Widowed AF: Real stories of love, grief and beyond - With Rosie Moss

Rosie Moss

British Podcast Awards 2025 - Winner. In 2018, Rosie Moss lost her husband Ben in a diving accident, leaving her widowed at 37 with three children. Finding grief resources shallow and platitudes empty, she created Widowed AF—a podcast offering honest conversations about loss. Through guest stories and expert advice, the show covers practical challenges (finances, single parenting) and emotional realities (anger, loneliness, joy). From processing her own grief to building a global community, Rosie helps others feel less alone. The podcast provides tools and shared experiences for rebuilding life after loss.

  1. S.4 Ep.19 He Was Planning Our Wedding: Josie Jakub on Suicide Loss, Love and Life After Olivier

    2d ago

    S.4 Ep.19 He Was Planning Our Wedding: Josie Jakub on Suicide Loss, Love and Life After Olivier

    In this episode of Widowed AF, Rosie is joined by Josie Jakub, CEO of Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS). Josie shares the story of her fiancé Olivier, a kind, spiritual French lorry driver who was loved by everyone around him. Together they were building a life, planning their wedding and creating a future in rural France. Then, just weeks before they were due to marry, Olivier died by suicide. Josie talks openly about the mental health struggles that Olivier had hidden for years, the shocking way she received the news of his death, and the impossible task of making sense of a loss that seemed to come out of nowhere. She also shares one of the most extraordinary stories ever told on Widowed AF: her attempt to marry Olivier after his death through a little-known French law that allows posthumous marriage with presidential approval. What followed was a four-year journey involving handwritten letters, evidence of their love story and a dossier that eventually reached the desk of President Emmanuel Macron. Rosie and Josie discuss suicide bereavement, stigma, mental illness, survivor guilt, finding community through SOBS and the life-changing power of peer support. This is a conversation about grief, love, resilience and what happens when the future you planned disappears overnight.

    1h 16m
  2. S4- EP18 - “I Could Never Regret Loving Her” Danny Lesslie on Grief, Gratitude and Raising Their Girls Alone

    Jun 1

    S4- EP18 - “I Could Never Regret Loving Her” Danny Lesslie on Grief, Gratitude and Raising Their Girls Alone

    In this episode Rosie Moss speaks with widower, writer, coach and devoted girl dad Danny Lesslie. Danny shares the extraordinary love story he built with his wife Rafaela, known to everyone who loved her as Raffi. They met on the bluffs of Santa Monica, fell hard, built a family together and chose each other every day. But when Raffi was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive squamous cell carcinoma at just 30 years old, everything changed. What followed was five years of treatment, uncertainty, heartbreak and anticipatory grief. As the cancer spread, Danny and Raffi faced not only the reality of her illness but a cascade of secondary losses including financial pressure, housing instability, job loss and the exhausting reality of navigating a healthcare system that often seemed unable to help. In this deeply moving conversation, Danny reflects on caring for Raffi through her illness, raising their daughters through grief, and the faith that carried them when every sense of control had disappeared. He shares the remarkable moments of provision that became known in their family as “Jesus moments”, the decision to be completely honest with their children throughout Raffi’s illness, and the legacy she left behind through her journals, which became the foundation of their book, Thank You, Cancer. This is a conversation about great love, devastating loss, family, faith, fatherhood and the complicated work of learning how to hold gratitude and grief in the same hand. A beautiful and profoundly honest episode about what it means to keep choosing life after the person you love most is gone.

    1h 11m
  3. S4 – EP17 – “I Thought I Was Broken”: Emma Grey on Late Diagnosis, Grief and Learning to Regulate

    May 19

    S4 – EP17 – “I Thought I Was Broken”: Emma Grey on Late Diagnosis, Grief and Learning to Regulate

    In this episode Rosie Moss is joined once again by Emma Grey. Emma is a former wills and probate lawyer turned grief-informed coach and counsellor, and founder of Rainbow Hunting. The conversation moves into the reality of long-term grief and the parts people don’t really talk about once the initial shock fades. Emma speaks openly about how bereavement can strip away the coping strategies and masking that once held everything together, leaving people overwhelmed, hypervigilant, emotionally shut down or simply exhausted from surviving. Together Rosie and Emma explore the overlap between grief and neurodivergence, late ADHD and autism diagnosis, rejection sensitivity, people pleasing, burnout, therapy, nervous system regulation and the strange process of rebuilding yourself after loss. They talk honestly about fear of abandonment, the pressure of solo parenting whilst dysregulated, and the tiny practical things that can help when life feels too loud: noise-cancelling headphones, retreating to bed, familiar TV shows, breathing exercises and learning that sometimes shutting down is not weakness, but protection. This is a raw, funny and deeply validating conversation about grief that doesn’t end neatly, the parts of ourselves we lose along the way, and the freedom that can come from finally understanding who you are underneath the survival mode. Including: • The story behind “Sadmin™” and why the paperwork after death can feel impossible • Why grief behaves more like trauma than a timeline • “You can become the best surfer in the world, but the waves still come” • Window of tolerance explained: hypervigilance, shutdown and nervous system overwhelm • Neurodivergence, masking and why grief often blows coping strategies apart • Rejection sensitivity, abandonment wounds and the fawn response • Why receiving help can feel harder than giving it • Therapy as self-discovery rather than “fixing” yourself • “Dormousing,” sensory regulation, noise-cancelling headphones and practical tools for overwhelm • Why so many widowed parents are surviving in burnout mode A thoughtful, funny, validating conversation for anyone navigating grief, neurodivergence, overwhelm, or simply trying to understand themselves a little better.

    1h 9m

  4. May 18

    S4 – EP16 – “This One Was Different”: Donna Rice-Hannam on Hospital Failures, Grief and Surviving Without Mark

    In this episode Rosie Moss speaks with Donna Rice-Hannam, who found Widowed AF just five weeks after her husband Mark died suddenly in October 2024. What follows is a conversation full of heartbreak, fury, dark humour, and the kind of honesty that makes grief feel a little less lonely. Donna shares the story of meeting Mark through mutual friends, a “blind blind date,” and a pub-stairs snog that turned into a relationship built on safety, tenderness and fierce loyalty. After years of difficult relationships, mental health struggles and recovery, Donna found in Mark someone who didn’t just love her, but actively protected her wellbeing. Together they survived the devastating late-pregnancy loss of their daughter, privately named Charlotte but publicly known as “Pebbles.” Donna talks candidly about stillbirth, trauma, and the way grief bonded them even more deeply together. She describes Mark’s quiet acts of love, from packing the car and taking her to the sea during bipolar episodes, to proposing in Paris simply because “he just wanted to see you smile.” The conversation then turns to the terrifying weeks leading up to Mark’s death: repeated hospital admissions, catastrophic internal bleeding, blood transfusions, discharge decisions Donna felt deeply uneasy about, and the growing horror of realising something was being missed. Donna recounts the final hours in devastating detail, from the ambulance ride and failed attempts to stabilise him, to watching doctors perform CPR while begging him to come back. Rosie and Donna also talk about what happens afterwards: the rage of unanswered questions, delayed inquests, poor bereavement care, losing friendships alongside your partner, and the dangerous pull of alcohol when grief feels physically unbearable. Throughout it all, Donna speaks openly about bipolar disorder, surviving early widowhood, and the conscious decision to protect her mental health because Mark fought so hard to protect it while he was alive. This episode covers: • Falling in love after difficult relationships and finding safety in another person• Bipolar disorder, recovery, and supportive partnership without losing independence• Stillbirth, grief after baby loss, and naming their daughter Charlotte (“Pebbles”)• The role of humour, routine and practical care in long-term love• Hospital trauma, internal bleeding, repeated discharge attempts and advocating for loved ones• The shock of sudden death and witnessing resuscitation efforts firsthand• Anger, delayed accountability and ongoing inquest proceedings• Friendship, community and the people who quietly keep you alive in early grief• Alcohol, counselling, medication and surviving the “messy middle” of widowhood• Why protecting your mental health can become an act of love for the person you lost #widowedaf #widowhood #griefpodcast #griefsupport #bipolardisorder #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #nhs #medicaltrauma #inquest

    58 min

  5. May 11

    S4 – EP15 – “I Don’t Know Where to Go for Comfort Now”: Corinne Longland-Malam on Sudden Loss, Trauma and Surviving After Lee

    In this episode Rosie Moss speaks with Corinne Longland-Malam, known online as the “Fairy Grief Mother,” about losing her partner Lee after a rare and devastating illness turned their lives upside down in the space of months. Corinne shares the story of meeting Lee “very romantically on Facebook,” falling quickly into a relationship that felt less like fireworks and more like finally feeling safe. Together they built a blended family, a quiet life, and the kind of love rooted in contentment, companionship and being fully yourself with another person. Everything changed when Lee was diagnosed with cardiac amyloidosis caused by myeloma, a rare condition affecting both the heart and blood. What follows is a brutally honest conversation about sudden illness, complicated treatment decisions, and the impossible balance between hope and reality. Corinne speaks candidly about becoming Lee’s advocate while trying to protect their children, the trauma of repeated cardiac arrests at home, and the night he died beside her after another emergency. She describes performing CPR, waiting for the coroner, making impossible phone calls, and the surreal practical reality of grief in its earliest hours. Rosie and Corinne also talk about what comes afterwards: the secondary losses that ripple through blended families, being forced to leave the home they shared, parenting while grieving, and using TikTok as an outlet for pain that felt too raw to share anywhere else. This episode covers: • Falling in love after difficult past relationships and finding safety in another person • Cardiac amyloidosis and myeloma, including missed symptoms and delayed diagnosis  • The emotional impact of rare illness and navigating uncertainty around treatment • Advocacy, medical trauma, and protecting loved ones from frightening realities • Cardiac arrests at home, CPR, and the shock of sudden death • Parenting grieving children while trying to survive your own grief • Wills, legal planning, and the practical chaos that follows loss • Social media, community, and why sharing grief online can sometimes feel safer than doing it face to face • Rebuilding safety, identity and family life after losing your person

    1h 1m
  6. S4 – EP14 – “Katie’s Death, On Her Terms”: Jackie L. Disch on Love, Advocacy and Loss

    May 4

    S4 – EP14 – “Katie’s Death, On Her Terms”: Jackie L. Disch on Love, Advocacy and Loss

    In this episode Rosie Moss speaks with Jackie L. Disch, who shares the story of her wife Katie and the life they built together over 23 years. A relationship rooted in deep acceptance. Katie’s death came suddenly in 2020 after a series of strokes, during a time when COVID restrictions meant hospitals were inaccessible, isolating, and frightening. What followed was a rapid shift from normal life into end-of-life care at home, as Jackie supported Katie through her final weeks. This is a conversation about presence. About what it means to stay when things are hard. About advocating for the person you love, even when every part of you wants a different outcome. Jackie speaks candidly about the decisions they made to prioritise comfort over intervention, and the complexity of holding both love and loss in the same space. There is honesty here about fear, anger, and the practical realities that come after death. But there is also something else running through it, a thread of dignity, connection, and what Jackie describes as “living grief” rather than moving on from it. This episode covers: • A long-term partnership built on acceptance and deep emotional safety • The impact of COVID on medical care and end-of-life choices • Katie’s strokes and the rapid progression to home hospice  • Caring for a partner at home, including communication loss and dependency • Advocacy, autonomy, and the idea of a “good death” • The emotional reality of early grief, including anger and administrative overwhelm • Lockdown, stillness, and being unable to avoid grief • Writing, memory, and learning to live alongside loss rather than resolve it

    51 min

  7. Apr 27

    S4 – EP13 – “You’re Going to Die From This”: Orlagh Reynolds on MND, Parenting and Letting Go

    In this episode I’m joined by Orlagh Reynolds, whose husband Fraser died from motor neurone disease. Their story starts the way so many of the best ones do. A chance meeting in Dublin, a bit of boldness, and a gut feeling that turned into a life. Together they built something full. Australia, travel, work, marriage, and their daughter, Una. And then another gut feeling. This one telling Orlagh they needed to go home to Ireland. Not long after, Fraser was diagnosed with MND. What follows is a conversation about what happens when you are told, in no uncertain terms, that the person you love is going to die, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.  Oriagh talks about what the disease took from Fraser, slowly and relentlessly, and how they made a conscious decision to focus on what remained. Their home became a place of care, honesty, humour, and, perhaps most strikingly, gratitude. Not forced positivity, but a daily practice that carried them through the worst of it. We talk about parenting through terminal illness. How you explain something like this to a child. How you include them without overwhelming them. And what it looks like to raise a child in the middle of something most adults would struggle to survive. We talk about Fraser’s creativity in the face of unimaginable loss. The art he created using only his eyes. The legacy he built while his body failed him. And the letter he left behind for his wife and daughter, waiting until the moment it was needed. And we talk about what comes after. Solo parenting. The empty house at night. The decisions that are yours and yours alone. And the relentless reality of continuing on. This one is devastating in places. But it’s also full of love, strength, and a kind of perspective that stays with you.

    1h 13m

  8. Apr 20

    S4 – EP12 – He Died on the Flight Home: Fran Milne on Sudden Loss, Grief and the Day Everything Changed

    Rosie is joined by Fran Milne, whose husband Matt died suddenly after collapsing on a flight home from Singapore. What begins as a familiar story of work travel, school runs and family life shifts in an instant into something unthinkable. A knock at the door. A police officer standing on the driveway. And the kind of shock that splits your life into before and after. In this deeply honest conversation, Fran talks Rosie through the moment everything changed. From the surreal wait in her living room, to the phone call from the air ambulance, to the long drive to the hospital knowing something was very wrong. And then the moment no one can prepare you for. They talk about the practical and emotional chaos that follows sudden loss. Telling the children. The decisions you never thought you’d have to make. The strange, jarring details that stay with you. And the small moments of humanity that carry you through the worst day of your life. There is heartbreak here, but also warmth, humour, and the kind of clarity that only comes from living through it. This episode covers: Sudden death and medical trauma The reality of a police knock at the door Deep vein thrombosis and missed symptoms The experience of hospital after a sudden loss Telling children their parent has died Early grief, shock, and survival

    1h 17m
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5
out of 5
10 Ratings

About

British Podcast Awards 2025 - Winner. In 2018, Rosie Moss lost her husband Ben in a diving accident, leaving her widowed at 37 with three children. Finding grief resources shallow and platitudes empty, she created Widowed AF—a podcast offering honest conversations about loss. Through guest stories and expert advice, the show covers practical challenges (finances, single parenting) and emotional realities (anger, loneliness, joy). From processing her own grief to building a global community, Rosie helps others feel less alone. The podcast provides tools and shared experiences for rebuilding life after loss.

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