The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach
  • 4.0 (3)
  • Relationships
  • Semiweekly

Welcome to Anxious to Secure 🖤 The podcast for anyone who feels anxious in love and wants to feel calm, confident and connected. I’m Jula. For 30 years I was anxiously attached. A deep feeler. Highly sensitive. Always drawn to emotionally unavailable, avoidant partners. I tried everything to change him. Talking more. Explaining more. Pushing for therapy. Even trying to control it all. None of it worked. What changed everything? I finally stopped trying to change him, and started with the one thing I can control: me. I healed my anxious attachment. I rewired my abandonment wound. I learned to calm my nervous system, fill my own cup, and say what I need from a secure, grounded place. And that created a ripple effect on my avoidant partner too. 🤍 Before I found attachment theory, I felt so alone, lost and in so much pain. Now I share everything I’ve learned, so you don’t have to figure it out alone. Because this work is about so much more than relationships. It changes your self-worth, your health, your career, and every connection in your life. If you’re tired of the doubt, the panic and never feeling enough: this is for you. Let’s get you into your Secure Era... 🖤 I’m not a therapist or a doctor. I’m sharing my own journey and lessons, for education and inspiration.

  1. May 26

    135: Your avoidant partner doesn’t prioritise you…UNLESS you do THIS.

    grab your daily anxious-to-secure rewriting protocol so you no longer freak out when he pulls away. If you don’t feel like a priority in your relationship right now, with your dismissive avoidant partner… this episode will feel like a mirror 🪞💔 Because you have communicated your needs. You’ve tried to explain. You’ve tried to get closer. And somehow… they shut down more. They pull away. They get defensive. And suddenly you feel like you’re competing with their work, friends, sport, routines… even their DOG 🐶⛈️ Here’s the truth nobody explained clearly: It’s not that you don’t matter. And it’s not that they don’t love you. It’s a nervous system dynamic  In this episode, I break down: ➞ Why avoidant partners pull away when you try to get closer ➞ Why “trying harder” actually creates MORE distance ➞ Why your anxiety gets activated so fast (and feels SO real) ➞ The hidden childhood wound behind “I’m not a priority” 🩹 ➞ What actually makes your partner feel safe enough to come closer ➞ And how to start shifting the dynamic without chasing or shutting down You’ll start to see something important: Your partner isn’t prioritising “against you”… they’re prioritising what feels emotionally SAFE for them 🖤 And your nervous system is reacting to what feels like abandonment… even when the situation is not what your younger self experienced 🌪️ I also walk you through the first step of emotional self-regulation that helps break the cycle in real time — especially in those moments when you feel triggered, anxious, and ready to reach for reassurance again. This is where everything starts to change 🧘🏼‍♀️🌈 Not by controlling them. But by learning to come back to YOU first. Because when you stop chasing safety externally… the entire relationship dynamic starts to soften    If this episode hits home, you’re not alone in it. Change starts here. Thought by thought. Action by action. Episode by episode xx Jula    DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

  2. May 19

    134: 5 signs you’re in a toxic cycle with a dismissive avoidant partner (and how to break it)

    GRAB here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away! If you keep overthinking texts, chasing reassurance, and feeling stuck in a hot and cold relationship… this is for you  In this episode, Jula breaks down the 5 signs you’re stuck in an anxious attachment + dismissive avoidant toxic cycle and why it feels SO hard to leave even when you want to  You’ll understand what’s really happening in your nervous system, why “just leave” doesn’t work, and how your attachment style is driving the push and pull dynamic 🔮 Most importantly, you’ll learn the first steps to start shifting from anxious attachment into a more SECURE, grounded version of you  This is about breaking the cycle, calming relationship anxiety, and finally feeling SAFE in love again    ON SALE: SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away!   CHAPTER: 00:00 Understanding Toxic Cycles in Relationships 00:55 Sign 01 01:41 Sign 02 02:53 Sign 03 03:51 Sign 04 05:18 Sign 05 08:20 Why leaving the Avoidant is NOT the answer 08:56 How to HEAL anxious Attachment when he pulls away 10:12 The Secure Woman Protocol   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

  3. May 12

    133: How to break the anxious avoidant cycle (without chasing HIM))

    Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away!   How to break the anxious avoidant cycle without chasing him ❤️‍🩹 In this episode, I share why anxious and avoidant couples get stuck in the same painful push and pull cycle and how YOU can finally break it without begging for reassurance, overthinking every text, or losing yourself in the relationship If your partner pulls away, needs space, shuts down emotionally, or becomes distant and your brain instantly spirals into “Is he leaving me?” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening underneath your relationship anxiety. I'll break down how abandonment fears, anxious thoughts, emotional triggers, and nervous system reactions create the anxious avoidant cycle and why chasing usually pushes an avoidant partner even further away. You’ll learn how to self-soothe, challenge anxious thoughts, communicate your needs in a healthier way, and start becoming more securely attached instead of emotionally dependent on reassurance from your partner Perfect for anyone struggling with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, overthinking, clinginess, avoidant partners, emotional dependency, or feeling constantly anxious when their partner needs space     xx🎙 with Jula,  your anxious to secure attachment coach   CHAPTER: 00:00 Taking Control of Your Emotions 01:09 How the Anxious Avoidant Cycle Starts (not what you THINK) 04:10 The MOST important part how YOU can interrupt the cycle 12:03 How to REFRAME your thoughts when triggered 12:37 How to feel calm when he pulls away   ON SALE: SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away!   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

  4. May 5

    132: NEVER say this to an avoidant partner if you have anxious attachment (it will trigger him into shutdown))

    Five things you should NEVER say to your avoidant partner  UNLESS you want to trigger him to shut down or get defensive... If you keep thinking “why is he shutting down when I just ask for the bare minimum?” this is for you  In this episode I break down the exact communication patterns that accidentally trigger defensiveness, distance, or emotional shutdown in avoidant partners. You’ll understand: ➞ why “you never…” instantly creates disconnection ➞ why vague needs like “I need more effort” don’t land ➞ why over-explaining actually pushes them further away ➞ and what to say instead so your words actually get heard  This isn’t about you being “too much.” It’s about the cycle you both get stuck in when anxious attachment meets emotional distance  I also walk you through simple shifts like “you → when” language, how to make requests clearer, and how secure communication actually sounds in real life (no therapy jargon, just normal human words)  If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling MORE anxious than before… this episode will change how you speak and how you feel inside your relationship   If you’re ready to stop overthinking every message… stop chasing emotional certainty… and finally feel CALM in love  Start with THIS protocol: If you’re ready to stop chasing, stop spiraling, and finally feel secure… my Secure Woman Protocol walks you through exactly how to rewire your anxious attachment, regulate your emotions, and feel calm in your relationship (even with an avoidant partner)     CHAPTER: 00:00 What do say and NOT so say to your dismissive avoidant 06:57 01 Do NOT say this to your Avoidant 10:54 02 Do not say this to your avoidant partner 12:57 03 Phrases that will trigger dismissive avoidants into shutdown 14:42 04 Avoid saying THIS to your partner 17:30 05 What NOT to say in a conversation with your partner 21:44 Healing Anxious Attachment Styles     DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

  5. Apr 28

    131: Hills I will DIE on as someone who healed their anxious attachment…and become secure

    hills I will die on as someone who healed their anxious attachment… Ever feel like your world falls apart when your partner pulls away? ⛈️ Like you’re overthinking texts, chasing reassurance, and still feeling not enough? This episode is for you. In this raw and honest talk, I share the hills I will die on after healing my anxious attachment style and stepping into earned secure attachment 🧠💛 We go deep into why anxious attachment keeps you stuck in the SAME painful relationship cycle… especially with avoidant partners… and what actually changes everything. You’ll hear the truth about: ➞ Why you keep attracting avoidant partners (it’s not random) ➞ Why trying to “fix” your partner is making things worse ➞ Why leaving without healing just repeats the pattern ➞ Why your partner is NOT your emotional life support ➞ And why you’re not actually obsessed with them… but with the meaning they represent This episode will gently challenge everything you thought was true about love, attachment, and “fixing relationships” 🪞💋 Because the real shift is NOT getting more reassurance. It’s learning how to stop abandoning yourself. And coming back home to YOU 🫂 If you’ve ever felt: 💔 “I care too much” 💔 “I’m too anxious in love” 💔 “Why do I always choose emotionally unavailable people?” 💔 “How do I stop overthinking and chasing?” This will land deep. We also talk about: 🧠 emotional regulation (instead of over-communicating) 🪞 why awareness alone keeps you stuck 🧨 the anxious–avoidant cycle no one explains properly 🔮 and how to start shifting into a more secure identity in daily life Because healing anxious attachment isn’t about finding the “right partner.” It’s about becoming the version of you who doesn’t lose yourself in love anymore   If you’re ready to stop overthinking every message… stop chasing emotional certainty… and finally feel CALM in love  Start with THIS protocol: If you’re ready to stop chasing, stop spiraling, and finally feel secure… my Secure Woman Protocol walks you through exactly how to rewire your anxious attachment, regulate your emotions, and feel calm in your relationship (even with an avoidant partner)     00:00 Hills I will DIE on as someone who has healed their anxious attachment 01:11 01 You can have a healthy relationship with an avoidant partner 02:44 02 YOU need to work on YOU (not on them) 05:19 03 You can't RUN from avoidants 08:16 04 Your partner is NOT your emotional life support 09:09 05 You're not obsessed with THEM but with... 10:59 06 The harder you cling- the faster they run

  6. Apr 21

    130: you think your AVOIDANT is pulling away… but these 5 signs say he’s trying

    Is your avoidant partner pulling away… or actually trying?  here are CLEAR signs he IS trying (and he DOES want you.)   If you have an anxious attachment style and you're constantly overthinking your relationship, checking your phone, and wondering “does he even care?”… this episode will change how you see EVERYTHING. Because here’s the truth no one tells you: When an avoidant partner tries… it doesn’t look obvious. No long texts. No constant reassurance. No big emotional speeches. And that’s exactly why you might be missing it… and spiraling instead. In this episode, I walk you through 5 clear signs your avoidant partner IS trying, even if it feels confusing or triggering: ➞ He comes back after pulling away ➞ He stays instead of running when things get emotional ➞ You see small changes (not big overnight shifts) ➞ He opens up in little moments, not all at once ➞ He starts tolerating emotional discomfort and connection   You’ll also understand: ✨ Why avoidant behavior feels so triggering for anxious attachment ✨ Why you keep thinking “he’s going to leave me” ✨ Why you can’t just “find a secure partner” without becoming secure yourself ✨ How to stop spiraling and reading into every little thing   Because the more you focus on him… the more anxious you feel. And the moment you shift back to YOU? That’s when everything changes    If you’re tired of: ➞ overthinking every text ➞ feeling sick in your chest when he pulls away ➞ wanting to feel calm, secure, and chosen in your relationship   Then this is your next step. 🎧 Listen now and start seeing your relationship clearly.     If you’re ready to stop chasing, stop spiraling, and finally feel secure… my Secure Woman Protocol walks you through exactly how to rewire your anxious attachment, regulate your emotions, and feel calm in your relationship (even with an avoidant partner)   CHAPTER: 00:00 Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Relationships 01:23 Why you shouldn't RUN from an avoidant 03:32 Sign 01 - He returns 04:48 Sign 02 - your partner STAYS. 07:03 Sign 03 - your avoidant is making SMALLER changes 13:32 Sign 04 - Your Avoidant's OPENS UP 15:13 Sign 05 - he's able to TOLERATE discomfort     DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

  7. Apr 14

    129: *3 signs* your avoidant partner is becoming SECURE (even if they still pull away)

    Ever wondered: do avoidants even care? Does he even love me if he pulls away? If you have an anxious attachment style, this episode will hit 🧠⛈️ Because it often feels like YOU are the only one trying… while your avoidant partner shuts down, pulls away, and says nothing    But what if that “distance” is not lack of care… but a different kind of emotional growth? 👀 In this episode, I break down 3 signs your avoidant partner is becoming more secure even if they still need space and still pull away sometimes.   We’ll talk anxious vs avoidant attachment, emotional shutdowns, and why you feel like you care more than your partner  If you’re overthinking texts, spiraling after distance, or trying to fix everything in your head… this is for you   grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away!   CHAPTERS: 00:00 Understanding Attachment Styles 02:56 Signs of Growth in Attachment Styles 03:45 Sign 01 of healing (emotions) 06:11 Sign 02 of healing (beliefs) 10:02 Sign 03 of healing (needs) 16:19 How to feel calm when he pulls away     DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

  8. Apr 7

    128: the UGLY truth why you attract avoidant people, men, friends (they mirror you!)

    Grab here your SECURE WOMAN PROTOCOL to not freak out when he pulls away!   If you keep ending up with emotionally unavailable partners… if you feel anxious when he pulls away, overthink every text, and wonder “why does this ALWAYS happen to me?”…   this episode is going to feel a little confronting… and a lot empowering  Little warning: DON'T blame ME.. blame your PAST.   Because here’s the shift: It’s not just that you’re attracting avoidant partners. It’s that your nervous system is used to inconsistency… and calls it love. I know… 🤯 I used to be anxiously attached too. I was the one checking my phone, waiting for replies, feeling high when he was close… and crashing the moment he went distant. Hot and cold felt normal. Secure felt… boring. And that’s exactly why I kept attracting emotionally unavailable men. In this episode, we go deeper than surface-level dating advice. We look at your attachment style, your patterns, and the emotional blueprint you learned early on. Not to blame you. But to give you your power back 💪🏽✨ Because when you understand this… You stop asking “why is he like this?” And start seeing: “where am I doing this to myself?” 👀 We walk through a simple but powerful mirror exercise (grab your journal 📓) that shows you: ➞ where you might be emotionally unavailable to yourself ➞ where you’re inconsistent with your own needs and boundaries ➞ where you abandon yourself… and then chase him to fill that gap And THIS is the moment things start to change. Because anxious attachment isn’t something you’re stuck with. It’s something you can rewire. So you can finally stop chasing, stop overthinking… and start feeling calm, secure, and grounded in your relationships 🖤   If you’re tired of feeling like: “why do I always want the one who pulls away?” This is your episode. Press play. And let’s break that pattern… for real this time   CHAPTER: 00:00 Why Anxious Attachment attracts the SAME avoidant people 01:35 Your AVOIDANT mirrors YOUR past 11:06 Your Partner and Trigger REVEALS your wounds (exercise)) 15:35 How shadow work REVEALS the truth anxious attachment does NOT want to hear 26:53 Why becoming securely attached will attract secure people   DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.     Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

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out of 5
3 Ratings

About

Welcome to Anxious to Secure 🖤 The podcast for anyone who feels anxious in love and wants to feel calm, confident and connected. I’m Jula. For 30 years I was anxiously attached. A deep feeler. Highly sensitive. Always drawn to emotionally unavailable, avoidant partners. I tried everything to change him. Talking more. Explaining more. Pushing for therapy. Even trying to control it all. None of it worked. What changed everything? I finally stopped trying to change him, and started with the one thing I can control: me. I healed my anxious attachment. I rewired my abandonment wound. I learned to calm my nervous system, fill my own cup, and say what I need from a secure, grounded place. And that created a ripple effect on my avoidant partner too. 🤍 Before I found attachment theory, I felt so alone, lost and in so much pain. Now I share everything I’ve learned, so you don’t have to figure it out alone. Because this work is about so much more than relationships. It changes your self-worth, your health, your career, and every connection in your life. If you’re tired of the doubt, the panic and never feeling enough: this is for you. Let’s get you into your Secure Era... 🖤 I’m not a therapist or a doctor. I’m sharing my own journey and lessons, for education and inspiration.

Information

  • Creator
    Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    137
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2024 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

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