Deal To Heal With E. James

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The Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast is a podcast dedicated to sharing a message of hope and healing to the world. On our podcast, my guest and I, discuss topics and ways to help us to heal in every area of our lives. Our belief, on the podcast, is that everyone can, and should, live a life that’s whole, healthy, and healed. So, our Mission is to help people to deal, heal, and fulfill. “Deal with their problems, heal from the pain, and fulfill their purpose.” We believe that as we heal ourselves, we heal our families. Our families heal our communities. And our communities heal our world.

  1. 3d ago

    EP 528 Why Christians Should Talk About Mental Health | Brandy Chandler

    Can Christians struggle with depression, anxiety, trauma, or suicidal thoughts and still have strong faith—and why do some people feel forced to choose between prayer and therapy? In Episode 297 of the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast, Earnest James welcomes Brandy Chandler, wife, mother, counselor-in-training, and founder of Evermercy Wellness, for a vulnerable conversation about faith, mental health, trauma, depression, suicidal ideation, healing, and purpose. Brandy's passion for mental wellness comes from lived experience. She shares her history of trauma, depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts. Growing up in the church, she also encountered an unspoken message that certain mental-health struggles weren't things Christians talked about. As Brandy began pursuing both her mental-health journey and her faith journey, however, she discovered what she describes as significant space in Scripture for conversations about emotional and mental well-being. That realization eventually helped shape the mission of Evermercy Wellness, her Christ-centered mental-wellness ministry. One of the episode's most important conversations challenges the idea that people must choose between faith and professional mental-health care. Brandy explains that her own recovery involved both: professional support and a deeper understanding of her relationship with Jesus. The conversation also explores the reality that healing isn't always instantaneous. Sometimes healing happens “as you go.” Progress may include therapy, developing coping skills, changing old mindsets, finding supportive community, understanding yourself, strengthening your faith, and accepting that needing help isn't evidence of spiritual failure. Brandy's story eventually shifts from pain toward purpose. Hospitalizations interrupted her college journey, but she returned, completed her bachelor's degree, and is now working toward her master's degree while training to become a counselor. She also created Evermercy Wellness to begin serving others now through faith-based education and practical mental-health resources. Her closing message captures the heart of the episode: don't allow shame—or other people's interpretation of faith—to convince you that you must carry your struggles alone. Faith and help do not have to be enemies. 🔑 7 Key Takeaways 1. Faith and Mental-Health Care Don't Have to Compete A central theme throughout the episode is the false choice some people experience between trusting God and seeking professional help. Brandy's experience included both. At approximately 12:21, she describes her healing as a mixture of professional help and learning who Jesus actually is. Seeking counseling doesn't automatically indicate weak faith, and faith doesn't require ignoring legitimate mental-health needs. 2. Silence Can Make Mental-Health Struggles Harder Brandy grew up in church but remembers an unspoken understanding that mental-health struggles weren't openly discussed. She experienced trauma, depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts before receiving professional mental-health care as a teenager. Her experience highlights why creating safe spaces for honest conversations—particularly within faith communities—matters. 3. Healing Doesn't Always Happen Instantly Earnest introduces a powerful biblical distinction during the conversation: some people in Scripture experienced immediate healing, while others were healed “as they went.” That becomes a metaphor for mental and emotional healing. Not every breakthrough happens overnight. Sometimes healing occurs while you're going to therapy, learning healthier coping skills, changing thought patterns, deepening your faith, building community, and continuing to move forward. 👤 Guest Bio — Brandy Chandler Brandy Chandler is a wife, mother, counselor-in-training, and founder of Evermercy Wellness, a Christ-centered mental-wellness ministry. Brandy created Evermercy Wellness out of both her personal experiences and her developing professional work. Her journey includes navigating trauma, depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, hospitalizations, therapy, and questions about how mental-health treatment fits alongside Christian faith. After having to leave college because of hospitalizations, Brandy returned and completed her bachelor's degree. At the time of this recording, she says she is nearing completion of her master's degree and is continuing her training toward professional counseling. Through Evermercy Wellness, Brandy currently focuses on faith-based mental-health education, practical tools, biblical support, compassionate care, and Hope Guides addressing specific mental-health challenges. Her mission grew from a simple realization: she wanted to become the kind of person she needed when she was struggling. Connect With Brandy Website: evermercywellness.com Social Media: @evermercywellness across social platforms

  2. Sep 30

    EP 257 Building Resilience: You Survived, Now It's Time to Thrive | Earnest James

    How can you stop allowing grief, divorce, failure, depression, or past trauma to become your identity while still acknowledging how those experiences affected you? After more than three years of consistently releasing the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast, Earnest James uses Episode 257 to reflect on his own journey and introduce the next chapter of his work. Earnest explains why his professional positioning has evolved from author, podcaster, speaker, and grief guide toward Resilience Educator. Grief remains an important part of his work, but resilience provides a larger umbrella for conversations about grief, suicidal ideation, depression, life transitions, workplace change, education, setbacks, and the many obstacles people encounter throughout life. Drawing from his own experiences, Earnest challenges listeners to look backward before deciding they aren't strong enough to handle what's ahead. He recommends creating a written inventory of the experiences you've already survived. That list can become evidence of your resilience when the next difficult season makes you question your ability to keep going. But Earnest makes an important distinction: survival is only the beginning. Resilience isn't about denying pain, pretending everything is okay, or allowing trauma to become your identity. It means acknowledging where you are, dealing honestly with what happened, and developing the tools necessary to regain your footing. Earnest also discusses identity. Divorce, grief, depression, suicidal ideation, failure, rejection, and other painful experiences can become parts of our stories without becoming the definition of who we are. The episode introduces listeners to Earnest's developing E.M.B.R.A.C.E. framework, which he is bringing into schools, organizations, corporate environments, workshops, and future podcast conversations to teach practical resilience. Episode 257 ultimately represents both a celebration and a transition: celebrating 257 episodes of Deal to Heal while moving more deeply into the message that has been present throughout Earnest's journey all along: You've already survived more than you sometimes remember. Now the question becomes: how will you use that evidence to move forward? 🔑 Key Takeaways 1. Your Past Can Provide Evidence of Your Resilience Earnest offers listeners a practical exercise: make a list of what you've already overcome. Go as far back as you can remember and write down significant experiences—good and bad—that affected your life. When the next obstacle makes you question whether you can make it, that list can remind you: “If I've overcome all of this, surely I can overcome what I'm facing now.” 2. Resilience Doesn't Mean Pretending You're Okay At approximately 12:37, Earnest makes an important distinction. Resilience isn't: Pretending something didn't happen Pretending everything is okay Denying that an experience affected you Instead, resilience begins by acknowledging: “Yes, I am in this situation. What do I need to do, and how do I need to move in order to get out of this space?” That's the Deal portion of Deal. Heal. Fulfill.—we can't effectively move forward from something we refuse to acknowledge. 3. Surviving Is an Accomplishment—but It's Not the Finish Line One of the episode's strongest messages comes around 13:54: “Surviving is just the beginning. It's not the end.” Getting through the crisis matters. But resilience also asks how we regain our footing, rebuild, and eventually move from merely surviving toward thriving. You survived the fall. Now it's time to get back up. 👤 Host Spotlight — Earnest James Earnest James is the host of the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast and a Resilience Educator, speaker, author, podcaster, coach, and workshop facilitator. His work centers on helping people navigate adversity, grief, change, and difficult life experiences while developing the resilience needed to move forward. Through the Deal. Heal. Fulfill. philosophy, Earnest encourages people to: Deal with their problems. Heal from their pain. Fulfill their purpose.

  3. Sep 23

    EP 256 Why Talking About Suicide can save lives with Leah Williams

    What do you do when grief becomes so heavy that you don't know how to carry it—and how do we better support people who may be struggling in silence? In Episode 256 of the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast, Earnest James welcomes Leah Williams, author and mental health advocate, for an open conversation about suicide prevention, suicide-loss postvention, grief, mental health, community, and hope. Leah's advocacy comes from lived experience. During her freshman year of college, one of her closest friends died by suicide. Alongside the devastating grief of losing her friend, Leah wrestled with guilt and questions about what she could have known or done differently. That loss eventually became part of Leah's own struggle with suicidal ideation. Rather than keeping those experiences hidden, Leah now uses her story to help normalize conversations about suicide and mental health. She makes a particularly powerful point: “Community is suicide prevention. Conversations are suicide prevention.” Earnest and Leah discuss why simply becoming comfortable enough to say the word suicide matters. Silence and stigma can prevent people from expressing what they're experiencing, while honest conversations can create opportunities for people to ask for help and for loved ones to recognize when support is needed. The conversation also explores postvention—the support provided to people after someone they love dies by suicide. Leah introduces listeners to LOSS Teams, or Local Outreach to Suicide Survivors, which connect survivors of suicide loss with resources and support. The episode then broadens into grief itself. Earnest and Leah emphasize that grief isn't limited to death. People can grieve a marriage, a dream, a community, a move, or anything meaningful that has been lost. Leah also reminds listeners that grief changes across seasons and that community can provide perspective, safety, companionship, and moments of relief. Perhaps the episode's simplest lesson is also one of its most important: Sometimes love looks like showing up. You don't always need the perfect words. Sometimes sitting beside someone, studying together, sharing a meal, going for a walk, or simply making sure they aren't alone can matter more than trying to fix their pain. 🔑 Key Takeaways 1. We Have to Become Willing to Talk About Suicide Leah argues that awareness begins with becoming comfortable enough to have uncomfortable conversations. She specifically discusses the tendency to substitute words such as “unalive” for suicide. While social-media algorithms may influence that language, Leah believes we need to become comfortable saying suicide when having serious mental-health conversations. Silence doesn't create prevention. Conversation creates opportunities for connection and help. 2. Community Can Be a Form of Suicide Prevention One of Leah's most memorable statements is: “Community is suicide prevention. Conversations are suicide prevention.” Checking on someone, noticing when they stop showing up, creating space for honest conversations, and helping people connect with resources can all matter. Mental health shouldn't only become a topic after a crisis occurs. 3. Suicide Loss Creates Its Own Grieving Journey After losing her friend, Leah experienced guilt while grieving. Questions such as “What could I have done?” or “Why didn't I know?” can become part of the experience for people left behind after a suicide. This is why Leah is passionate about postvention as well as prevention. Survivors of suicide loss need support too. 4. Grief Is Bigger Than Bereavement Earnest expands the conversation by emphasizing that grief isn't limited to someone dying. We can grieve: A relationship or divorce A dream A community A major move A former version of our lives Someone we love Recognizing these experiences as grief can help us acknowledge rather than minimize what we're feeling. 👤 Guest Bio — Leah Williams Leah Williams is an author and mental health advocate passionate about suicide prevention and postvention. Her advocacy grew from personal experience after one of her closest friends died by suicide during Leah's freshman year of college. Leah subsequently navigated grief, guilt, and her own suicidal ideation. Today, she uses her experiences to encourage more open conversations about mental health, increase awareness of available resources, and help people better understand how to support someone experiencing grief or suicidal thoughts. Leah is the author of Gray Thoughts, a memoir chronicling the loss of her friend, her grieving process, and her experiences throughout the remainder of college. Connect with Leah / Find the Book Website: graythoughtsbook.com Book: Gray Thoughts Amazon: Available in book format Audible: Available as an audiobook Spotify: Available in audio format

  4. Sep 16

    EP 255 How to Rebuild Connection in Your Marriage with Keith Dorscht

    What happens when someone who has spent decades helping couples save their marriages experiences the end of his own? In Episode 255 of the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast, Earnest James sits down with Colorado marriage coach Keith Dorst for a vulnerable and practical conversation about marriage, divorce, shame, communication, healing, and rebuilding connection. Keith brings extensive professional experience to the conversation, including more than 500 marriage intensives and what he describes as approximately 30,000 hours of sessions with couples. But his perspective changed dramatically when his own 27-year marriage ended in divorce. Rather than walking away from his calling, Keith took time away from marriage work to confront his own patterns. He discusses struggling to listen, difficulty accepting criticism, shame, and childhood experiences that influenced the way he responded in his marriage. That process ultimately gave him a different perspective on the couples he now serves. A central message of the episode is that connection must come before correction. Keith explains that difficult conversations become much harder when a person feels afraid, defensive, criticized, or emotionally unsafe. His approach therefore focuses on helping couples experience connection before attempting to solve their problems. Keith also breaks down his understanding of empathy, sympathy, and compassion, explaining how eye contact, tone of voice, curiosity, and emotional responsiveness can help couples move from defensiveness toward connection and repair. Later, Keith introduces The Communication Cure, an intentional experience designed to help couples practice safer, more connected communication without beginning with their most difficult disagreements. The conversation also becomes deeply personal as Earnest and Keith discuss how failure, divorce, faith, gratitude, and healing can become part of purpose. Keith's story demonstrates an important Deal. Heal. Fulfill. principle: the painful chapters of our lives don't have to disqualify us from purpose. They can deepen the way we serve others. 🔑 Key Takeaways 1. Connection Should Come Before Correction One of Keith's most important principles is that couples shouldn't begin by trying to correct each other while disconnected. When someone feels threatened or defensive, productive communication becomes much harder. Keith therefore works first to create an experience of safety and connection. Instead of beginning with "Here's what you're doing wrong," the better starting point may be "How can we reconnect enough to hear each other?" 2. Your Past Can Affect How You Respond to Your Partner Keith candidly discusses how experiences from his childhood contributed to shame later in life. He describes how silence was sometimes used as discipline in his family and how carrying shame affected his ability to receive criticism in his marriage. His story demonstrates why relationship conflict isn't always only about what's happening in the present. Sometimes the present interaction touches something much older. 3. Being Willing to Face Yourself Is Part of Healing After his 27-year marriage ended, Keith had to confront a difficult question: What did I contribute to what happened? He acknowledges areas where he struggled, including listening and facing his faults. Healing required more than identifying what other people had done. It required being willing to look at himself. That connects strongly with the Deal to Heal philosophy: dealing with the problem includes acknowledging our own part when appropriate. That leads directly into Earnest's signature message: Pain births purpose. Purpose births progress. And progress is the evidence that God is at work. 7. Strong Community Makes Healing Easier to Carry Keith's final advice moves beyond marriage. He encourages people to expand their community and deepen their existing relationships. Healthy community gives us people with whom we can practice honesty, vulnerability, and connection before life's hardest moments arrive. The people who communicate, through their presence, "I'm glad to be with you" can become an important source of strength during difficult seasons. https://keith.coach/the-communication-cure-gift/

  5. Sep 9

    EP 254 Healing Through Connection, Purpose and Belonging with Chris Casely

    In a world dominated by social media, screens, and AI, how can we intentionally build stronger human connections and healthier communities? In Episode 254 of the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast, Earnest James sits down with Dr. Chris Casely, researcher, educator, coach, wellness practitioner, and founder of Bella, for an insightful conversation about what human beings actually need to move from simply surviving life to genuinely flourishing. Dr. Casely explains that throughout decades of work in leadership, wellness, Ayurveda, coaching, human development, and education, he repeatedly encountered the same problem: people were becoming disconnected from themselves, their purpose, and their communities. While mental health support is important, Chris argues that flourishing requires looking beyond symptoms and examining the relationships, environments, stories, and sense of purpose that shape our lives. A major part of the conversation centers on attachment theory. Chris explains how our earliest experiences teach us whether relationships feel safe, secure, anxious, avoidant, or unpredictable. Those early lessons don't simply disappear when we become adults. They influence how we interpret relationships, respond to other people, and understand ourselves. The conversation then moves into community. Chris makes the powerful observation that communities can be sources of both hurt and healing. The same human relationships capable of creating disconnection can also provide belonging, regulation, learning, meaning, and restoration. Earnest and Chris also examine how technology, social media, screens, and AI can increase access to information while simultaneously creating greater distance between people. In a world where digital connection is everywhere, meaningful human connection can still be missing. Ultimately, Chris introduces listeners to The Bella Way, his framework for examining our stories, discovering purpose, understanding reality, imagining possibilities, and taking meaningful action. His message fits naturally with the Deal. Heal. Fulfill. mission: healing isn't simply returning to normal. Healing creates the opportunity to transform—and ultimately flourish. 🔑 Key Takeaways 1. Healing Requires More Than Treating Symptoms Chris argues that addressing mental health symptoms is important, but true flourishing requires something deeper. We need connection to: Ourselves. Other people. Our purpose. Healing becomes more sustainable when we examine the whole person rather than only what's hurting. 2. Our Earliest Relationships Teach Us What Safety Feels Like Chris introduces attachment theory as a way of understanding the importance of safety and security in human relationships. When our needs are consistently met, relationships can feel safe and trustworthy. When they aren't, anxiety, avoidance, insecurity, or uncertainty can develop. Those early experiences can continue influencing how we relate to others later in life. 3. Community Can Hurt Us—and Community Can Heal Us One of Chris's strongest ideas in the episode is that community can become both the source of attachment and the source of disconnection. But community can also help us reattach, regulate, learn, heal, and make meaning. That makes healthy community more than something that's nice to have. Human connection can become an important part of the healing process. 👤 Guest Bio – Dr. Chris Casely Dr. Chris Casely is a researcher, educator, coach, wellness practitioner, entrepreneur, and founder of Bella. His professional experience spans decades across leadership, wellness, Ayurveda, coaching, human development, and education. Through that work, Chris recognized a recurring challenge: people struggling with disconnection from themselves, their purpose, and their communities. That realization led him to develop Bella and The Bella Way, a research-oriented approach designed to help people rediscover belonging, hope, purpose, and the capacity to flourish. Chris's work explores attachment, identity, community, personal stories, purpose, human development, and the connection between healing and meaningful action. Guest Link Bella Life Online: mybellalifeonline.com Chris states that his book, programs, and broader Bella ecosystem can be found through his website.

  6. Sep 2

    EP 252 Finding Common Ground in a Divided World with guest John Fletcher

    In a divided world, how can listening to someone's personal story help us find common ground even when we disagree? In this meaningful episode of the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast, Earnest James sits down with John “Philly” Fletcher, father, podcaster, mentor, and founder of the Common Ground Project USA, for a conversation about faith, mentorship, intentional living, and the power of bringing people together. John shares how faith has been woven throughout his life, beginning with growing up in the church. At only 13 years old, he organized a church camping trip from the ground up—handling everything from registration and transportation to food and scheduling. What began as a youth camping trip eventually grew into a major annual church retreat lasting a decade. Looking back, John recognizes those early experiences as preparation. Although he attended biblical college intending to become a youth pastor, his life ultimately moved in another direction. Yet he explains that the skills, jobs, experiences, and lessons along the way prepared him for what he is doing today. 🔑 Key Takeaways 1. Mentorship Can Change the Direction of a Life John's story reveals mentorship from two perspectives: the young person who wanted it and the adult who now understands its importance. He challenges adults—especially men—to recognize that young people may desperately want guidance but may not know how, or feel comfortable enough, to ask for it. Sometimes mentorship begins when an adult simply says, “I see you. How can I help you?” 2. What You Didn't Receive Can Influence What You Give John looked up to many men while growing up but says the deeper mentorship he desired was largely missing. Instead of allowing that absence to end with him, it contributed to his desire to mentor others. Our unmet needs can sometimes reveal an area where we are uniquely equipped to serve someone else. 3. Faith Can Guide You Even When the Path Changes John originally attended biblical college intending to become a youth pastor, but his life moved in another direction. Looking back, he recognizes that faith continued guiding him even when his original plan changed. He explains that every skill he learned and every job he held contributed something that eventually prepared him for the work he's doing today. 4. Your Preparation May Begin Long Before You Recognize It At 13, John wasn't thinking about founding an organization or hosting a podcast. He simply wanted to organize a camping trip. Yet that experience required leadership, organization, communication, community building, and vision—the same types of skills he uses today. Sometimes purpose isn't suddenly discovered. Sometimes we look backward and realize we've been preparing for it for years. 5. We Have More in Common Than We Think John created the Common Ground Project USA after observing how quickly people disconnect when they disagree. Political differences, beliefs, and opinions can become reasons to end friendships and even divide families. His response is to intentionally focus on the humanity people share rather than allowing disagreement to become the only thing they see. 6. Stories Create Bridges Between People The Common Ground Podcast grew out of John's belief that personal stories can reconnect people. When we genuinely listen to someone's story, we begin understanding the experiences behind their beliefs, choices, struggles, and perspectives. As John says near the end of the episode: When you take the time to hear somebody's story, you create an opportunity to find common ground. 7. Intentionality Turns Values Into Action John closes the episode with a challenge to “be intentional and be curious.” Be intentional about healing. Be intentional about your day. Be intentional about the people you spend your life with. His point is simple: if we don't intentionally choose the direction of our lives, circumstances will often choose it for us. 👤 Guest Bio – John “Philly” Fletcher John “Philly” Fletcher is a father of three daughters, mentor, podcaster, community builder, and founder of the Common Ground Project USA. After witnessing increasing division between people over political, social, and personal differences, John created Common Ground Project USA with a mission of bringing humanity and unity back into the way people interact with one another. The organization operates around three primary pillars: Personal Stories. Personal Talents. Community. Through the Common Ground Podcast, John creates space for people to tell their stories and discover the humanity that exists beyond disagreement. Faith has remained an important influence throughout John's life, from growing up in the church and studying at biblical college to the leadership and community-building work he does today.

  7. Aug 26

    EP 252 Finding Your Identity and Achieving Your Goals with Mark Relic

    How much of your identity has been shaped by social media, your career, relationships, family expectations, or other people's opinions—and which parts genuinely reflect who you are? In this thought-provoking episode of the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast, Earnest James sits down with life coach, teacher, writer, entrepreneur, and strategist Mark Relic to explore the connection between identity, purpose, and goal achievement. Mark shares a deeply personal turning point involving a serious health crisis and surgery. Facing uncertainty about his future caused him to question the identity he had built and ask what his life would look like if he could no longer return to his "old story." Rather than simply trying to recreate his previous life, Mark began searching for a new sense of purpose. That experience became part of his transformation from pursuing his own goals to helping others identify and achieve theirs. A major theme throughout the conversation is that identity is built from the inside out. Earnest and Mark discuss how careers, relationships, environments, social media, expectations, and life circumstances can influence the way we see ourselves. When one of those external identifiers disappears, we can suddenly find ourselves asking, "Who am I now?" Mark encourages listeners to create enough quiet to hear themselves again. He describes spending time alone with his thoughts as an important part of discovering what mattered to him, emphasizing that finding purpose is only the beginning—the next question is what you're willing to do with what you've discovered. The episode concludes with Mark's practical three-part strategy for pursuing goals: What do you want? Why do you want it? What are you willing to do to get it? This conversation challenges listeners not to allow circumstances to write their identity for them, but to intentionally build a life around who they are becoming and what they genuinely want. 🔑 Key Takeaways 1. Know What You Want Before Chasing a Goal Mark's first "ground point" is deceptively simple: What do you really want? Goals become difficult to pursue when they are vague or based primarily on what other people expect. Clarity gives your effort direction. 2. Your "Why" Gives Your Goal Strength Mark's second question is: Why do you want it? Knowing what you want isn't enough. Understanding the reason behind the goal provides motivation when circumstances become difficult. 3. Goals Require a Willingness to Act The third question is: What are you willing to do to get it? Mark emphasizes strategy and what he calls "massive action." Visualization can help you see a different future, but eventually the vision has to become action. 4. Losing What You Do Can Make You Question Who You Are The conversation addresses how easily identity becomes attached to occupation, talent, status, relationships, and circumstances. This can be especially difficult when a career changes, a physical ability is lost, or life unexpectedly disrupts the role that once answered the question, "Who am I?" 5. Identity Must Be Built From the Inside One of Mark's central statements is: "Identity is built inside." External influences will always compete for our attention. Social media, culture, career expectations, relationships, and other people's opinions can all influence identity. The challenge is learning to separate those voices from your own values, beliefs, purpose, and inner life. 6. Solitude Can Help You Rediscover Yourself Mark describes intentionally spending time alone with his thoughts after his life changed. Without constant outside voices, he was able to ask deeper questions about himself and his future. His experience suggests that sometimes finding yourself requires enough silence to recognize which parts of your identity actually belong to you. 7. Reinvention Is Possible After Your Old Identity Is Shaken Mark discusses this theme not only through his own experience but through his writing. His stories explore characters whose talents or identities are disrupted and who must decide how to rebuild. His message is that losing an old version of yourself doesn't mean your story is finished. You can build and rebuild your life around who you are becoming. Guest Links JOIN THE DEAL TO HEAL SKOOL FOR LIVING COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/deal-to-heal-skool-for-living-5605/about?ref=dc6edbfe1bb84555a9fe38561612bb27 Donate to the Deal to Heal the World Non-Profit: https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/start-up-capital-to-start-healing-our-communities Connect with us at: • YT= https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEELXi-wEkwTigHrq675HREOjHhQxQHJw&si=oBqoWDrGd5QbBMk9 • IG= https://www.instagram.com/deal2healpodcast/ • FB= https://www.facebook.com/Dealtoheal ***Disclaimer: This video is not sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links which means if you buy something we’ll receive a small commission. ***

  8. Aug 19

    EP 251 Is Your Relationship Stuck on Repeat? with guest Laziena Hodge

    Why do we keep repeating relationship patterns we promised ourselves we would never repeat? In this insightful episode of the Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast, Earnest James sits down with Laziena Hodge for a conversation about relationships, childhood experiences, emotional needs, generational patterns, and what it actually takes to repair the connections that matter most. Laziena explains that many of the behaviors we struggle with as adults aren't simply conscious choices. Our early relationships teach our nervous system what connection, safety, love, abandonment, and protection feel like. Those lessons can follow us into adulthood, where we may unconsciously recreate familiar relationship dynamics—even when those dynamics are painful. As Laziena explains, what was "picked up in the nervous system" can remain there. This changes the question from "Why do I keep doing this?" to "What did my nervous system learn, and what does it need now?" Earnest and Laziena also explore the generational implications of this work. Earnest asks a powerful question: once you recognize a pattern that has traveled through your family, will you allow it to continue into another generation, or will you become the person who begins changing it? Ultimately, this episode is about replacing blame with curiosity. The goal isn't to shame ourselves or our families for the patterns we've inherited. It is to become aware enough to choose differently. You may not have created the pattern—but once you recognize it, you have an opportunity to change what happens next. 🔑 Key Takeaways 1. We Don't Always Repeat Patterns Because We Want To What looks like self-sabotage or a "bad relationship choice" may actually be a familiar pattern your nervous system learned early in life. Laziena explains that early childhood experiences help establish our understanding of safety and emotional needs. As adults, we may unconsciously search for familiar dynamics in romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, and even the workplace. 2. Familiar Doesn't Always Mean Healthy People can find themselves attracted to dynamics that resemble early relationships—not because those experiences were good, but because they are familiar. Recognizing the pattern allows us to approach ourselves with curiosity instead of condemnation. 3. Conflict Often Has an Emotional Need Underneath It An argument may appear to be about what just happened, while the emotional reaction is connected to something much older. Laziena explains that a person can be activated in the present while their nervous system is responding from an earlier stage of life. Understanding that deeper need can change conflict from: "Who's right?" to: "What is happening inside us, and how can we repair this?" 4. Being Right Can Cost You Connection One of Laziena's strongest observations is that relationships can lose connection when conversations become competitions. When the need to prove a point becomes more important than understanding the person in front of us, we can unintentionally deny them the very thing we also want: to feel heard, seen, safe, and understood. 5. Repair Requires Safety, Vulnerability, and Space Healthy repair doesn't require forcing an immediate resolution. Laziena introduces what she calls "spacious repair language"—creating room to step away, process what you're feeling, and reassure the other person that you intend to return to the conversation. Sometimes a healthy response sounds more like: "I'm not sure what I'm feeling yet. I need some time to unpack it, but I'm going to come back." That creates space without turning space into abandonment. 6. Everyday Relationships Can Break Generational Cycles Breaking generational patterns isn't only accomplished through one dramatic decision. It happens in everyday moments: How you respond when your child is upset. How you listen when your partner feels misunderstood. Whether you choose curiosity instead of defensiveness. Whether you apologize. Whether you create emotional safety. Whether you repeat what was modeled for you—or intentionally choose something different. Those seemingly small moments can either continue a family legacy or begin changing one. 7. Relationships Can Become Places of Healing Laziena's message isn't that every relationship should be preserved at any cost. She specifically acknowledges the importance of dignity and healthy boundaries. But she also challenges the idea that discomfort automatically means disconnection. **Disclaimer: This video is not sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links which means if you buy something we’ll receive a small commission. *** #girldad #fathers #daughters #podcast #love #education #entrepreneur #speaker #motivationalspeaker #motivation

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About

The Deal to Heal with E. James Podcast is a podcast dedicated to sharing a message of hope and healing to the world. On our podcast, my guest and I, discuss topics and ways to help us to heal in every area of our lives. Our belief, on the podcast, is that everyone can, and should, live a life that’s whole, healthy, and healed. So, our Mission is to help people to deal, heal, and fulfill. “Deal with their problems, heal from the pain, and fulfill their purpose.” We believe that as we heal ourselves, we heal our families. Our families heal our communities. And our communities heal our world.

Information

  • Creator
    Deal To Heal Podcasting Network
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    256
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Earnest James
  • Show Website
    Deal To Heal With E. James