On Episode 4 of Season 10 of The Surviving Siblings Podcast®, host Maya Roffler is joined by Leslie, a surviving sibling and longtime member of The Surviving Siblings® community, who shares the story of losing her younger sister Lindsay to a brain tumor and how navigating anticipatory grief, devastating medical complications, and the eventual loss of her sister changed her life. Unlike many of the surviving siblings who have joined the podcast over the years, Leslie is someone Maya has known throughout her entire experience with grief. Leslie first joined the community while Lindsay was still alive, knowing that her sister's illness was terminal and that the loss she feared was eventually going to become her reality. Maya watched Leslie navigate those final months with Lindsay, supported her through the loss, and has continued watching as Leslie finds meaningful, creative ways to carry her sister forward. But before the diagnosis, before the hospitals, and before grief became part of their lives, Leslie and Lindsay were simply two sisters who had spent years growing into a beautiful friendship. Leslie was eight years old when Lindsay was born on Halloween. After spending years asking her parents for a sibling, she was thrilled to finally become a big sister. She proudly wore her "I'm a big sister" pin to school, helped care for Lindsay as a baby, and eventually became the older sister Lindsay wanted to follow everywhere. As they grew older, their relationship changed. Leslie went to college, got married, and started building her adult life while Lindsay was still growing up. But eventually, the eight-year age gap that once felt so significant began to disappear. Both sisters married, became mothers, and had sons just eleven months apart. Then Lindsay began experiencing headaches. At first, they seemed like something that could be explained by hormones or other ordinary health concerns. But as her symptoms progressed, Lindsay began struggling with numbness, difficulty walking, and changes that made it clear something much more serious was happening. What followed was a devastating series of appointments, difficult decisions, and medical complications. Lindsay eventually chose to undergo a biopsy in hopes of identifying the cancer and pursuing treatment that could extend her life. But the surgery resulted in two major strokes, leaving Lindsay unable to speak, move independently, or return to the life she had known. Maya and Leslie explore the complicated reality of anticipatory grief and why knowing that someone is going to die doesn't necessarily make the eventual loss any easier. While sudden loss is often associated with receiving one life-changing phone call, Leslie describes the many calls that changed her world throughout Lindsay's illness—from the first frightening symptoms to the diagnosis, the complications after surgery, and eventually the final message telling her that Lindsay had died. Through Leslie's story, Maya and Leslie explore what it means to grow with grief, find moments of happiness without leaving your sibling behind, and continue building a relationship with someone who is no longer physically here. In This Episode: (0:00:00) – Meet Leslie + Remembering Lindsay Maya welcomes Leslie, one of the longtime members of The Surviving Siblings® community, and shares why having someone whose grief experience she has witnessed from the beginning makes this episode especially meaningful. (0:02:00) – Becoming Lindsay's Big Sister Leslie shares how she spent eight years wishing for a sibling before Lindsay was born on Halloween and remembers the excitement of finally becoming a big sister. (0:03:00) – Growing Up + Becoming Friends as Adults From childhood memories and being part of each other's weddings to becoming mothers with sons just eleven months apart, Leslie reflects on how her relationship with Lindsay evolved into a close friendship. (0:05:00) – The Symptoms That Changed Everything Leslie remembers Lindsay's headaches, numbness, and changes in her health, including the initial possibility of multiple sclerosis before doctors discovered something far more serious. (0:06:00) – Discovering Lindsay's Brain Tumor Leslie shares the phone call when Lindsay opened her medical results and learned she had a tumor on her brain stem, beginning a series of difficult decisions for Lindsay and her family. (0:08:00) – The Surgery That Changed Lindsay's Life After seeking a doctor willing to perform a biopsy, Lindsay underwent surgery in April 2023 that resulted in two major strokes, leaving her unable to speak or move independently. (0:13:00) – Lindsay Never Came Home Leslie explains what happened after the surgery, including Lindsay's time in hospitals, rehabilitation, skilled nursing care, and the ongoing complications that followed. (0:16:00) – Navigating Anticipatory Grief Leslie shares what it was like to know her sister was dying while still trying to work, parent, and function through the overwhelming uncertainty of each day. (0:18:00) – Finding The Surviving Siblings® Community After her therapist suggested connecting with other surviving siblings, Leslie discovered Maya's podcast and reached out about joining the community before Lindsay had passed away. (0:21:00) – Anticipatory Loss vs. Sudden Loss Maya and Leslie discuss why knowing a loss is coming doesn't necessarily make it easier and why comparing different types of sibling loss overlooks the trauma each experience carries. (0:28:00) – Creating a Memorial Bench for Lindsay Leslie shares how she honored her sister with a bench near a river Lindsay loved, including a QR code that allows visitors to see photographs, learn about her, and hear one of her favorite songs. (0:29:00) – Honoring Lindsay Through Community + Giving Back Leslie talks about organizing a drag show in memory of Lindsay and her late best friend Boris, with plans to support local young people through the fundraiser. (0:30:00) – Creating an In-Person Sibling Loss Community Inspired by her own experience, Leslie shares her plans to bring surviving siblings together for quarterly gatherings centered around meaningful activities, storytelling, and remembering their siblings. (0:33:00) – 31 Days of Lindsay During Lindsay's birthday month, Leslie is sharing a different story, memory, or detail about her sister every day, creating an opportunity for others to know Lindsay beyond her illness. (0:35:00) – Finding Your Own Way to Honor Your Sibling Maya and Leslie discuss why birthdays, death anniversaries, and memorial traditions don't have to follow a particular formula and how meaningful rituals can help surviving siblings feel connected to the people they've lost. (0:45:00) – Continuing Your Relationship With Your Sibling Maya and Leslie discuss signs, memories, laughter, and even talking to their siblings out loud as ways of maintaining a connection after death. (0:49:00) – Letting Go of Guilt Around Their Final Moments Leslie reflects on not being physically present when Lindsay died and how she has worked through the guilt surrounding that experience, reminding listeners that they deserve compassion as they process their own circumstances. Connect with Leslie: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MourningMoon2113/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mourningmoon2113 Connect with Maya: Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/survivingsiblingspodcast/ Maya's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mayaroffler/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@survivingsiblingspodcast Twitter/X: https://x.com/survivingsibpod Website: https://www.thesurvivingsiblings.com Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thesurvivingsiblingspodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/thesurvivingsiblingspodcast Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheSurvivingSiblingsPodcast
