I’ve carried this for a long time-not in shame, but in deep reflection. Life has a way of catching us in our most vulnerable moments, and if we’re not grounded, it’s easy to lose the balance we worked so hard to build.
Years ago, I found myself emotionally and physically involved with someone I should have never let get that close. We had been friends long before he got married, and after my husband died in a tragic accident, he showed up constantly. Messaging every morning and every night. Always checking in, always pulling me into conversation. I told myself it was just friendship, but it became more. Slowly, then all at once.
He spoke often about how unhappy he was at home, about how she traveled often with friends, even taking vacations alone while he stayed home with the kids. Putting the kids to bed because she just falls asleep without any regards about how maybe he’s worked hard during the day. He felt overlooked, unseen. I gave him space to vent, thinking I was helping. Thinking I was being a good friend. But truthfully, I was also vulnerable, grieving, searching for something steady in a life that had been flipped upside down.
He planned trips. Invited me to D.C. when his artist had a show, set everything up in advance even while coming back from a family cruise. I went, thinking it would just be a break, something light. But it wasn’t. It went further than it ever should have. He was gentle, yes. He was kind, yes. But he was also married and I take responsibility for my part in that. I do. I’m truly sorry for allowing myself to lower my standards, to let someone else's life and marriage become a place I stepped into. That’s not who I am, and I grieve that version of myself.
But I also can’t pretend I got there alone.
He pursued me. He initiated every encounter. When his wife was away on another trip, he dropped the kids off with family members and flew to my city. I told him not to. Told him to stay home, with his family. But he came anyway. We’d meet at hotels. He’d time things around church meetings and music business calls. He even hired someone to do kitchen renovations while he was gone so it wouldn’t look like he had ever left. He was managing two separate lives and I was one of them.
Eventually, I got pregnant. A baby. But still, he showed up. Still tried to hold space with me, even as things unraveled. Even as I started to realize the man I thought was so spiritual, so grounded, was just… not that man at all.
And when I finally said I was done — truly done — he made one last attempt to pull me back in. When that didn’t work, he blocked me. Phone, social media — everything. That was fine. I had already made peace. I had already let go. But he was taking about depression and suicidal ideation that I did try and reach out one last time because I was worried. He was a friend before all of this.
Today, I’m married to a good man, a strong, compassionate man, and we are raising our child together. I don’t live in the past anymore. I live forward, grounded, restored, and deeply committed to never letting myself be pulled out of balance again.
Thank you for this podcast. The episode about balancing family, marriage, and work really struck a chord. I’m managing it all very well now — with intention, with peace, and with clarity I didn’t have before. And I’m grateful for that.
