Softspaces Podcast

Yolanda Lewis

For too long, many of us have been taught that loving well means giving until we’re empty. We stretch ourselves thin, carry burdens that aren't ours to bear, and wonder why our relationships leave us feeling drained instead of nourished. But the truth is, we don’t lack love—we lack the capacity to sustain it. Soft Spaces is an elevated conversation designed to change that. Together, we are stepping out of the "strong friend" narrative and into the intentional architecture of relational capacity. This is a soft, paced room where we audit our emotional bandwidth, learn how to map boundaries without building walls, and expand our containers to hold deeper, healthier intimacy. By the end of each episode, host Yolanda Lewis helps you better understand your limits so you can stop fracturing your peace to keep others whole. You don't have to over-extend to be worthy of connection. So, pull up a chair, take a deep breath, and let’s expand our capacity together.

Episodes

  1. 1d ago ·  Video

    Why You Cut People Off: Yolanda Lewis on emotional cutoff (and the One Skill That Can Help You Stop)

    Send us Fan Mail "I'm done. This ain't worth it, so I cut them off." If those words have ever come out of your mouth, you're not alone — but you might be surprised to learn what's actually happening underneath. In this episode, Yolanda Lewis breaks down emotional cutoff, the clinical term for the pop culture trend of cutting people off, and reveals why it has less to do with the other person than you think. Drawing from Bowen Family Systems Theory and her own dissertation research, Yolanda introduces the Relational Repair Spectrum — a model that maps the difference between healthy relationships, toxic relationships, and the "dysfunctional gray zone" most of us actually live in. It's in that gray zone where emotional cutoff does its most quiet damage, leaking from the relationship where it started into friendships and connections you actually value. You'll learn: - What emotional cutoff really is (and how it's different from just needing space) - Why your nervous system defaults to cutting off when anxiety gets too high - What "differentiation of self" means and why it's the key to staying connected under stress - How to identify a skill gap you may have never been taught — staying in hard conversations - One simple tool to try the next time you feel the urge to go quiet on someone you love - A guided breathing practice to help you regulate in the moment Whether you've ever cut someone off, been cut off, or noticed a pattern you can't quite name, this episode will help you understand that the urge to distance yourself isn't a flaw — it's a reflex. And reflexes, as it turns out, can be unlearned. If you liked this episode, check out this one next: www.youtube.com/@softspacespodcast Connect with Yolanda: Grab Yolanda's NEW book: Untangled: How families stop walking on eggshells and start rebuilding closeness Get the signature Renewal Tea Follow Yolanda on Instagram and TikTok Watch the episodes on YouTube Subscribe for new episodes of Season 4 Thank you for tuning in to Softspaces Podcast with Yolanda Lewis! If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a review to help others find their soft space too. Stay Connected: Instagram: @softspacespodFacebook: /softspacespodcastYouTube: @softspacespodcastJoin the Conversation: Tag me on social media with your thoughts or takeaways from today’s episode using #SoftspacesPodcast.Want more? Join the Unmuted Community for exclusive updates, member-only content, and tools for healing and personal growth. www.healwithyolanda.com Explore more of my work and services: www.extremeoverflow.comInterested in learning about somatic breathwork and healing? Visit: www.healwithyolanda.com

  2. 1d ago ·  Video

    Why You Feel Guilty Having a Good Day When They’re Having a Bad One | Enmeshment Explained

    Send us Fan Mail Why You Feel Guilty Having a Good Day When They’re Having a Bad One | Enmeshment Explained Some call it love. Others call it nosy and all up in your business. But what do you call it when your loyalty runs so deep you can’t tell where your feelings end and someone else’s begin? If you’ve ever felt guilty for enjoying a good day because someone close to you was having a bad one, this episode is for you. In this episode, we explore enmeshment, a family dynamic named by Dr. Salvador Minuchin, one of the founders of structural family therapy, where boundaries blur so much that people lose their sense of identity and self. Enmeshment often looks like loyalty. It can show up with a parent, a partner, a sibling or a friend. You’ll learn: What enmeshment looks like in everyday life, from guilt over boundaries to absorbing someone else’s bad moodWhere enmeshment comes from: intergenerational trauma, cultural expectations of self-sacrifice, and limited mental health supportWhy the people closest to you push back when you start setting boundariesThree transitions for undoing enmeshment: expect the shock, separate your feelings from theirs, and reclaim your identityA simple practice: observe what others feel, and decide what’s yours to carryA guided 4-4-6 breathing exercise to help your nervous system feel safe In Tea Time, we unpack a real comment from a woman finding herself again after enmeshed parents, raising two children and a 16-year marriage.. This episode is for education and is not a substitute for working with a licensed therapist. Watch more episodes: www.youtube.com/@SoftSpacesPodcast +Subscribe for new episodes of Season 4. Thank you for tuning in to Softspaces Podcast with Yolanda Lewis! If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a review to help others find their soft space too. Stay Connected: Instagram: @softspacespodFacebook: /softspacespodcastYouTube: @softspacespodcastJoin the Conversation: Tag me on social media with your thoughts or takeaways from today’s episode using #SoftspacesPodcast.Want more? Join the Unmuted Community for exclusive updates, member-only content, and tools for healing and personal growth. www.healwithyolanda.com Explore more of my work and services: www.extremeoverflow.comInterested in learning about somatic breathwork and healing? Visit: www.healwithyolanda.com

  3. Oct 13 ·  Video

    S4 Ep2: You're Not Fine: The Truth About Self-Abandonment (And Why You Keep Breaking Promises to Yourself)

    Send us Fan Mail "I'm fine." If those words have ever come out of your mouth when you were anything but, you're not alone — but you might be surprised to learn what's actually happening underneath. In this episode, we break down self-abandonment: the moment you downplay your needs so you don't burden anyone, accept less than you deserve so you won't be left alone, and walk away from your own boundaries to keep the peace. Self-abandonment is a survival strategy. And every single time you do it, you teach your own intuition that it isn't safe to trust you — and eventually, that leaves you feeling like a stranger in your own body. Because if you can't trust yourself, who can you really trust?   You'll learn: What self-abandonment really looks like (and why it's different from just being easygoing)Why your nervous system defaults to abandoning yourself when connection feels at riskHow every boundary you surrender becomes a broken promise — to yourselfThe quiet cost of "keeping the peace" and what it does to your relationship with yourselfOne question to sit with the next time you feel the pull to abandon what you needWhy self-abandonment starts as survival — and how it can be unlearned Whether you've ever said "I'm fine" when you weren't, swallowed what you needed to keep someone close, or noticed a pattern of putting yourself last, this episode will help you understand that the urge to abandon yourself is a reflex that can be unlearned. If you liked this episode, check out this one next: www.youtube.com/@SoftSpacesPodcast Watch the episodes on YouTube Subscribe for new episodes of Season 4 Thank you for tuning in to Softspaces Podcast with Yolanda Lewis! If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a review to help others find their soft space too. Stay Connected: Instagram: @softspacespodFacebook: /softspacespodcastYouTube: @softspacespodcastJoin the Conversation: Tag me on social media with your thoughts or takeaways from today’s episode using #SoftspacesPodcast.Want more? Join the Unmuted Community for exclusive updates, member-only content, and tools for healing and personal growth. www.healwithyolanda.com Explore more of my work and services: www.extremeoverflow.comInterested in learning about somatic breathwork and healing? Visit: www.healwithyolanda.com

  4. Oct 6 ·  Video

    Why You Push Away Good Things in Life: Yolanda Lewis on Intimacy and Expanding Capacity

    Send us Fan Mail If you've ever waited years for something to happen — the relationship, the breakthrough, the dream — and then found yourself unable to celebrate when it finally did, this episode is for you. It's time to understand what's really going on. In today's episode, Yolanda breaks down why we pull away from the very things we've worked so hard to achieve — and it has nothing to do with laziness, bad timing, or being too busy. It's about your capacity for closeness. The same drive that got you to the finish line can be the thing that makes you step back the moment you cross it. Through a powerful reframe and a single question, Yolanda shows you how to spot the pattern, understand what's actually underneath it, and begin expanding your capacity to hold the good things you've been chasing. By the end of this episode, you'll know: - Why "I'll celebrate later" is a form of self-sabotage disguised as being practical - How your capacity for closeness determines whether you can actually receive what you've built - The difference between effort and capacity — and why effort alone won't fix this - Why we sabotage the things we want most right when they come close - The one question that reveals your pattern: *What do I step back from every time it comes close?* If you've ever watched yourself pull away from the thing you wanted most, this episode will help you see exactly what's been standing in your way — and what it takes to finally hold it. If you liked this episode, check out this one next: www.youtube.com/@softspacespodcast Connect with Yolanda: Grab Yolanda's NEW book: Untangled: How families stop walking on eggshells and start rebuilding closeness Get the signature Renewal Tea Follow Yolanda on Instagram and TikTok Watch the episodes on YouTube Subscribe for new episodes of Season 4 Thank you for tuning in to Softspaces Podcast with Yolanda Lewis! If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a review to help others find their soft space too. Stay Connected: Instagram: @softspacespodFacebook: /softspacespodcastYouTube: @softspacespodcastJoin the Conversation: Tag me on social media with your thoughts or takeaways from today’s episode using #SoftspacesPodcast.Want more? Join the Unmuted Community for exclusive updates, member-only content, and tools for healing and personal growth. www.healwithyolanda.com Explore more of my work and services: www.extremeoverflow.comInterested in learning about somatic breathwork and healing? Visit: www.healwithyolanda.com

    Why You Push Away Good Things in Life: Yolanda Lewis on Intimacy and Expanding Capacity

About

For too long, many of us have been taught that loving well means giving until we’re empty. We stretch ourselves thin, carry burdens that aren't ours to bear, and wonder why our relationships leave us feeling drained instead of nourished. But the truth is, we don’t lack love—we lack the capacity to sustain it. Soft Spaces is an elevated conversation designed to change that. Together, we are stepping out of the "strong friend" narrative and into the intentional architecture of relational capacity. This is a soft, paced room where we audit our emotional bandwidth, learn how to map boundaries without building walls, and expand our containers to hold deeper, healthier intimacy. By the end of each episode, host Yolanda Lewis helps you better understand your limits so you can stop fracturing your peace to keep others whole. You don't have to over-extend to be worthy of connection. So, pull up a chair, take a deep breath, and let’s expand our capacity together.