Resilient Kid: Therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens

Ashley Costello | TEDx Speaker | Author | Psychotherapist | Award Winner
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TEDx speaker, author, and award-winning psychotherapist Ashley Costello provides therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens. As the visionary founder of The Resilient Kid Franchise, Ashley shares professional psychotherapy and support for child mental health. Discover practical parenting strategies for every stage of your child's forming years. Access searchable expert advice for families and educators dedicated to building resilience. This show delivers vital tools for raising strong, capable young people, focusing on mental wellness, professional support, and expert-led tips.

  1. Aug 18

    S11E12 - Let's Actually Talk About Sex For 16+

    Let's Actually Talk About SexThe Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11, Episode 10 "Your body belongs to you. Your desire is not shameful. Healthy sex is mutual, communicative, and good for everyone involved."WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTThe final and most direct episode of Season 11. For young people aged 16+, we talk honestly about what sex is, healthy sex, pornography, contraception, STIs, readiness, consent and making choices that feel right for you. For parents: please listen before sharing with your teenager. It is explicit in places and intentionally so. ⚠️ LISTENER GUIDANCEFor young people aged 16 and over. Includes direct discussion of sex, pornography, contraception and STIs. If you are under 16, Episodes 7, 8 and 9 are made for you. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS00:00 Age Guidance and Intent01:04 Season Finale Setup01:54 What Sex Really Is03:42 What Healthy Sex Looks Like06:37 Porn vs Reality10:21 Contraception Basics14:31 STIs and Testing17:02 First Time and Readiness19:05 Season Takeaways20:42 Wrap Up and Resources 📋 QUICK REFERENCEHealthy sex: both people genuinely want to be there, can stop at any time, communicate, and know that both people's pleasure and wellbeing matter. Pornography: a performance, not a guide to real bodies, consent, pleasure, intimacy or what is "normal". Contraception: condoms are the only contraceptive method that also helps protect against STIs. Other options include the pill, implant, coil, injection and emergency contraception. STIs: many have no obvious symptoms. Testing is free and confidential, condoms reduce risk, and most STIs can be treated. 🔬 RESEARCH & FURTHER READINGNatsal: https://www.natsal.ac.uk/ Brook: https://www.brook.org.uk/ NHS Contraception: https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/ NHS Sexual Health: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/sexual-health/find-a-sexual-health-clinic SH:24: https://sh24.org.uk/ 📚 SUPPORTRape Crisis: 0808 500 2222 | https://rapecrisis.org.uk/Childline: 0800 1111 | https://www.childline.org.uk/CEOP: https://www.ceop.police.uk/ LISTENERS' LOUNGEhttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge USEFUL LINKSNewsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957 Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk

  2. Aug 13

    S11E11 - Consent: What It Actually Means 13+

    Consent, Pressure & Staying Safe Online“Consent is not the absence of a no. It is the presence of a yes.” This episode is for young people aged 13 and over. It talks honestly and directly about consent, relationships, pressure, online safety, intimate image sharing and sextortion. It is designed to help young people recognise what a genuine yes looks like, what pressure can sound like, what to do if something online starts to feel wrong, and where to get help. For parents: this is a good episode to listen to first, then share with your teenager or use as the starting point for a conversation. What consent meansEveryone involved genuinely wants to be there.Nobody is being pressured, guilted or worn down.A yes should be real, enthusiastic and freely given.Anyone can change their mind at any time.Yes to one thing is not yes to everything.Yes once is not yes always.Pressure can sound like: “If you really liked me, you would”, “Everyone else does it”, “You said you would” or “We’ve been together long enough.” Pressure is not consent. Online consent & sextortionSending an intimate image does not give anyone permission to share it. Sextortion is when someone uses an intimate image, or the threat of sharing one, to demand money, more images or something else. It is a crime and it is not your fault. If this happens: do not pay, do not send more images, do not delete the messages, tell a trusted adult immediately and report it. CEOP: https://ceop.police.uk/Childline: https://www.childline.org.uk/ | 0800 1111Revenge Porn Helpline: https://revengepornhelpline.org.uk/ | 0345 6000 459Internet Watch Foundation: https://www.iwf.org.uk/ If something has already happenedIf you were pressured, manipulated, someone did not stop when you wanted them to, or you are being threatened with an image, you do not have to deal with it alone. Tell a parent, teacher, trusted adult, coach or another safe person. You are allowed to ask for help. Rape Crisis England & Wales: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ | 0808 500 2222NSPCC: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/ | 0808 800 5000The Survivors Trust: https://thesurvivorstrust.org/Brook: https://www.brook.org.uk/ Listeners’ LoungeFind more resources here:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful LinksWebsite: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.ukNewsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareBook: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello The Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11 — The Parent in the Room

  3. Aug 6

    S11E10 - Hey, This Is For You: Girls

    This episode is spoken directly to girls aged 10–13 in language that treats them like the capable, curious, real people they are. It explores female puberty honestly and without embarrassment, covering breast development, body hair, vaginal discharge, periods in detail, the correct names for female anatomy including the vulva and clitoris, masturbation and self-exploration, emotional changes, body image, social media, consent and personal boundaries. It answers the questions many girls have but are often too afraid to ask, reassuring them that what they are experiencing is normal. For parents: listen first, then share. Listen together on a journey, or simply leave it quietly on a device. However it reaches her, it is worth getting there. This episode is designed to support the conversations you are already having at home, not replace them. Listener Guidance This episode is suitable for young people aged 10+. It contains age-appropriate discussion of puberty, periods, vaginal discharge, the vulva, vagina, clitoris, masturbation, emotions and body confidence. There is no explicit sexual content. Episode Timestamps 00:00 Welcome01:00 Your body is not a problem03:00 Understanding puberty07:00 Periods explained12:00 The things nobody tells girls15:00 Bodies, boundaries and body image17:00 Final reassurance18:00 Outro Quick Reference Puberty usually starts between the ages of 8 and 13. Breast buds, body hair, growth spurts, skin changes and vaginal discharge are all normal parts of development. Periods usually happen every 21–35 days, last 3–7 days and are often irregular when they first begin. Pads, tampons, period pants and menstrual cups are all valid options. Big feelings are normal too – your brain is still developing. Find More Resources 🎧 Listeners' Loungehttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Inside you'll find the research behind every episode, companion podcast episodes, downloadable resources, recommended books, handouts and practical tools to help you continue the conversation at home. Useful Links Newsletterhttps://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share A Parent's Guide to Raising a Resilient Kidhttps://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Websitehttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957 Spotify Podcasthttps://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/resilientkiduk Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid LinkedInhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkid Pinteresthttps://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademy Teachers' Guide Waitlistashley@theresilientkid.co.uk The Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11 – The TalkProduced by Chantelle Venter at https://websitefae.com/The Resilient People | Trading as The Resilient Kid and The Resilient Teen.

  4. Jul 30

    S11E9 - Hey, This Is For You Boys - Age 10-13

    "What is happening to you is normal. All of it."WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTThis episode is for boys aged 10–13, spoken directly to them in honest, age-appropriate language. We talk about puberty, what is happening to the body, why it happens, and the things many boys are never warned about, including erections, wet dreams, masturbation, emotions, body changes and what to expect as they grow up. Parents are encouraged to listen first, listen together, or simply share the episode with their son. However you do it, the aim is to make these conversations easier. ⚠️ LISTENER GUIDANCESuitable for young people aged 10+. This episode includes age-appropriate discussion of puberty, erections, wet dreams and masturbation. It contains no explicit sexual content and is designed to support healthy, shame-free conversations. ⏱️ EPISODE TIMESTAMPS00:00 Welcome and age guidance01:00 Puberty is normal03:00 What changes during puberty07:00 Erections, wet dreams and masturbation10:00 Feelings, emotions and the teenage brain12:00 Bodies, boundaries and online content15:00 Final thoughts 📋 QUICK REFERENCEPuberty usually starts between ages 9–14.Testosterone causes physical and emotional changes.Growth spurts, body hair, voice changes and spots are all normal.Erections and wet dreams are a normal part of puberty.Emotions often feel bigger because the brain is still developing.Talking to a trusted adult really helps.📚 RESOURCESFor young people: Childline – 0800 1111 – https://www.childline.org.ukBrook – https://www.brook.org.ukFor parents: Listen to Season 11 Episode 2 – Growing Up Boy for the parent version with additional research and guidance.💬 FOR PARENTSKeep conversations relaxed. Let your son know you're available for questions without putting pressure on him to talk immediately. You don't need to have all the answers—being open and willing to listen is what matters most. USEFUL LINKSWebsite: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk Newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957 Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello The Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11 – The Parent in the Room

  5. Jul 22

    S11E8 - Let's Talk About Sex — The Parent Guide

    ```html“How do I give them something I never had?”WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTThis is the episode many parents have been both waiting for and quietly dreading. We follow Gemma, mum to a sixteen-year-old son and a thirteen-year-old daughter, who received almost no meaningful sex education herself. She was taught the mechanics of reproduction, but not what sex feels like, what healthy sex looks like, or how desire, pleasure, consent, and communication fit together. This episode explores what sex actually is beyond penetration and reproduction. It looks at why pleasure matters, why leaving it out can cause harm, and how parents can begin honest conversations with their teenagers, even when nobody had those conversations with them. Contraception, STIs, and pornography will each be explored in separate follow-up episodes. ⏱️ EPISODE TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction02:00 Gemma’s story07:00 What sex actually is13:00 Five tips for parents16:00 Gemma talks to Tyler20:00 The bigger picture23:00 Closing thoughts 🔬 RESEARCH & CONCEPTSWhat Sex Actually IsProfessor Kaye Wellings leads the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles. The research recognises sexual activity as a broad spectrum, including kissing, touching, oral sex, mutual masturbation, and penetrative sex. A definition focused only on penetration can leave young people without the language to understand their own experiences. Pleasure MattersDr Emily Nagoski argues that sex education focused only on pregnancy, STIs, assault, and risk can teach young people that sex is fundamentally dangerous. Alongside safety and consent, young people need to understand that healthy sex is mutual, both people want to be there, both people’s pleasure matters, and either person can stop at any time. What Young People WantResearch from the Sex Education Forum shows that young people want honesty, clear answers, and information about what healthy relationships and sexual experiences look and feel like, not only what they should fear. 💡 FIVE TIPS FOR PARENTSBroaden your definition: Sex is more than penetration.Include pleasure: Desire and enjoyment matter.Describe healthy sex: Mutual wanting, communication, checking in, and freedom to stop.Be honest about your own gaps: Saying, “I didn’t get this conversation either,” can build trust.Keep it ongoing: Small conversations are better than one big lecture.📚 FURTHER READINGBrookSex Education ForumNatsalInternet Watch FoundationNHS Sexual HealthCome As You Are by Emily NagoskiFIND THE RESOURCESVisit our Listeners’ Lounge YouTube: Add link Spotify: Add link USEFUL LINKSJoin our newsletter A Parent’s Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid Instagram |Facebook |YouTube |Spotify ⚠️ A NOTE ON THE STORIESGemma and Tyler are composite characters, created from the experiences of many families who have asked the same question: How do I give them something I never had? The Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11Produced by Chantelle Venter at WebsiteFae.com ```

  6. Jul 16

    S11E7 - Teaching Consent From the Start

    "By the time we get to the teenage conversation, consent should already be a language a young person has been speaking for a decade." WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT Consent is not a teenage conversation. It begins in childhood, in the moment a child does not want a hug and a trusted adult says: "You don't have to." In this episode, we follow two families. Sarah and Daniel realise they have talked about bodies without discussing who those bodies belong to. Nadia's daughter, Chloe, comes home shaken after being pressured online and not having the language to explain why it felt wrong. We explore consent from toddlerhood through to the teenage years, including body autonomy, boundaries, online pressure, relationships and why children need practice saying no and having it respected. EPISODE TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Consent is not a teenage conversation02:00 Sarah, Daniel and Nadia — part one07:00 Consent as a language, not a lesson13:00 Teaching consent at every age16:00 Returning to the family stories20:00 The bigger picture23:00 Closing thoughts24:30 Outro CONSENT AT EVERY AGE Ages 2–5 Respect their no. Children do not have to hug, kiss or be tickled if they do not want to. "You don't have to give Grandma a hug. Would you like to wave instead?" Ages 5–10 Teach them that their body belongs to them, nobody should touch them in a way that feels uncomfortable, and they will never be in trouble for telling you. Ages 10–13 Name pressure clearly, including online pressure. Nobody has the right to ask for photos or make them feel they must prove something with their body. Ages 13+ Consent goes both ways. A yes must be clear, freely given and ongoing. Going quiet, changing the subject or appearing uncertain is not a yes. FIVE KEY TAKEAWAYS Respect their no from the very beginning.Teach body ownership clearly and repeatedly.Talk about pressure before secondary school.Teach teenagers to respect other people's boundaries too.If something has already happened, start the conversation now. It is never too late. RESEARCH AND SUPPORT This episode references work from the NSPCC, Professor Liz Kelly, Rape Crisis England and Wales, Dr Nina Burrowes, the Lucy Faithfull Foundation and statutory RSE guidance. All research links, safeguarding organisations, support numbers, further reading and downloadable resources are available in our Listeners' Lounge: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge A NOTE ON THE STORIES Sarah, Daniel, Nadia, Chloe, Poppy and Reuben are composite characters based on families we have supported. Their stories protect confidentiality while reflecting real experiences. If this episode has brought something up for you or your child, please visit the Listeners' Lounge for trusted support organisations. You do not have to carry it alone. The Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11 — The TalkProduced by Chantelle Venter at Website Faehttps://websitefae.com/

  7. Jul 9

    S11E6 - The Woo Cycle

    "Make it sound easy."— James, age 8 WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTThis week Ashley is joined by special guests Malou, founder of Period Reality, and her eight-year-old daughter James, co-author of The Woo Cycle. Together they explore how simple, honest conversations can help children understand periods without fear or shame. James shares the beautiful metaphor that inspired the book: "The womb makes a bed for a baby, and if no baby comes, it changes the sheets." This warm, funny conversation reminds us that children often explain big ideas better than adults ever could. IN THIS EPISODEHow The Woo Cycle was createdWhy talking about periods early makes a differenceHow James came up with the name "Woo"Helping children understand the menstrual cycleWhy dads, grandparents and boys should be part of the conversation tooJames' advice for parents: "Make it sound easy."KEY TAKEAWAYSStart conversations before children need the information.Use simple, age-appropriate language.Let children find words that make sense to them.Periods should never feel shameful or frightening.Every trusted adult can help children feel confident talking about their bodies.ABOUT THE WOO CYCLEThe Woo Cycle is a beautifully illustrated book for children aged 4–8, helping families talk about periods in a calm, positive and child-friendly way. It follows Lena as she discovers why her mum is bleeding and learns that periods are simply part of the body's natural monthly cycle. The book has already been enjoyed by girls, boys, parents, dads, grandparents and educators, helping adults find language that feels natural and easy. FIND ALL THE EXTRA RESOURCESResearch, further reading, links to Period Reality, Maya Moore, previous podcast episodes and recommended books are all available in our Listeners' Lounge. https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge USEFUL LINKSNewsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share A Parent's Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk Email: ashley@theresilientkid.co.uk A NOTEThis episode celebrates the launch of The Woo Cycle. James and Malou appear as themselves and generously share their family's story, reminding us that honest conversations begin with simple words—and sometimes the best teachers are children themselves. The Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11 – The TalkProduced by Chantelle Venter from Website Fae

  8. Jul 1

    S11E5 - Growing Up GIRL

    "She'll know. She'll just know."WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUTThis episode is for every parent raising a girl, especially those who were never given the full picture themselves. We follow Diane, a mum who grew up in a home where periods were called “being poorly”, and Rob, a dad who wants to be someone his daughter can talk to but worries he does not know enough. He does. And so do you. We cover female puberty, periods, body changes, correct anatomical language, body image, social media pressure, masturbation, self-exploration and why girls need trusted adults to speak clearly, calmly and without shame. ⏱️ EPISODE TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction — 1998 and the clitoris02:00 Diane and Rob — part one07:00 What actually happens in female puberty13:00 Five practical tips for parents16:00 Diane and Rob — part two20:00 Body literacy and the bigger picture23:00 For mums, dads and trusted adults24:30 Outro 📋 PUBERTY IN GIRLS — WHAT TO EXPECTFemale puberty usually begins between ages 8 and 13, although every girl develops in her own time. Common changes include breast buds, pubic and underarm hair, changes to the vulva and vagina, vaginal discharge, wider hips, growth spurts, oilier skin, body odour and periods. The timeline varies enormously. What matters is that girls know what to expect before it happens, so they do not feel frightened, ashamed or alone. 🔬 RESEARCH & CONCEPTS MENTIONEDDr Helen O’Connell’s 1998 research accurately mapped the clitoris and showed how much female anatomy had been missed or ignored in medical teaching. Dr Jennifer Gunter reminds us that using “vagina” for everything makes female anatomy vague. Correct words such as vulva, vagina, labia, clitoris and urethra matter. Dr Christiane Northrup’s work on body literacy shows that girls who understand their bodies are better equipped to care for themselves and seek help when needed. Debby Herbenick’s research highlights the shame many girls carry around self-exploration. The message should be simple: self-stimulation is normal, private and not harmful. Plan International UK, Girlguiding and Dr Linda Papadopoulos highlight the pressure girls face around body image, beauty standards and social media. Dr Sarah-Jayne Blakemore’s work on the adolescent brain helps explain why puberty can bring emotional intensity. Their brains are under construction. 💡 FIVE TIPS — QUICK RECAPUse correct anatomical language: vulva, vagina, clitoris, labia and uterus.Do not leave the clitoris out. It exists and she deserves to know.Dads belong in this conversation too.Talk about body image before social media does.Tell her clearly: her body belongs to her.📚 FIND THE FULL RESOURCESAll research links, further reading, book suggestions and support resources are available inside our Listeners’ Lounge: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge 💬 JOIN THE CONVERSATIONDid this episode give you something you needed? Did it name something that has been sitting unnamed for a long time? We would love to hear from you. Email: ashley@theresilientkid.co.ukInstagram: @theresilientkidWebsite: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk USEFUL LINKSNewsletter Sign-up:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share A Parent’s Guide to Raising a Resilient Kid:https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/resilientkiduk Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkid Website:https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk A NOTE ON THE STORIESDiane and Rob are composite characters, built from the many parents who have asked: how do I talk to my daughter about this? You are not alone. It is not too late to sit down at the kitchen table and tell her the truth. The Resilient Kid Podcast | Season 11 — The TalkThe Resilient People | Trading as The Resilient Kid and The Resilient TeenNew episodes every Thursday

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TEDx speaker, author, and award-winning psychotherapist Ashley Costello provides therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens. As the visionary founder of The Resilient Kid Franchise, Ashley shares professional psychotherapy and support for child mental health. Discover practical parenting strategies for every stage of your child's forming years. Access searchable expert advice for families and educators dedicated to building resilience. This show delivers vital tools for raising strong, capable young people, focusing on mental wellness, professional support, and expert-led tips.

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