Lights On with Carl Lentz

B-Side
  • 4.8 (790)
  • Society & Culture
  • Weekly

Lights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives. Turn on the lights with us!

  1. 2d ago

    The 3 Things Every Couple Fights About (And What to Do Instead)

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Our book, Overcoming Infidelity, is OUT NOW: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230497 "We seem to fight all the time. Big things, little things. Are we too far gone?" A listener sent us that question, and if you've ever felt the same way, you're more normal than you think. Healthy couples aren't the ones who never fight. They're the ones who've learned how to fight in a way that brings them closer instead of pushing them apart. We break down why the slammed door is never really about the door, the three things almost every couple fights about, and why most marriage conflict never fully goes away (and why that's actually good news). Then we get practical. You'll get a question to ask your spouse for each of the big three, a simple test to tell whether you're fighting about a preference or a principle, and how to turn a rule into a request. Carl shares the moment Laura answered "what do you put up with that I don't know about?" and how many items it took before he gave up. Stay for "you can win the argument and lose the connection," the funeral test for small fights, "the most sacred story" Carl tells himself before bringing up an issue, and Laura's take on why nagging never works. If your marriage feels more petty than powerful right now, this one is for you. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  2. Nov 2

    Are You Getting Better or Getting Bitter?

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Our book, Overcoming Infidelity, is OUT NOW: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230497 Are you getting better, or are you getting bitter? Everyone has opinions about your marriage, your choices, and your life, and how you handle those voices affects your mental health, your relationships, and where your life goes from here. A week after the book launch, we're talking about how to protect your spirit in a world that runs on criticism. Carl explains why what you rehearse is what you become, and why you may need to restart the algorithm of your life. Laura answers a question we get all the time: how has she stayed so free of bitterness after everything? Her answer starts with a choice she made early on, and it may not be the one you'd expect. Then we take listener questions about feeling judged by people who walked away, and about the criticism that comes when you try to make a change. We talk about the friends who couldn't support our decisions, what a tenderhearted response looks like, and why the story of your marriage belongs to two people. Stay for Laura's apocalypse algorithm, Carl's weekly meeting with the bitter version of himself, "bitterness is often grief that never got permission to grieve," and the difference between wanting approval and needing it. If you've been holding back on something because of what other people might say, this one is for you. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  3. Oct 27

    Overcoming Infidelity: How We Rebuilt Trust After Infidelity

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Our book, Overcoming Infidelity, is OUT NOW: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230497 "Do you ever worry that I'm going to cheat on you again?" Carl asks Laura that question on camera, and her answer may not be what you'd expect. For everyone new here since the book launched, we pulled together some of the most important conversations we've had on this show, each one tied to a chapter of Overcoming Infidelity. We start with the night everything fell apart and why we chose healing over reputation. Then we get practical: what safety looks like before closeness, what to say to your kids, and what really happens when you go through his phone. Carl shares the one response every man should have ready for when his wife is triggered, and why the grace you give should be proportional to the years of deception. Laura talks honestly about the exhausting first year, losing friends, and the moment she realized she no longer remembered what distrust felt like. Stay for the U-Haul night in Brooklyn, the merry-go-round study on why kids need boundaries, the turbulence analogy for talking to your children, "spotlight work vs. shadow work," and Laura's answer to the question she gets asked more than any other. If you're new to our story, or wondering whether trust can ever come back, start here. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  4. Oct 20

    Is It Really Possible to Overcome Infidelity? (Our Book Is Out!)

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Our book, Overcoming Infidelity, is OUT NOW: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230497 "Is it really possible to overcome infidelity?" It's the question behind the title of our new book, and we hear it in some form every week. Today, on release day, we answer it live from Nashville, along with your questions about the book. We talk about why we wrote it, what it is (and what it definitely isn't), and why we built it as ten conversations instead of a formula. Laura explains why sharing your story is one of the last parts of healing, and why the title says overcoming, not overcome. Carl answers the question people keep asking about what comes next, and he doesn't leave much room for interpretation. Then we take on one of the most common questions we get from betrayed spouses: how do you stop replaying what happened and comparing yourself to the other woman? Laura shares what helped her, including the tools she still uses, and Carl explains the one thing a husband should never do when those replays hit. We also cover what to do when a husband says "you caused this," and what to do when a wife isn't making any progress in her own healing. Stay for the alternate cover story, "overlords vs. trampolines" (a new way to think about triggers), why the two of us argued over who got to own a mistake, and what it means to be an oasis for a friend whose marriage is falling apart. If you've been through infidelity, are in it right now, or love someone who is, this one is for you. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  5. Oct 12

    The 10 Receipts of Repentance: How to Know If They’ve Really Changed

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Pre-order our book, Overcoming Infidelity, TODAY: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230497 "How did you experience no guilt? Because you're a Jesus follower?" Last week a wife wrote in about a husband who uses grace to dodge accountability. This week she asks Carl the question directly, and he gives an answer most people won't expect. We break down four words people treat as interchangeable: guilt, conviction, remorse, and condemnation. One keeps your head down. One lifts it. Carl shares the moment a therapist stopped him mid-story to point out he was still the hero of it, and why real forgiveness should push you toward the truth, not away from it. Then we answer the question every betrayed spouse is asking: how do you know if someone has really changed? "I repented" is a sentence. Repentance leaves evidence. We walk through the 10 Receipts of Repentance we use in our own marriage, and Laura shares which receipt she still checks for today and how she uses it when a trigger hits. Stay for "sorry is the handshake," the "go away and live small" myth about what repentance requires, the club analogy behind the name Lights On, and seven light switches for anyone whose faith has been turned against them. If you've heard "I've repented" and you're still waiting to see anything change, this one is for you. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  6. Oct 5

    "God Forgave Me, Why Can't You?" (The Theology That Dodges Accountability)

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Pre-order our book, Overcoming Infidelity, TODAY: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230497 "He tells me he has no guilt, because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." A wife married over 30 years wrote in with a question we hear far more often than people realize: what do you do when your spouse uses God, grace, and Scripture to avoid ever changing? We read her letter in full and take it apart piece by piece. She describes a husband raised in a home where every night of harm was followed by "today is a new day," and she's watching that same pattern play out in her own marriage. We talk about why the language we use for repeated harm matters so much, and the one question you can ask a trusted friend to find out if you've been softening your own reality for years. Then Carl takes on Romans 8 directly. What does "no condemnation" actually promise, and what does it absolutely not give anyone permission to do? Laura shares why it took her three years to say certain words to Carl, and what forgiveness should never produce in the person who was hurt. Stay for the "coughing up blood" illustration about acclimating to dysfunction, the family system with a reset button but no repair button, Laura's breakdown of what forgiveness is not, and the one question that exposes what your theology is really producing. If you've ever heard "God forgave me, why can't you?" from someone who never changed, this one is for you. And if you don't share our faith, swap in whatever you believe deeply. The pattern is the same. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  7. Sep 28

    Rage, Disclosure, and Raising Kids Through it All

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Every couple in recovery hits the same three walls at some point. The rage that won't quit. The suspicion that there's more to the story. And the impossible question of how to protect your kids from the fallout of a parent who isn't showing up. In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura take on all three, pulled straight from the mailbag. The first: how do you deal with the raw, uncontainable anger you feel toward the person your spouse cheated with? Carl gets honest about why misdirecting rage at the affair partner is one of the most common and most damaging traps a betrayed spouse can fall into, and why the person who actually broke the vow is always the right target for accountability. Laura walks through what to do with the intrusive thoughts that show up unannounced, and the difference between validating a feeling and getting stuck in it. The second: is full disclosure actually necessary, or does bringing everything into the light just cause more pain? Carl and Laura make the case that nothing hidden can be healed, walk through what a real proper disclosure looks like, and get into why offering something like a polygraph isn't dramatic. It's the fastest way to remove the doubt that would otherwise haunt a marriage for years. Full disclosure isn't just for the person who broke it. It's for the person who needs to know they can finally exhale. The third: what do you do when you're the parent trying to lead your kids through healing and the other parent isn't participating? Laura gets direct about building a healthy village around your kids without recruiting them into your anger, the three truths every mom of daughters should be teaching in a season like this, and why the greatest gift you can give your children isn't your commentary on their other parent. It's your own health. Stay for the surgery analogy that will reframe how you think about partial versus full healing, the reminder that stacking new evidence doesn't require erasing the past, and the closer worth writing down: let their actions speak. Not your words. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Preorder our book, 'Overcoming Infidelity' TODAY: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Overcoming-Infidelity/Carl-Lentz/9781668230497 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  8. Sep 21

    Two questions every couple in recovery is asking (and the honest answers)

    Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com Some of the hardest questions in recovery aren't the big ones. They're the small, daily ones that couples get stuck on for years without ever asking out loud. In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura take on two of them, both pulled straight from the mailbag, and get into the honest answers most couples never get. The first: when does accountability start turning into policing, and how do you rebuild the muscle of trust without micromanaging every conversation? Carl walks through the "most gracious story" technique that changed how they approached daily check-ins, why proactive honesty is worth more than any answer given under interrogation, and how to handle the lose-lose questions every betrayed spouse eventually asks (like "do you find her attractive?"). Laura gets honest about the difference between her husband creating safety for her and her needing him to be her safety system, and where that line has to live for a marriage to actually heal. The second: where do you actually get help? Carl walks through the road he took: on-site, rehab, group therapy, the relapse five months in, and the specialized help that finally started to move the needle. Laura shares her own road through betrayal trauma therapy, the red flags of a bad therapist, and why they skipped traditional couples counseling entirely for the first stretch of recovery. Both of them agree on one thing: it's the betrayer's job to find help. Not the betrayed spouse's. Stay for the "am I doing anything currently?" question that reframes accountability entirely, the Vegas story that will make you laugh out loud, the reframe worth writing down (you can create safety, but you can't become her safety system), and the closer that anchors the whole episode: specialized help isn't optional. It's the difference between surviving this and healing from it. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hosts & Guests

4.8
out of 5
790 Ratings

About

Lights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives. Turn on the lights with us!

Information

  • Creator
    B-Side
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    121
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2024 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Lights On with Carl Lentz

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