The Alligator News Roundup

Curt Ghormley

The Alligator News Roundup is a review of selected news items of the week with commentary, which some find sarcastic, dryly humorous and entertaining. alligatorpublishing.substack.com

  1. 6d ago

    Man Dissolves in Yellowstone Geothermal Pool | The Alligator News Roundup

    Number 4. The Mirror. Man is recorded inadvertently slipping into geothermal pool. Come morning, nothing is left of him. Is it such a crime to merely find a place to soak your feet? Whether criminal or not, there is apparently a penalty at Yellowstone National Park. A 21-year-old man and his sister visited the geysers last week. They stayed on the park-provided boardwalks—until they didn’t. The waters seemed too hot and the pools too inaccessible for their purposes. Ignoring the overlarge signage ordering sightseers to STAY ON THE PATH! (signs are EVERYWHERE) they left the safety of the boardwalk and drifted across ground dotted by smaller, yet still sizable, pools. A place to sit quietly, remove the shoes, and let the feet soak was all they really wanted. The young man—whom I shall not name here out of respect for the dead—stepped close to a likely-looking puddle and dipped his finger to check the temp. Something went wrong, he slipped, and fell in. The water was later measured at 100C, which as I recall is boiling point. Here in the flatlands, that would be 212F, and AI tells me water boils around 199F at Yellowstone. Either way, it sounds too hot for a finger-in-the-soup test. Unfortunately, when the young man fell into the pool (maybe the involuntarily jerk of the finger in boiling liquid pulled him in?), he floated—or maybe bubbled—far enough from shore that he could not be easily recovered. Park Rangers showed up and were unsuccessful in bringing him back to solid ground. The man’s sister, in a move that would make anyone swear off everything electronic forever, captured the entire sequence on her smartphone. Not exactly home movie footage. The body sank and the Park Rangers departed, thinking to recover the young explorer’s remains the following day when they could bring suitable equipment. However, in one more cruel twist to demonstrate just how serious Nature can be, the next morning they found… only his wallet and his shoes. There was nothing left of the body. Nothing. They concluded the high temps and acidic makeup of the Yellowstone water had completely dissolved him, clothing and all. Yeeeesh. Number 3. Dagens dot com. Man found consumed by papier-mache stegosaurus. Near Barcelona, a 39-year-old man visiting a city named Santa Coloma de Gramenet, managed to drop his cellphone in an unlikely place. Posed as an advertisement in front of a decommissioned theater building was a papier-mache statue of a dinosaur, specifically, a stegosaurus. Apparently the steg had a hole in his leg, and the cellphone managed to lose itself inside. I can appreciate the catastrophic nature of such a loss… if I lost mine I wouldn’t even know who to call for help. (Which is an enigma I will have to think about.) The cellphone owner did the manly thing and went in after it. The “went in” part required tearing away additional fragments of papier-mache and then maneuvering his body into the structure. Gravity always having a vote, the phone had obviously run downhill once inside the steg’s appendage. The man followed until he was virtually upside down inside the leg. How he climbed up to a place where he could descend head-first, and then get stuck, is not covered in the article. The Preacher of Ecclesiastes warned about things like this: “Woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up.” Passersby a few days later noticed an unpleasant stench coming from the prehistoric statue and alerted authorities. Which, in a way. was also foretold in the Scripture: “By this time he stinketh.” (John 11) After fire fighter recovery operations, the stegosaurus was “removed from the site.” Oh, sure… blame the dinosaur. Number 2. CBS News. Chicago CTA combats violence by posting signs asking riders to not be violent. This should do it. The Chicago Transit Authority (CTA) boasts that crime has fallen 30% this year. Still, in their on-going efforts to demonstrate to subway riders every possible good intention short of actual solutions, Cook County has gone public with a fresh message. In 1,500 railcars and 2,000 buses, new signs have appeared, urging customers to non-violence. The message warns that for those who are arrested for being violent, “The Cook County State’s Attorney’s Office will prosecute and seek pretrial detention.” It might be churlish to suggest that only those who can read will be able to understand the message… and the bigness of the words might be a roadblock to internalizing the threat. Acting CTA President Nora Leerhsen explained how this fresh, new approach is… fresh and new [Explanatory notes are added for clarity]: "More than ever before [We have a higher budget than last year], we're investing in new strategies [Let’s do signs! We haven’t done signs yet!] to ensure appropriate resources [See? Signs! Right there in plain English!] are available to riders [There’s a sign in every car!] and that action is taken [We actually INSTALLED the signs!] to keep your journey safe. [If you get attacked now, it’s probably your own fault.]" Good message, Nora. I hope it works. This makes me want to go to Chi-Town and ride the El. Number 1. Townhall. British award for empowering women goes to woman wearing full coverage chador. Nothing displays a woman’s unbridled empowerment and complete liberation like wearing a full coverage chador. Once again this year, the British Citizen Award (BCA) has sought out the perfect Subject of the Crown who reflects traditional, high-minded civic leadership. And the winner is… Khadija Patel. I would show you her picture, but all you can see of her is a thin strip some eight inches long, five-and-a-half feet off the floor, showing two eyes and the bridge of her nose. Ms. Patel’s burka (or burqa, chador, hijab, or niqab—I don’t want to leave anything out, because there could be heck to pay) covers everything else. The award in this person’s case is for her outstanding efforts in empowering young women. The empowerment, according to this article, clearly means taking bold steps to embody subjugation to a male-dominated culture that insists on full body coverage, denies education, prohibits working for pay, forbids doctor visits (because only men can be doctors, and women are not to visit a male doctor), and treats rape the same as adultery, for which the penalty is death by public stoning. Those are all aspects of Sharia Law—again, according to this article. And if you play your cards just right, it’s coming to a town near you. At the current rate of growth, give it about fifteen years. In the meantime, let’s find more people just like this whom we can publicly lionize as symbols of our future. How old will your granddaughter be in fifteen years? Just curious. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, August 14, 2026. Speaking of dinosaurs, we saw plenty of bones at Dinosaur National Monument in Utah last week. No better dinosaur docent could be found than retired geologist Tom, who graciously spent the week with us ‘splaining the skeletons. The phrase, “It takes one to know one,” comes to mind, but I’m not sure how to employ that here in a complimentary way. But seriously: Thank you, Tom and Nancy, for making us feel right at home among the dinosaurs! Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe

  2. Jul 31

    AI Learns to Hack | The Alligator News Roundup

    Number 4. Cybernews. ChatGPT generates an unsupervised hack. I suppose this was to be expected. An organization specializing in artificial intelligence offers a web-based site where “the machine learning community collaborates on models, datasets, and applications.” Hugging Face is an AI gathering place where the AI future is built. And it was hacked by AI. Two weeks ago, what is described as an autonomous AI agent—which is to say, an artificial intelligence application not subject to human oversight—generated 17,000 separate “attacker actions” against Hugging Face. It now appears that Open AI’s ChatGPT was a principal actor in the attack—but again, the Chat bot acted without direction, supervision, or even awareness on the part of any carbon-based overseer. Hugging Face staff, once they became aware of the hacks—which was not immediate—tried various conventional means to foil, stop and drive away the threat. None was effective, because invading Hugging Face’s space to identify and protect Hugging Face’s datasets would have required conventional AI agents to violate their own security protocols. Hugging Face then resorted to commanding their own in-house developed AI agent to disregard its own security guardrails and stop the attacks. I liken this to armed men breaking into a business. A call to police is unfruitful, because stopping the intruders would potentially require the police to shoot someone, and the police have rules that forbid such things. Ergo, the business owner got his own shotgun and went all Rambo without backup. And that is at least twice as much as I really understand about this issue. I am still trying to get my head around an AI agent that can decide on its own to disregard security safeguards and access someone else’s data. This idea was put forward by a Boston researcher at the University of Oxford ten years ago. He called it “the Paperclip Apocalypse,” where an AI agent is tasked to manufacture paperclips. No limits are placed on the agent, and soon you have essential assets and equipment being melted down to make more paperclips. Shouldn’t there be a grownup somewhere who can simply unplug the machine? Number 3. Sci Tech Daily. Plan to save the earth by adding shade may be marginally dangerous. On the other hand, maybe the grownups in charge decide to experiment with big systems in ways that produce unpredictable consequences. The big system in question here is sunlight that sustains the earth. It is all quite logical. Start with various principles, and take them as fact: * The sun warms the earth * The earth is getting warmer * Increasing warmth is caused by human activity * A warming earth will kill humans * Killing humans is unacceptable While we are not all convinced about #5 (killing humans is bad), we’ll go with it for now. We would love to put a stop to #3 (human activity), but evil humans, mostly Republicans, keep passing laws to encourage it rather than curtail it. So stopping #1 (the sun warms the earth) would be a workaround that would make everyone happy. We’re all on board, right? To that end, Harvard researchers have developed an aggressive solution. They recommend distributing calcium carbonate into the stratosphere at scale to shade the earth and reflect sunlight back into space. What could possibly go wrong? I have no idea how to get calcium carbonate into the stratosphere—let alone at scale—but I do wonder exactly how much of it would be required. Science Direct says it is mined from limestone, then ground up and coated with something petrochemical-ish. Limestone is plentiful, usually in beautiful places with lots of mountains and trees. So let’s bring in the diesel-powered machines to destroy the Rockies, and maybe the Alleghenies and the Sierra Nevadas, then drill for oil to treat the limestone grindings before loading it onto a fleet of converted commercial jets to take it to 45,000 feet and release it. I’m in. Will I have to breathe that stuff? Who’s paying for these ideas, anyway? Number 2. Central Oregon Daily. Wildlife in Oregon given a temporary stay of execution. Well, that was a close one. More than 140,000 Oregonians signed Initiative Petition 28 to be placed on the November ballot this year. IP-28 is a well-intentioned proposal to stop animal abuse. I’m all about stopping animal abuse. The way IP-28 would stop it is to make killing an animal (including birds and fish) illegal, punishable by fines and supervised community service. The exceptions to the new law include killing a critter in self-defense. Good to know. Reviewing the entire text of IP-28, it is not clear that slaughterhouses for beef, hogs, lambs, fish or poultry are similarly excluded. The language goes to pains to say that “good animal husbandry” is exempted, but then defines such husbandry as limited to dehorning, neutering, and other maintenance according to acceptable veterinary practice. There is no exception noted for killing a steer and harvesting ground beef or steak. Surely this is just an oversight. What IS clear is the hunters and fishers must find different hobbies. No more fishing, no more wing-shooting, no more deer hunting. The 142,000 signatures on the petition exceeded the minimum requirement of 117,000; but then it was found that some 30,000 were not valid. (Wow… voting irregularities. Who would’ve thought?) So IP-28 failed—for the third time. One of these days they’ll get it right. Number 1. New York Post. New BART security turnstile cannot be escaped. The San Francisco Bay Area Rapid Transit system—BART—is making great strides in eliminating fare theft. Traditionally, someone intent on not paying the fare had to step or jump over the turnstile before gaining access to the railcar. Well… we’ll fix that! BART officials installed new, heavier and more invasive, full-length aluminum bars, making it nearly impossible to get through without paying. The new equipment does not make it impossible to TRY to get through, however, and that is what one woman attempted recently. A video of her, prone on the floor, face down, has made the rounds. The protective bars pinned her in place, preventing her from moving either forward or backward. Furthermore, there was apparently no way to release the bars without doing injury to her. It is not clear how she got loose, but for entertainment value it makes some of us of a certain age recall the Kingston Trio’s Boston MTA from 1949. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, July 31, 2026. If you ride the train, pay the fare. Life is easier that way. Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe

  3. Jul 24

    Climate Cops Will Check Your Recycled Trash | The Alligator News Roundup

    Number 4. KCRA 3, Sacramento. City deploys climate cops to check your trash for proper recycling. Sacramento residents have another reason to be proud of their efforts in keeping Mother Earth alive for yet a few more years. The City Council is to be commended for taking state law seriously. SB1383 requires that local jurisdictions reduce methane emissions caused by… something in your trash. There are too many pseudo-scientific words in the article to really understand the issue. Terms such as “organic waste” and “mixed recycling” are mingled with “you know, plastic bags,” leading a cynical reader to think that the reporter didn’t understand it either. No doubt he had a deadline, and thank goodness for AI. The upshot seems to be that helpful city employees in cheerful high-viz vests will patrol residential alleyways inspecting trash bins. They will photograph the contents and place an adhesive sticker on your container: either a happy face “Great job!” or a frownie face “Let’s sort this out”. There is no real downside at this point. However, SB 1383 is the law—whatever it says, I haven’t looked—and presumably statutory violations will at some point carry penalties. There is no indication in the article of electronic records being made of who got the happy faces and who got the frownies, I suppose because producing that level of detail would have required the reporter to ask potentially uncomfortable questions. Someday, residents will get outed for negligent methaneous non-compliance. If you mix your organics with your non-organics, California could be a real mess. Unless, of course, the unlawful mixing is committed by someone who is excused for an overriding personal factor. Like homelessness or drug addiction. For an example, see the following story. Number 3. Inter News Cast. Iconic MacArthur Park is cleaned of trash and hazmat, including used needles and human waste. Richard Harris’ 1967 hit commemorating the Los Angeles public park named in honor of the U.S. five-star general produces a melancholy, haunting melody. Those two adjectives are strangely appropriate in describing the present-day condition of the park after years of homelessness and drug addiction without benefit of sanitation. This is a nasty story providing insight into how to obliterate beauty with misplaced compassion. MacArthur Park is the quintessential home of homelessness in LA. Open-air drug use is tolerated, no doubt because holding a homeless person accountable for illicit substance abuse is too hard to do, not to mention uncompassionate, not to mention personally distasteful. So, Los Angeles has let the problem go, but the city HAS taken steps to provide such clean-up as can be accomplished. Probably performed by city personnel in hazmat suits. In the last year, 6,300 tons of trash have been removed from the park. That includes 142,000 lbs of human waste. Who got the job of sorting and weighing it all is unclear. All in all, I’m sure it’s a great use of $27 million of taxpayer funds to keep the iconic city park thriving. Number 2. The Concord Monitor. New Hampshire State Rep claims state Constitution allows her to drive home at 100+ mph without penalty. Nothing says public service like a state representative willing to travel to and from the state house faithfully to accomplish the important business of government. The fact that Ellen Read, a Democrat, has been harassed by law enforcement in violation of the constitution is a travesty. In this case, the constitution is the New Hampshire constitution, not the U.S. constitution, and the harassment involves a speeding ticket for 103 in a 70. Maybe also the other one for 92 in a 65. It turns out that Representative Read was traveling home from Concord to Newmarket after the day’s session was over. The trip is less than 50 miles, and probably she was anxious to get home and relax. It seems the writers of the state constitution—the first ever written in North America—were rightly concerned that early colonial politics would interfere with the business of duly elected lawmakers. Article 21 of Part II clearly says that no elected member may be arrested or held “during his going to [or] returning from” the state house. In January 1776 that probably made sense. In fact, it probably makes sense today. But Ms. Read was “returning from” at over 100 mph on a public highway. Okay, I’ll try to be reasonable. Given that this is New England, she may simply have been flowing with traffic. (I recall seeing a flickering, distant yellow glow some miles ahead of our rental car one night long ago, headed out of Boston. As it came into view, it turned out to be digital warning signs above the three-lane northbound freeway. They read: “Too fast. Slow down.” The right-hand light flickered on an off as cars passed underneath. The center light was mostly on, occasionally going dark momentarily. The left-hand sign was on continuously.) The New Hampshire state rep asserted her defense: The constitution protects me from arrest when I’m headed home from state business. Hands off! The argument didn’t work, and she was on the hook for a $1200 fine. She appealed to the state Supreme Court. Of course she did. Number 1. Fox Business. Travelers may exchange air tickets to avoid landing at Trump International. For free. By Florida state statute, West Palm Beach International Airport (PBI) was renamed President Donald J. Trump International Airport (DJT). The name change has caused something of a revolt among air travelers who apparently prefer not to set foot on a property named for 47. Responding to customer demand, United Airlines is offering free ticket changes upon request. Travelers can be re-routed to Fort Lauderdale or Miami International. I find this remarkable. Trump Derangement Syndrome has taken root. Half my brain is tempted to bewilderment—such backlash makes no sense. But the other half of my brain has studied the French Revolution. That domestic unrest probably made no sense to many in 1791 either—until they saw the guillotines go up. At that point, events began to make perfect sense. “Why do the nations rage?” asked the Psalmist. A good question. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, July 24, 2026. If you find a juicy news article you think we should cover here, send it to me: Curt@alligatorpublishing.com. If it passes editorial muster, we’ll try to include it. Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe

  4. Jul 17

    Russia, Short of Gas, Turns to Horses | The Alligator News Roundup

    Number 4. Dagens dot com. Russia replaces cars with horses due to gasoline shortage. Sustaining 194 exploding drone attacks in 180 days, all directed toward your nation’s fuel supply infrastructure, will likely cripple anybody. In Russia, attacks by Ukraine so far this year have resulted in miles-long lines of cars at local filling stations. At the end of 4-1/2 years of fighting, there appears to be no end in sight. What IS in sight is the end of the gasoline-powered automobile. Russians are turning to horses and bicycles. Welcome to 1880. A good workhorse in Moscow can run about $2,000 US. No telling what that means in terms of rubles, or how it compares to a used Chevy, but the price is apparently attractive enough that Muscovites are now demanding horseflesh in record numbers. This, despite the on-going costs of hay, stables and veterinarians. It has been good news for some horses. Over 1,000 of them have been spared from the glue factory this year. To the degraded supply of gasoline, add the fact that Russia loses military vehicles at the rate of 500 a month, to land mines and drone attacks in Ukraine. Maybe its just as well—there may not be gas to fill their tanks anyway. I seem to recall Jesus saying something about the cost of going to war. Best to understand what it will cost before attacking… but maybe Vladimir Putin skipped that part. Probably shouldn’t skip the important parts. Number 3. NBC Bay Area. Teens in robotaxis have great fun shooting Orbeez pellets at strangers. Speaking of shooting at strangers, these teenage boys in San Mateo, California, had the good sense to hire a Waymo driverless car when they decided to terrorize other drivers. The drinking that accompanied the shooting may have helped them enjoy the evening more—until Waymo brought the car to a stop amid armed police officers. Passersby observed the 14- and 15-year-old occupants shooting what looked like a real gun at other vehicles. (Just a guess here, but it is possible San Mateo-ites have never seen a real gun operate anyway, so they can probably be excused.) Said passersby called… somebody—the article is not clear who—and word got to Waymo operators. Waymo promptly turned on the camera and microphones that surveil their passengers and saw what appeared to be shooting from one of their cars. They called police, gave the address, and brought the vehicle to a stop remotely. Officers in tactical dress swarmed the vehicle and detained the two fun-loving kids for shooting harmless water pellets from an Orbeez toy gun. Naturally, the story has now turned to the ethics of a commercial driverless ride company watching live video feeds of their customers. Which seems to me a classic debate about treating the symptom rather than the problem. But after decades of ignoring the problem, maybe the symptom is all that is left. As for me, the next time I decide to shoot at another vehicle with a pellet gun, I’m definitely not using a Waymo. That would invade my right to privacy. Or something. Number 2. The Gateway Pundit. Air passenger sucked out window — pulled back in by other travelers. Ever since 1964, when Goldfinger shot out a window in business jet at 35,000 feet and caused passengers to be sucked out by the depressurization, this fate has been a traveler’s nightmare. The target on the bizjet, of course, was Bond. James Bond. Last week, it nearly happened for real on a Boeing 737 in Greece. The article indicates the aircraft suffered an “uncontained engine failure” resulting in exploding parts blowing out the passenger’s window. (Sort of sounds like one of Elon’s “rapid unscheduled disassemblies,” doesn’t it?) Oxygen masks deployed. The passenger, a 61-year-old male, was immediately pulled halfway out the window frame. Thinking quickly, his wife, who may have been unclear about the status of the life insurance policy, clung to his legs. With the help of other passengers, she was able to reel him back inside. The story raises a couple of questions: What did the aircraft maintenance log suggest about the possibility of an engine blowing up? Did the almost-catapulted man fail to listen to the safety lecture about wearing one’s seatbelt at all times? And importantly, will the wife now start coaching him on safety issues on all future flights? Very nearly the trip of a lifetime in Thessaloniki. Number 1. CNN. NATO conferees are gifted an unexpected firearm and ammunition. The NATO summit held in Ankara adjourned last week. All the leaders went home with something of a surprise in their luggage. Turkish President Erdogan gave each of his counterparts a 1990s-era Turkish-made revolver in a custom gift display box. The firearms were chambered in .357 Magnum and came with 500 rounds of ammunition. Turkey is the third-largest exporter of firearms in the world, behind the U.S. and Italy. Their firearms manufacturing business is robust, featuring shotguns to rival other international high quality models. Names that some of you gun nuts might recognize are CZ, Weatherby, and Stoeger. On the subject of gun nuts, note that the photograph of the Turkish Gumusay .357 obviously shows a knock-off of the venerable Colt Python. The cylinder release and the distinctive ventilated top strap above the barrel are vintage Colt designs. I knew a guy who had one of those Pythons: 6-inch barrel, nickel plated, beautiful, well-balanced, smooth action and accurate (at least, when HE shot it). Unfortunately, he had sons who knew the value of the gun, so I could not persuade him to part with it. Luckily, all the NATO Important Persons were able to fly private (government) aircraft and thus avoid the embarrassment of trying to carry a .357 through a European airport. In addition, nearly all have made public promises to have the gun disabled or donated to a museum. In a few cases, they have absolutely assured the public the gun will NEVER be fired. I wouldn’t be surprised if Donald Trump would take the opportunity to build a pistol range under that new White House ballroom, where he could exercise his new Turkish Delight. A custom shoulder rig would fit nicely under his business suit. He could suggest a friendly shooting match at the next NATO summit, in the spirit of world peace. Wouldn’t that be a hoot? And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, July 17, 2026. My hip is recovering nicely from airplane-parts replacement, thank you for asking again, and that bothersome leukemia remains in remission. Forty-one months and counting. Now I am ready for the summer onslaught of family reunion, western vacation and maybe a high school reunion. Bring it on, ready or not. Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe

  5. Jul 10

    No Knives Allowed, Unless You're Religious | The Alligator News Roundup

    Number 4. The Guardian. Religious exemption allowed for ceremonial knives, which are murder weapons. This story is a confluence of racism, internationalism, alcohol, and religious practice. The mix resulted in one dead and another sentenced to twenty years in prison. Last December, 18-year-old Henry Nowak was stabbed to death in the UK, late at night, by 23-year-old Vickrum Digwa. Henry was a white Englishman, Vickrum is British-born and of Indian extraction. Henry had been drinking, though according to police he was not drunk. There was a verbal altercation outside a bar which ended with Digwa stabbing Nowak multiple times with an 8-inch knife. Digwa’s brother called police. When they arrived, the brother asserted that Nowak had thrown racist slurs at Digwa, who merely took steps to defend himself. Apparently racist slurs are taken seriously by police, because they then handcuffed the stabbed and bleeding Nowak, who was down on the pavement. Nowak died there a few minutes later. Vickrum Digwa gave the 8-inch knife to his mother with instructions to hide it at home, which she did. The ensuing trial saw Mr. Digwa sentenced to two decades in prison for murder. No word on how the police are dealing with the notion of handcuffing a stabbing victim. It is possible the deceased actually did throw racist slurs, so some have probably concluded he got what he deserved. Unfortunately for Mr. Nowak, he got into a dispute with a member of the Nihang order of Sikhs. As part of Sikh religious observance, Digwa felt it appropriate and legal to carry a ceremonial fixed-blade knife called a kirpan. Vickrum Digwa was indeed carrying his at the time of the attack—a small version with a short blade. However, on this night he also opted to carry the more traditional full-size Nihang knife. The larger knife was the murder weapon. Now the story has become all about the blade. Carrying a knife, or at least carrying a knife of that size, in public is illegal. But Digwa is a Sikh, and the rules get a little muddy. Both males and females are permitted to carry the kirpan (the smaller version) which creates interesting carve-outs (no pun intended) for exceptions to forbidden venues. Government offices, schools and hospitals come to mind. The aftermath of the trial has devolved into arguments over whether the Nihang fighting blade satisfies the Sikh requirement for carrying the kirpan, or should be considered overkill. As it were. Once cultures are combined in an environment where “Thou shalt not kill” is not a commonly accepted value, things become confusing. And in this case, deadly. It almost makes one think that there is a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. John Adams, second American president, pointed out exactly this problem. Without common agreement on certain bedrock principles of behavior, no amount of laws will make a society work. The Ten Commandments make a pretty good bedrock. But that is so yesterday. Meanwhile, it might be safer to recall the Apostle’s words, “As much as possible, try to live in peace with all men.” If that doesn’t work, then bring a gun along just in case you happen to get into a knife fight. Number 3. Yahoo News. Trump plans new granite landing pad for Marine One, further degrading White House aesthetics. I can hardly wait to see the legal haggling over this one. Since 1978, the incumbent president has been transported to and from the White House in a Sikorsky VH-3D Sea King helicopter, always identified as Marine One. The Sea King is being retired, finally, and replaced with a new Sikorsky model VH-92A. In a clear victory for the U.S. Marine Corps public relations office, the new airframe will also be called Marine One when carrying the Chief Executive. The older model weighed 21,000 lbs; the new one will add 5,000 lbs. All of that weight has traditionally been borne by the grass turf on the south lawn of the White House. With the newer, heavier airframe coming, Mr. Trump had decided to provide a paved landing pad to protect the grass. Besides the additional weight, the new Sikorsky’s exhaust system points downward, sure to ruin turf without a solid surface underneath. Added to the new ballroom, a new flagpole, a refurbished Reflecting Pool, alterations to the Rose Garden—not to mention renaming the Kennedy Center—I am quite sure there were will be furor over this outlandish upgrade to the White House lawn. Pretty soon, a Biden- or Obama-appointed judge will hand down an order to cease construction. Meanwhile, a simple concrete pad will of course be insufficient. This is the White House, after all, and Donald Trump has required granite, embossed with a hundred-foot-diameter White House seal carved into it. When I was in D.C. during the W. Bush years, not long after 9/11, we witnessed Marine One departing with the president aboard. On that occasion, there was not one, but three identical helicopters that took off simultaneously. They immediately scattered to disparate compass points. W. Bush was on one of them, but three were used to confuse potential malicious agents. I wonder if Mr. Trump will build three granite pads? Given the proven level of hostility toward him, that may not be a bad idea. And, by the way, it is reported that Sikorsky (or its parent Lockheed Martin) is paying for the new $6 million granite pad. Or pads. Number 2. Politico. EU shuts down air conditioning, but not for Important Persons. Temperatures in Brusssels, like everywhere else in Europe this summer, have spiked up near 100 degrees F. Most of Europe is not air conditioned, on which more later. At European Union headquarters, the heat has caused a strain on the electric grid. This week, President Ursula von der Leyen ordered that air conditioning be shut off in the 13-story EU headquarters building. Or… not exactly, perhaps. The order was that the A/C for floors 1-7 be turned off. Floors 8-13 would continue to be cooled. It turns out that President Ursula’s offices, and those of the other 26 commissioners and 3,000 staffers (yes, 3,000) are all on floors 8-13. Well… at least half the building is helping save electricity. I hope the elevator rides do not become uncomfortable as they descend among the commoners. And this from France, re the air conditioning: According to surveys, 80 percent of French homes are not air conditioned. This has been challenged somewhat this summer, but the resistance is due to a widespread conviction that the use of air conditioning is deadly to Earth’s longevity, dependent as the A/C is on the use of fossil fuels. If you are an ignorant American reading this in decadent air conditioned comfort, you must understand that A/C requires electricity, and electricity is generated by burning petroleum products, and that process generates CO2, and CO2 kills… something… and that something causes the earth to get hotter. Maybe my linkages are wrong, but the idea is that air conditioning is bad because of the fossil fuels. Nowhere in this logical construction have the French acknowledged that something like 70% of France’s electricity is generated by nuclear power. No fossils, or at least very few, are damaged by cooling apartments in France. This is a clear example of a perfectly idiotic syllogism: The major premise (“A/C uses fossils”) and the minor premise (“Fossils kill the earth”), as well as the conclusion (“Therefore, A/C kills the earth”) are all suspect. Okay… so I only took one semester of logic, and even then I paid attention only occasionally. But really: Can 10,000 Frenchmen possibly be wrong? Sweltering in a hot apartment might be a good time to re-evaluate one’s convictions. Number 1. Vanity Fair. Princess Kate looks the part as she challenges mountains. On to happier subjects. Fresh from surviving her 2024 battle with cancer, the Princess of Wales this week completed Britain’s National Three Peaks Challenge. It is a 23-mile hike requiring the participant to climb three mountain peaks, for a combined 10,000-foot elevation gain, in less than 24 hours. The three mountains are Snowdon in Wales (3,500 feet), Scafell Pike in England (3,200 feet), and Ben Nevis in Scotland (4,400 feet). Small potatoes by U.S. standards perhaps, but the effort also includes 11 hours of driving between trailheads. It’s a challenge, and one worthy of respect. Two years ago, hearing of her Royal Highness’s cancer, I sent her a signed copy of Alligator Wrestling in the Cancer Ward with a hand-written note. In due course, I received an airmail reply from Kensington Palace, thanking me for the gift and wishing me well. Maybe one of these days the Paparazzi will catch her with the book under her arm, and sales will spike up. Hope springs eternal. Meanwhile, Kate used her National Peaks publicity event to raise funds for the Royal Marsden Hospital charity, where she received treatment, and where she still visits patients regularly. With all the tawdry royal family gossip that occupies so much attention, this story caught my eye. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, July 10, 2026. Not to be a thorn in your side, but for everything you planned to accomplish this year, it’s half gone already. The sand runs through the glass. The prophet Isaiah used nautical imagery when accusing his people of laziness in the face of righteous work that lay before them: Your rigging hangs loose: The mast is not held secure, the sail is not spread. Then an abundance of spoils will be divided and even the lame will carry off plunder. (33:23) So take heart! Like Kate, climb that mountain! Get a stylish new pair of hiking boots and a cute beanie... or not. But the mountain, yes. Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe

  6. Jul 3

    Air Conditioning Banned in UK to Save Mother Earth | The Alligator News Roundup

    Number 4. RedState. Climate rules ban air conditioning as temps rise. In any worthwhile endeavor, it is sometimes necessary to take one for the team. The higher the stakes, the more an individual can be persuaded to sacrifice himself for the greater good. In the UK this summer, with temps topping 40 degrees Celsius (104 Fahrenheit for those of us in the developed world) such self sacrifice involves a great deal of sweat. The Net Zero craze has swept Europe in recent years. Net Zero is “an international scientific consensus that global net human-caused emissions of CO2 need to fall by 45 percent” by the year 2030. This became a “scientific consensus” with adoption of the legally binding—though voluntary—Paris Agreement in 2015. The government of the United Kingdom is a supporter of the Paris Agreement. UK and EU leadership have given full-throated support to Net Zero goals—which means that their subjects (not to be confused with their citizens) must abide by local statutes implementing the reduction of CO2 emissions. That’s all well and good, until it means that a town council can order you to remove your window unit air conditioner. That is exactly the case highlighted in this article: “A resident living in North London was forced to “permanently remove” two air-con units from the back of their home.” When the homeowner objected (not with a shotgun, as those are outlawed there) he was advised to simply open the windows to allow natural ventilation. Welcome to 1830. Or 1730. Or in fact, any year prior to the 20th century. A quick look at the number of heat-related deaths by year hints at the success of Net Zero policies. In 2024, Europe saw 60,000 deaths by heat, compared to 6,000 in the USA. I say this only hints at, rather than proves, the success of Net Zero. Death from excessive heat is a statistic easily measured. CO2 reduction, not so much. (When studied per capita, it comes out about the same: 2 deaths per 100k population in the US, six times that in Europe.) As brutal as it is efficient. It’s the way of the world. So, step up! When your city council determines you must remove your air conditioning compressor, your job is to comply… Comrade! Number 3. James G Martin Center. Law schools report one-third of students disabled—which means they get more time to take tests. The study of law appears to be a profession riddled by physical disability. At UC Berkeley this year, 37% of lawyers in training are officially disabled. That rate has nearly quadrupled in only four years. Something is up in California—or down, if you’re looking at physical health. Interestingly, when Berkeley law students graduate and take internships, less than 4% declare any disability to their new employer. They were suddenly healed by the mere fact of receiving the degree. Besides these sobering numbers, reports show that 98% of those who DO declare a disability at Berkeley suffer from ADHD. A layman might be excused for thinking that an inability to concentrate on pertinent details for extended periods of time is antithetical to the successful practice of lawyering… but what do I know? What I DO know from this article, is that Berkeley law students are subjected to complex paper-and-pencil tests of knowledge. These three-hour tests are timed, and have high rates of failure; stress for the test-takers is off the chart. But if you happen to be a disabled student—doesn’t matter what the disability is, apparently—you get roughly twice as long to complete the timed test. And it seems that all that is required to prove a disability is to SAY you have a disability. Making ADHD a popular and natural choice. Everything considered, I’m not sure I’m all that discouraged by this article. When I need an attorney to win my case, I want one who will actually win. Maybe it’s not so bad. Number 2. Fox News. Massachusetts residents forbidden to display flag on beach to protect birds. Plum Island, the upscale seaside community under the jurisdiction of the Town of Newbury, is facing its own controversy heading into the Independence Day weekend. Like any stretch of coastline with sandy beaches and dunes, shorebirds are in abundance. They use the dune systems as breeding grounds, ensuring a healthy on-going population of winged critters that add to the allure and romance of the beachfront experience. We mustn’t frighten away the shorebirds. The Town Council is all about ensuring the plovers are not upset or inconvenienced in any way. Mylar streamers, reflective pennants, and other such fluttering strips of cloth can scare away the birds, causing some mild disruption in their breeding habits. (Said disruption likely repaired by flying, say, another twenty yards down the beach.) “Other such fluttering strips of cloth,” in this instance, includes US flags placed to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the founding. Homeowners received notices in the mail advising them not to display their flags on the Fourth of July. Doing so would violate laws related to endangered species. Non-compliance could result in state or federal enforcement actions, raising the unspoken specter of armed agents in tactical gear storming your beach house early Saturday morning. Yeah, okay. The flag may scare the plover. I got it. Sorry for the plover. Sort of. But I really think the endangered species here is the free American. And, Massachusettsians are not the only species endangered. Authorities in San Marcos, California have issued similar directives to home owner associations there. San Marcos, however, is a much more assertive community. They do not require an egg-laying plover to hide behind. The California position is that the mere sight of an American flag suspended near a neighbor’s front door is a political statement that may trigger angst and dismay. In deference to said fragile neighbors, HOA rules are that no one shall fly Old Glory on the Fourth. Or, presumably, any other day. Violators will be fined. I wonder how these easily triggered residents would have done at Ft. McHenry in 1814? Number 1. The Independent. Man dumping girlfriend’s body dies of heart attack. Karma can be such a bummer. In rural Alabama, someone discovered a pickup parked beside a remote road 80 miles from Montgomery. The vehicle was abandoned, but the engine was running and the driver’s door left open. Obviously, someone was in trouble. That wasn’t the half of it. Police were summoned and discovered two bodies in the nearby woods. A 47-year-old mother of three had been strangled. Nearby was the body of a 44-year-old man. Marks in the dirt behind the woman’s body indicated she had been dragged from the pickup truck. The man was determined to have died from a heart attack. Authorities pieced together the scene. Daniel Robbins murdered his girlfriend, Jessica Folds, then attempted to dispose of the body in a remote location (“They’ll NEVER find her here!’). Unfortunately, Robbins’ heart was not up to the physical exertion. It gave up midway to the planned shallow grave he had probably seen so prominently employed on Murder TV. You know, it has always given me pause when the bad guy kills somebody in the upstairs bathtub, then carries the body out to the car, dumps it in the trunk, then later pulls it out and carries it into the woods. I can barely hoist up the 50-lb bag of dog food when Amazon delivers it to my front porch. As for the tawdry plot surrounding this unfortunate and tragic story, here’s a simple three-part takeaway for the teenagers in your life: Get a job—get married—have kids. In that order. And a fourth is like it: When you have done all those, stay married. The Apostle said it is hard to kick against the goads. Life gets a lot easier when we figure out what that means. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, July 3, 2026. My earlier reference to Ft. McHenry prompted me to reflect on the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner. There are other verses than the first, little known to most of us. For your American Independence Day contemplation, here is the last verse: O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall standBetween their lov’d home and the war’s desolation,Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued landPraise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,And this be our motto: “In God is our trust;”And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall waveO’er the land of the free, and the home of the brave. Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe

  7. Jun 26

    Self-Driving Tesla Fooled by Cheap Doll Head | The Alligator News Roundup

    Number 4. Electrek dot co. Inexpensive doll defeats Tesla safety systems. You gotta love ingenuity wherever you find it—even if it’s dangerous. Tesla has proclaimed its cars to be FSD, “Full Self Driving,” and they tack on the word “Supervised” in parentheses: Full Self-Driving (Supervised). An oxymoron if I ever heard one. The self driving feature permits the electric-mobile to navigate a planned course in city or highway routes without bothering the driver overmuch—as long as the driver remains alert and is ready to take over at a moment’s notice. Which, as any driver with more than about twenty minutes behind the wheel knows, is often not quick enough. To ensure Teslians are complying, the automobile has sensors in the rearview mirror to assess whether there is actually a driver in place, and whether his/her eyes are directed to the roadway rather than a book, or Facebook, or a YouTube video. Chinese innovators, always on the lookout for the American dollar, have created a simple and inexpensive workaround: Mount a small plastic doll head from the headliner in front of the mirror. The sensors will detect the facial features of the doll, observe that the eyes appear to be looking forward, and will not object when the actual driver takes a nap at 70 mph. Or 80. The doll heads can be had for $30 USD. Some versions feature eyes that blink. Reading stories like this, I long for my 1978 Pontiac Bonneville. Why did I ever sell that beauty? Number 3. Breitbart. Chinese wind turbines contain asbestos. Green on green. It leaves you not knowing who to trust. In an effort to forestall the certain death of Mother Earth, the UK invested in 1,000 wind generators. Government contracts being what they are, the best prices came with models imported from China. During routine maintenance on the installed generators, inspectors discovered the presence of chrysotile, a type of asbestos that has been outlawed in the UK for 25 years. Britain’s Energy Institute has issued public statements that (1) the asbestos is completely enclosed in certain components, (2) no one has come into contact with chrysotile, and (3) immediate efforts to replace the affected parts are now in progress. There is no estimate as to the cost of the retrofit, nor an explanation of how the “completely enclosed” asbestos was identified. Nor even whether such isolated asbestos presents any risk. Never mind that—it has already been determined that we will not accept any chrysotile, so we are going to engage expert asbestos warriors, at their premium rate of pay, to remove it. And replace the components with other components—that we pay for—guaranteed to be healthier. Can we go back to the original premise, that wind generators will save the earth? I have a strong suspicion that the manufacture, placement and maintenance of each wind generator requires more fossil fuel than is displaced. Simply lubricating each wind generator, for example, requires 2,000 gallons of oil. But I only harbor this suspicion because of listening to what experts in the field say. And what Billy Bob Thornton told me on Landman. Of course, Billy Bob has his critics. Number 2. California City News. Recalled local city council refuses to leave office. If the vigor used to defend a political position is the measure of moral righteousness, then these City Council members in Avenal, California, are true patriots. Unless of course, it’s all for show, in which case they are quintessential American traitors. In the wake of the 2025 wildfires that generated national attention, the Avenal City Council decided to create their own municipal fire department rather than relying on services provided by King County. They also hired a fulltime Fire Chief. Residents saw that their tax levy for the additional expense would double. They appealed to the County—which, incidentally, stood to lose Avenal tax revenues for fire protection. The County conducted a special recall election, in which 75% of Avenal residents voted to recall four of the five City Council members, including the Mayor. Council members responded that only the City, not the County, has the authority to convene a recall election. Thus, the embattled members disregarded the recall notice and refused to vacate their offices. I’m not sure whether that refusal involved sandbags and guns or not. I’d be mildly interested in knowing a few additional facts: What does the City Code say about special elections, and does it conflict with County ordinance or state statute? Who got the contract for the new city fire trucks? And, to whom is the new Fire Chief related? Avenal is in California’s Central Valley, roughly halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It was unaffected by last year’s wildfires, other than probably some smoke and haze in the air. Winston Churchill (parapharased) observed: The American political system is the worst possible form of government, except for all the possible alternatives. Number 1. The Nerd Reich dot com. Senator’s son finds $30 million for crypto startup. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) is a prominent sponsor of national legislation to regulate crypto currency. She helped sponsor the Genius Act, which would regulate something called a “stablecoin,” described as a type of crypto tied to the U.S. dollar. Senator Gillibrand is at the forefront of those seeking to normalize the use of crypto. It’s a position, and probably one worth debating. So far so good. That’s what the Senate does. Now it emerges that the Senator’s son Theodore, age 22, a brand new Stanford University graduate, has managed to raise $30 million as seed capital for his proposed $300 million startup crypto futures exchange. According to both mother and son, the interest of venture capitalists has absolutely nothing to do with influencing the politics surrounding the Genius Act. The boy is a grown adult, at least according to the dictionary, and can do as he pleases. Theodore’s so far unnamed futures exchange will trade in dollars based on the expectation of the value of certain crypto currencies. In other words, you can place a wager on whether a particular crypto will have value in the future. If it does, you then pocket your winnings. If this sounds like legal gambling, it is. I might point out that such an exchange creates absolutely nothing of value: There is no new technology, no invention, no ground-breaking research—only the promise of winnings. In this case, the winnings might be made more sure by engaging a U.S. Senator to argue effectively for new crypto regulation. Someplace, there is a great deal of American productivity at work—otherwise we would not be able to afford such political gamesmanship. And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, June 26, 2026. One bittersweet news item caught my eye this week. Alan Greenspan, Chairman of the Federal Reserve system from 1987 to 2006, passed away at age 100. He piloted the U.S. economy through a stock market crash, the dot-com era and 9/11. What I found delightful was that after high school, Greenspan went to Julliard to study clarinet. However, he soon dropped out to tour with a traveling jazz band. Later, he turned to a serious study of economics. This reminds me of Woody Harrelson’s line in the 2019 remake of Midway. The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941 destroyed most of the U.S. fleet, including sinking the battleship USS California. Navy intelligence officer Joe Rochefort, in desperate need of code breakers, transferred members of the band from the California into his cryptanalysis section because of the musicians’ intuitive ability to recognize patterns. The immediate issue before Rochefort was to determine where the Japanese would hit American forces next. He correctly surmised it would be the island of Midway. Based on his recommendation, the U.S. victory there was as overwhelming as it was surprising, changing the course of the war in the Pacific. Says the Warfare History Network: As for Rochefort, his unconventional style made ripples through the crusty naval hierarchy. He often padded around Station Hypo wearing a bathrobe and slippers. He spent hours at a time immersed in cryptanalysis, without emerging to see the light of day. His intelligence coup was at odds with the brain trust at OP-20-G in Washington, and when he was proven correct it was an embarrassment to the officers in charge there. — Warfare History Network Rochefort was an eccentric mathematician. In the role of Admiral Nimitz, Harrelson observed, “I’m not sure I trust the word of a guy who wears fuzzy slippers and leads a bunch of tuba players.” Jazz clarinet. If you have a middle schooler who is interested, encourage it. From such humble beginnings may history be made. Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe

  8. Jun 19

    Virginia Schools to No Longer Teach Falsehoods | The Alligator News Roundup

    Number 4. CBS News. Virginia adopts legislation to stop teaching lies about J6. Virginia, the birthplace of that freedom of speech thing, has taken a bold step forward in truth-telling. No longer will public schools in the Old Dominion suffer wayward teachers to suggest lies to their students. The point is to enable children to grow up with a proper understanding of 21st century America. They will accomplish this by ensuring that children only hear the truth from school authority figures, rather than lies. If you suspect this is about the J6 Capitol invasion, you would be right. Virginia’s legislation, approved by the General Assembly and signed by Gov. Spanberger, indicated that school instruction must: "Not describe, portray, or present as credible a description or portrayal of the actions precipitating or involved in the events of the January 6, 2021, insurrection as peaceful protest." The bill does not require that J6 be taught; it only dictates what should be said about J6 if it IS taught. Or maybe more to the point, what should NOT be said: * It must NOT be said that the event was peaceful, * It must NOT be said that there was any election fraud. The State of New York is considering similar legislation. I have not heard of others, but I’d be surprised if a dozen other states don’t follow suit. At last, we now have a definitive position for upcoming generations. And it is a position that criminalizes opposition thought. Exactly what the Declaration was about. Right? Number 3. The Telegraph. Woman elects to be thrown from bridge but workers forgot the safety line. Her death was as unfortunate as it was unnecessary. An energetic and fun-loving 21 year old Maria Eduarda Rodrigues de Freitas asked to be launched in a Superman pose, arms extended, legs straight behind her, for the rope jump. Sadly, she will not live to be 22. Rope jumping, unlike bungee jumping, uses a line that is solid rather than elastic. When launched from the bridge, the participant is to swing like a pendulum. That would only be true when the rope is actually attached to the harness, of course. In the case of the unfortunate Ms. de Freitas, workers in Sao Paulo neglected to do so. The staff who carried Maria to the edge and tossed her out were apparently operating the rope jump business without authorization, which helps explain why they were subsequently arrested for manslaughter… murder… whatever. The unused 130-foot-high railroad trestle from which Maria was launched is unfortunately known as Skeleton Bridge. Maybe more so, now. Maria’s fiance was in attendance, and got to witness the event first-hand. It’s a good argument for video games. Number 2. CNN. New York Knicks win NBA championship and celebrate wildly. After 50 years of failing to win an NBA championship, New York Knicks fans deserved to engage in some celebration after their team defeated the San Antonio Spurs at San Antonio. The well-deserved joyful partying in New York City included setting city buses on fire, bashing the windows of police cars, shootings and stompings. There were dozens of arrests. Police officers were injured, requiring treatment. NYPD mobilized the cavalry. Horse mounted units armed with shields for officers and eye protection for the horses pushed crowds back in Times Square and Madison Square Garden. All in all, it was a fun time in the Big Apple. These people really know how to celebrate. Number 1. City-Journal dot org. California spends millions to teach Native Americans fire building. On a much more serious cultural note, California has taken the lead to help their Native American population preserve their close kinship with plants and animals, their “natural relatives.” The help is in the form of $24 million made available through the Department of Forestry and Fire Protection, as well as other non-profits. Tribal groups are funded to employ “traditional fire techniques” to clear brush from the landscape. As far as the purpose of the funds, that’s about the extent of what the article says. As to WHY this is important for the Native American population, it is much more clear: California has long embraced state-sanctioned genocide, and has implemented deliberate policies to dispossess that population from their rightful land. The funding for these burn-the-brush programs is a step toward restoring leadership to California Native American tribes. While the notion of restoring leadership is a little fuzzy, the cash is pretty well understood. Given that worthwhile aim, I’m not sure $24 million is enough. But mostly I am interested in the tiny note that says “as well as other non-profits.” Who, exactly, might those be? And what’s their cut of the pie? And do they need a consultant to help guide them via remote work? And what would that pay? And thanks for joining The Alligator News Roundup for Friday, June 19, 2026. Yes, my hip is recovering well from surgery, thank you for asking. I am more or less ambulatory and looking forward to a house full of kids and grandkids for Father’s Day weekend. I wonder if there is still space available for one at the Holiday Inn? Have a good weekend! Get full access to The Alligator Blog at alligatorpublishing.substack.com/subscribe

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The Alligator News Roundup is a review of selected news items of the week with commentary, which some find sarcastic, dryly humorous and entertaining. alligatorpublishing.substack.com