Coming Out & Beyond | Support for Women Questioning Their Sexuality

Anne-Marie Zanzal 1ac1f670-c17c-11f0-806a-ef1502adef07
  • 4.4 (26)
  • Sexuality
  • Updated Weekly

Coming Out & Beyond is a podcast for women questioning their sexuality later in life — no matter where you are or what your life looks like right now. Maybe you're sitting with a question you've never said out loud. Maybe you fell for a woman or something woke up recently, everything shifted and you can't put it back. Maybe you're untangling years of religious conditioning or compulsory heterosexuality and trying to figure out who you actually are underneath all of that. Whatever brought you here — this space is for you. Hosted by Anne-Marie Zanzal — Yale Divinity School graduate, ordained progressive minister, grief counselor, and LGBTQ+ coach who came out in midlife — Coming Out & Beyond offers real conversations, emotional clarity, and grounded support for women coming out after 30, 40, 50, and beyond. We talk openly about late bloomer experiences, being married with kids and questioning, single and not finding someone who is right for us, catalyst relationships, faith deconstruction, divorce, grief, identity shifts in midlife, and learning to trust the voice inside you that’s getting louder. This isn’t about rushing labels or blowing up your life. It’s about integration. Self-trust. And the kind of community that changes everything. Because women navigating later-in-life coming out do better — emotionally and practically — when they’re not doing it alone. New episodes weekly. Join the conversation on YouTube, and when you’re ready, step inside Authentically Us (https://community.annemariezanzal.com/)— Anne-Marie’s private community for women on this journey. This journey is yours and you are coming home to yourself. https://annemariezanzal.com/maybe-im-not-straight-guide/

  1. 9h ago

    The Best Sex of Your Life Can Come After 50

    Note for Listeners: This episode contains explicit language and conversation about sex and sexual pleasure. Listener discretion is advised. What if the best sex of your life is still ahead of you? In this episode of Coming Out and Beyond, Anne-Marie Zanzal and dating coach Barbara Rowlandson sit down with Susan Bratton, the intimacy expert to millions and one of the most prolific and widely read sex educators in the world. Susan has spent more than two decades teaching the kind of sex education most of us were never given, the kind rooted in pleasure rather than shame or silence, and she brings all of it to this conversation with warmth, science, and a whole lot of joy. Together they talk about what it means to come home to your own body, often for the first time. So many women arrive in midlife having only known sex that was performative, dutiful, and centered on someone else. Susan offers another way. She walks us through calming the nervous system with the soulmate embrace, moving out of performance and into sensation, and understanding why a woman's arousal is slow, responsive, and worth every unhurried minute. This is an honest, tender, sometimes very funny conversation about pleasure as something sacred rather than shameful, about the body as something to be understood rather than judged, and about why, for so many Sapphic women, the intimacy they find after coming out is the most connected they have ever known. If sex was ever framed for you as a duty or a source of shame, this episode is an invitation to imagine something better. Pleasure is a skill. It is learnable at any age. And you are far more capable of it than you were ever allowed to believe. Want to learn more about Susan and Better Lover, her library of resource materials for improving sexual pleasure? Visit her website at https://susanbratton.com/ The toys that Susan highlighted in the episode can be found at https://drivedesire.com/Jamie McCartney's Great Wall of Vulva project, mentioned in this episode, can be found here: https://www.thegreatwallofvulva.com/ Ready to explore this for yourself? Join us for the 3 Day Clarity Experience, a live event for women who are questioning, wondering, and ready to understand what they are feeling. Over three evenings together we make space for your story, your clarity, and the beginnings of real community. The next one runs September 22 through 24. You can join for $47, or $97 for VIP, which includes a group Clarity Circle with Anne-Marie. Register here: https://annemariezanzal.com/3-day-clarity-experience/

  2. 9h ago ·  Bonus

    You Might Also Like: The Oprah Podcast

    Introducing Inner Excellence: Train Your Mind for the Best Possible Life with Oprah and Jim Murphy from The Oprah Podcast. Follow the show: The Oprah Podcast BUY THE BOOK! Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy https://amzn.to/4rhK0ul Performance coach and bestselling author Jim Murphy’s book Inner Excellence took the world by storm and rocketed to #1 after NFL wide receiver A.J. Brown was spotted reading it during a playoff game. Seemingly overnight the book became a New York Times bestseller, resonating far beyond the world of sports. Drawing from the powerful lessons in Inner Excellence Jim shares the mental tools you can cultivate to help manage your mind, unlock your potential and expand what's possible in your life. He also discusses his transformative new book, The Best Possible Life, revealing how you can cultivate greater peace, purpose and fulfillment. 00:00:00 - Welcome Jim Murphy, author of Inner Excellence 00:04:40 - Jim’s path to inner excellence 00:07:40 - The pursuit of joy  00:11:40 - How to manage our minds  00:13:20 - 5 questions to clear a mental block 00:15:30 - 2 paths in life  00:18:40 - Post sports identity 00:21:30 - The definition of Zoe  00:24:10 - Jim’s advice to those on the journey  00:27:00 - How to figure out what matters  00:30:30 - How to detach from the outcome of your goals  00:35:50 - Power of intention  00:39:55 - We are all human  00:41:20 - Keeping our ego in check  00:47:55 - The pursuit of success   Follow Oprah Winfrey on Social: https://www.instagram.com/oprahpodcast/ https://www.facebook.com/oprahwinfrey/ Listen to the full podcast:  https://open.spotify.com/show/0tEVrfNp92a7lbjDe6GMLI https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-oprah-podcast/id1782960381 DISCLAIMER: Please note, this is an independent podcast episode not affiliated with, endorsed by, or produced in conjunction with the host podcast feed or any of its media entities. The views and opinions expressed in this episode are solely those of the creators and guests. For any concerns, please reach out to team@podroll.fm.

    You Might Also Like: The Oprah Podcast

  3. Sep 11

    Should You Run? Unfiltered Sapphic Dating Advice

    This month on Coming Out and Beyond it is our monthly dating and relationship show, and Anne-Marie is joined by her co-coach Barbara Rowlandson, a psychotherapist and dating coach, and her wife Tonda McKay. Before the questions, the three of them catch up on a summer of kayaking, wineries, and a 2,500 mile road trip through Michigan that somehow ended without a single argument. Anne-Marie and Tonda talk honestly about what ten years together and five years of marriage have actually asked of them, because the falling in love was real and so was the work. Then we open the mailbag. All of this month's questions come from the Late Blooming Lesbian subreddit, and they are the ones so many women ask quietly when they are new to dating women. What is it like to hold your girlfriend's hand in public for the first time, and where is the line between joy and scanning the room for other people's reactions. How do you think about an age gap when you are coming out later in life. What does reciprocity look like when one person keeps paying and the other keeps apologizing for it. And when someone pushes for exclusivity after a single date, is that really the U-Haul, or something else underneath. Barbara brings the therapist's lens, Tonda brings the honest one word answer, and Anne-Marie holds the pastoral middle. If you are somewhere on this road yourself, you do not have to walk it alone. Anne-Marie and Barb are hosting the 3-Day Clarity Experience on September 22, 23, and 24 at 7:00 PM Central. It is our most loved event, with 62 women in the room last time, and it is a warm, honest place to sit with exactly these kinds of questions alongside other women moving through this chapter too. We would love to have you there. Register at annemariezanzal.com and click the banner at the top. If coming out later in life is your story, Authentically Us is a good place to land. Authentically Us is our online community of women who genuinely support each other through this time. We hold a minimum of three online events/week where you can learn, share, and connect with other women who are navigating the coming out later in life process. You can find it at community.annemariezanzal.com.

  4. Sep 4

    🚩 The Signs We Only See Now: Were We Ever Really Straight?

    This month's episode with Anna Empey is the one we have all earned after a tender chapter of heavier conversations. It is lighter, there is a lot of laughing, and it is about the signs. Not the ones we noticed at the time, but the ones we can only see now, the ones that were quietly flashing the whole time while we went about our lives. Anne-Marie and Anna compare notes on the intense friendships they once organized their whole worlds around, and on the celebrity crushes they were so sure were nothing more than admiration. They get into the jealousy that felt far bigger than friendship, the difference between wanting to be her and wanting to be with her, and the church language of same sex attraction that so many of us were handed like a diagnosis. There is one loving thing to hold onto before any of us starts feeling foolish. We did not miss these signs because we were oblivious. We missed them because nobody had given us the words yet. Growing up in religious and conservative homes decades apart, neither Anne-Marie nor Anna had the language to name what was right in front of them. Wherever you are in your own questioning, you do not have to check every box, or any box at all. The only person who can name your sexuality is you. And if there is one thing this conversation makes clear, it is that you have not missed the boat. Your heart is beating, and the fullest version of your life may be waiting on the other side of what you have not yet let yourself see. 🔥Anne-Marie mentions a do-not-miss Brandi Carlile performance covering the Alanis Morrissette song "Uninvited" in this episode, so if you're curious, here's the link! https://youtu.be/kyvDyZoyGUg?si=rWXmdQGaLf6CG1gU 👉Here's a little teaser of Fortune Feimster's Netflix comedy special, "Sweet & Salty": https://youtu.be/Rdj_fEEH5oU?si=rhaJa92JvoQIuYO7 🗓️Reminder: Anna Empey joins Anne-Marie on the pod on the first Friday of every month! You might want to subscribe so you don't miss it. ;) If this conversation stirs something in you, you do not have to sit with it alone. Authentically Us is our community for women navigating questioning and coming out later in life, with group support gatherings every week and people who understand exactly what this chapter asks of you. We would love to have you with us. Come find your people here: https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us

  5. Aug 28

    Straight Women Don't Lie Awake Wondering if They're Gay

    This is the start of something new. The episodes you have told us you love most are the ones where the three of us sit down together, so we are making them a monthly gathering. Once a month, Tonda, Barbara, and I will open the letters and answer the questions women are actually asking: the real ones, the tender ones, the slightly awkward ones, and the ones you would only ask us at two in the morning with the door shut. If you are new to the show, here is who you are sitting with. I came out in my fifties, and I have kept all the receipts. Barbara is a psychotherapist who will advise you gently, and she means it as the highest compliment. Tonda has been out for more than forty years, so she has quietly seen most of it. We think of ourselves as the slightly older, slightly wiser, occasionally ridiculous friends who happened to get here first. This month we read five letters, and the same quiet question ran underneath every one of them. Woman after woman, wondering whether she is allowed to believe what she feels. Here is what we opened this month: How do I know if what I'm feeling is real, or if I am imagining it? I have never been with a woman. Am I allowed to call myself sapphic or queer at all? Is there such a thing as too late? (from a listener in her late sixties) What is compulsory heterosexuality, and how do I know if I have been living inside it? I know I am not straight, but I do not feel drawn to women the way I expected. Where do I fit? We talk about the comfort zone and the fear that shows up the moment you step out of it, the gatekeepers who think they get to decide who belongs (they do not), why it is never too late, and the grace you deserve when the feelings arrive on their own timeline instead of the one you imagined. Pour something you like, get comfortable, and come sit with us. 🌈Email your questions to support@annemariezanzal.com. You might hear yours answered on a future episode. 🌈Leave your questions in the comments below. 🌈If you are already inside Authentically Us, you can privately message Anne-Marie or Barbara with your question. 🌈This Authentic Life, the community course Barbara and Anne-Marie are hosting together, begins the first week of October. Registration is open now at https://annemariezanzal.com/this-authentic-life-community-course/ 🌈Join Authentically Us, our online community, at https://community.annemariezanzal.com/ If the questions in this episode sound like the ones living quietly in you, you do not have to sit with them alone. Authentically Us is our online community, a growing circle of women who are all somewhere in this process of coming out and coming home to themselves. You can ask your own questions there and hear from us, and from women who understand because they are walking it too. We would love to see you inside. Join us here: https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us

  6. Aug 21

    Coming Out at 39: When the Puzzle Pieces Finally Fit

    Some mornings change everything. Marissa Mitchell was 39, a teacher and army veteran in southern Indiana, married to her junior high sweetheart and quietly certain that the distance she felt in her marriage was a problem she could fix if she only tried harder. Then one ordinary morning, about a week into summer break, she woke up understanding something that reordered her whole life. She was in love with a woman, and she had been moving through the world as someone she was not. In this conversation, one we are revisiting from Season 1, Marissa tells the story of what came next with rare honesty. She talks about the depth of the sadness, about telling her husband first and the grace he met her with, and about the tender moment she came out to her eight year old daughter at a stoplight on the way home from therapy. She is generous about her ex, who remains one of her closest friends, and clear eyed about the particular grief of reframing a life you thought you already understood. What stays with you is where she lands. Marissa found her way to community, first through an online group and then a weekend with women who simply understood her, and she calls it the most life altering weekend of her life. It is a truth we return to again and again on this show. When you first come out, the instinct is to go looking for a partner. What you actually need is community, the company of other women who get it without explanation. She carried that clarity back into her classroom, starting a Gay Straight Alliance that drew 45 students to its very first meeting. Her daughter draws rainbows. And for the first time in her life, Marissa says, she is comfortable in her own skin. Whether you came out at 18 or are sitting with these questions in midlife, there is room for you here. We are so glad you are with us. This episode is really about the thing Marissa needed most, which was community. That is exactly what we have built inside Authentically Us, our online home for women coming out and figuring things out in midlife, with group support gatherings every week. You do not have to walk this one alone. Come and see: https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us

  7. Aug 14

    High Libidos, Straight Girl Crushes & Coming Out Later

    It is the second Friday of the month, which means Anne-Marie is back with the company she loves most: her fellow coach Barbara Rowlandson and her wife Tonda McKay. This is the monthly conversation so many of you tell us is your favorite, where we take the real questions women ask about sapphic dating and answer them with honesty, humor, and a lot of love. This month we open four questions from the Late Bloomer Lesbian forum. What do you do when you are in your late thirties, newly aware of who you are, and embarrassed that you have not even had a first kiss yet? How do you make sense of a libido that roars to life the moment you come out, and how do you have honest conversations about sexual health along the way? Why do so many of us keep falling for straight women, and what is really underneath that pattern? And how do you set down the guilt that rises up when someone you love reacts to your truth with hurt or anger? Tonda brings decades of lived experience. Barb brings her training as a therapist and dating coach. And underneath all the laughter is the reminder we return to again and again. You are not behind. This is your timeline. There is no race to run, and there is a whole community of women who came out later in life ready to welcome you. We also have news. These conversations have grown so popular that we are expanding to twice a month, which means even more room for your questions and your stories. Queer joy is what this looks like, and we are so glad you are here. Barb's viral clap back at a troll who asked what she would do if no one ever married her. She answered by tearing across her land on her ATV, dog running happily alongside, grinning and completely unbothered. Two years later people are still liking it. Watch it here: https://www.tiktok.com/@late_2_the_party_lesbian/video/7369204187428670725 Send us your dating questions. Drop them in the YouTube comments, add them in the comments on Spotify, or reach out directly at support@annemariezanzal.com. Like, comment, and share the episode so more women who need this can find it. Keep listening, because the show is expanding to twice a month. Alongside the monthly Sapphic dating episode, there will be a second episode covering broader Sapphic questions. The episode briefly touches on an OP's suicidal thoughts, and Barb reminded listeners that anyone in North America can call or text 988, available 24/7. If this episode made you feel a little less alone, that is exactly why we built Authentically Us. It is our community for women navigating identity, coming out, and dating later in life, created by someone who knows the isolation of doing this in midlife firsthand. Inside you will find real connection and at least three group gatherings every week, from Speed Friending to our book club, along with courses and a place where you are always met with understanding instead of judgment. Membership is $39 a month or $390 a year. Come find your people. https://bit.ly/Authentically-Us

  8. Aug 7

    How to Stop Letting Fear Run Your Life

    What if fear is not a stop sign but a signal that you are growing? In this month's first Friday conversation, Anne-Marie is joined by regular guest Anna Empey, business development consultant and LGBTQ+ coach, for an honest look at fear. Not how to get rid of it, because we cannot, but how to stop letting it make our decisions for us. Together they explore why the brain works so hard to keep us in our comfort zones, even the miserable ones, and why so many women stay in marriages, jobs, and closets for years because familiar feels safer than free. Anna gets wonderfully nerdy about the amygdala and neuroplasticity, explaining how every small brave step literally teaches the brain that change is survivable. Anne-Marie draws on her years as a hospice chaplain, where she sat with thousands of people at the end of life and heard their real regrets. No one ever told her they wished they had stayed more comfortable. You will also hear why "blowing up your life" is the wrong phrase, how to recognize when practicality is really fear wearing sensible shoes, why the anticipation of coming out is often scarier than the act itself, and Anne-Marie's beloved reframe of coming out as "letting in," where you hold the power to choose who enters your inner circle. We leave you with one question to sit with this week. Where in your life is fear making your decisions for you? No need to act yet. Notice, and consider your first brave step. Fear loses its grip in community. When we sit with other women who understand this road from the inside, the fear, the guilt, and the shame all begin to loosen their hold, because shame cannot survive being met with empathy. Both Anne-Marie and Anna are inside Authentically Us, our ongoing community for women navigating identity, coming out, and everything beyond. If you are tired of carrying this alone, we have saved you a seat. Join us at https://community.annemariezanzal.com

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4.4
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About

Coming Out & Beyond is a podcast for women questioning their sexuality later in life — no matter where you are or what your life looks like right now. Maybe you're sitting with a question you've never said out loud. Maybe you fell for a woman or something woke up recently, everything shifted and you can't put it back. Maybe you're untangling years of religious conditioning or compulsory heterosexuality and trying to figure out who you actually are underneath all of that. Whatever brought you here — this space is for you. Hosted by Anne-Marie Zanzal — Yale Divinity School graduate, ordained progressive minister, grief counselor, and LGBTQ+ coach who came out in midlife — Coming Out & Beyond offers real conversations, emotional clarity, and grounded support for women coming out after 30, 40, 50, and beyond. We talk openly about late bloomer experiences, being married with kids and questioning, single and not finding someone who is right for us, catalyst relationships, faith deconstruction, divorce, grief, identity shifts in midlife, and learning to trust the voice inside you that’s getting louder. This isn’t about rushing labels or blowing up your life. It’s about integration. Self-trust. And the kind of community that changes everything. Because women navigating later-in-life coming out do better — emotionally and practically — when they’re not doing it alone. New episodes weekly. Join the conversation on YouTube, and when you’re ready, step inside Authentically Us (https://community.annemariezanzal.com/)— Anne-Marie’s private community for women on this journey. This journey is yours and you are coming home to yourself. https://annemariezanzal.com/maybe-im-not-straight-guide/

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