KEY POINTS Every couple will experience conflict in their relationship and that's not a bad thing. Across several studies, trust-jealousy, partner personality habits, and sex were top conflict triggers. Sources of relationship friction are consistent across cultures. All couples fight about the same things. Relationship quality is more about how you deal with conflict than what you fight about. Fact: Every couple experiences conflict. Thankfully, that’s not a bad thing. Anytime you bring together two independent and equal adults in any type of partnership, there is going to be friction. Differences of opinion are inevitable, and the sign of a relationship where partners share power and are comfortable in voicing their opinion. We often don’t get to see other couples “behind the scenes” so we have no idea if they argue and about what. It’s all a bit mysterious, which can create doubt if you imagine other couples don’t have any conflict and certainly don’t argue about the things you bicker about with your partner. It's time to peek inside other romantic relationships to see what’s really going on behind closed doors. Learning about what other couples fight about can help you realize just how normal some of your own arguments are, and also help you talk through issues ahead of time to avoid more damaging fights. Top Relationship Conflict Triggers What are the most common hot-button issues? To identify them, over 100 participants listed the ways partners could upset, irritate, hurt, or anger each other.1 Here are the top 10 behaviors that can upset a romantic partner, ranked from the most to least mentioned: Your Partner Is: 1) Condescending: Treats you as stupid or inferior, acts like he/she is better than you 2) Possessive, Jealous, and/or Dependent: Demands too much attention or time; generally acts jealous/possessive/dependent 3) Neglecting, Rejecting, and/or Unreliable: Ignores your feelings, doesn’t call, doesn’t say they love you, etc. 4) Abusive: Slaps, spits, hits, resorts to name-calling, or is verbally abusive 5) Unfaithful: Had sex with another person, saw someone intimately, or went out with another partner 6) Inconsiderate: Doesn’t help clean up, burps in your face, leaves the toilet seat up or down, etc. 7) Physically Self-Absorbed: Worries too much about appearance, focuses too much on hair or face, spends too much on clothes, etc.
