For the love of humanity

Ashlee Jowett @Femmyst
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Everyday Alchemy | Life notes navigating the inner Architecture This is for the self-leading person navigating something. Burnout, breakdown, collapse, or the quieter experience of outgrowing something, making sense of what is emerging. Early awareness, mid transformation, refinement and depth work. These episodes are not a course. Nothing here is prescriptive. They are musings, life notes, and revelations still being chewed on. Real-time examples of what it looks like to witness yourself clearly, work with what is already running, and participate in your own life more fully and deliberately.

  1. 4d ago

    Are we actually close, or just in the habit of being here? | Relationships 2.0 | p1 Bullseye

    RELATIONSHIPS 2.0 — Part 1Are We Actually Close, or Just in the Habit of Being Here?— ○ —→ the old way won't work anymoreYou've done the internal work. You know your architecture, your programs, your projection field. Revisiting the relational field from this level means understanding relationships differently — and the way you used to navigate them simply doesn't fit anymore.→ the dartboardNot a hierarchy. A frame of reference. How much information, connection, frequency, and depth does each relationship actually warrant. You have one dance card for the night. The question is whether the people filling it are there because they fit, or because they've always been there.→ closeness in the 2.0No longer about time spent or things shared — not even traumatic things. Closeness now functions as mutual self-awareness. Can they accurately see you. Can they accurately hold themselves. Are we both choosing to be here, or are we just in the habit.→ the personal arcThere were relationships that served validation, closeness, community. Ones that were more transactional. Ones where you overgave because it meant something if you could get that specific relationship to work. Tracking how those definitions have evolved is part of the work.→ children at the centerDifferent rings carry different metrics. Children sit at the center and the compromises made there don't follow the same mutuality math. The love outweighs. That can be its own kind of clarity.→ the porous and adaptable personIf you were raised to accommodate, parentified, taught that not adapting meant losing something — abandonment, rejection, punishment — who you have around you matters even more. You will subconsciously keep adapting to them. That is architecture. And you can only edit architecture you can see.→ the awareness mismatchWhen you can see that someone's words and actions aren't lining up and they're not aware of it — you can't hold expectations over them as though they have capabilities they don't. That's when you're entering a teacher dynamic. Something to notice, not judge. And something that fundamentally changes the question of compatibility.→ irrelevance as practiceDefended territory first — protecting your focus like a resource. Transitional tool next — recalibrating where the attention naturally goes. Then natural shedding — no longer defense at all, just priority. Your energy simply stops flowing there. That's the practice.— ○ —0:00 - revisiting the relational field at a deeper layer1:30 - the dartboard introduced: frame of reference not hierarchy2:45 - closeness 2.0: mutual self-awareness not time spent6:30 - children at the center: different metrics, compromises still worth it8:45 - the porous and adaptable person: who you have around matters more11:45 - the awareness mismatch: what do you do when you can see further14:00 - integrity as the leveler: not bridging a false impression16:30 - irrelevance: defended, transitional, naturally shedding— ○ —Part of the Relationships 2.0 series.

  2. 6d ago

    You Don't Have to Choose Between Forcing It and Waiting for It Revelation p5|A tool, skill, function

    REVELATION — Part 5A Tool, Skill, Function— ○ —→ no third option, except there is oneThe false binary between forcing a breakthrough and waiting around for one. Revelation is both active and passive at once — a skill you develop, not just an event that happens to you.→ the wildcard forceWhen you think there are only two outcomes, this — or that — there's a third thing that can come in and seed a possibility you never considered. Holding that door open as a well-practiced, well-founded belief.→ working the dialNot off-and-on, stop-and-start, gas-and-brake. Learning to influence tempo, pace, and pressure while allowing something to surface in its own time.→ the alignment system that won't let you straySmall adjustments don't actually put you far out of reach from your trajectory. That's why you stay sensitive to checking in — the autopilot isn't unconscious, it's calibrated.→ from grand reveal to micro movementThe pendulum from wanting the burn-it-down overhaul, the Phoenix energy, to learning satisfaction in the slow burn — breaking things into microchunks instead of warring through with sheer will.→ the 1% practiceMake it so micro the critical voice can't chop it down at the knees. A workout you hate, a fearful project, a decision you're avoiding — find the smallest available adjustment and let that be enough.→ show me how it's already changedSetting your attention on what's new about a space or situation, instead of scanning for how much more there is left to fix. This is where the reticular activating system becomes a tool you can point on purpose.→ I've already started thisTrading the Sunday-night-scaries feeling of "I have to begin" for the felt sense of "I'm already in motion" — even if the only thing done so far is three rough notes.→ the close: you get to steerNot forcing it, not waiting for it. Working the dial with intention, becoming masterful at it.— ○ —Part of the Revelation series.

  3. Oct 6

    Why Stillness Can Feel Worse Than the Hard Part Revelation p4| “VOID - FLATLINE - CAVE”

    REVELATION — P4VOID - FLATLINE - CAVE— ○ —→ out of control and ungrounded are not the same thingConfusing them makes the experience worse than it needs to be. You can look chaotic on the outside while staying centered underneath it.→ the flatline stops feeding what's dissolvingEnergy flows where attention goes — so deliberately quieting down is how you stop accidentally reinvesting in patterns you're actually trying to release.→ discomfort with stillness reveals itselfIf you want peace but resist it the moment it arrives, that resistance is information. The flatline becomes a mirror for your actual relationship with rest.→ the temporary scaffolding confessionContinuing to feed something already crumbling — not from denial, but to control the timing and softness of the fall. Naming this honestly without self-judgment.→ it took a while to trust that relief was the pointRealizing the calm afterward wasn't a byproduct to wait out — it was what the pressure release was actually for all along.→ when it looks like depression from the outsideLetting a process run its course even when there's no good language to explain it to people watching — and accepting that not every internal sequence translates externally.→ I was always anchoredEven in moments of "no, I do not feel grounded here," in hindsight, the anchor was always there. That's all you need to know you're held in the process.— ○ —Part of the Revelation series.

  4. Sep 29

    Why Does Being Happy Sometimes Feel Superficial or Dangerous? Revelation p3| “Thief of Joy”

    REVELATION — Part 3Thief of Joy— ○ —→ dulled joy that isn't depressionA structural pattern, not a mood — a safety mechanism that got built somewhere along the way without you noticing it operating.→ joy got reclassified as dangerousThe childhood image of bliss followed by harm — running, laughing, then crashing — wiring together happiness and consequence until levity itself started to feel risky.→ is this law, or is this circumstantialTweezing apart a few real incidents from a belief system built to prevent joy altogether. Asking whether the pattern is actually true or just well-defended.→ only trusting joy through permissionFinding levity through culturally sanctioned moments — a glass of wine, a specific occasion — because spontaneous, deliberate, chosen joy didn't feel safe to access directly.→ your body reveals what you've been avoidingDeveloping a somatic practice of sitting with sensation without rushing to explain or dissolve it — letting it intensify, then dissipate on its own timeline.→ it gets harder to fake the ignoranceWanting the vitality of an earlier, less aware self while no longer being able to access the not-knowing that made that vitality effortless. Finding what replaces it.→ joy without the risk of joyFrom bliss being dangerous to feeling exhilarated and at ease at the same time — wind in your hair, traveling light, joy that doesn't need permission anymore.— ○ —Part of the Revelation series.

  5. Sep 22

    Why Do You Feel Like You Should Have Already Known This? Revelation p2|

    REVELATION — Part 2You Didn't Know What You Didn't Know— ○ —→ let yourself be at ease with itEach new layer of depth arrives with its own grief about not having gotten there sooner. That contrast is natural — make peace with it as truth, not as failure.→ uprooting the guilt-and-shame programChallenging the belief that you should have known sooner reveals a sub-program: guilt and shame as a control mechanism, one that isn't actually sustainable or effective long-term.→ your curriculum is already tailored to youYou don't need a blueprint handed to you. Turn your awareness toward what's uncomfortable and it reveals itself — pull the thread and the next layer shows up.→ feeling the full spectrum about who raised youPermission to feel compassion and frustration at the same time. Giving difficult feelings their moment without overdramatizing or minimizing them.→ ancient wisdom waits dormant until you need itProverbs and sayings reach us exactly when nothing else will — because our own limitations are what activate their usefulness. This is how resonance works across generations.→ there's always a ropeThat's the hand. That's the line that's always extended. Even fully saturated in what's hard about being human, there's always a way back, out, or forward.— ○ —Part of the Revelation series.

  6. Sep 15

    Why sharing what you are becoming feels so EXPOSING | Revelation P1 | Reluctant Reveal

    REVELATION — Part 1The Reluctant Reveal— ○ —→ watching your own revelation in real timeBeing aware enough to witness your own transformation while still standing inside the old frame. The vertigo of threading what's new from what's old, what to trust, what's just rumination.→ insider information you can't act on yetThe strange guilt of needing processing time before you're ready to speak or move on what you've seen. Feeling entitled to privacy in your own head, even mid-transformation.→ the choice point: share, or curate the trickleThe real fork between letting your blind spots be visible and creating anyway, or producing a carefully managed version of yourself. Neither option is free of cost.→ partial knowledge as liabilityThe discomfort of sharing incomplete understanding — until you realize everyone is sharing from partial knowledge. Nobody has the whole thing secured.→ is this narcissistic, or is this a seasonDistinguishing necessary self-focus from indulgent self-focus — especially for people whose default is smoothing others' experience instead of asking what they'd choose naturally.→ discomfort is not a sign you're doing it wrongYou get to manage and direct your own revelation. The confusion doesn't mean you're failing the process. It means you're in it.— ○ —Part of the Revelation series.

  7. Sep 10

    Your Time, Focus, + Energy is Expensive | Your Energetic Entitlement | p3

    Your Energetic Entitlement | part 3→ the blueprint wasn't yoursyou adopted it. you inherited it. you were programmed with it. the foundation either had cracks from the start, diverting energy into survival and validation before you were even aware, or it didn't. coming to terms with which one you got is the work of this part.→ who gets your focuswho gets your time, your love, your mind, when you're with them and when you're not. who got to tell you who you are. usually the people who raised you. that is the first template. it is worth excavating.→ the voice note methodrecording yourself moving through an emotion rather than journaling it flat. what does it feel like, where is it in the body, what colour, what song, what memory. staying lucid enough to feel it without being swept away. straddling both worlds at once.→ it's okay that it came from survivalloving music because it was your way to your dad's attention. that's allowed to be true and still be real. you are not interrogating the feelings. you are following them like a bloodhound follows a scent, back to the framework underneath.→ teenage rebellion as the first individuationwe come in differentiated for a reason. we're meant to be individual people in relationship with other individual people. becoming yourself does not make you cold or separate from the whole. it is the maturation arc doing what it's supposed to do.→ held hostage by their gazeif your self-concept lives in how others see you, your focus will always answer to their frame instead of yours. there is grief in seeing the full spectrum of someone's projection of you clearly for the first time. sometimes that means walking away from something.→ the rest examplebeing with someone who believes rest has to be earned, even if they've never said it out loud. you feel the static every time you rest near them. recognising that as their belief, not yours, is the practice. compatibility is really about matching levels of self-awareness.→ intentional curationchoosing what gets your focus from a genuine felt sense, not rigid optimisation. like having thirty-one flavours at the counter. not overwhelming. just a lot of good options you get to enjoy choosing from.→ giving from overflowonce the leaks are repaired, what flows outward is genuinely given. no strings, no quiet tax, no resentment building underneath. you are not here to be perfect or to live inside someone else's borrowed blueprint. this is your human entitlement.0:53 - the two groups recap, foundation built solid vs fractured1:59 - the blueprint wasn't yours, you adopted and inherited it3:06 - symptoms of the fragmented spot: dissatisfaction, jadedness, chronic tired3:59 - a ten degree shift over ten years leading somewhere else entirely5:05 - recapturing focus, becoming aware of what took it and why6:12 - reflection exercise: who gets your focus, your love, your mind7:18 - inner child work, get a journal, follow the thread8:25 - the voice note method, feeling the texture and colour of the emotion9:44 - grandparents and parents lens if it feels too close to home10:51 - what was tolerated, punished, rewarded, encouraged11:57 - it's okay that desires came from survival or bonding, the dad and music example13:04 - following the trail like a bloodhound, seeing the framework and loops14:10 - fortifying the walls by looping through them15:03 - teenage rebellion as the first individuation, differentiated bodies16:10 - deconditioning from validation reliance, fear of hyperindependence17:16 - if your self-concept lives in their gaze, focus is held hostage18:09 - grief of seeing the full spectrum of someone's projection of you19:02 - the rest example, earning rest as a belief system clash19:56 - compatibility is about matching levels of self-awareness21:29 - intentional curation, the Baskin Robbins flavours21:55 - giving from overflow, this is your human entitlement────────

  8. Sep 10

    If you don't care what they think... Why aren't you doing the thing? | Validation

    STANDALONEValidation— ○ —→ take it with a grain of saltExternal validation is not a crime. We enjoy it. But if it's the main sustenance, if it's operating in the foundational architecture, that's worth looking at. No shame here. This is an essential skill and we don't shame ourselves for having a gap.→ how much is actually yoursHow much of what you're doing today is being done to be validated by someone. Notice the small moments — doing something as if you're being filmed, as if there are eyes on you. The code-switching between performance and being. Performance is enjoyable. It's frivolous and exciting. Just don't confuse it for the sustained aspect of who you are.→ classic cars, classic rockDo I like this because I genuinely like it — or because my father liked it and I've never investigated whether that's still true. The nostalgic approval. The sense of lineage. Maybe you look at it and find you do love it. But how would you know if you haven't called it into question.→ cultural currency of gassing upIn some subcultures, validation and complimenting is the social gel, the alliance-builder, the cheap glue. In other groups it barely registers — not because those people are cold, but because they're not looking for it. Some peers have figured out that a better offering is becoming someone whose presence actually adds something. Not complimenting. Uplevelling.→ the coercion angleValidation can also be used as a tactic. Someone feels shaky, you give them a little validation, suddenly they're doing things to impress you. A little tie forms. Worth being responsible about when you're influencing people and how.→ people who are largely self-validatedNo feverish need to have anyone think of them in any particular way. They're detached to a degree. What they tend to want validated isn't approval — it's more like shared commitment. Shared goals. Compatible effort. The process, not the person. Validation becomes a structural compatibility marker rather than a confirmation that they're acceptable.→ external validation is unstableIt depends on the other person's mood, the stability of the relationship, their perspective on a given day. The most stable form is self-validation — you've confirmed the choice with yourself, you're responsible for it, and you don't need permission to pivot when it stops working.→ the closeWhen you're largely self-validated, others' opinions of you stop interacting with your operating system at a subconscious level. You stop needing to manage how people feel about themselves through you. And that's when you get to have real relationships — built on actual whole people, self-validating and showing up.— ○ —0:00 - opening: what becomes possible when you're largely self-validated2:30 - how much of what you're doing is being done for validation vs is actually yours5:00 - performance vs being: code-switching back and forth8:00 - classic cars, classic rock: investigating whether something is truly yours11:30 - what changes when you stop doing things for the validation of how they look14:00 - people who are largely self-validated: no feverish need for approval16:30 - cheap currency: gassing up vs presence that actually adds something18:30 - self-validation as the operating system: stop managing through others20:00 - what becomes evident and what becomes irrelevant— ○ —

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Everyday Alchemy | Life notes navigating the inner Architecture This is for the self-leading person navigating something. Burnout, breakdown, collapse, or the quieter experience of outgrowing something, making sense of what is emerging. Early awareness, mid transformation, refinement and depth work. These episodes are not a course. Nothing here is prescriptive. They are musings, life notes, and revelations still being chewed on. Real-time examples of what it looks like to witness yourself clearly, work with what is already running, and participate in your own life more fully and deliberately.

Information

  • Creator
    Ashlee Jowett @Femmyst
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    73
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Ashlee Jowett @Femmyst
  • Show Website
    For the love of humanity