The Widening Your Aperture Podcast

Kristen Henry

Welcome to Widening Your Aperture—a space dedicated to identity reclamation, somatic healing, and deep personal transformation. When you’ve spent years navigating covert toxic dynamics, emotional manipulation, or relational trauma, your perspective narrows just to survive. Host Kristen Henry guides you through the process of opening that lens back up. Combining clinical frameworks, somatic grounding practices, and raw storytelling, Widening Your Aperture breaks down the mechanics of emotional recovery and self-advocacy. From recognizing vulnerable narcissism to regulating your nervous system and executing strategic life redesigns, this podcast provides actionable wisdom for anyone ready to stop surviving and start thriving. It’s time to break the cycle, reclaim your worth, and step unapologetically into your power. 🎙️ Subscribe and listen weekly to expand your perspective and reclaim your narrative.

  1. Sep 24

    The Identity Audit: How to Stop Over-Functioning & Break Bad Habits (Ep 2)

    Send us Fan Mail You cannot change a pattern you cannot clearly see. If you are burned out from playing the 'human shock absorber' in your relationships, this episode walks you through a low-shame Identity Audit to consciously interrupt the default behaviors draining your energy. Today, we are tackling the foundational steps of reclaiming your agency: Audit and De-Habituation. Drawing on the frameworks of Katherine Morgan Schafler and Richard Schwartz (IFS), we explore what it actually takes to safely unhook from over-functioning cycles without sending your nervous system into overdrive. Key Takeaways: How to conduct an honest, low-shame audit of your current baseline.The mechanics of de-habituation and why breaking autopilot feels so uncomfortable at first.How to validate the protective parts of yourself that created these over-functioning habits in the first place.Identity Reclamation Book Appendix: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan SchaflerNo Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz Ph.D.You Had Me at No by Sheryl Green📩 Connect & Support Join the Substack Community: Widening Your Aperture SubstackExplore Our Resource Roadmap: https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resourcesWatch Video Episodes on YouTube: The Widening Your Aperture PodcastEmail the Show: askwya@wideningyouraperture.comSupport WYA: Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to help this work reach others!Follow on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

  2. Sep 17

    Nervous System Regulation & Survival Adaptations | Identity Reclamation (Ep 1)

    Send us Fan Mail Are you exhausted from managing everyone else's emotions and operating through a hyper-vigilant lens? When we exist in emotionally unsafe or high-control environments, our nervous system contracts to protect us. Today, we dismantle the shame around these protective survival adaptations (like the People-Pleaser or the Fixer) and explore how to safely transition into sovereign self-authorship. The tragedy is not that we develop these narrow pinhole views; the tragedy is that we mistake those survival strategies for our actual personality. In this foundational episode, we unpack: The Camera Lens Metaphor: How your nervous system contracts its aperture under threat, and why survival adaptations are brilliant strategies, not personal defects.The Shift to Maladaptive: Why relying on past survival roles when you are currently safe keeps you locked in a reality that no longer exists.The 3 Stages of Identity Development: How trauma interrupts Attunement, Autonomy, and Integration.The 5-Step Reclamation Process: Audit & De-Habituation, Somatic Un-hooking, Radical Finality, Opening the Aperture, and Intrinsic Re-Anchoring. 📩 Connect & Support Join the Substack Community: Widening Your Aperture SubstackExplore Our Resource Roadmap: https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resourcesWatch Video Episodes on YouTube: The Widening Your Aperture PodcastEmail the Show: askwya@wideningyouraperture.comSupport WYA: Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to help this work reach others!Follow on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

  3. Sep 10

    How to Get Closure When a Toxic Partner Won't Apologize (Part 4)

    Send us Fan Mail What does it actually look like to step out of toxic relational loops and create your own closure? In this final episode of our case study series, we arrive at the threshold of radical finality—shifting from waiting for unearned accountability to taking sovereign ownership of your peace. When an unsafe partner relies on performative awareness, spiritual piety, and conditional "maybe down the road" tethers to keep the door cracked open, true healing requires you to close that door yourself.  Inside This Episode: Active Humility vs. Performative Awareness: Why declaring "I’ve done the work" creates a false hierarchy that dodges real-time repair.The Frictionless Consumer: How unsafe partners seek access to your emotional intelligence without contributing real effort.Psychological Self-Distancing: Cognitive tools to maintain internal stability during acute freeze states or grief.Structural Closure: Reclaiming your agency by turning conditional "maybes" into a dignified, definitive "no."Core Somatic Insight: Sovereign closure doesn't require the other person's permission or understanding—it is an internal, dignified boundary that protects your peace. 📩 Connect & Support Join the Substack Community: Widening Your Aperture SubstackExplore Our Resource Roadmap: https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resourcesWatch Video Episodes on YouTube: The Widening Your Aperture PodcastEmail the Show: askwya@wideningyouraperture.comSupport WYA: Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to help this work reach others!Follow on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

    How to Get Closure When a Toxic Partner Won't Apologize (Part 4)
  4. Sep 3

    Passive-Aggressive Manipulation & Avoiding Accountability in Relationships (Part 3)

    Send us Fan Mail 🎙️ What happens when direct conflict becomes too threatening to an unsafe partner’s ego? Communication moves entirely underground. We unpack the covert, passive-aggressive ways an avoidant or volatile partner maintains relational leverage, enforces compliance, and dodges accountability. When a partner cannot attack your boundaries without looking unreasonable, they pivot to keeping the dynamic in chaos. We break down the covert mechanisms used to keep a relationship unsettled to preserve their ego at the expense of your nervous system. Inside This Episode: Passive-Aggressive Archiving: How unsafe partners wait for moments of control to deliver one-sided lectures disguised as "support."The "Worst-Thing" Deflection: Twisting your words to manufacture extreme victimhood and shift rapidly from explosive outrage to self-martyrdom.Transactional Amnesty: Why affection and forgiveness are traded like currency, demanding a "clean slate" without doing the actual labor of repair. Covert Punishment: Recognizing the strategic text delays, sudden drops in warmth, and low-stakes "tethers" designed to test your boundaries.Core Somatic Insight: Intensity is not intimacy, chaos is not connection, and transactional mechanics will never yield relational safety.🎧 Related Episodes & Deep Dives Emotional Intelligence in High-Friction Dynamics with Rachel Kuhlen: Rachel Kuhlen - 'Amplify Your Impact: Emotional Intelligence | Part 1/4: Self-AwarenessRachel Kuhlen - 'Amplify Your Impact: Emotional Intelligence | Part 2/4: Self-RegulationRachel Kuhlen - 'Amplify Your Impact: Emotional Intelligence | Part 3/4: MotivationRachel Kuhlen - 'Amplify Your Impact: Emotional Intelligence | Part 4/4: Empathy + Social SkillsMastering Conflict Resolution & Boundary Architecture with Kathi Kulesza: Kathi Kulesza - 'Mastering Conflict Resolution'📩 Connect & Support Join the Substack Community: Widening Your Aperture SubstackExplore Our Resource Roadmap: https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resourcesWatch Video Episodes on YouTube: The Widening Your Aperture PodcastEmail the Show: askwya@wideningyouraperture.comSupport WYA: Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to help this work reach others!Follow on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

    Passive-Aggressive Manipulation & Avoiding Accountability in Relationships (Part 3)
  5. Aug 27

    Why Toxic Partners Escalate When You Set Boundaries: DARVO & Deflection (Part 2)

    Send us Fan Mail What actually happens when you ask a partner to move from theoretical safety into real-world accountability? When an unsafe partner’s self-constructed narrative meets the reality of firm boundaries, the mask doesn't just slip—it escalates.  In Part 2 of this case study series, we unpack the operational mechanisms that unfold when direct conflict becomes too threatening to an ego, forcing communication underground into defensive psychological tactics like DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). Inside This Episode: Judicial Defiance: How establishing clear non-negotiables is reframed as "ruining the honeymoon phase."Pathologizing Timing & Pace: Why a partner critiques how you hold boundaries when they cannot attack the substance of the boundary itself.DARVO & The "Victim" Pivot: How emotional withdrawal is justified through melodramatic self-martyrdom to offload 100% of the guilt.Empathy Asymmetry: The stark contrast between deep vulnerability and sudden, cold emotional detachment.Core Somatic Insight: Real safety steps into the room, sits in the vulnerability of repair, and honors the boundaries you have built to protect your peace.📩 Connect & Support Join the Substack Community: Widening Your Aperture SubstackExplore Our Resource Roadmap: https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resourcesWatch Video Episodes on YouTube: The Widening Your Aperture PodcastEmail the Show: askwya@wideningyouraperture.comSupport WYA: Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to help this work reach others!Follow on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

    Why Toxic Partners Escalate When You Set Boundaries: DARVO & Deflection (Part 2)
  6. Aug 21

    Gaslighting & Love Bombing: When Real Life Meets a Digital Fantasy (Part 1)

    Send us Fan Mail 🎙️ When a relationship relies on high-speed text declarations and grand future promises behind a screen, what happens when real life actually shows up? Today, we break down a personal case study of covert manipulation, performative intimacy, and the psychological shift known as "sanctuary looting."   If you’ve ever experienced emotional whiplash, gaslighting around past conversations, or felt like you were being "demoted" the moment genuine intimacy required real-world presence, this episode provides the clinical and somatic frameworks to help you break the spell and reclaim your reality.   Inside This Episode: Performative Intimacy: Why digital love bombing is cheap to construct—and why it collapses in person. The "Good Guy" Contract: Unpacking explicit promises of safety that get weaponized the moment conflict arises. Sanctuary Looting: How toxic dynamics encourage your vulnerability only to use it against you later. Somatic Regulation: Tools to ground your nervous system, stop over-functioning, and trust your intuition. 📩 Connect & Support Join the Substack Community: Widening Your Aperture SubstackExplore Our Resource Roadmap: https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resourcesWatch Video Episodes on YouTube: The Widening Your Aperture PodcastEmail the Show: askwya@wideningyouraperture.comSupport WYA: Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to help this work reach others!Follow on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

    Gaslighting & Love Bombing: When Real Life Meets a Digital Fantasy (Part 1)
  7. Aug 21

    You Are Enough Guided Meditation

    Send us Fan Mail Episode Overview: "You Are Enough" Guided Meditation In this gentle guided meditation, I lead you through a grounding somatic and self-discovery exercise designed to explore how your nervous system responds to a powerful truth: Who you are is enough. Whether you are listening to start your morning, take a mid-day pause, or wind down for the evening, this session offers a safe sanctuary to tune into your body, notice internal resistance without judgment, and anchor yourself in supportive resources. 📝 Key Takeaways & Meditation Steps Settling & Safety: Creating physical comfort, security, and presence in your space.Noticing External vs. Internal: Building curiosity around where your awareness naturally lands.The Affirmation Inquiry: Observing your body’s true, unfiltered reaction to hearing "Who you are is enough."Uncovering the Root: Acknowledging old memories, bodily tension, or internal "lies" with gentle self-compassion.Resourcing & Integration: Bringing in a person, memory, nature anchor, or spiritual resource to ground your nervous system.Reflection & Integration: Returning to the room with gentle movement and reflective journaling prompts.🧘 Reflection & Journaling Prompts After completing the meditation, take a few moments to write down or internally note: How did your body physically respond when you heard the phrase "Who you are is enough"? (Did you feel relaxation, tension, heavy emotions, or resistance?)If resistance or "no" showed up, what earlier memory or belief might be tied to that feeling?What resource (a person, pet, place in nature, memory, or spiritual practice) helped bring you back to a sense of calm and love?"Bring a gentle awareness to yourself—it's all okay. Whatever you're noticing in your system, just notice that there is a root to that, and meet it with curiosity." — Kristen Henry📩 Connect & Support Join the Substack Community: Widening Your Aperture SubstackExplore Our Resource Roadmap: https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resourcesWatch Video Episodes on YouTube: The Widening Your Aperture PodcastEmail the Show: askwya@wideningyouraperture.comSupport WYA: Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to help this work reach others!Follow on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

    You Are Enough Guided Meditation
  8. 04/13/2024

    #43 Wide Open Aperture - Listener AMA's answered

    Send us Fan Mail Hey guys welcome back to another episode of Wide Open Aperture. This episode is dedicated to answering all of the AMA questions that have come in. First, Brian and I want to thank everyone that took the time to send in a question, we loved answering them, so keep them coming! Your questions are so great and they ran the gamut from serious and deep to fun and lighthearted. In this episode we address so many topics - what do Brian and I admire and dislike most about each other, how to help and support people we care about with alcoholism and addiction, why is Kristen still single, Brian’s dogs (current and future!), book recommendations, the loneliness epidemic, our favorite podcasts and keeping Kristen accountable to listing the resources in the show notes, rethinking relationships with family in the wake of our step-dads passing, dog cuisine recipes, how to know when it is time to end a relationship, and our regrets in light of losing our step-dad. We love the engagement we are getting from our listeners and as we keep developing this segment of the podcast we want to involve you even more. In a few weeks we will be recording an episode to discuss an episode we listened to on the Know Thyself podcast. We would love for you to listen as well and send us your thoughts and questions before we record! The episode will be recorded on April 16th so get your emails to us before then at askwoa@wideningyouraperture.com. There is a link for the podcast episode and our email in the show notes for quick and easy access. Our next episode will air April 17th where we bring back the notecard format - thank you Amy for the feedback of keeping this in the mix! In the meantime, keep connecting and widening your apertures! Resources mentioned in this episode: Books: ‘Milk and Honey’ by Rupi Kaur https://a.co/d/1mHtAEl ‘The Princess Saves Herself in This One’ by Amanda Lovelace https://a.co/d/1EaaoV3 ‘espresso Shots & forget-me-nots: selected poems’ by Parker Lee https://a.co/d/coHaihi ‘Be Here Now’ by Ram Dass https://a.co/d/6VFvuQp ‘Lighter’ by Yung Pueblo https://a.co/d/hShrGZQ ‘Inward’ by Yung Pueblo https://a.co/d/hvPxQ7M ‘Clarity + Connection’ by Yung Pueblo https://a.co/d/2sUtQI6 Audiobook: ‘Experiments in Truth’ talks by Ram Dass https://www.amazon.com/Experiments-in-Truth-Ram-Dass-audiobook/dp/B000054995/ref=monarch_sidesheet Link to Resources page on Widening Your Aperture https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resources Our favorite podcasts: Brian: Know Thyself with Andre Duqum https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/know-thyself/id1633725927 Modern Wisdom with Chris Williamson https://chriswillx.com/podcast/ The Rich Roll Podcast https://www.richroll.com/all-episodes/ Lex Friedman https://lexfridman.com/podcast/ Uncomfortable Conversations with Josh Szeps https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/uncomfortable-conversations-with-josh-szeps/id1002920114 The Far Out Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/far-out/id1599170797 Kristen: The Tim Ferriss Show https://tim.blog/podcast/ The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k with Mark Manson https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck-podcast/id1247526593 The Huberman Lab Podcast https://www.hubermanlab.com/podcast Making Sense with Sam Harris https://www.samharris.org/podcasts Armchair Experts with Dax Shepard https://armchairexpertpod.com/ The Mark Groves Podcast https://markgroves.com/podcast/ Podcast episode we will be discussing on our April 16th recording for you to listen to and send in your thoughts/questions: Episode # 75 on the Know Thyself Podcast - ‘Gabi Kovalenko: Old Soul REVEALS Our Holographic Universe, Power of Consciousness & Quantum Healing.’ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e75-gabi-kovalenko-old-soul-reveals-our-holographic/id1633725927?i=1000637566009 📩 Connect & Support Join the Substack Community: Widening Your Aperture SubstackExplore Our Resource Roadmap: https://www.wideningyouraperture.com/resourcesWatch Video Episodes on YouTube: The Widening Your Aperture PodcastEmail the Show: askwya@wideningyouraperture.comSupport WYA: Leave a 5-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to help this work reach others!Follow on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn

About

Welcome to Widening Your Aperture—a space dedicated to identity reclamation, somatic healing, and deep personal transformation. When you’ve spent years navigating covert toxic dynamics, emotional manipulation, or relational trauma, your perspective narrows just to survive. Host Kristen Henry guides you through the process of opening that lens back up. Combining clinical frameworks, somatic grounding practices, and raw storytelling, Widening Your Aperture breaks down the mechanics of emotional recovery and self-advocacy. From recognizing vulnerable narcissism to regulating your nervous system and executing strategic life redesigns, this podcast provides actionable wisdom for anyone ready to stop surviving and start thriving. It’s time to break the cycle, reclaim your worth, and step unapologetically into your power. 🎙️ Subscribe and listen weekly to expand your perspective and reclaim your narrative.