The Lulu Essey Podcast

Lulu Essey
  • 4.6 (9)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

Building a life that feels aligned with who you truly are starts from the inside out. I'm Lulu Essey, and each week I share honest conversations, practical tools, and personal stories to help you build Mental Fitness, Self-Love, and emotional resilience - your way. This podcast is for anyone wanting more meaning, more confidence, more joy, and more freedom without following someone else's blueprint. If you're new here or you've been here for a while, you're in the right place and I'm so grateful. Each episode meets you exactly where you are. New episodes every Thursday.

  1. 6d ago

    Nonfinite Grief: Grief for the Life You Thought You'd Have

    Nonfinite grief, mental health, and the emotional grief of feeling stuck, feeling behind in life, and grieving the life you thought you would have. This episode is about processing grief that has nothing to do with death, and why so many of us have been calling it failure instead of calling it what it is. If you have been doing the inner work, showing up, pushing through, and your life still does not look the way you expected, this is for you. This is not about healing from grief through strategy or mindset. It is about what shifts when you finally call this feeling by its real name. This is the fourth episode in The Lulu Essey Podcast's May series for Mental Health Awareness Month where I am asking the question: What should we be talking about that we are not talking about? IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL DISCOVER What nonfinite grief is and why finding this language changed how I relate to what I have been carryingWhat most of us have been calling this grief instead, and the cost of that mislabellingWhat happened at graduation ceremonies across the US this month when speakers mentioned AI, and the one speaker who got a completely different responseWhy the Gallup data on Gen Z and AI is not a tech storyWhat opens up when grief and gratitude are allowed to sit in the same place at the same timeOne practice using music and intention that meets grief where it actually livesRESOURCES MENTIONED Gallup survey on Gen Z sentiment toward AI, April 2026 Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.esseyThis is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

    19 min

  2. May 21

    Connection: Why We Would Rather Talk to a Machine

    This is not a conversation about whether AI is good or bad. This is the more subtle, nuanced layer of AI and mental health that the binary debate is missing: are we getting AI emotional support without even realising it? Many of us are. We open ChatGPT or Claude for something practical, a question to think through, a strategy to plan, an email to write, and we leave having been soothed by software. AI is meeting emotional needs we did not know we were carrying, in moments we thought were efficient. That is the layer this episode is about. According to research by the RAND Corporation published in JAMA Network Open, one in five 18 to 21 year olds in the United States now uses AI when they feel sad, angry, or lonely. Nine in ten say the advice feels helpful. The question this episode asks is not whether AI helps in the moment, because many times it does. The question is what it is quietly costing us in the moments we are not paying attention. This is the third episode in The Lulu Essey Podcast's May series for Mental Health Awareness Month. This week's question: what should we be talking about that we are not talking about? The answer is the layer of the AI and human connection conversation that lives underneath the surface debate, the unconscious ways AI is becoming the easier substitute for the people in our lives, and the one small practice this week that nothing on a screen can replace. If you have ever opened AI to think something through and found yourself comforted before you had even finished the question, this episode will speak to you. IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL DISCOVER: The moments AI starts meeting emotional needs you did not know you were carrying, even when you opened ChatGPT or Claude for something practicalWhy this is not a conversation about whether AI is good or bad, and what the binary debate about AI and mental health is missingWhat AI gives us before we have even asked, and why that quiet substitution is the layer that deserves our attentionThe difference between real comfort and real continuity, and why one cannot replace the other no matter how good the AI response feelsWhat young adults using AI for emotional support are actually carrying that the wider personal development conversation has not named in their directionWhy your nervous system can tell the difference between a human voice and AI, even when AI says the more beautifully crafted wordsOne small practice for this week that does what AI cannot, and how to take the first step even if it feels too vulnerableRESOURCES MENTIONED RAND Corporation research published in JAMA Network Open, November 2025 Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.esseyThis is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

    21 min

  3. May 14

    Functional Freeze: Why You Feel Nothing Right Now

    Functional freeze is why you feel nothing, and nobody asks if you're okay. This week's Mental Health Awareness Month question: what should we be talking about that we're not talking about? 81% of Americans now recognise the importance of mental health, and yet access to services actually dropped this year. We are more aware than ever and more stuck than ever. For millions of people, the struggle does not look like a breakdown. It looks like a completely ordinary day. You go to work. You answer emails. You show up. And you feel nothing. It is called functional freeze, and it is your nervous system's way of protecting you from an overload it cannot process. It keeps the function running but shuts down the feeling. This is the second episode in a May series exploring the conversations we need to be having. If you have been functioning on autopilot and wondering why you cannot access the tools you already have, this episode names what is happening and offers one neuroscience-backed step to start coming back to yourself. IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL DISCOVER What functional freeze actually is and why it is not laziness, not burnout, and not a lack of motivationWhy 81% of people are aware of mental health but more than half have not accessed any support, and what that gap really meansWhat functional freeze looks like in everyday life, and why it is invisible to the people around youThe connection between functional freeze and self-abandonment, and why your body shuts down feeling to keep you functioningWhy experts are calling this moment a polycrisis, and what happens when your nervous system never gets the signal that it is safe to restWhy you cannot think your way out of a body state, and what neuroscience says about the way backOne simple sensory practice backed by polyvagal theory that takes 30 seconds and gives your nervous system the signal to come back online RESOURCES MENTIONED Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory Rula, 2026 State of Mental Health Report Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.esseyThis is an inside job. Please send this episode to people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

    22 min

  4. May 7

    Self-Advocacy: Why Mental Health Awareness Isn't Enough

    Self-advocacy is a mental health conversation we need to be having. We have more awareness than ever, and yet more than half of adults experiencing a mental health condition are still not getting help. This Mental Health Awareness Month, instead of repeating what everyone already knows, I am asking a different question: what should we be talking about that we are not talking about? The answer this week is self-advocacy, the active practice of being on your own team, not just in a doctor's office but in your relationships, in your inner dialogue, and in the moments where you already have the tools but forget to reach for them. This is the first episode in a May series exploring the conversations we need to be having. If you have ever had the tools and the knowledge but needed a bridge between knowing and doing, this episode is that bridge. IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL DISCOVER: Why awareness alone has not closed the treatment gap, and what it takes to close the distance between knowing something needs to change and actually taking actionThe difference between self-abandonment and self-advocacy, and why they are two sides of the same coinWhat self-advocacy looked like in my own healthcare journey, including the advocacy that happened before IV ketamine assisted therapy became an optionWhy advocating for yourself in a doctor's office or therapist's room is an act of Self-Love, not an act of defianceWhat self-advocacy sounds like in your closest relationships, especially when keeping the peace has become more important than telling the truthWhat happens when you start examining your own thinking, and what to do when your mind builds stories and presents them as factsOne question you can ask yourself in any moment to interrupt the pattern and start being on your own sideConnect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.esseyThis is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And subscribe while you are here 💛

    20 min

  5. Apr 30

    Overthinking: Why Your Feelings Are LYING to You

    Overthinking doesn't always start with a bad thought. Sometimes it starts with silence, and your mind filling that silence with stories so convincing you forget they are stories. If you have ever spiralled over an unanswered message, an unreturned call, or a silence you could not explain, you will want to be a part of this conversation. We all do it. A text goes unanswered. A WhatsApp message sits unread. A call doesn't get returned. And instead of staying with what we actually know, we start to believe things we have no evidence for. In this episode I share a tool I learned from Dr. Susan David's work on emotional agility, the practice of separating facts from feelings, and what happened when I finally used it in a moment I really needed it. This episode is about the space between learning a tool and remembering to reach for it when your chest is tight and your mind won't stop spinning. IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL DISCOVER Why overthinking escalates, how small stories become elaborate certainties over days and why your mind builds them so convincinglyThe real reason silence is so unbearable, your brain would rather have a painful answer than no answer at allDr. Susan David's Facts vs Feelings practice and how to use it in the moment without a journal, an app, or perfect conditionsWhat I found when I separated the facts from the feelings, and why the disproportion between the two columns changed everythingWhy forgetting your tools in the middle of the spiral is not failure, it is being humanHow the distance between the spiral starting and you remembering you have something to reach for gets shorter over timeWhy "no response is a response" might be true but attaching a story to what no response means is where the damage can happenWhat it looks like to not abandon yourself in real time, not through a big gesture, but through choosing what is actually true over what your mind has builtConnect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.esseyThis is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here 💛

    15 min

  6. Apr 23

    Stop Studying Your Nervous System

    Nervous system regulation, co-regulation, polyvagal theory, somatic practices, vagal tone, sympathetic activation, parasympathetic activation, window of tolerance, neuroception. The wellness world is drowning us in terminology. But is the language actually helping you, or is it giving you one more thing to feel like you are not doing correctly? The science is real. The science is valid. That is not what this episode questions. What this episode asks is where we are putting our focus. Because the clinical vocabulary has become the thing instead of the experience being the thing. Whether you are reading articles, listening to podcasts, or watching videos about your nervous system, there is a point where the information stops helping and starts producing the very anxiety it claims to solve. These practices have always existed long before we had the language for them. Your body has been communicating with you your entire life. The question has never been whether you know the right words. The question has always been whether you are listening. In this episode you will discover: Why wellness terminology might be creating the anxiety it claims to solveThe important distinction between the science being real and the terminology becoming the focusWhat your body has always known how to do long before the internet named itWhy we outsource our own knowing when we get too deep into clinical languageThe difference between studying the map and walking the pathWhy you do not need a single clinical term to validate the inner work you are already doingA tiny practice for the moment the information starts making you more anxious than calmThis is an inside job. Please share this episode with people you love. And follow while you are here. From my heart to yours. 💛 Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey

    16 min

  7. Apr 16

    Self-Love: The Lie That's Hurting You

    The Self-Love and Mental Fitness lie that you can't love anyone else until you love yourself is hurting people who are already loving beautifully. If you have ever doubted the love you give because you believe you have not yet learned to love yourself, you have been told something that is not true. This line is one of the most repeated in the Self-Love and personal development space. It sounds wise. It gets quoted as truth. And I believe it is doing quiet, real damage to people who deserve to know that the love they are giving every single day is real. In this episode I open with a recent client moment that lays bare the cost of this idea. Then I take the line apart. I look at what it gets wrong, why it can be cruel, and what is actually true underneath it. I also speak openly about my own decades of self-hatred and the love I held for my mother, my siblings, my nieces and my nephews during all of that time. Both were true. At the same time. For years. Self-Love is a daily practice. It is not a qualification you earn before you are allowed to love or be loved. This is the third in a recent thread on removing barriers on the path to Self-Love. Episode 73: You Don't Have to Like Yourself to Start Loving Yourself. Episode 74: Self-Abandonment: Why You Keep Doing It and What It's Costing You. IN THIS EPISODE YOU WILL DISCOVER: • Why this line gets repeated so often we have stopped questioning it • The recent client moment that lit the fuse for this episode • The observable truth about how struggling humans love beautifully every single day • What the line was reaching for and where it went wrong • The difference between friction in loving and not being able to love • My own story of decades of self-hatred and deep, profound love at the same time • Why connection is often where the healing happens, not the waiting room before it • The permission you do not need to wait for This is an inside job. Thank you for being here. Please share this episode and follow my show. From my heart to yours. Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey

    17 min

  8. Apr 9

    Self-Abandonment: Why You Keep Doing It and What It's Costing You

    Self-abandonment is why Self-Love does not stick. If you keep saying yes when you mean no, staying quiet when you have something to say, or pushing through when your body is begging you to stop, this episode names exactly what that pattern is, where it comes from, and what it is costing you. Self-abandonment disguises itself as kindness, humility, and being low-maintenance. Most of us never question it because it looks so much like virtue from the outside. In this episode I break down what self-abandonment actually is, why it is a learned survival response and not a character weakness, what it does to your body and your relationship with yourself over time, and the 5-word practice that can interrupt the pattern starting today. Self-Love is not a destination. It is built in the accumulation of small choices to stay with yourself. This episode is where that starts. In this episode you will discover: What self-abandonment actually is and why it disguises itself as being a good personThe quiet, ordinary moments where you abandon yourself without realising itWhy this pattern started, why it once served you, and why it no longer belongs in your lifeWhat self-abandonment does to your body, your energy, and your relationship with yourself over timeWhy Self-Love cannot be built on a foundation of leaving yourself behindThe 5-word practice that interrupts the pattern in the exact moment it is happeningWhy one small choice to stay with yourself is not just enough. It is the beginning.Connect with Lulu:Website: https://www.luluessey.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lulu.essey/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucille-marie-essey/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lulu.essey This is an inside job. Please share this with the ones you love. From my heart to yours.

    16 min
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4.6
out of 5
9 Ratings

About

Building a life that feels aligned with who you truly are starts from the inside out. I'm Lulu Essey, and each week I share honest conversations, practical tools, and personal stories to help you build Mental Fitness, Self-Love, and emotional resilience - your way. This podcast is for anyone wanting more meaning, more confidence, more joy, and more freedom without following someone else's blueprint. If you're new here or you've been here for a while, you're in the right place and I'm so grateful. Each episode meets you exactly where you are. New episodes every Thursday.

Information

  • Creator
    Lulu Essey
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    81
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Lulu Essey
  • Show Website
    The Lulu Essey Podcast

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