flood that Hashem brought upon the earth, sparing only Noach and his family. After the flood, Hashem made a promise that He would never flood the earth again. When we read these pesukim carefully, we notice something surprising. Here in Parashat Bereshit, the Torah says, וירא ה' כי רבה רעת האדם בארץ, וכל יצר מחשבות לבו רק רע כל היום – Hashem saw all the evil that the people were committing, and He saw the evil in their heart, their natural tendency to sin (6:5). The evil nature of people led Hashem to decide to destroy them. After the flood, however, we find just the opposite. Hashem announced that He would never again destroy the earth כי יצר לב האדם רע מנעריו – because of the people's yetzer ha'ra (evil inclination), because of their evil instincts. How could the yetzer ha'ra be both the reason to destroy mankind, and the reason not to destroy mankind? The answer is quite simple – and exceedingly important. In short: we just have to try. Before the flood, the people did not even try to restrain their sinful instincts. They followed their negative tendencies without any attempt to exercise discipline and act the right way. After the flood, however, Noach offered a sacrifice to Hashem – symbolizing the people's commitment to say "no" to their evil tendencies, to sacrifice the things they desire for the sake of fulfilling Hashem's will. When we do this, Hashem looks kindly upon us. Even when we're imperfect, and even when we're far from perfect, He treats us with compassion, because He understands our struggles and our challenges, and He sees that we're trying. What matters most is that we're trying, that we're making a sincere effort to restrain our negative instincts and do the right thing. This is so important for every one of us to realize. If a person is struggling, if he has some good days and some bad days, if he has a bad habit that he can't seem to kick, if he tries to do the right thing but doesn't always succeed – then this means he is human. It means he is living the way he is supposed to live. We are not meant to be perfect. We are meant to strive to be better. We are meant to work hard and to make a real effort to improve. If we're trying, then we are on the road to greatness. And we are the kind of people that Hashem wants in His world.

  6. Sep 14

    Yom Kippur- If It Doesn’t Challenge You

    One of the dramatic moments of Yom Kippur in the times of the Bet Ha'mikdash was when the kohen gadol would draw lots to determine the fate of two goats. One goat was designated as the שעיר לה' – a sacrifice to G-d, and its blood was sprinkled in the holiest place in the world, in the inner chamber of the Bet Ha'mikdash . The other goat – the שעיר לעזאזל – was taken out into the desert, symbolically carrying all the sins of the Jewish Nation, and then thrown from a cliff. The two goats brought for this "lottery" needed to resemble one another. They were to be a similar size, appearance, and price. These two outwardly similar goats ended up with two opposite fates – one was brought to the holiest place on earth, and the other was thrown off a cliff in the desert. The commentaries explain that two people could appear to be generally the same, but are really traveling on two different paths. They seem to dress more or less the same way and lead more or less the same lifestyle, but in truth they're very different. One is genuinely dedicated to Hashem, and the other is dedicated to עזאזל , to vanity, to things with no value. On Yom Kippur, we are called upon to take a long, hard look at ourselves and determine which path we're really on. Are we fully committed to Torah? Do we really devote our lives to Hashem? Or is our allegiance directed toward other things? The Midrash draws an analogy to a person who needs to reach a certain destination, and sees in front of him two routes that he could take to get there. One route begins with thick thorn bushes that are very difficult to traverse, but soon after this rough patch, there is a clear, beautifully paved road for the rest of the trip. The other route is just the opposite – it begins as a clear path, but is then filled with thorn bushes the rest of the way. So many people who suffer from addiction chose the second road. They saw opportunities for fun and enjoyment, and they indeed had fun and enjoyed, but this resulted in decades of anguish. The path of the Torah is like the first path. When someone tries to begin observing Shabbat, it is exceedingly difficult. But once he gets used to it, it's the most beautiful thing in the world, and he looks forward to it throughout the week. Learning Gemara is at first very difficult, and even frustrating. But once a student spends enough time learning and gets the hang of it, it is exhilarating. On Yom Kippur, our obligation is to make the decision of which road we are going to take – the road to ה' , or the road to עזאזל . And we need to know that the road to Hashem at times looks scary, it looks hard. The other path seems much easier. But on Yom Kippur, we make the firm, resolute decision to take the path of Torah, knowing that even when there are bumps along the way, it leads to a beautiful, fulfilling life. I was once walking on Kings Highway during the Aseret Yemeh Teshuvah (Ten Days of Repentance, from Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur), and I passed by a facility which looked like a fitness center. Outside there was a sign that read: If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you . This was how they hoped to encourage people to sign up for their exercise program. I thought to myself, this is the perfect message for the period of Aseret Yemeh Teshuvah ! If we are going to grow, we need to challenge ourselves. We cannot go through this period without hard work, without having the difficult conversations with ourselves, without struggle. If we want to experience the unparalleled beauty and joy of Torah life, then we need to go through the "thorns," we need to challenge ourselves. Let us make this commitment to undertake the challenge of growth, to make the difficult decisions that need to be made, and may Hashem then lead us along the road to a beautiful and happy Torah life, amen .

  7. Aug 31

    The Hidden & the Revealed

    הנסתרות לה' אלוקינו, והנגלות לנו ולבנינו עד עולם – "The hidden matters are for Hashem our G-d; but the revealed matters are for us and our children, forever…" (29:28) The Hovot Ha'levavot (in the Sha'ar He'behinah section) presents an analogy which captures the idea that this pasuk in Parashat Nitzavim is telling us. He describes a blind man being brought into a fully-furnished and fully-stocked home. It has beds, chairs, tables and couches, and all the food and beverages that he would need. But it also has something truly extraordinary – a doctor with a special medication that would cure the man of his blindness. The man enters the home, and starts walking around – banging into furniture, falling and hurting himself. The doctor approaches him and tells him that he can cure his blindness so he can see again. But the blind man, stubbornly and inexplicably, refuses. He doesn't want the treatment. He continues walking around and getting hurt. He bitterly complains and asks why he was brought into this home where nothing is in the right place, and where he can't do anything without hurting himself. The Hovot Ha'levavot explains that many people here in our world are just like this blind man. They find the world difficult, inhospitable and painful. Things aren't where they should be. They expect something to happen a certain way, but it happens a different way. Just like the blind man doesn't expect the stairs to be where they were, people don't expect situations to unfold the way they do, and so they "fall" and get hurt, like the blind man. They have in their mind a plan of how things should be – just like the blind man is used to his old home, and expects everything to be the same in his new home – and so they repeatedly "bump" into things and feel embittered. All this happens because they are "blind," and they refuse to take the "cure" for their blindness, which is emunah . Emunah opens our eyes to realize that we are in a "house" furnished and designed by Hashem, who invites us to use everything there. The "chair" might not be where we expect it to be, or where we want it to be, but when we see it through the lenses of emunah , we are able to "sit," to use it, to benefit from it. Once we "treat" our "blindness" through emunah , we'll stop getting hurt, because we'll stop expecting things to be precisely the way we think they should be. הנסתרות לה' אלוקינו – the reasons why our world is arranged the way it is belong only to Hashem. These remain hidden for now. We believe that one day we will understand, but in the meantime, we do not have access to this information. It is not our job to explain why things are the way they are. Our job is the נגלות – to open our eyes, to cure our blindness, to accept the world and our lives as they are, and then make the most of it, by enjoying and appreciating our blessings, and by using our challenges and hardships as catalysts for growth. Unfortunately, so many people are disillusioned with Judaism because they have unreasonable expectations. They hear exciting stories of hashgahah peratit (divine providence), of how Hashem helped people, and assume that everything is always supposed to work out. They fail to recognize the נסתרות , that there are things they aren't supposed to understand. The stories of hashgahah peratit are of course real, and they show us that Hashem is here with us, but they do not mean that things will always work out perfectly the way we want. We live in a world of both נסתרות and נגלות – of things that we aren't supposed to understand, but that we are supposed to know how to respond to. We must not get bogged down by the נסתרות – why past events happened, and what the future will bring. Instead, we need to focus on the נגלות – on what Hashem expects of us right now, in the present, in whatever circumstances we currently face.

  8. Aug 24

    Being Present

    Parashat Ki-Tavo begins with the mitzvah of bikkurim , which requires farmers to bring the first ripened fruits to the Bet Ha'mikdash , and present them to a kohen . In one sense, bikkurim resembles other agricultural mitzvot which obligate a person to give the first portion of his produce to Hashem. On the other hand, the mitzvah of bikkurim has something unique, an element that we don't find with other mitzvot , and that is a requirement to make a special declaration when arriving in the Bet Ha'mikdash . This declaration, known as מקרא ביכורים , recounts the origins of our nation, recalling how our ancestors were enslaved in Egypt, cried out to Hashem, and then were miraculously freed, eventually coming into the Land of Israel. The farmer concludes by announcing that he has brought his first fruits to Hashem. These pesukim are familiar to us from the text of the Haggadah at the seder , where we use these pesukim as the springboard to discuss the story of our ancestors' enslavement and the miracles of Yetziat Mitzrayim . Why does the farmer give this whole speech? Why is it not enough for him to bring his first fruits and present them to the kohen in the Bet Ha'mikdash ? I occasionally have the experience of looking at a painting and wondering how much it cost. Due to my limited knowledge of art, I often cannot tell if a painting is a simple work, worth maybe $200, or is a rare collectors' item, worth perhaps tens of thousands of dollars. Often, we look at something which seems to us pretty ordinary, when it's actually a priceless object. This is true of life's experiences, as well. Life gets so busy, so pressured and so chaotic, that we so often don't appreciate the value of the moment. The brief conversation with a child who comes home from school. The dinner table. The family get together. The ride in the car with a spouse or child. These are precious moments, but because we're always feeling pressured and we're always rushing, we don't appreciate them. We rush through them instead of being fully present. Later in the parashah , we read a section where Moshe Rabbenu warns of the calamities that would befall the Jewish People if they abandon the Torah. One of these warnings is והיו חייך תלויים לך מנגד – "Your lives will be hanging in front of you" (28:66). This pasuk is generally interpreted to mean that the people would face such grave danger, that their lives would be "hanging," always at risk. However, somebody shared with me a different reading – that the people would be so pressured, so anxious, that their lives would be "hanging" in front of them instead of being actually lived and experienced. It would always seem that our lives are "hanging," that we're constantly under pressure, desperately trying to do what we need to do, to the point where we're not living. With this in mind, we can perhaps understand the law of מקרא ביכורים . The Torah didn't want the farmer to simply bring his first fruits to the Bet Ha'mikdash . It wanted the farmer to be fully present, and fully aware of the precious value of this moment, of what it means that he grew fruits in Eretz Yisrael . He was required to reflect on what this moment meant – that Hashem performed miracles for his ancestors, and brought them out of slavery so they could live in a special land and produce their own fruit. This seemingly simple event should be appreciated. This is not a $200 painting; this is a priceless moment. Institutions of Torah learning as known by the word yeshivah , which literally means "sitting." Rather than referring to them by the act of studying, we use the word yeshivah , because it connotes ישוב הדעת – focus and concentration. A yeshivah is not merely a place of learning. It is a place of focused attention on learning, a place free of distractions, a place where a student is fully present, concentrating solely on his growth as in Torah. Let us resolve to strive to always be present and focused in everything we do. Instead of right away thinking of the next thing on our schedule or our "to-do" list, let's instead be present in the moment. Whomever we're talking to, let's be present and focused on that person. Whichever mitzvah we're involved in at any given moment, let's be present and focused on that mitzvah . Whatever task we need to take care of, let's be present and focused to get it done the right way. Let's recognize and appreciate the precious value of every small moment. If we live with this mindfulness, being presented and focused, then we will feel so much more accomplished, knowing that each moment of our lives is a priceless "piece of art."

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About

Weekly ethical messages and lessons curated from the Parasha orated by Rabbi Joey Haber

Information

  • Creator
    Rabbi Joey Haber
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    24
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 iTorah.com
  • Show Website
    Weekly Inspire

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