Beat Motel Zine

Andrew Culture
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Welcome to Beat Motel Zine, the comedy-infused alt-music podcast! Born from a zine from the DIY scene, we blend laughs with punk, metal, and everything offbeat. Discover the weirder side of bands, from unintentionally funny stage antics to musical mishaps. Tune in for a profane, comedic journey through alternative tunes, where every episode is a laugh. Join us as we explore music's funniest fringes with a punk rock spirit! Can the alternative music scene and comedy mix? Of course they can; we'll prove it to you. Warning, episodes contain creative profanities in the vein of The Thick of It.

  1. May 11

    Echo and the Bunnymen: Blinding the Audience for Art

    In a desperate bid to look like we know what we are talking about, we have overhauled the format. This week, Andrew drags a bewildered Dr. Sam through 1980s Liverpool to discuss why a three time Oscar winner spent his youth hiding in a camouflage suit. We are diving deep into: The Scouse Trinity: Exploring the "Crucial Three". Julian Cope's Fear of the Floor: Why he performed on step ladders because he felt the floor was too dangerous. The Mysterious Drum Machine: The story behind the machine they called "Echo". The Big Lie: How they admitted the drum machine story was just a way to mess with journalists. "Caramelised Hair": The era of sugar-styling that attracted swarms of flies and smelled like a burnt bakery. The Cosmic Gateway: The time Bill Drummond decided a manhole cover in Matthew Street was a cosmic gateway to Iceland. It is peak 80s chaos, involving more sugar and camouflage netting than a primary school bake sale in a war zone. Suggested Listening "The Killing Moon": The one Ian McCulloch insists was written by God, though it is actually the intro to Space Oddity played backwards. "The Cutter": The band at the absolute peak of their 80s powers. "People Are Strange": The Joel Schumacher and Lost Boys payday produced by Ray Manzarek of The Doors. "Over the Wall": A masterpiece from their very dark, silhouette-heavy period. "Brussels is Haunted": The sound of the band in 2026, because they are still at it.

    1h 31m

  2. Apr 27

    Viking influence on music

    Viking metal is a sad parody of music. Or at least, that's how Andrew starts this episode before Sam drags him through a hedge of historical facts. In a bold new format where one of us actually prepares and the other just reacts with increasing confusion, Dr. Sam (our resident academic-lite) guides us through the reality of Viking influence on music. We cover why Wagner is responsible for the horn-helmet lie, why Led Zeppelin is basically a Viking recruitment brochure, and why the Harp Twins might be the most terrifying thing we've ever watched. We also learn that real Vikings probably sounded less like growling Swedes and more like barking dogs. If you've ever wanted to know about Viking divorce laws, fossilized worms, or why the Finns freaked everyone out, this is the rambling mess you've been waiting for.

    1h 5m

  3. Apr 13

    Foreign music

    Show Notes Right, here we go. In this episode, Andrew and Dr. Sam tackle 'Foreign Music'—which is basically just a fancy way of saying 'songs where we don't understand the words'. We kick things off with an enormous tube of lube and some fizzy water that's apparently trying to destroy Andrew's teeth. The lads dive into the archives to discuss why the British are so terrified of music that isn't in English, the mystery of Joe Strummer's 'garbled nonsense' Spanish on 'Should I Stay or Should I Go', and the revelation that Plastic Bertrand was basically a French Milli Vanilli on a trampoline. Dr. Sam tries to bring some 'academic' weight to the proceedings by reading high-brow philosophy about repetition, while Andrew just wants to talk about Nena's bass player and why subscription underpants are a recipe for disaster. Expect tangents on Star Trek moral codes, stealing cars you can't drive, and the universal truth that everyone eventually gets 'yogurt chucked up' at them. Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff: Elvin Jones - 'The Prime Element' Andrew's Riff: Rebekah - 'Synthetic Collapse' Dr Sam's Track Choices The Clash - 'Should I Stay or Should I Go' Magma - 'Hortz fur dehn stekehn west' Pixvae - 'La Fuga' Mc Solaar - 'Qui seme le vent recolte le tempo' Andrew's Track Choices Plastic Bertrand - 'Ca plane pour moi' Blur - 'To the End (La Comedie)' Serge Gainsbourg - 'Bonnie and Clyde' Nena - '99 Luftballons' Email us: beatmotel@lawsie.com

    1h 3m

  4. Mar 30

    Interwar music (world war one and two)

    Look, we tried to have a sophisticated chat about interwar music (the stuff between the two big global scraps) but obviously, it devolved into a conversation about penis tattoos and whether or not Reddit is a valid academic source. Dr. Sam brings the "knowledge" (mostly from books he is actually holding, for once), and Andrew tries to figure out how to eat a Scotch egg without a plate while pondering the sexual deviance of 1920s novelty songs. We cover Duke Ellington's Mood Indigo, the absolute filth hidden in "I'm Going to Bring a Watermelon to My Girl Tonight," and why Robert Johnson might have just practiced really hard instead of selling his soul to the devil. It is a rambling journey through jazz, folk, and German Marxist theatre that somehow ends with Woody Allen and a two-fingered guitarist.   Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff Dog Faced Hermans - Jan 9 Andrew's Riff Witch Post - Worry Angel Dr Sam's track choices Duke Ellington - Mood Indigo Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - I'm Gonna Bring a Watermelon to My Girl Tonight Brecht - Instead-Of Song Harlem Hamfats - Let's Get Drunk and Truck Andrew's track choices Laurel and Hardy - Trail of the lonesome pine Robert Johnson - Crossroad blues Woodie Guthrie - This Land Is Your Land (1940) Django Reinhardt & Stephane Grappelli - Minor Swing Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

    1h 19m

  5. Mar 16

    Beat Motel Episode 161 Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special

    This is it. The big one. Episode 161. A milestone nobody asked for and even fewer likely wanted. It's the "Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special," which is basically a fancy way of saying Andrew and Dr. Sam have finally disappeared up their own backsides to look at the wreckage of the last 160 episodes. Expect a lot of self-congratulatory stats, clips of the pair sounding like absolute melts, and the usual technical failures that have become the show's unintended trademark. We've got deep dives into why Queen is discussed more than played, the actual number of times we've mentioned bodily functions (spoiler: it's lower than you'd think, which is disappointing), and a look back at the time Mike Watt told us he hated Zoom. It's a retrospective of chaos, bad decisions, and the occasional riff. Sam's Riff of the Week The Messthetics & James Brandon Lewis – Deface The Currency Andrew's Riff of the Week LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER – Eins, Zwei, Drei The Ego-Death Deep Dive: A History of Bad Decisions Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Intro: We started with a lie. In Episode 1, Andrew promised a 20-minute show, but it ran to 55 minutes. Sam's original review: "Andrew, this was supposed to be 20 minutes". Cee Lo Green – F**K YOU: Setting the tone early. Episode 1 ended with Andrew attempting professionalism while Sam signed off with a heartfelt "F**k you all". Metallica – Fuel: It took us 63 episodes to finally deliver on the Metallica special we promised in week one. The Replacements – Here Comes a Regular: We predicted we'd be "irregular". We then accidentally published for 96 consecutive weeks without missing a single one. The Minutemen – Corona: Revisiting our favourite intro, the moment Mike Watt joined the Zoom call and immediately shouted, "F**k those people". The Stone Roses – Tell Me: Statistically our most played artist with 14 appearances over the journey. Queen – Stone Cold Crazy: Our most discussed band (mentioned 26 times) that we almost never actually play. The Hall of Fame: Dumb Bits & Chaos The Christian Vulvas: A band name suggestion that almost killed us with laughter. Thighs Wide Open: Walking into the technological dystopia with our "eyes f*****g wide open," or something like that. 10 Pence Pieces: The failed monetization strategy involving skin insertion. Testicle Weather Vanes: A foolproof way to predict a tornado or an earthquake based on swinging. Ruddiger Broomhilder's Unripe Plums: The AI-assisted tale of a stomach-ache staging a revolution. Love vs. Death vs. Poo PIL – This Is Not A Love Song: The stats are in. We prefer death (29 songs) over love (19 songs). Phil Collins 3 – Pooey Stick: Despite the scatological humor, "poo" has only appeared 11 times in the transcripts. The Numbers That Tell the Story Stat Number Total episodes 167 (including trailer) Total hours of content 136.1 Total tracks identified 1,044 Unique artists 706 Artists played only once 560 (79%) Sam's track picks 354 Guest picks 166 Longest publishing streak 96 weeks Average episode length 65 minutes Love songs / Death songs 19 / 29 Horse references 13 Toilet / Poo references 12 / 11 Unused backlog ideas 74 Original zine issues 10 Watch more Beat Motel chaos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWvEIcKhJxA&list=PLwnzX0gT6IrcZqrF2Xslb19NiBRgd9rj9

    1h 18m

  6. Mar 9

    Great Bass lines of our time with Tom Klute (a.k.a Tommy Stupid)

    In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by Tom Klute, a man who has spent 25 years running the Commercial Suicide label and presumably even longer trying to figure out how to stop CDRs from rotting into useless plastic coasters. The pair embark on a quest to identify the 'Great Basslines of Our Time', a journey that takes them from the bowel-ripping valve amps of the 70s to the distorted sub-bass of 90s jungle. Along the way, they discuss why buying a headless bass is a cry for help, the terror of music trackers, and the peculiar joy of being a 'cool dad' who gives his son massive 70s speakers only to realise his lounge ceiling is now a vibrating drum skin. Expect tangents on why the Smokey and the Bandit remake in Suffolk failed, the mystery of delaminating discs, and why the Sugarhill Gang might be absolute fibbers. It's an hour of gear talk, punk history, and bass-heavy nostalgia that'll make your trousers wobble.   Riffs of the week Tom's Riff Kenny Loggins - Footloose Andrew's Riff F****d Up - Crusades Tom's track choices Stranglers - Toiler On The Sea Roni Size - Share the Fall (Grooverider's Jeep Mix) Discharge - Ain't No Feeble Bastard Chic - Good Times LFO - LFO Andrew's track choices Fu Manchu - Grendel Snowman Blur - Popscene Venetian Snares - Öngyilkos Vasárnap Gravediggaz - 6 Feet Deep NOFX - The Decline

    1h 2m

  7. Mar 2

    Normal lineup, weird noises

    Look, we've all been there. You go to a gig at a university campus that looks like a concrete fever dream from A Clockwork Orange, you feel ancient because the students are all drinking a gallon of water from Stanley cups instead of proper ale, and then you have to question your own bowel integrity because someone in the crowd is weaponising their flatulence. This week, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive into the "Normal Lineup, Weird Noises" theme—basically, what happens when a standard rock band decides to make sounds that shouldn't exist. We've got Jerskin Fendrix (aka Jocelyn Dent Pooley, the man with a name like a removal firm heir), the sonic separation of Big Business, and the avant-garde chaos of Deerhoof. Also: Why do people heckle sensitive jazz drummers? Is every Ukrainian black metal band actually staffed by archaeologists? And why does Paul Westerberg spend the start of a Replacements track sounding like he's hoovering up a pharmacy floor? It's music, it's chaos, and it's probably the only podcast that mentions both Agathee Christie and the "Pissed Resistance" in the same breath.   Riffs of the Week Dr. Sam's Riff Jerskin Fendrix – Jerskin Fendrix Freestyle Andrew's Riff The Callous Daoboys – Distracted by The Mona Lisa Dr. Sam's Track Choices Big Business – Cats, Mice Deerhoof – The Perfect Me Victims Family – The Germ Adam and the Ants – The Day I Met God Andrew's Track Choices Caroline Polachek – Dang Everything Everything – Cough Cough The Charlatans – I Can't Even Be Bothered 1914 – 1914 (The Siege of Przemyśl) Email us: beatmotel@lawsie.com

    1h 8m

  8. Feb 23

    Influential albums that sold naff all copies

    In this episode, Andrew and Dr Sam attempt to justify their existence as middle-aged men with a music podcast by discussing the "sheer f*****g arrogance" of music journalism. Between reenacting being a hydroelectric dam and discussing the logistics of dressing up like a facade of the Pentagon, they actually manage to talk about some records. Expect a deep dive into the dry drum sounds of early Faith No More, the naive charm of The Fall, and the surprising revelation that Hanoi Rocks basically invented Guns N' Roses. We also learn about the "poo sick" (don't ask) and why being 5'11" and 11/12ths is a legitimate personality trait. It's 70 minutes of your life you aren't getting back, but at least you'll know which bass pedals make you sound like a Moog.   ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Big Business - The Moor You Know #### Andrew's Riff - Baroness - The Birthing ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Faith No More - As The Worm Turns 2. The Lookouts - I Saw Her Standing There 3. The Damned - New Rose  4. Hanoi Rocks - Tooting Bec Wrecked ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Fall - Rebellious Jukebox 2. Television - Marquee Moon 3. The Kinks - Villiage Green Preservation Society 4. The Velvet Underground - Sister Ray Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com The Fall episode -  https://beatmotel.com/podcast-episodes/revisiting-the-fall-with-mark-beaumont-thomas/

    1h 12m
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Trailer

About

Welcome to Beat Motel Zine, the comedy-infused alt-music podcast! Born from a zine from the DIY scene, we blend laughs with punk, metal, and everything offbeat. Discover the weirder side of bands, from unintentionally funny stage antics to musical mishaps. Tune in for a profane, comedic journey through alternative tunes, where every episode is a laugh. Join us as we explore music's funniest fringes with a punk rock spirit! Can the alternative music scene and comedy mix? Of course they can; we'll prove it to you. Warning, episodes contain creative profanities in the vein of The Thick of It.

Information

  • Creator
    Andrew Culture
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    151
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Andrew Laws Associates Ltd
  • Show Website
    Beat Motel Zine

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