When the Rose Coloured Glasses Come Off

Sonya
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  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Dealing with a narcissist can be shattering to one's sense of identity, self-worth and self-confidence. Heck, not even knowing who you are. As a therapist, I've been working with narcissistic abuse survivors for over 7 years. As a trained registered social worker, I have seen firsthand the harm, confusion and devastation that my clients experience. I graduated with two degrees and was out to save the world. Little did I realize that I had lived through my own traumas, but thinking that everything I experienced was "normal," only to one day wake up and see that it was not. The rose-coloured glasses came off like a shattering glass. What I knew to be true was gone. Grief and loss set in, then the healing journey. Now I help my clients awaken, grieve, understand, and make choices one step at a time, to develop their identities, get in touch with their red-flag indicator, which always knew something was wrong, and guide them through whatever small steps they can take to reclaim themselves. Join me on a journey, both personal and professional, in understanding all the dynamics of this insidious and manipulative disorder. We can heal, but first we need to see them for who they are and who they are not! Nine years later, I have found my voice, and I want to share it with you.

  1. Part 3: Compassion is Not Responsibility - Healing as an Educated Empath Series

    May 25

    Part 3: Compassion is Not Responsibility - Healing as an Educated Empath Series

    In this episode of Compassion is not Responsibility - Series on Healing as an Educated Empath, we explore why so many empaths, trauma survivors, and people recovering from narcissistic abuse feel responsible for other people's emotions. Learn how trauma responses like fawning, emotional labor, and people-pleasing can blur the line between compassion and obligation, leading to burnout, anxiety, weak boundaries, and chronic emotional exhaustion. We also discuss nervous system regulation, distress tolerance, codependency, and how to stop carrying emotions that were never yours to manage. If you struggle with setting boundaries, over-functioning in relationships, or healing from narcissistic dynamics, this episode offers trauma-informed insight and practical reframes to help you care without self-abandonment.

    25 min
  2. Part 2: Healing as an Educated Empath Series - Not Everything You Feel Is Yours

    May 9

    Part 2: Healing as an Educated Empath Series - Not Everything You Feel Is Yours

    In this episode, we unpack a surprising truth: not every emotion you feel is actually yours. Drawing on research about emotional contagion, nervous system activation, and interoception, this conversation explores why highly empathic people can absorb the moods, stress, and tension around them so deeply that it feels physical. You'll hear why this is not weakness or "overreacting," but often a trauma-shaped survival pattern rooted in hyper-vigilance. We also explore the difference between sensitivity and dysregulation, why your body can mistake someone else's distress for your responsibility, and how simple practices like affect labelling and grounding can begin to change the pattern. Why do some conversations leave you exhausted for hours? Why can guilt show up the moment you protect your peace? And could the exhaustion you've called anxiety actually be your nervous system scanning for danger? If you've ever walked into a room feeling fine and left carrying something heavy, this episode will help you understand why.

    25 min
  3. Why I Chose Silence Instead of Content

    May 7

    Why I Chose Silence Instead of Content

    Let me explain.  Wait, I don't mean that I did anything wrong.  I want to share some of the struggles that can take us off track sometimes. And that's OK.  Thanks for the patience..... but I'm back!

    17 min
  4. You're Not Broken: Empathy After Narcissistic Abuse

    Apr 12

    You're Not Broken: Empathy After Narcissistic Abuse

    Healing as an Educated Empath — Season 4 If you've ever wondered why a relationship shattered you while others seemed to walk away untouched… or if you've been told you're too sensitive, too emotional, or even crazy — this episode is for you. In the opening episode of Season 4, we start where healing must begin: reframing empathy not as a flaw, but as a wounded system. Narcissistic abuse impacts empaths differently — not because of weakness, but because of deep emotional attunement, relational commitment, and a nervous system trained to prioritize repair. Over time, gaslighting, intermittent reinforcement, and emotional invalidation don't just hurt — they retrain your perception. In this episode, we explore: Why empaths are especially vulnerable to narcissistic dynamics How gaslighting conditions self‑doubt and self‑blame The difference between sensitivity and trauma‑driven hyper‑vigilance Why staying "too long" was survival, not failure You'll learn how to begin separating what happened to you from who you are, and why healing doesn't require becoming less empathic — only more self‑loyal. This episode lays the foundation for everything that follows this season: boundaries, burnout, trauma bonds, anger, and reclaiming your sense of self. ✨ You are not broken. You were too unprotected.

    26 min
  5. How Healing Rewires Attraction for Empaths After Toxic Relationships

    Apr 6

    How Healing Rewires Attraction for Empaths After Toxic Relationships

    What changes when an empath truly heals? In this episode, we explore how healing reshapes attraction, dating patterns, and relationship choices—especially for empaths who have experienced emotional or narcissistic abuse. You'll learn why healed empaths no longer rush into love, why intense chemistry can feel like a warning instead of a spark, and how the nervous system plays a key role in recognizing emotional safety. We break down the difference between red flags and green flags, how to stop falling for potential, and why calm, consistent love can feel unfamiliar after trauma. This conversation is for anyone learning to trust safety, choose discernment over desire, and build relationships rooted in regulation, respect, and self‑trust. If you've ever wondered why love feels quieter after healing—or why peace can feel boring before it feels right—this episode will help you understand what's actually happening beneath the surface. Perfect for empaths, highly sensitive people, and anyone on a healing journey who wants healthier, more secure love.

    29 min
  6. DARVO: The Manipulation You Didn't Have Words For

    Mar 22

    DARVO: The Manipulation You Didn't Have Words For

    When the Rose Coloured Glasses Come Off

    18 min
  7. The Loudest Abuse is Silence Part 1-3

    Mar 15

    The Loudest Abuse is Silence Part 1-3

    The Loudest Abuse Is Silence is a three‑part exploration of one of the most misunderstood forms of emotional harm: the silent treatment. Often dismissed as "needing space" or "avoiding conflict," silence can become a powerful tool of control—one that destabilizes the nervous system, erodes self‑trust, and shifts emotional labor onto the person left waiting. In Part One, we break down the critical difference between healthy silence and the silent treatment, explaining why intentional withdrawal of communication can be deeply damaging, humiliating, and psychologically disorienting—especially in relationships where narcissistic traits are present. In Part Two, we examine what happens when silence stops working. When the usual tactics no longer provoke anxiety, apologies, or self‑doubt, escalation often follows. We unpack patterns like narcissistic rage, hoovering, and smear campaigns, and explain why these shifts are predictable—not personal failures. In Part Three, we focus on healing the nervous system. Insight alone isn't enough after prolonged emotional withdrawal. This episode explores how silence conditions the body to stay on alert, why calm can initially feel unsafe, and how true recovery happens through consistency, self‑trust, and regulation—not closure from the person who caused the harm. This series is for anyone who has felt confused, anxious, or destabilized by silence in a relationship—and is ready to understand the pattern, reclaim their internal steadiness, and move toward real freedom. Masterclass  - https://courses.fourseasonscounselling.com/free-masterclass Email me at: info@fourseasonscounselling.com To schedule a consult: https://fourseasonscounselling.janeapp.com/

    37 min
  8. The Invisible Beliefs Running the Show

    Mar 12

    The Invisible Beliefs Running the Show

    In this episode, we explore why emotionally intelligent, empathetic people so often find themselves drawn into narcissistic or emotionally draining relationships. You'll learn how invisible, programmed beliefs—formed early as emotional survival strategies—quietly shape attraction, boundaries, and self‑trust, and why these patterns have nothing to do with weakness or poor judgment. This conversation reframes the cycle with compassion and opens the door to understanding what's been running in the background all along.   Free Masterclass: Register now for March 26th at 12 p.m. https://courses.fourseasonscounselling.com/free-masterclass   5 Day Audio Emotional Detox https://courses.fourseasonscounselling.com/5-day-emotional-detox Email me at: info@fourseasonscounselling.com To schedule a consult: https://fourseasonscounselling.janeapp.com/

    16 min
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About

Dealing with a narcissist can be shattering to one's sense of identity, self-worth and self-confidence. Heck, not even knowing who you are. As a therapist, I've been working with narcissistic abuse survivors for over 7 years. As a trained registered social worker, I have seen firsthand the harm, confusion and devastation that my clients experience. I graduated with two degrees and was out to save the world. Little did I realize that I had lived through my own traumas, but thinking that everything I experienced was "normal," only to one day wake up and see that it was not. The rose-coloured glasses came off like a shattering glass. What I knew to be true was gone. Grief and loss set in, then the healing journey. Now I help my clients awaken, grieve, understand, and make choices one step at a time, to develop their identities, get in touch with their red-flag indicator, which always knew something was wrong, and guide them through whatever small steps they can take to reclaim themselves. Join me on a journey, both personal and professional, in understanding all the dynamics of this insidious and manipulative disorder. We can heal, but first we need to see them for who they are and who they are not! Nine years later, I have found my voice, and I want to share it with you.

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