Coming Out & Beyond Support for Women Questioning Their Sexuality

Anne-Marie Zanzal 1ac1f670-c17c-11f0-806a-ef1502adef07
  • 4.4 (25)
  • Sexuality
  • Updated Weekly

Coming Out & Beyond is a podcast for women questioning their sexuality later in life — no matter where you are or what your life looks like right now. Maybe you're sitting with a question you've never said out loud. Maybe you fell for a woman or something woke up recently, everything shifted and you can't put it back. Maybe you're untangling years of religious conditioning or compulsory heterosexuality and trying to figure out who you actually are underneath all of that. Whatever brought you here — this space is for you. Hosted by Anne-Marie Zanzal — Yale Divinity School graduate, ordained progressive minister, grief counselor, and LGBTQ+ coach who came out in midlife — Coming Out & Beyond offers real conversations, emotional clarity, and grounded support for women coming out after 30, 40, 50, and beyond. We talk openly about late bloomer experiences, being married with kids and questioning, single and not finding someone who is right for us, catalyst relationships, faith deconstruction, divorce, grief, identity shifts in midlife, and learning to trust the voice inside you that’s getting louder. This isn’t about rushing labels or blowing up your life. It’s about integration. Self-trust. And the kind of community that changes everything. Because women navigating later-in-life coming out do better — emotionally and practically — when they’re not doing it alone. New episodes weekly. Join the conversation on YouTube, and when you’re ready, step inside Authentically Us (https://community.annemariezanzal.com/)— Anne-Marie’s private community for women on this journey. This journey is yours and you are coming home to yourself. https://annemariezanzal.com/maybe-im-not-straight-guide/

  1. 10h ago

    Your Sapphic Dating Dilemmas, Answered with Love (and Zero Filter)

    This month we return to our lesbian dating and relationship conversation, the one we share on the second Friday of every month, and by popular request Tonda is back at the table! Anne-Marie is joined by her wife, Tonda McKay, our longtime out lesbian and resident truth teller, and by Barbara Rowlandson, fellow coach and the woman who helps lead our Authentically Us community. Together we work through four real questions pulled from the Lesbian Dating Advice subreddit, and the conversation moves from laughing out loud to genuinely tender. We start with the question so many of us know by heart, is my barista flirting with me, and we talk about strategic ambiguity, the cognitive itch that turns a maybe into a crush, and why two women who like each other can sit in a room and say nothing at all. From there we look at a girlfriend whose closest bond is with her straight married best friend, and we ask the harder question underneath the jealousy, are your needs being met in this relationship. We sit with a heartbreaking note from someone whose partner ended things out of religious guilt, and Anne-Marie and Tonda speak plainly about internalized shame, the cost of loving someone who is still in the closet, and the truth that you can be both gay and beloved by the Divine. We close with the "break" at seven months that is really a breakup, the anxious and avoidant dance, and Barbara's reminder that if someone tells you that you are too much, you are free to go find less. A few invitations from this episode. If you are wrestling with the clobber passages and the old messages about faith and sexuality, we point you toward the resources at Cathedral of Hope in Dallas, a UCC congregation that does this work with real care: https://www.cathedralofhope.com/ If this season of your life has a catalyst of its own, Barbara and Anne-Marie created The Catalyst Chapter, a course to help you understand why this work can feel so hard and so holy, and you can find it inside Authentically Us and on the Anne-Marie Zanzal Coaching website, https://annemariezanzal.com/ We taped this on the first of June, so wherever you are, we hope you find your way to some community and some queer joy this Pride month, and if it is safe and right for you, we hope you let yourself be seen. We are so glad you are here!

    47 min

  2. 11h ago ·  Bonus

    You Might Also Like: No Magic Pill with Blake Mycoskie

    Introducing Treating Mental Illness Like a Physical Injury with Olympian Alexi Pappas from No Magic Pill with Blake Mycoskie. Follow the show: No Magic Pill with Blake Mycoskie After becoming an Olympian in 2016, runner Alexi Pappas was afraid to slow down. Her mother had died by suicide when Alexi was just four years old, and she feared that her own depression would become a death sentence, too. But with the support of friends and family, she found the strength to get help and heal. Alexi’s story is for anyone who wants to feel a little braver, to face the world new each day, and understand that it doesn’t take Olympic strength to change your life. In this conversation you’ll learn: – Why we should treat mental illness like a physical injury – How to tell the difference between pain as warning vs. pain as transformation – The best way to support someone who is suffering – How to embrace the unknown with excitement rather than worry You can learn more about Alexi Pappas and buy her book at https://www.alexipappas.com/. And watch Blake on Alexi’s podcast, Mentor Buffet, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtbyxv34TMw. Enough Foundation's mission is to spread reminders in every form — bracelets, messages, actions, community — until feeling ENOUGH becomes the cultural default. To learn more, visit weareenough.co.  Produced, Directed, and Cinematography by Wubetu Shimelash / IG: Wubetu Shimelash Disclaimer: No purchase necessary. While supplies last. Visit http://www.weareenough.co/rules for full terms. More information on Blake’s other projects here:  Morning Water  Morning Water is a daily hydration formula that restores energy, balance, and performance with essential electrolytes, minerals, and nutrients in one simple routine.  To learn more, visit morningwater.co and use code NOMAGICPILL for 25% off your first order. SONIA  Sonia is a conversational AI companion designed for emotional support. Through voice and text, it offers guided wellbeing sessions, including meditations, journaling, personalized recommendations, and practical exercises. To learn more, visit www.soniahealth.com and download it on the App Store. MOOVLAB At MOOVLAB, we bring health and wellness to your workday.  MOOVLAB - the answer to sitting is moving.  To learn more, visit www.moovlab.com Follow Blake on Instagram and stay up to date with Lemonada on Facebook and Instagram. For a list of current sponsors and discount codes for this and every other Lemonada show, go to lemonadamedia.com/sponsors. Joining Lemonada Premium is a great way to support our show and get bonus content. Subscribe today at lemonadapremium.com. Subscribe to Spotify Premium to watch ad-free video. Disclaimer: This episode is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical questions or concerns you may have. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices DISCLAIMER: Please note, this is an independent podcast episode not affiliated with, endorsed by, or produced in conjunction with the host podcast feed or any of its media entities. The views and opinions expressed in this episode are solely those of the creators and guests. For any concerns, please reach out to team@podroll.fm.

  3. Jun 5

    Grieving the Living: The Estrangement No One Prepares You For

    TW: This episode includes honest discussion about grief, estrangement and suicidal ideation. Listener discretion is advised. There is a kind of loss that arrives without a funeral. No casserole on the doorstep, no card in the mail, no ritual to mark it. It is the loss of people who are still alive, of communities that keep meeting without us, of the versions of ourselves we performed for decades. It is called estrangement, and for those of us who came out later in life or left the faith traditions that raised us, it may be one of the most present and least spoken parts of the whole story. In this episode, Anne-Marie and her cohost Anna Empey sit with the word estrangement and everything it holds. Anne-Marie shares her experience of becoming estranged from her child, the devastation of it, and the slow, tender work of repair she is in now. Anna brings her own story of leaving the LDS faith she was raised in and learning to navigate family through boundaries, distance, and a love that refused to disappear. Together they name the things the culture rarely makes room for. That we can grieve someone who is still breathing. That healing does not require reconciliation. That rupture is not failure, and leaving is not always abandonment. Sometimes it is the most faithful thing we can do for ourselves. This is a conversation we offer without tying it up neatly, because some of it is meant to stay open. If estrangement is part of your story, we hope you find some company here. This episode mentions a previous episode about grief and coming out. You can find that episode here: https://youtu.be/DnrRcKN8oT4 Find the episode where Anna shares her coming out story here: https://youtu.be/XD_5QNn5IM8 Learn more about "The Grief Handbook" by Bridget McNulty here: https://bridgetmcnulty.com/the-grief-handbook/ You were never meant to do this alone. Authentically Us is a community of women who came out later in life and who understand the grief, the boundaries, and the becoming. We would love to walk alongside you. Join us at community.annemariezanzal.com.

    42 min

  4. May 29

    Loving Someone Newly Out: Tonda McKay's Story of Falling in Love With a Later in Life Lesbian

    In this revisited Season 5 favorite, Anne-Marie sits down with photographer Tonda McKay, who also happens to be her wife. Tonda came out at eighteen as a good Southern Baptist girl whose prayer partner became her first love, and she has spent the decades since building a life as a long-out lesbian in the South. She shares what those early years held: the isolation of believing she was the only one, the family rupture when her mother said she was dead to her, and the slow, joyful discovery of community through a liberal church softball team. The conversation then turns to something the two of them know intimately. What is it actually like for someone who has been out for forty years to fall in love with a woman who is only just beginning her journey? Tonda speaks honestly about boundaries, patience, and trust, about learning that her new partner's grief was not about her, and about why being older changed everything. Her advice is tender and unvarnished, full of hard-won wisdom about red flags, self-respect, and why some loves are worth holding onto. It is a episode about two women of the same age meeting from opposite ends of the same experience, and the contentment they found together. As Tonda puts it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving who you want to love, and love really does win eventually. You can learn more about Tonda's photography work at https://tondamckay.com/ If Tonda and Anne-Marie's story stirred something in you, you do not have to walk your own journey alone. Authentically Us is a warm, grounded community for women exploring identity and coming out later in life, a soft place to land among others who understand. Whether someone is newly questioning or further along the path, community is where the healing happens. Come find your people at community.annemariezanzal.com.

    55 min

  5. May 22

    Twice Out, Once Home: Keith Aron on Sexuality, Gender & the Long Way Back to Yourself

    This week on Coming Out & Beyond, Anne-Marie sits down with Keith Aron (he/they), a trans and queer transformational coach, writer, proudly witchy weirdo, and self-described honorary tree. Keith writes the Substack Big Blue Sky Dragonfly, where he explores the sweet spot between belonging and authenticity — and his story is one Anne-Marie has been wanting to share for a long time. Keith came out as a lesbian in 2001, while living in conservative Northern Virginia, married to a man, and parenting a young child. There was no social media then, no community waiting on the other side of a Google search — only a Yahoo users group called Lesbian Support, a tiny LGBTQ shelf at the local Barnes and Noble, and a book titled From Wedded Wife to Lesbian Life that he devoured in his minivan. Fifteen years later, after years of sobriety, therapy, and working with gender dysphoria that had been quietly rising for most of his life, Keith came out again — this time as trans. In this conversation, Anne-Marie and Keith move slowly through the territory many of our community members know well. The double masking of sexuality and gender. The way the body keeps the score when we suppress what we know to be true. The role of community in healing what Anne-Marie has called the relational wound of queerness. The strange terrain of passing, of invisibility, of gaining male privilege as someone who lived nearly five decades culturally read as female. The both/and of every part of this work. Keith also offers his perspective on imposter syndrome — particularly the queer imposter syndrome that visits so many people who arrive at their identity later in life and wonder if they are queer enough, trans enough, allowed enough to claim what is theirs. His approach, informed by internal family systems, is one of curiosity rather than combat: getting to know the inner critic, learning what it is afraid of, what it has been trying to protect. (Listen for Keith's nod to Marlin from Finding Nemo as the inner critic we can all probably recognize.) Anne-Marie and Keith also talk practically about how to find safe community when you are exploring something new — including the often-overlooked support of 12-step affinity spaces — and how to find a therapist or coach who actually understands later-in-life identity work, because the rush to be an ally is not the same as the experience to do the work well. This conversation is for anyone listening who came in for the sexuality piece and has started to wonder if there is something else underneath. It is also for anyone who has been on this path for a while and could use the company of someone who has walked the long version of it. Connect with Keith You can find Keith at keitharon.com and on Substack at Big Blue Sky Dragonfly (keitharon.substack.com), or by searching his name on LinkedIn. If you are curious about working with him, his website is the easiest place to start. Join us in community If Keith's words about the necessity of community landed somewhere tender today, we want you to know there is a place for you. Authentically Us is Anne-Marie's ongoing community on Mighty Networks for women navigating identity, sexuality, and the questions that arrive in midlife. It is warm, it is unhurried, and it is full of people who have wondered the same things you are wondering. We would love to have you. You can learn more at https://community.annemariezanzal.com.

    54 min

  6. May 15

    Hurricane Lessons: Betrayal, Becoming, & Coming Out Later in Life

    A decade ago, Anne-Marie and Katrina Anne Willis met inside a small Facebook group that no longer exists — a quiet corner of the internet where women who had Googled "late in life lesbian" found each other. They were both raising kids. Both married to men. Both trying to understand a feeling they didn't yet have language for. This week, they finally meet face to face. Katrina is the author of Hurricane Lessons: A Memoir of Betrayal and Becoming, released April 7th by Sibylline Press. In this conversation, she and Anne-Marie trade their parallel stories — the Pilates instructor, the Catholic upbringing, the husbands who said "if you ever leave me, you'll leave me for a woman" long before either of them understood what that meant. They talk about the catalyst relationship that ripped Katrina's world open, the friend group that quietly disappeared, and the children who grieved in their own ways and on their own timelines. They also talk about what comes after the hurricane. The chosen family. The intentional life. The unexpected softness of a world without raised voices. And the lesson Katrina says took her the longest to learn: that the first betrayal in any coming out story is the betrayal of self, and the becoming begins the moment you stop. If you've ever wondered whether you're the only one who has felt this way — Katrina's answer, and the heart of this episode, is no. You're not. You never were. Where to find Katrina: Hurricane Lessons is available at bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and independent bookstores everywhereSubstack: Surrendering to SapphoInstagram & Facebook: katrina.anne.willis Ready to write your own next chapter? Authentically Us is Anne-Marie's private community for women navigating exactly the kind of transition Katrina describes in Hurricane Lessons — the questioning, the becoming, the quiet rebuilding of a life that actually fits. You don't have to figure it out alone, and you don't have to wait until you have language for it. Join us at https://community.annemariezanzal.com

    46 min

  7. May 8

    The Surprise Truth About Sapphic Sex: What Nobody Tells You Before You Get Here!

    A woman in our community wrote in and asked: "What if my lesbian sex experience doesn't live up to the hype? Does that make me not gay?" That question deserved more than a one-line answer. So Anne-Marie brought in two of her favorite humans to tell the truth — the kind of truth nobody hands you before you get here. Her wife Tonda McKay has been out for forty years and brings the long view: what the community looked like before midlife women started arriving in big numbers, and what she's watched shift since. Co-coach Barb Rowlandson came out later in life and survived midlife lesbian dating to tell the tale. Together with Anne-Marie, they go where most podcasts won't. In this episode, the three of them talk about: 🌈Why the lesbian sex fantasy is so powerful — and why the reality is more complicated than the imagination 🌈Where the U-Haul joke actually comes from (hint: it's economics, microaggressions, and brain chemistry, not just feelings) 🌈Moving fast in a new relationship — when it works, when it doesn't, and how to tell which is which 🌈Why moving toward something is different from moving away from something 🌈Internalized homophobia, shame, and how it shows up in the bedroom — for newly out and long-out women 🌈What it's like to date someone who is brand new when you've been out for decades 🌈How the conversation around later-in-life lesbians has shifted in the last ten years 🌈Why "we send our representative" on the first few dates — and what happens when the real person shows up 🌈Butch, femme, and the freedom of having no rules 🌈The talking. So much talking. This is a warm, funny, honest conversation between three women who love each other and who are not interested in pretending lesbian relationships are easier, simpler, or more magical than they actually are. They are interested in telling you the truth, so you have company on the road. If you have ever wondered whether your experience is "normal," whether you are doing this right, or whether the hype was lying to you — this one is for you. Have a question you want answered on the podcast? Send it to us. Like the listener who asked the question that opened this episode, your question might be exactly what someone else in our community needs to hear. New episode of Coming Out & Beyond is live. Listen wherever you get your podcasts — Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or watch the full episode on YouTube: If you are coming out later in life, dating for the first time as a queer woman, or somewhere in the middle of figuring it all out — you are not alone, and you are not behind. We're glad you're here. If this episode made you think I want to talk about this with women who get it — that's exactly what Authentically Us is for. It's our private community for women navigating identity, coming out, and what comes next. We talk, we laugh, we process, we hold space. Come find your people. Join us at https://community.annemariezanzal.com .

    59 min

  8. May 1

    Clarity Is a Thousand Small Permissions

    Join the 3-Day Clarity Experience, May 5–7. A live space for women in the long middle who are ready to stop doing it alone — not to get a fix, but to sit with the questions alongside a community of women in exactly the same place. Standard admission is $47, or $87 for VIP, which includes a private 45-minute call with Anne-Marie. https://annemariezanzal.com/3-day-clarity-experience/ The fantasy is that one day you wake up and everything snaps into place — the marriage, the friendships, the way you dress, the way you pray. What nobody tells us is that for most of us, becoming happens at the speed of a glacier, not a lightning bolt. In this month's conversation, Anne-Marie Zanzal sits down with returning guest Anna Empey to explore the long middle — the space between knowing and acting, between the question and the certainty. They talk about why coming out is the end of the beginning, not the end of the story; why "I don't know yet" is a complete and honest answer; and why the grand reinvention is really a thousand small permissions stacked on top of each other. The conversation moves into the nervous system response that comes with this kind of change — the sleep that won't come, the body that won't settle — and the practices that help women stay with themselves while everything is moving. Anne-Marie and Anna also get into shame versus guilt, the cultural script that says coming out is only for the young, and why no one has to blow up her life to live an honest one. Whether a listener is four months into claiming a new identity or has been sitting with the question for years, this conversation is a reminder that she is not behind. She is already becoming. Coming Out & Beyond is available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, with full video episodes on YouTube: https://youtu.be/g2AGyBj8JXU For listeners who find today's conversation landing somewhere tender, Authentically Us offers an online community for women navigating identity questions in midlife and beyond — a place to belong while still figuring out what they're becoming. More information is available at https://community.annemariezanzal.com/users/onboarding/plans #ComingOutLaterInLife #LateBloomerLesbian #LGBTQPodcast #MidlifeAwakening #SacredBelonging

    42 min
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4.4
out of 5
25 Ratings

About

Coming Out & Beyond is a podcast for women questioning their sexuality later in life — no matter where you are or what your life looks like right now. Maybe you're sitting with a question you've never said out loud. Maybe you fell for a woman or something woke up recently, everything shifted and you can't put it back. Maybe you're untangling years of religious conditioning or compulsory heterosexuality and trying to figure out who you actually are underneath all of that. Whatever brought you here — this space is for you. Hosted by Anne-Marie Zanzal — Yale Divinity School graduate, ordained progressive minister, grief counselor, and LGBTQ+ coach who came out in midlife — Coming Out & Beyond offers real conversations, emotional clarity, and grounded support for women coming out after 30, 40, 50, and beyond. We talk openly about late bloomer experiences, being married with kids and questioning, single and not finding someone who is right for us, catalyst relationships, faith deconstruction, divorce, grief, identity shifts in midlife, and learning to trust the voice inside you that’s getting louder. This isn’t about rushing labels or blowing up your life. It’s about integration. Self-trust. And the kind of community that changes everything. Because women navigating later-in-life coming out do better — emotionally and practically — when they’re not doing it alone. New episodes weekly. Join the conversation on YouTube, and when you’re ready, step inside Authentically Us (https://community.annemariezanzal.com/)— Anne-Marie’s private community for women on this journey. This journey is yours and you are coming home to yourself. https://annemariezanzal.com/maybe-im-not-straight-guide/

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