Why do some people become people pleasers? Why do we struggle to set boundaries, silence our own needs, attract the same types of people, or repeat the same painful patterns in relationships, friendships, family, and even the workplace? In this powerful episode of Coffee Charged Conversations, Mike sits down with Dr Onke Mazibuko, psychologist, therapist, author, and deep thinker, to unpack the concept of soul wounds - the hidden emotional scars that shape how we love, connect, perform, give, receive, and survive. Dr Onke explains how our earliest years can create emotional templates that follow us into adulthood. The way we learned to receive love, give love, seek approval, avoid rejection, and survive pain often becomes the way we show up in our relationships later in life. This conversation explores people pleasing, childhood trauma, abandonment wounds, self-worth, emotional healing, relationship patterns, boundaries, family dynamics, and the deeper spiritual work of becoming whole. Dr Onke also opens-up about his personal journey, including growing up with an alcoholic father, being sent to boarding school at the age of five, feeling unseen in his family, becoming the “nice guy,” and eventually realising that people pleasing was not just kindness - it was a survival strategy. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like they had to perform to be loved, say yes when they wanted to say no, keep the peace at their own expense, or carry silent resentment while trying to make everyone else happy. In this episode, we discuss: What soul wounds are Why people pleasing develops The five common soul wounds: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, and injustice How childhood experiences shape adult relationships Why people pleasers often struggle with boundaries How abandonment wounds can show up in love, work, and family Why “being nice” can sometimes become inauthentic The link between people pleasing and resentment Why we attract people who trigger our unresolved wounds How trauma can be passed down through families and communities Why healing requires ownership, not blame The importance of acknowledging your younger self Why boredom, stillness, and reflection can be part of healing How to begin living a happier and more authentic life Dr Onke reminds us that healing is not about blaming our parents, our partners, or our past. It is about recognising the wounds we carry, taking ownership of them, and learning to live from a place of truth instead of survival. If you have ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep attracting the same people?” “Why do I struggle to say no?” “Why do I feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness?” or “Why do I never feel like I am enough?” — this conversation is for you. Guest: Dr Onke Mazibuko Psychologist | Therapist | Author Connect with Dr Onke Mazibuko: Instagram: @dronkemazibuko Website: onkemazibuko.com Coffee Charged Conversations: Instagram: @coffeechargedconversations If this conversation speaks to you, please like, comment, subscribe, and share it with someone who may need to hear it. #PeoplePleasing #SoulWounds #DrOnkeMazibuko #CoffeeChargedConversations #ChildhoodTrauma #EmotionalHealing #MentalHealthAwareness #AbandonmentWound #HealingJourney #InnerChildHealing #SetBoundaries #SelfWorth #RelationshipPatterns #TraumaHealing #PsychologyPodcast #TherapyTalk #SouthAfricanPodcast #MentalHealthMatters #PersonalGrowth #StopPeoplePleasing
