Y’all. I have been dragging my feet on releasing this podcast. Partially because I was tending to my October 1 commitment to self and spirit to release Feral Diaries, but also because this episode activates all the emotions that come up in me around the question and developmental task of- “How do I connect with people in down-power positions in times of collapse?” The hope for this series was for Carmen and I to companion one another in the release of our upcoming books, and specifically to promote hers. In episode 1 of this miniseries, Carmen and I discussed how important an analysis of power is to being in good relationship- or “How to connect with people in down-power positions?” In episode 2, Carmen’s dog Mona had died, and that episode felt like a huge developmental task of grappling with “how do I connect with people in their times of personal collapse?” But the events included in these voice memos for this podcast, July 27-September 14 include Carmen’s home and farm destroyed by the BC fires. And the dissolution of her Co-Op Publishing House- 9th House Press. There is so much grief and rage around this tragedy, as well as moments of clarity, joy, and satisfiability (See: Carmen’s Instagram) This episode is really shining a light on my deepened sense of yearning to discover, “As a person with enough resources to be comfortably cushioned by the worst effects of collapse, what does it look like to meaningfully connect with those bearing the brunt of collapse?” I don’t have a definitive answer. A part of me cringes that I am even centering my feelings here on my podcast and substack. “The world is on fire! Carmen lost her home! October 7th has come and gone yet again and Israel is still genociding Palestinians! DO SOMETHING!” That part of me is wise, and hurting that there is nothing I can realistically do to solve the predicaments of collapse. But then I remember this concept of “Small and Delicious Life” that Carmen and Ruben practice and teach. Sustainability-Behavior Change= Small and Delicious Life. Ruben said once in a collapse AMA “We can’t convince people to change with information and pleads for behavior change, our best hope is offering social proof. Don’t tell people all the reasons to recycle and demand they recycle, just be a person who recycles.” “We can’t convince people to change with information and pleads for behavior change, our best hope is offering social proof. Don’t tell people all the reasons to recycle and demand they recycle, just be a person who recycles.” (Words to that effect)- Ruben Anderson I suspect that this is the direction I am heading. I want my life and my art to be in service of offering social proof that the privileged white and owning class can value their shared humanity with the global majority and working class white folks as well as their place in the larger animistic world more than hoarding more power, comforts, and conveniences. I still grapple, I still feel uncertainty, I still doubt. But what if I do it anyway, the best way that I can today knowing that it can look different in a month or a year or a decade. What if I can be compassionate with the uncertainty, but still proceed as though I know where I am going? Because I do. I am reaching for connection. I am reaching for healing. I am trying to live my life, be with people, and make art in service of softening the hold that oppressive systems of domination have over us— keeping us doing their dirty work. The perfectionistic, image-concerned, “woke and wealthy white lady” in me doesn’t want to release this podcast episode, because it is opening up messy questions and big feelings with no happy ending. But I have sat with this part of me and assured her there is safety and belonging ahead, even if it might not be with who we expect, and even if the path ahead is messy, we have many beloveds holding us in their care. Because I do. I have already begun sending memos back and forth with two other Numini who know and love all the parts of me, who are willing to connect with me as I journey my way through the messiness of living out the question of “Given who I am, how do I be here in a good way?” In the words of Hadestown, this episode is “a sad song, a tragedy. We are gonna sing it anyway.” So take care of yourself if you choose to listen. It was sent over the span of months, so you don’t need to listen all at once or at all. I am uploading it as chapters and will include them below and with relevant links for you to engage with as you wish with your informed consent. Links: Carmen’s Go Fund Me Carmen’s Instagram Intro Chapter 2: Carmen July 27- “You Have a Dream, you go get it!) Carmen reflects on the Mona Song from ep2, and Kristyn’s connection with Hadestown and the practice of navigating consent in interpersonal relationships. Numinous Podcast Links: Collete Barron Reid “You have a dream you go get it” Erinn Doncaster Podcast Episode Chapter 3: Kristyn July 28- Kristyn revisits her origin story of joining the Numinous Network and memorable moments and potent quotables of Contact Nutrition from Carmen. Kristyn shares her uncertainty of what the outcome is going to be of this podcast (note: future Kristyn agrees 1000000% on this one), because creative projects are animist beings trying to teach me. “I am not going to lie to you, I was feeling a thing, but if you were feeling dismissed, that is just my own avoidant attachment coming out.” “Without Anxiety or Apology” “Proceed as Though” (Note for my fellow Numinous Network Members: Carmen elaborated on Joan of Arc and “Proceed as though” in the Intuitive development workshop from End of July/Early August if you wish to hear more. If you wish to know more, I highly recommend watching her on the recording, since we never did circle back to it here!) Chapter 4: Kristyn August 6th: The audacity of asking, the necessity to practice Kristyn mentions how “The Swap” is a place to rewire our nervous systems. Practice making requests and sitting in the boundaries of: “What would it take to make it a yes?” How do we navigate relationships when deeper emotional intimacy is revealed to not be on the menu- “Given the fact that (this person can’t tolerate my way of connecting) How shall I proceed?” Shoutout to Marisa Sullivan’s Consent Practices: “It’s good to want” Chapter 5: Content and Tone Shift Warning for upcoming Wildfire Content Chapter 6: Kristyn August 8 Kristyn sends a quick teary note of gratitude to hear that Carmen and Ruben are reunited. 7. Chapter 7: Kristyn August 11- “Being the people we were planning to be.” Slow is smooth and smooth is fast- we must reassess the colonial project. Kristyn celebrating Carmen and Ruben featured on Canadian news. Chapter 8: Kristyn August 17: Finding satiation in the little mercies Kristyn shares the comfort of seeing Ruben and Carmen on an IG reel together, in their matching robes. “Of course you are mourning all that you lost, but what brings you to tears is the little mercies. The little miracles.” Finding satiation in the little things. “I am glad I stayed, and no part of me wanted to stay.”- Ruben. Doing the things that matter to us aren’t always what we desire, but because it is meaningful and matters. Chapter 9: Kristyn September 3: Reset Cheese and Calling in Other Numini to proceed in Season 7 Kristyn shares a cute story of her kid invoking “Reset Cheese,” and shares other Numini have answered the call to join her in the voice memo practice of Season 7. Chapter 10: Carmen, September 14; “You have a dream, you go for it! You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Carmen responds to “reset cheese” and shares the news that 9th house press is closing while also planting a seeds of a fiction novel bouncing in her head. “You shouldn’t let this stop you from pursuing your dreams.” Carmen then reviews the books from 9th House Press and ends on a rant about the insurance industrial complex- Those who can afford insurance could afford the fallout of a collapse event and the rest who can’t afford are stuck struggling. Going to eat some reset cheese! 🧀 Chapter 11 Outro and Gratitude
