Recovery Diaries In Depth

Recovery Diaries

Welcome to Recovery Diaries In Depth; a mental health podcast that creates a warm, empathic, and engaging space for discussions around mental health, empowerment, and change. Executive Director and podcast host Gabe Nathan brings a unique combination of lived experience with mental health challenges, years of independent mental health and suicide awareness advocacy, and an understanding of the inpatient psychiatric millieu as a former staff member at a psychiatric hospital. This extensive background helps him navigate complex and nuanced conversations with a diverse array of guests, all of whom are vulnerable and engaged; doing their utmost to eradicate mental health stigma through advocacy, storytelling, and open conversation.  Guests who have previously contributed a mental health personal essay read their essays aloud during the podcast and then chat with Gabe about what has changed in their lives since their essays were published on the site. By engaging in deep discussions with people living with mental health challenges like bipolar disorder, trauma histories, addiction issues, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive or eating disorders, Recovery Diaries in Depth further carries out Recovery Diaries' mission to #buststigma by showing people that they are not alone, instead of just telling them. This mental health podcast features guests from all over the world and, while their own personal experiences are unique, the human experience is what unites, inspires, and connects. Subscribe, like, share, and enjoy! Recovery Diaries In Depth is supported in full by the van Ameringen Foundation.

  1. Sep 21

    Bipolar Disorder, Love, and Breathless Creativity; Casey Cannizzaro | RDID 220

    Send us Fan Mail Casey Cannizzaro is a mental health and addictions clinician and three-time Recovery Diaries author, but he's far, far more than that. Casey's writing on our site-- we encourage you to voraciously devour each of his essays, findable via the links to come-- is exhilarating; his voice is unique, roving, insatiable, and unlike anything else we've published. Casey is just like Recovery Diaries itself: the perfect antidote to AI slop and Chat GPT sterility. His writing will knock your socks off, and make you forget your feet are cold.  But we're not just here to brag about this really talented guy; we sit down with Casey to talk to him openly about his path from his last stretch of treatment into the work he does now, including substance use counseling, LGBTQIA+ focused care, and admissions for a fully virtual intensive outpatient program. Casey talks about his sexuality, his family, his ups, his downs, and he does it with integrity and flair.  Maybe one of the loveliest things about this interview is that it's an opportunity for two men who live with mental illness and aren't afraid to be vulnerable about their emotions to connect with each other, and share their mutual appreciation and respect for the other. A little love-bombing is healthy! During the show, Casey reads his beautiful essay “The (im)possibilities of Love with Bipolar,” a story of devotion, medication, relapse, and grief told with Casey's signature wordplay and vivid imagery. "Recovery is possible. Recovery is f****d," Casey says. Who could disagree with that assessment? If this conversation resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these stories. And after you've listened, check out Casey's other two, fabulous essays on our site: Six Days on the Good Unit: Hospitalized and Alive and After I Destroyed Myself: Fast and Furious with Bipolar Disorder and Addiction; you'll be glad you did. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/

    Bipolar Disorder, Love, and Breathless Creativity; Casey Cannizzaro | RDID 220
  2. Sep 7

    An OCD Therapist (Almost) Missed Her Own OCD; Natalia Aiza's Orthorexia-by-Proxy RDID; 219

    Send us Fan Mail Natalia Aiza, LPC, is the founder of Kairos Wellness Collective in Boulder, Colorado. She is educated, well-informed, articulate, empathic, and aware. She's just the kind of person you'd think would be perfectly well-suited to quickly identify and address a mental health challenge in herself, right? Well, not so fast.  Natalia believes now that she was living with OCD since age seven, but she didn't recognize it for years; even while training and working as a therapist. Natalia describes her early experiences with motherhood, plagued by incessant, intrusive thoughts about harming her baby, but even though she managed to get through these thoughts, soon, another nagging obsession took that one's place: she needed to control everything about her child's (and later, her children's) eating. For her, it was just a concerned mom being mindful about “healthy eating” In reality, this was uncontrolled, untreated, and unidentified OCD running amok, resulting in food shopping trips taking multiple hours, methodically scanning labels on every possible food item, and placing unhealthy ideas about food into her children's minds. Natalia openly describes the shame, guilt, grief, and other negative consequences of what she now calls orthorexia-by-proxy; a disordered obsession and compulsion with the healthy eating of others. A few years ago, she wrote a wonderful, open and honest essay about her particular form of OCD, and she reads it aloud here on the show. Natalia, now successfully managing this mental health challenge (with grown children who are able to joke about it with her) discusses with us why reassurance-based talk therapy can unintentionally enable the OCD brain, and how exposure and response prevention (ERP) helps you stop responding to intrusive thoughts with rituals and safety behaviors. Natalia discusses SSRIs, what it means when OCD gets quieter instead of disappearing (it may very well never disappear, and Natalia still has her moments of struggle), and why access to proper OCD treatment is still a significant public health problem. It is so easy for OCD to get missed, even by a professional, and that's why our conversation with Natalia Aiza is so important; so many people out there are struggling with something they may not understand; a mental health challenge that presents itself under the guise of something "good" or "healthy", but one that actually has the potential to cause harm. Subscribe for more Recovery Diaries in Depth, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review if you enjoyed our conversation with Natalia. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/

    An OCD Therapist (Almost) Missed Her Own OCD; Natalia Aiza's Orthorexia-by-Proxy RDID; 219
  3. Aug 31

    All the Pain We Cannot See; Giovanna Errore's Invisible Illness | RDID; 218

    Send us Fan Mail They thought she was "just an anxious kid" growing up-- that, other than that, there was nothing really "wrong" with her. But writer and translator Giovanna Errore was suffering in silence; trying like hell to be a functional teenager and then young adult while something was happening in her body and her mind that she didn't understand. She was masking, feeling psychic and physical pain and, finally, a fibromyalgia diagnosis turned the key and unlocked the door, helping her heal. Chronic, unrelenting pain isn't just a physical malady; there is a psychological component to it-- the ceaseless patter of self-eroding doubt, isolation, and allowing the external doubt of your own reality to slowly become your own internal monologue. Giovanna shares enthusiastically during our interview about her fascinating and hopeful research from her graduate work in psychological communication on chronically ill people in online communities, and why participation can increase self-determination, belonging, and satisfaction with life; perhaps that's why she likes Recovery Diaries so much! We are, after all, our own online community of vulnerable, capable human beings telling their stories and supporting each other.  Then Giovanna reads her essay “How Severus Snape Saved My Life,” exploring how this intense, cloistered fictional character can mirror the parts of us we keep hidden. After all, Snape had something going on inside which he couldn't share with anybody. Giovanna openly and freely talks with our host, Gabe Nathan (who thoroughly enjoyed editing Giovanna's essay several years ago) about therapy, stigma, work, accommodations, and the challenging, but necessary, choice to stop keeping secrets.  Subscribe to Recovery Diaries in Depth for more earnest, honest conversations like this one. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/

    All the Pain We Cannot See; Giovanna Errore's Invisible Illness | RDID; 218
  4. Aug 13

    A Fashion Designer with C-PTSD Wears Her Recovery Well; Lilah Velez | RDID; 217

    Send us Fan Mail A film is a snapshot in time. When we first met this extraordinary young woman, it was eight years ago. Back then, she was Lilah James, an extraordinarily talented fashion and conceptual designer creating a bold, beautiful collection for her final project, "Anxiety Descending." Each look represented a different facet or symptom of her CPTSD diagnosis and she and her work are beautifully represented in our film about her, Recovery on the Runway | PTSD, Mental Health & Fashion.  So much as changed since 2018, for Lilah, for the world. She is now Lilah Velez, happily married to her devoted and safe go-to support person. She is still living with and navigating life with CPTSD, finding healthy ways to cope with triggers and panic, trying her best to notice when things aren't going well before a crisis emerges so she can make a plan to take care of herself and her needs.  Lilah is open and honest about her experiences with mental healthcare, including her participation in intensive outpatient program (IOP) programs. Lilah, in her vulnerable and disarming way shares about how needing different levels of care at different points in her life, and knowing what she needs when she needs it, is not a sign of failure, weakness, or some kind of setback; it is simply meeting a therapeutic need. Lilah knows the foolishness of comparing your struggles to somebody else's and about the true cost of carrying secrets. Lilah also discusses, in our candid and thoughtful interview, about how, to someone with CPTSD, finally getting what you've always longed for: a peaceful living space with a safe, supportive partner, can be a shock to the CPTSD brain, a brain that is always on high alert, looking for the next betrayal or unsafe situation. She is learning to calm that part of her brain and accept her safety, while continuing to create and take care of herself.  This episode is a must-hear for anyone with CPTSD or anyone who loves someone who lives with this mental health challenge. Lilah is hopeful, brave, and honest, and we hope you share this conversation with someone in your life who needs it. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/

    A Fashion Designer with C-PTSD Wears Her Recovery Well; Lilah Velez | RDID; 217
  5. Jul 13

    A Screenwriter with Bipolar Disorder Rewrites His Recovery; Coli Sylla | RDID; 216

    Send us Fan Mail Someone once turned to our guest, Coli Sylla, and said to him, “Keep that mental health crap to yourself.” Thankfully, that b******t didn't fly. Award-winning screenwriter and director Coli Sylla talks about what happens when creativity, bipolar disorder, trauma, and ambition collide. While the entertainment industry has changed significantly over the last few decades, as Coli can attest there are parts of that world that still punish vulnerability, and encourage people with mental health challenges to  shrink themselves. Coli opens up about bipolar II disorder, ADHD, generalized anxiety, and how he manages depression, especially when grief and life stress hit at the same time. Coli talks openly about how living with mental health challenges as a Black man is different, and how many of his peers simply lack the language to express themselves, or know what to do when one of their own opens up. Coli reads aloud his powerful essay, “The Death That Gifted My Purpose, Living and Writing with Trauma and Bipolar Disorder,” recounting the night his college roommate Troy died and how a 3 a.m. wake-up has haunted him for decades. Coli talks about the practical side of recovery: therapy, medication management, sleep, sleep, and sleep, and building a creative life that can survive mood shifts. Coli is working on a new film, f.31.9, the diagnostic code for bipolar disorder. We celebrate his creativity, his ambition, and his recovery in this compelling interview you won't want to miss.  Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/

    A Screenwriter with Bipolar Disorder Rewrites His Recovery; Coli Sylla | RDID; 216
  6. Jun 29

    A Musician Gives Up Alcohol and Finds Himself: Paul Curreri | RDID; 215

    Send us Fan Mail It's hard to imagine what you'd do if you're a touring musician whose primary instrument is the guitar, and you start to lose the use of your hands. It may seem like an incongruous response, but Paul Curreri chose to stop drinking. And it wasn't exactly an intentional choosing of sobriety. It was more, "I'm not drinking today and I'm probably not going to drink tomorrow either." And that has turned a choice that he makes every single day.  Like so many in the music industry, Paul felt connectedness to the life that alcohol gave him; the clubs and bars where everybody congregated, the vibe, but Paul knew that alcohol was taking away far more than it was giving him. He knew he was making up stories about "sober people" and what they were like, and he knew he needed to make changes to help his marriage and to help himself.  While he is still struggling with his hands, and the relatively recent diagnosis of tension myositis syndrome, he is trying to be and stay in the moment. He very recently returned to the stage for the first time in a very long time, and our conversation on Recovery Diaries in Depth is a vulnerable, emotional, sincere return to Paul's essay he wrote for us when he was five years into his sobriety from alcohol, an essay Paul had not returned to since it was published. His reading of that essay and our conversation are as genuine and as gentle as it gets.  Our conversation wanders like a contemporary folk song Paul may well have written himself; covering sobriety, relapse prevention, anger, ambivalence, chronic illness, identity loss, grief, recovery, the soothing noise of music to the din of modern life; Paul and our host, Gabe are two men living with mental illness who connect intimately and sincerely, and it's a conversation you won't want to miss out on. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/

    A Musician Gives Up Alcohol and Finds Himself: Paul Curreri | RDID; 215
  7. May 18

    Until There’s a Cure for Mental Illness, There’s NAMI-Man: Nick Emeigh | RDID; 214

    Send us Fan Mail Recovery Diaries in Depth guest Nick Emeigh and our show's host Gabe Nathan are old friends, both of whom live with mental health challenges. They're both passionate, compassionate, vulnerable, and unafraid (while simultaneously being afraid of pretty much everything). That's a lot of what makes them good friends, and so much of what makes this interview a must-hear.  Right out of the gate, their conversation goes right towards suicide. And it's no accident that it happens that way: Nick just came to this interview from a Bucks County school that recently lost a young man to suicide. Nick helps people in Bucks County every single day who are contemplating suicide, have attempted, family and community members who have suffered a suicide loss. He lives and breathes mental illness and suicide every single day as Executive Director of NAMI-Bucks County, PA. Nick has survived multiple suicide attempts, he is in addiction recovery, he is a peer, an advocate, a mental health superhero (watch this film to be acquainted with the coolest guy in tights since Peter Pan) and he never stops urging politicians, changemakers, and community members to pay attention, to listen. To listen to stories. To his story.  Nick shares that story with refreshing honesty: a tale of intense bullying and early suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder shaped by control and approval, addiction, psychosis, trauma and grief. But what makes recovery sustainable or even possible? Therapy, medication, self-care, peer support, and the work of building NAMI Bucks County into a network that reaches tens of thousands through school education, support groups, and a warm line; and it's so, so much more. It's Nick's irrepressible personality that is heartwarming, sincere, and worthy of attention. So pull up a chair alongside these two old friends and listen. And share. And feel. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/

    Until There’s a Cure for Mental Illness, There’s NAMI-Man: Nick Emeigh | RDID; 214
  8. Apr 20

    Anxiety, OCD, and a Brain That Tries to Protect: Kayla Ackelson | RDID; 213

    Send us Fan Mail Today, Kayla Ackelson lives, breathes, and thrives through independent expressive, mixed media artistry. But it wasn't always that way. For years, she struggled with incessant worries-- about everything, from swimming to sleepovers, movies, the dark (where people often watch movies), to people she loved dying. Never fear, though; she had maladaptive coping strategies to "help" her through all of those unrelenting anxieties. Afraid your partner will leave you? Cling on tighter! Scared of things; just ratchet up the hypervigilence! Check on everyone, all the time. Check, check, check. Then, check again; just to be sure. Kayla knew living this way was unsustainable; she would hide at work, trying to pull herself together through her tears. It couldn't go on like this. Gradually, slowly, with therapy, with insight, with help; from herself and from others, she started to turn the corner. Medication, meditation, journaling, neuroplasticity, and the practical mental health habits that actually support recovery: sleep, hydration, easing up on caffeine, and making room for quiet came along for the ride, and now, she's in a better place. She's writing, creating, and is the host of her own podcast, Unhurried. She encourages you to pause, unwind, maybe have a cup of (not thoroughly caffeinated) tea, and listen. We extend that invitation to you, too. We're so grateful to Kayla for coming on as a guest to talk about her mental health, her life, and her recovery. She reads her lovely essay, "It Was Cute Until It Wasn’t Anymore – My OCD, Anxiety, and Depression" aloud on the show, and it's a treat.  If you’ve ever felt alone in your own mind, we hope this brings language, comfort, and a next step. Subscribe for more Recovery Diaries In Depth, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these mental health stories. Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988. https://recoverydiaries.org/

    Anxiety, OCD, and a Brain That Tries to Protect: Kayla Ackelson | RDID; 213

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

Welcome to Recovery Diaries In Depth; a mental health podcast that creates a warm, empathic, and engaging space for discussions around mental health, empowerment, and change. Executive Director and podcast host Gabe Nathan brings a unique combination of lived experience with mental health challenges, years of independent mental health and suicide awareness advocacy, and an understanding of the inpatient psychiatric millieu as a former staff member at a psychiatric hospital. This extensive background helps him navigate complex and nuanced conversations with a diverse array of guests, all of whom are vulnerable and engaged; doing their utmost to eradicate mental health stigma through advocacy, storytelling, and open conversation.  Guests who have previously contributed a mental health personal essay read their essays aloud during the podcast and then chat with Gabe about what has changed in their lives since their essays were published on the site. By engaging in deep discussions with people living with mental health challenges like bipolar disorder, trauma histories, addiction issues, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive or eating disorders, Recovery Diaries in Depth further carries out Recovery Diaries' mission to #buststigma by showing people that they are not alone, instead of just telling them. This mental health podcast features guests from all over the world and, while their own personal experiences are unique, the human experience is what unites, inspires, and connects. Subscribe, like, share, and enjoy! Recovery Diaries In Depth is supported in full by the van Ameringen Foundation.

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