This week on Movie Torture, Brad, Mark, and MTD tackle The Runner, the Amazon Prime action thriller starring Gal Gadot and Damian Lewis. It's a movie that asks one very important question: WHAT IF WE TOOK THE MOVIE SPEED, REMOVED THE BUS, REMOVED THE EXPLOSIONS, REMOVED THE FUN, AND JUST MADE WONDER WOMAN JOG AROUND LONDON FOR 90 MINUTES? Hollywood apparently said, "Here's $269 million. MAKE IT HAPPEN!" The story follows a lawyer whose son has been kidnapped by a mysterious criminal who demands she assassinate a witness. But there's a catch: She can't take a taxi, ride a bus, or use public transportation. SHE HAS TO RUN. Why? Nobody knows. Apparently, the villain is also a personal trainer who takes his job WAY too seriously. And that's where Brad, Mark, and MTD begin their investigation into one of the most ridiculous action movies they've ever encountered. How does Gal Gadot get absolutely DESTROYED by a moving vehicle, wake up in an ambulance, and immediately start running again like she just finished a refreshing power nap? How does she somehow OUTRUN A SUBWAY TRAIN to the next station? Why is the villain so obsessed with tracking her jogging speed? And most importantly, AFTER RUNNING THROUGH LONDON FOR AN ENTIRE MOVIE, HOW IS THIS WOMAN NOT SUFFERING FROM THE WORST CHAFING IN HUMAN HISTORY? Brad has questions about her thighs. Mark has questions about the screenplay. And MTD has questions about where Amazon spent all that money. Speaking of money, the guys discover reports claiming this movie cost an absolutely INSANE $269 MILLION! TWO HUNDRED. SIXTY-NINE. MILLION. DOLLARS. For a movie about a woman running. Did Amazon purchase the entire city of London? Did Gal Gadot receive a solid-gold treadmill? Was Jeff Bezos personally delivering bottled water to the set? The guys even recreate the Hollywood pitch meeting that somehow got this movie approved, and it's probably more entertaining than the actual film. Meanwhile, Brad and Mark determine that the entire production could've been saved with one simple casting decision: MARK WAHLBERG. That's right. Put Marky Mark in London, give him a Boston accent, throw in a Wahlburgers restaurant, and suddenly you've got yourself an Oscar contender. Somehow, this leads to an extended discussion about Howdy Doody, Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Wizard, and what would happen if the beloved children's puppet started speaking like Jigsaw from Saw. "HEY KIDS! IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME! WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME?" Nobody knows how they got there. Nobody knows how to get back. And that's just the movie discussion! PLUS! THE CRAIGSLIST MOMENT OF THE WEEK IS BACK! Brad discovers someone desperately trying to sell a VHS copy of Gordy, the forgotten 1990s movie about a talking pig trying to save his family from the slaughterhouse. The asking price? $6.75. Not six dollars. Not seven dollars. SIX DOLLARS AND SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS. The seller has been trying to unload this cinematic treasure for months, leaving the guys wondering whether anybody in the history of mankind has ever said, "Man, I really need to find myself a copy of Gordy on VHS." Then things get even stranger when Brad discovers someone giving away an entire season of The Sopranos recorded off television onto blank VHS tapes. Not the official box set. Not DVDs. SOMEBODY'S HOME-RECORDED VHS TAPES. Mark immediately suspects there could be old wedding footage, family memories, or something considerably more sinister hiding between episodes of Tony Soprano. And why would anyone drive across town to pick up a stranger's homemade VHS recordings when they could just stream the show? The mystery deepens. ALSO IN THIS EPISODE: Brad reveals his latest project involving a 1958 General Electric television, his fantasy football season gets off to a disastrous start, the guys debate whether Phone Booth could even exist today, Owen Wilson makes an imaginary appearance, and Damian Lewis somehow goes from Band of Brothers to a movie where his biggest competition is a pair of running shoes. ONE KIDNAPPED CHILD. ONE MYSTERIOUS PHONE CALL. ONE VERY EXPENSIVE JOG. THREE GUYS WHO WOULD'VE STOPPED FOR PIZZA AFTER THE FIRST HALF MILE. Can Brad, Mark, and MTD figure out where the budget went? Can Gal Gadot outrun a train, a car accident, and the laws of human physiology? And will somebody PLEASE explain why the villain couldn't just handle his own dirty work? Grab your running shoes, stretch those hamstrings, and prepare for an episode that goes completely off the rails! Welcome to Movie Torture — we review the bad movies so you don't have to!
