The Gen Mess with Tess

Tess Brigham
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Are generational divides in the workplace and in life driving you crazy? The Gen Mess with Tess is here to help! Hosted by Tess Brigham—certified coach, licensed therapist, TEDx speaker, author, and mom to a Gen Zer—this podcast tackles the challenges and complexities of navigating life and work across multiple generations. From the unique struggles of Gen Z to the evolving perspectives of Millennials, Gen X, and Baby Boomers, Tess brings her expertise to the table, offering practical advice, expert insights, and real conversations to bridge the generational gap. Whether you're trying to communicate better with colleagues, understand your kids, or just get a clearer perspective on the "mess" of it all, The Gen Mess with Tess is your go-to resource for understanding how different generations think, work, and live. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  1. 6d ago

    Ep 74: How to Rewire Your Brain and Break the Patterns Running Your Life (with Thais Gibson)

    Most people think self-awareness is the goal. It's not. It's the starting line. In this episode, I sit down with Thais Gibson, founder of the Personal Development School, who spent over a decade earning a PhD and 13+ certifications across cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, somatic experiencing, and more to answer one question: How do you actually change what's running your life at the subconscious level? Thais grew up with fearful avoidant attachment in a chaotic family environment and spent years learning how to rewire the patterns quietly controlling her decisions, her relationships, and her sense of self. Now she helps people all over the world do the same through a framework that integrates attachment theory, neuroplasticity, CBT, and somatic processing. We get into the specific mechanics: why affirmations don't work, what the subconscious mind actually responds to, and the exact exercise she uses to rewire a core wound in 21 days. This one gets practical fast. What you'll learn in this episode: Thais's three pillars of healing and why nervous system regulation alone is not enoughThe BTEA framework (Beliefs, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions) and why it explains almost every triggered reaction you have at work or in relationshipsThe 15 major core wounds organized by attachment style and which ones are secretly driving your behaviorThe 21-day rewiring exercise: how to use neuroplasticity to change a belief at the subconscious level, not just positive thinkingWhy anxiously attached people keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and what's actually happening underneathThe difference between victimization and victimhood, and why that distinction changes everythingWhy self-awareness without action can actually leave you more stuck, not lessHow to find your attachment style and where to begin the real work CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction: Who Is Thais Gibson 01:14 Thais' Origin Story: Fearful Avoidant Attachment and a Chaotic Childhood 05:52 The Three Pillars of Healing: Core Wounds, Nervous System, and Identity 09:31 The BTEA Framework: How One Belief Drives Your Entire Day 13:23 Why Rewiring Works: Neuroplasticity and the Subconscious Mind 15:31 The 15 Core Wounds by Attachment Style 17:55 The 21-Day Rewiring Exercise (Step by Step) 21:02 Gen Z, Social Media, and Getting Into This Work Earlier 30:03 Why We Keep Choosing the Same People (The Subconscious Comfort Zone) 32:04 What Actually Makes Something Trauma 40:00 Victimhood vs. Victimization: The Distinction That Changes Everything 46:29 Where to Start: Programs, Resources, and Next Steps Guest: Thais Gibson, Founder, Personal Development School Website: personaldevelopmentschool.com Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about host Tess Brigham, and sign up for the free weekly Dear Gen Mess Newsletter. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 74: How to Rewire Your Brain and Break the Patterns Running Your Life (with Thais Gibson)

  2. Aug 12

    Ep 73: How to Stop Avoiding Conflict For Good

    Someone corners you at your desk to vent about a coworker. You listen, you nod, you leave them feeling a little lighter. You didn't do anything wrong. But you just became the container for someone else's unresolved conflict. There's a name for this. It's called triangulation. And once you see it, you cannot unsee it. In this solo episode I walk through the psychology of why this pattern is so hard to give up, drawing on Murray Bowen's family systems theory and evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar's research on gossip as social bonding. I cover the three real reasons people avoid going direct: it's not just conflict avoidance, it's anxiety regulation, it's a genuine need to be seen, and it's risk avoidance around a relationship that actually matters. I also share what happened with a client of mine, I'm calling her Maya, who spent over a year in the same Friday coffee ritual before one sentence to her manager changed everything. If you've ever been someone's Friday coffee, or if you're a manager wondering why the same tension keeps surfacing on your team quarter after quarter, this episode is for you. What you'll learn in this episode: What triangulation is and why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stressThe three real drivers behind this pattern: anxiety reduction, the need to be seen, and risk avoidanceWhy Robin Dunbar's research on gossip reframes venting as something ancient and human, not just bad behaviorWhy the advice to just talk to them directly almost always gets ignored and what to say insteadThe one question to ask when someone pulls you into their conflict that actually helps them moveThree concrete things managers can do to become someone people don't have to vent aroundCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Opening hook and introduction to triangulation 01:20 Murray Bowen and family systems theory: why the triangle is more stable than a two-person relationship under stress 02:24 How triangulation shows up at work: managers, HR, and the desk-side vent 03:00 Why the pattern feels good: anxiety reduction and Robin Dunbar on gossip as social bonding 04:47 Why "just talk to them directly" almost never works: you are asking someone to give up something that is working 05:45 Why the pattern never resolves the conflict: relief is real but temporary, and the same tension resurfaces 06:30 The third driver nobody names: risk avoidance and the real cost of going direct 07:50 The Maya story: a year of Friday coffee venting, one question, and one sentence that shifted everything 11:30 What to do when you are the third point in someone else's conflict 11:47 Three concrete things managers can do right now 13:30 The bottom line: conflict avoided is conflict postponed Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about fixing the mess in the modern workplace. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 73: How to Stop Avoiding Conflict For Good

  3. Aug 5

    Ep 72: ADHD, Autism, and the Myth of Productivity with Genie Love

    Most managers have at least one person on their team who is hard to read. They resist changes. They go quiet after a pivot. They seem disengaged, or they overdeliver one week and disappear the next. And the usual management advice does not seem to reach them. In this episode I sit down with Genie Love, an executive functioning and relationship coach with over 25 years of experience working with neurodivergent adults. Genie spent 13 years supporting students with ADHD and autism in schools before shifting to adult coaching, helping people whose brains were never designed for the systems being handed to them. We talk about why more adults are getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism now, why the apps and planners always fail, and why productivity is the wrong goal entirely. Genie introduces the concept of steadiness as the target instead, and walks through two concrete starting points that actually work for neurodivergent brains. We also get into what managers can realistically do without overhauling everything, and why the accommodations that help neurodivergent employees almost always turn out to help everyone on the team. What you'll learn in this episode: Why so many adults are discovering they have ADHD or autism in midlife and why it surfaces thenWhy apps, planners, and productivity systems keep failing neurodivergent peopleWhy steadiness is a better goal than productivity, and what that actually looks likeA step-by-step protocol for starting a hard task that you have been avoidingHow to match tasks to energy levels rather than defaulting to productivity guru schedulesWhat one small, sustainable change managers can make that benefits their entire teamResources for parents who suspect their child may be neurodivergent CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction and guest bio: Genie Love, executive functioning coach 00:47 Genie's origin story: from physical therapy to 25 years of neurodivergent coaching 04:27 Why more adults are being diagnosed with ADHD and autism now 07:10 The midlife tipping point: when systems that worked before suddenly stop working 10:17 ADHD vs. autism: overlaps and differences in the coaching approach 11:30 Why apps and planners keep failing neurodivergent people 15:12 Productivity vs. steadiness: why the wrong goal is burning people out 20:20 Technology, constant access, and the value of learning to do nothing 24:14 The hard-thing setup protocol, time blocking, and energy blocking 31:38 Mindset advice that backfires and the autistic burnout risk 34:01 Late diagnosis: shame, grief, resources for parents, and why parents need coaching too 43:37 What managers can do: one small change that ends up benefiting everyone Follow Genie Love & Join Her Newsletter https://beyondcoaching.pro/ Join the Dear Gen Mess Community to get the weekly download of the generational challenges facing us all. https://www.tessbrigham.com/podcast Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 72: ADHD, Autism, and the Myth of Productivity with Genie Love

  4. Jul 29

    Ep 71: Why Your Best Manager Is Burning Out

    She is the manager first to respond to a message, even outside of normal business hours. She takes on every project nobody else wants. She quietly rewrites deliverables before they go out, even when she technically does not have to. Her team loves her, leadership loves her, she is the best manager you've ever worked with. And she is running on fumes in a way that will never once show up on paper. In this solo episode I go deep on a pattern I see repeatedly in my work with high-performing managers, particularly women. This is not about a leadership style or a personality trait. It is about a childhood role that never got put down. And it is quietly running her nervous system every single day at work. I walk through the psychology of parentification, Murray Bowen's concept of overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy, and why the standard advice, just delegate more, does not just fail these managers. In some cases it actively makes things worse. I also share a composite case study and give both the manager living this pattern and the leaders above her something concrete to do differently. What you'll learn in this episode: What parentification is and the story it writes in a child's brain before they have words to question itWhy overfunctioning is not a trust problem or a perfectionism problem but an anxiety regulation problemWhy telling your best manager to delegate more can accidentally deepen the compulsive pattern instead of breaking itThree specific ways the standard delegation advice backfiresWhat actually helps: the one question to ask before taking something back overHow to give feedback to a manager like this without triggering the old story that she needs to try harder CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 Introduction and hook: the manager who seems to handle everything 00:58 What this episode is really about: a childhood role that never got put down 02:10 Parentification: the framework and the story it writes in the brain 03:15 Eldest daughter syndrome: what it is, who it applies to, and why Tess is focusing on women today 04:48 The Sierrico thesis on birth order and caretaking roles, and how they become a management style 05:45 Murray Bowen: overfunctioning and underfunctioning from family therapy 06:30 Why overfunctioning is really about anxiety regulation, not the quality of the work 07:07 Why just delegate more misses the mark and why willpower won't fix a body problem 08:20 Three specific ways telling someone to delegate more backfires 09:25 Meet Rachel: the composite case study and what her day actually looks like 11:20 It does not look like a wound. It looks like competence. 11:41 What actually helps: noticing, pausing, and getting curious before taking back over 12:30 How to give feedback to a manager like Rachel without triggering the old story 13:45 The bottom line: burnout in your best managers is an old role playing out on a new stage Check Out These Related Episodes:Ep 47: The Manager Effect | Why Your Boss Impacts Your Mental Health More Than You Think with Ashley HerdEp 44: The Real Reason HR, Managers, and Employees Are Exhausted Follow for weekly episodes that aren't just fixing the mess, but teaching you how to live in it. Visit tessbrigham.com for more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 71: Why Your Best Manager Is Burning Out

  5. Jul 22

    Ep 70: The Part of Your Brain That's Quietly Killing Motivation with Dr. Kyra Bobinet

    Have you ever watched a talented employee just stop trying? They know what to do. They have the skills. And still, nothing. What you are witnessing is not a character flaw. It is a brain event. And until now, most of us have had no name for it. Dr. Kyra Bobinet is a public health physician, scientist, and behavioral designer who has spent her career closing what she calls the know-do gap: the space between knowing what you should do and actually doing it. She has identified the specific brain region responsible for killing motivation, generating negative self-talk, and driving everything from procrastination to addiction. It is called the habenula. It is the size of a pea. And it is running more of your team's behavior than you realize. In this conversation we go deep on the neuroscience of motivation and disengagement, what triggers the habenula (and what that is) to shut people down at work, why GLP-1 medications are actually addiction drugs that work through this same brain region, how Gen Z's particular history with social media and loneliness makes them especially vulnerable to habenula overload, and what managers can actually do about it. Dr. Bobinet also shares the iterative mindset framework she has published in peer-reviewed research, which is available as a free tool at her website. What you'll learn in this episode: What the habenula is and why it is the master control switch for motivation and negative self-talkHow trauma, adverse childhood experiences, and social media overload create a hypersensitive habenulaWhy 1 in 3 Americans are using alcohol, cannabis, or nicotine during the workday and what that tells us about workplace stressThe surprising reason GLP-1s like Ozempic reduce cravings for alcohol, nicotine, and nail-biting (not just food)Why 67% of Gen Z report loneliness and what that means for their performance at workThe iterative mindset: why you cannot fail if you are experimenting, and how managers can use this to support struggling employeesA real workplace ritual that Dr. Bobinet uses to protect motivation and build retention on her teamCHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:01 Introduction and guest bio: Dr. Kyra Bobinet, public health physician and behavioral designer 01:06 Origin story: patients who swear they'll change and then don't, and the know-do gap 03:04 The habenula: what it is, how it kills motivation, and why it drives negative self-talk 07:00 Habenula vs. amygdala: the prediction machine vs. the fear response 09:10 Trauma, adverse childhood experiences, and the hypersensitive habenula 11:46 Substances at work: the stat, the self-medication cycle, and the habenula's role in addiction and cravings 15:47 GLP-1s and the habenula: why they reduce cravings far beyond weight loss 19:53 Loneliness, belonging, and why 67% of Gen Z report feeling lonely 24:04 What happens in the brain when someone stops making progress at work 29:13 Building small wins into the workday and the iterative mindset framework 37:07 Gen Z, social media overload, and what managers are getting wrong about disengagement 45:10 Workplace rituals that protect motivation, plus the third/third/third hiring rule 49:37 Why 30-day resets backfire and what to do instead: the planner, the doer, and the free tool at drkyrabobinet.com Subscribe to the podcast for weekly content, and visit tessbrigham.com to learn more. Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 70: The Part of Your Brain That's Quietly Killing Motivation with Dr. Kyra Bobinet

  6. Jul 15

    Ep 69: Why You're Scared to Give Gen Z Feedback

    There is a fear spreading through management right now that nobody is naming out loud. Managers are scared to give feedback to their Gen Z employees. And because it stays unspoken, it is quietly destroying performance culture inside organizations everywhere. In this episode, I walk through exactly why this is happening, what it's costing you, and what works when it comes to delivering feedback to a younger workforce. This is not a Gen Z problem, and it is not a manager problem. It is a product of a generation raised with a very specific relationship to evaluation, criticism, and their own sense of worth colliding with a management culture that was never trained to work with that reality. I draw on Carol Dweck's research on fixed vs. growth mindset, Dr. Kristin Neff's work on self-compassion and external performance feedback, organizational researcher Edgar Schein's concept of humble inquiry, and Sheila Heen's research from Thanks for the Feedback to explain what is actually happening in those feedback conversations when they go sideways. Then I give you concrete, specific tools to make them go differently. What you'll learn in this episode: Why a significant portion of Gen Z was never given direct developmental feedback before they entered your organizationThe neurological leap that turns a comment about a deliverable into an identity threatThree specific things that go wrong in most feedback conversations with Gen ZA 20-second framing technique that changes the entire dynamic before you say a single word of feedbackWhy Gen Z does not leave managers who give honest feedback, and who they actually leave CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:01 The fear managers won't say out loud 00:40 The millennial manager story: one feedback conversation that went wrong and what happened next 02:01 The deep mismatch in expectations, emotional history, and how Gen Z was wired to receive feedback 02:10 Carol Dweck: growth mindset and the conditions required to develop it 03:20 How self-esteem culture, protective parenting, and social media shaped Gen Z's relationship with evaluation 03:44 Dr. Kristin Neff: self-compassion research and what happens when worth is tied to external feedback 04:08 The leap: how this report missed the mark becomes you are inadequate 04:41 Many Gen Z employees have never received direct developmental feedback before 05:00 Three specific things going wrong in feedback conversations right now 05:00 Problem 1: feedback is about identity, not behavior 05:45 Problem 2: no relational foundation exists before the feedback lands (Edgar Schein, humble inquiry) 06:25 Problem 3: expectations were never set clearly upfront 07:04 One concrete shift: the 20-second framing technique 07:50 Sheila Heen: asking for a smaller piece to give employees agency 08:30 The real truth about what Gen Z actually needs from a manager Download my FREE Gen Z Playbook: https://www.tessbrigham.com/#retention Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 69: Why You're Scared to Give Gen Z Feedback

  7. Jul 8

    Ep 68: Why We Need More Black Therapists and What Institutions Are Actually Doing About It

    Are our educational systems actually built for the people who need them most? For students who are also parents, caregivers, veterans, and full-time workers, the traditional model of higher education was never designed with them in mind. And in the Black community, where those layers of responsibility are often even more pronounced. The gap between who the system was built for and who it needs to serve has real consequences. In this conversation I sit down with Dr. Alvin McLean, clinical psychologist and dean of psychology at National University, and Cherina Shaw, PhD candidate in psychology, doula, mother of six, and homeschool parent. We cover a lot of ground in this one, from why psychology training pipelines produce so few Black therapists, to what culturally responsive care actually looks like in practice, to one of the most important insights I have heard about worldview and how it shapes the kind of advice a person can actually receive. We also talk about where integrated physical and mental healthcare is headed and why it matters more than most people realize. This conversation is for HR leaders, healthcare providers, therapists in training, and anyone thinking about what it means to really see the people they are trying to help. What you'll learn in this episode: What is actually driving the shortage of Black therapists and what flexible institutions like National University are doing about itWhat "culturally responsive care" looks like in daily clinical practiceWhy collective worldview is not the same as personal preference and why missing that distinction derails treatmentWhy humility, not expertise, is the most important thing a healthcare provider or leader can bring to any conversationHow integrated physical and mental healthcare is already reducing costs and improving outcomes CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:37 Dr. McLean on why he focused his career on Black mental health 04:10 Cherina's path to a psychology PhD 07:50 Why psychology programs produce so few Black therapists and what the system gets wrong 08:09 HBCUs, state-by-state licensing, and the structural gap in the pipeline 11:16 National University's flexible model and why 70% of their students are people of color 13:22 Starting the pipeline earlier: building toward psychology careers at the elementary level 14:36 The problem with taking one multicultural competency class and calling it done 16:00 How the doctoral program at National University structures a full year of multicultural training 17:27 Implicit bias training in hospitals and why it matters for patient outcomes 18:59 Gen Z and therapy: more acceptance, but are they doing the work? 20:44 The Amazon generation and the demand for instant results 21:41 Young Black men being open about emotions on reality TV and what that signals 22:24 The gap between checking the therapy box and real internal change 23:25 The future of integrated physical and mental healthcare 25:38 Why integrated care is gaining momentum: cost data and long-term outcomes 26:11 How technology is reshaping mental health needs across generations 27:14 Intentional technology use and reclaiming mental downtime 30:38 What does culturally responsive care actually look like in practice? 31:03 Preparation, listening, partnership over task completion 33:02 Collective worldview: why prioritizing yourself can feel like betrayal 35:02 How to recognize a collective worldview through observation and conversation 38:13 Humility as the foundation of culturally competent care 39:14 Imposter syndrome, the pressure to have all the answers, and learning to let go of it 41:23 Acknowledging intersecting identities in coaching and clinical work 43:41 Prison reform: rehabilitation, for-profit prisons, and what actually works 44:50 Peer support specialists and preparing people to return to community 51:05 Final takeaways from both guests 51:25 Healing is incremental, ongoing, and that is okay 52:25 Collaborative care and leading with humility Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 68: Why We Need More Black Therapists and What Institutions Are Actually Doing About It

  8. Jul 1

    Ep 67: 3 Signs Your Gen Z Employee Is About to Quit That Most Managers Never See Coming

    I had no idea anything was wrong. They seemed fine and then they just quit. This is the most common thing I hear from managers and HR leaders right now. And here is what I need you to understand: The silence is not the problem. The silence is the symptom. In this solo episode, I break down exactly what is happening psychologically when a Gen Z employee goes quiet, why this generation responds to stress by withdrawing rather than speaking up, and what you can do to catch it before it becomes a resignation letter you never saw coming. I walk through the neuroscience behind this pattern, including neuroscientist Stephen Porges' polyvagal theory and why the nervous system's freeze response gets misread by managers as contentment. I also draw on developmental psychologist Jean Twenge's research on Gen Z's anxiety levels and psychologist Wendy Mogul's work on the parenting patterns that left this generation without the tools to navigate interpersonal friction at work. And I give you three specific behavioral signals to watch for, plus two questions you can ask in your next one on one that change the entire dynamic. What you'll learn in this episode: Why silence from a Gen Z employee is data, not contentmentThe neuroscience of the freeze response and why it gets misread as low dramaHow Gen Z's upbringing left many of them without tools for navigating conflict at workThree specific behavioral signals that a Gen Z employee is disengagingTwo questions to ask in your next one on one that actually give permission for honesty CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS: 00:01 Opening hook: the resignation that came out of nowhere 00:40 Why silence surprises us: managers are trained to look for the wrong signals 01:45 What Gen Z gives you instead: quiet, gradual withdrawal 02:18 Jean Twenge's research on Gen Z's anxiety and nervous system development 03:20 The heightened threat detection response this generation developed 03:50 Stephen Porges: polyvagal theory and the freeze response 04:42 Wendy Mogul: parenting patterns and the lack of tools for interpersonal friction 05:45 Signal 1: They stop asking questions 06:10 Signal 2: Responses get shorter and more transactional 06:35 Signal 3: They stop bringing problems to you (the most dangerous signal) 07:06 Client story: the 25-year-old who stopped speaking in meetings 07:50 What to do: one concrete thing to try this week 08:30 Two specific questions to ask in your next one on one 09:33 Closing and call to action Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 67: 3 Signs Your Gen Z Employee Is About to Quit That Most Managers Never See Coming
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About

Are generational divides in the workplace and in life driving you crazy? The Gen Mess with Tess is here to help! Hosted by Tess Brigham—certified coach, licensed therapist, TEDx speaker, author, and mom to a Gen Zer—this podcast tackles the challenges and complexities of navigating life and work across multiple generations. From the unique struggles of Gen Z to the evolving perspectives of Millennials, Gen X, and Baby Boomers, Tess brings her expertise to the table, offering practical advice, expert insights, and real conversations to bridge the generational gap. Whether you're trying to communicate better with colleagues, understand your kids, or just get a clearer perspective on the "mess" of it all, The Gen Mess with Tess is your go-to resource for understanding how different generations think, work, and live. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Information

  • Creator
    Tess Brigham
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    75
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Tess Brigham
  • Show Website
    The Gen Mess with Tess

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