The Gen Mess with Tess

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Host Tess Brigham (licensed therapist, certified coach) tackles the generational challenges and complexities of navigating life and work. From the unique struggles of Gen Z to the evolving perspectives of Millennials, Gen X, and Boomers, Tess offers practical advice, expert insights, and real conversations to bridge the generational gap in the workplace.

  1. 1d ago

    The Real Cost of Chasing Perfection

    Michele Molitor spent a decade as a creative director before being fired in the dot-com crash, discovered coaching through that experience, and has spent the past 25 years helping accomplished women break free from the subconscious patterns keeping them stuck. In this episode, Tess and Michele unpack what overfunctioning actually is, why it is so hard to stop, and how perfectionism differs from striving for excellence. They explore identity drift, the kintsugi philosophy of repair as a framework for embracing imperfection, and how combining trauma-informed coaching, hypnotherapy, and nervous system reset work produces change that talk therapy alone often cannot reach. They also examine how technology and AI are amplifying trust issues in clients across generations. Michele shares where to start if you recognize yourself in the pattern today. TIMESTAMPS 00:01 - From creative director to coach: Michele’s origin story 05:39 - What clients say when they first walk in 07:17 - What overfunctioning is and why it is so hard to stop 11:43 - Identity drift and how it develops over time 15:29 - How coaching, hypnotherapy, and neuroscience work together 18:51 - What Michele has observed across generations 24:05 - The book and the kintsugi philosophy of repair 29:46 - Striving for excellence vs. toxic perfectionism 32:19 - How AI is amplifying existing trust issues in clients 43:01 - Where to start if you recognize yourself in this episode Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes. Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.

    The Real Cost of Chasing Perfection

  2. Oct 28

    Why You Misunderstand Gen Z at Work

    Danielle Farage graduated from USC in 2020, watched her generation get locked out of entry-level jobs during COVID, and turned that experience into a career translating Gen Z for the rest of the working world. In this episode, Tess and Danielle unpack why organizations keep losing young talent before they ever get started, what the generational divide actually looks like from inside a company, and why curiosity may be the only leadership skill that genuinely bridges it. They explore the economic realities facing Gen Z, a growing “quiet AI revolt” inside the workforce, the cognitive cost of offloading thinking to AI, and Danielle’s framework called frentorship, a mutual cross-generational relationship built on what each person can learn, leave behind, and leverage. Listeners will walk away with a clearer picture of what Gen Z actually wants from leaders and the one move any leader can make this week to start closing the gap. KEY TAKEAWAYS Only 12 percent of Gen Z had a job lined up at graduation this year. For millennials just 10 to 15 years ago, that number was three times higher. The best leaders invest in new team members from day one with specific, personal attention that has nothing to do with workflow. The corporate ladder still exists, but there is far less room on it than Gen Z was promised, and they can see that clearly. Gen Z’s quiet resistance to AI is real and growing. Most organizations are not addressing it. Offloading thinking to AI carries a cognitive cost. Mental capacity works the same way as physical capacity: use it or lose it. When a new hire is not performing, the first question should be whether they ever clearly understood what was expected of them. Leaders who criticize Gen Z for being “too sensitive” are often the same people who raised their own children the same way. Frentorship is a mutual relationship between people of different generations built on three questions: what can I learn, what can I leave behind, and what can I leverage. Saying the next generation will figure out today’s problems is a declaration of retirement, whether the speaker intends it or not. Curiosity is the most accessible and immediate leadership move for closing the intergenerational gap. TIMESTAMPS 00:01 - Why Danielle chose Gen Z at work as her life’s focus 02:07 - Graduating during COVID and the toxic first internship 08:08 - What a genuinely great manager actually does differently 11:04 - How Gen X and Gen Z see the workplace through different lenses 17:10 - What the pandemic revealed about undefined workplace expectations 21:12 - Is the corporate ladder dead? 28:30 - The real numbers behind Gen Z’s job market 30:44 - Gen Z’s quiet revolt against AI 38:20 - Why “Gen Z is too sensitive” is the wrong question 42:35 - What frentorship is and why it belongs in the workplace Find Danielle Farage at https://www.linkedin.com/in/danielle-farage/ Follow The Gen Mess for more weekly content. Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.

    Why You Misunderstand Gen Z at Work

  3. Oct 21

    Why Good Employees in Caring Professions Leave

    This episode examines why dedicated, compassionate professionals in veterinary medicine and other caring fields burn out and leave, and what leaders should be considering in the modern workplace. Crystal Stokes, a licensed marriage and family therapist and doctoral candidate who founded Full Circle Lab, brings a perspective shaped by her own unexpected path. What are the emotional and systemic forces pushing good people out of caring professions? What do generational differences actually look like inside a veterinary practice? And what specific leadership skills, onboarding systems, and feedback structures determine whether a new hire stays or leaves within the first year? Listeners will walk away with a clearer picture of why culture is a business strategy, not a soft extra, and what well-supported teams actually look like from the inside. KEY TAKEAWAYS Burnout in caring professions The corporatization of veterinary medicine The generational difference in the workplace The Seasons of Life Why onboarding is not an administrative task Why clarity is a leadership obligation How employee assistance programs routinely fail caring profession workers TIMESTAMPS 00:01 - Why a pre-vet student left the field and accidentally became a therapist 03:31 - How volunteering at a hospital led to the origin of Full Circle Lab 05:46 - What is actually burning out veterinary professionals 08:24 - When burnout escalates: suicidal ideation in veterinary medicine 10:13 - Why culture change stalls at the leadership level, not the team level 17:49 - How younger workers approach the workplace differently than older generations 21:39 - Where the mental health awareness pendulum may be swinging too far 25:36 - Why life in seasons beats work-life balance as a framework 30:00 - What younger workers need from leadership that they are not getting 33:07 - How onboarding and performance management directly drive retention Learn more about Full Circle Lab: https://www.fullcirclelab.com/ Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly insights into the modern workplace. Join the free "Dear Gen Mess" community at tessbrigham.com/podcast Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.

    Why Good Employees in Caring Professions Leave

  4. Oct 14

    Why You Feel Empty Despite Accomplishing Everything

    This episode examines what it takes to heal when talk therapy and medication are not reaching the root cause. Neil Markey, co-founder and CEO of Beckley Retreats and a former U.S. Army Ranger who completed three combat deployments, shares how unresolved PTSD brought him to meditation and professionally facilitated psychedelic experiences, and how that personal path became a professional one. Tess and Neil explore why high-achieving professionals often feel empty despite accomplishing everything on paper, how trauma is stored in the body rather than just the mind, and why psilocybin retreats are gaining serious traction from the VA to bipartisan lawmakers. Listeners will come away with a clearer picture of what psychedelic-assisted therapy actually involves, how it differs from ketamine, and why developing a meditation practice may be the most important investment anyone can make in their mental health right now. KEY TAKEAWAYS SSRIs and anti-anxiety medications reduce symptoms, but they do not address the root cause of trauma. Many people who rely on them alone remain stuck in a state of fight or flight. Trauma is stored in the body, not just the mind. There are more neural channels running from the body to the brain than from the brain to the body, which is why body-based practices often reach what talk therapy cannot. High-performing professionals are at particular risk of emotional disconnection. Years of operating in analytical, problem-solving mode can quietly cut off access to emotion, intuition, and genuine human connection. The fear of losing your edge after a psychedelic or healing experience is almost universally unfounded. People who complete these programs consistently report gaining capacity, not losing capability. The benefit of a psychedelic experience is not the experience itself. Without new habits and practices installed around it, most people revert to their previous patterns over time because the body returns to what it knows. Psilocybin is non-toxic and non-addictive. The main risk is taking too much in an uncontrolled setting. In a structured retreat with trained facilitators, the risks are manageable and are often part of the process. Ketamine is federally legal in the United States and psilocybin is not, though legal psilocybin programs exist in certain state and international contexts. Ketamine can be addictive and toxic at high doses. Psilocybin tends to amplify what is already present emotionally, making set and setting critical. The VA has formally included the evaluation of psychedelic medicines in its strategic plan for the first time. The issue has rare bipartisan political support. Healing happens in community, not just in individual clinical settings. Group retreat models provide therapeutic benefits that one-on-one therapy alone does not, particularly for veterans. MBSR, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, is the most clinically studied form of meditation and requires no spiritual framework. Committing to a structured course is one of the most accessible starting points for anyone looking to build a lasting practice. TIMESTAMPS 00:01 - How September 11th led a college student to become an Army Ranger 02:27 - Why PTSD keeps the nervous system in fight or flight long after combat ends 05:12 - How trauma lives in the body and why the mind cannot reach it alone 10:16 - Who comes to psychedelic retreats and what they are actually looking for 12:37 - Why high performers are especially prone to emotional disconnection 18:03 - What Gen X professionals most want from this kind of work 21:19 - How Beckley Retreats structures programs before, during, and after 28:05 - Psilocybin versus ketamine: what the real differences are 32:25 - Why group healing models work, especially for veterans 41:03 - How the VA and bipartisan lawmakers are changing access to psychedelic therapy Learn more about Neil Markey and Beckley Retreats at beckleyretreats.com Learn more about host Tess Brigham at tessbrigham.com Subscribe to The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes tackling the generational challenges and complexities of navigating life and work.

    Why You Feel Empty Despite Accomplishing Everything

  5. Oct 7

    The Emotional Cost of Surviving Cancer

    This episode examines what happens after breast cancer treatment ends, and why the emotional, relational, and identity-based damage from a cancer diagnosis often goes unaddressed by the medical system. Tess Brigham, a therapist and breast cancer survivor, speaks with Hollye Jacobs, a nurse, social worker, and resilience coach who was diagnosed at 39, and Dev Meenagh, who was diagnosed at 28. Together they discuss the gap between ringing the bell and actually feeling better, what fear of recurrence looks like years after treatment ends, how relationships shift when a partner becomes a caregiver, and why connecting with people who have lived the same experience can be more useful than clinical support alone. Listeners will also hear practical grounding tools for managing anxiety and why the assumption that survivorship has an end date is itself part of the problem. KEY TAKEAWAYS When genetic testing tells you that you do not have the breast cancer gene, it means you do not have one of the 12 to 15 genes currently being tested, not that the disease is not hereditary in your family. The emotional and relational damage from cancer treatment is just as real as the physical damage, and it often goes unaddressed once active treatment ends. Two people can go through the same cancer treatment and have completely different physical experiences, from working through chemo without missing a day of work to being hospitalized twice. When a partner becomes a caregiver during treatment, the equality and intimacy that held the relationship together can erode in ways that are hard to see in the moment. The hardest part of a cancer diagnosis is often not the treatment itself but the period after it ends, when support disappears and everyone around you assumes you are fine. Fear of recurrence does not go away with time. It can still arrive, without warning, sixteen years after treatment. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique works because the brain cannot simultaneously process a structured sensory sequence and a fear spiral. Name five things you see, four you physically feel, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. An app or support community made up of people who have been through the same experience provides a qualitatively different kind of support than clinical care or well-meaning friends and family. Survivorship is not a destination. It is an ongoing process that continues for years and sometimes decades after active treatment ends. Choosing to look for what a difficult experience is teaching you, rather than asking why it happened to you, is a learnable approach, not a personality trait. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Why cancer opens a club you never wanted to join 01:42 - What treatment looks like when it hits harder than expected 03:37 - Why a negative genetic test does not mean what most people think 09:42 - How the same treatment can feel completely different for different people 14:05 - What happens to a relationship when a partner becomes the caregiver 16:00 - Why finishing treatment can feel like a free fall 19:12 - What the now-what moment looks like from inside 27:28 - How Cancer Buddy helps survivors find people who truly get it 35:17 - Why finding meaning in hard things is different from toxic positivity 39:59 - Three practical tools for managing fear of recurrence

    The Emotional Cost of Surviving Cancer

  6. Sep 30

    Reframe Your Relationship With Alcohol

    For decades, there were two options when your drinking became a problem: a 12-step program or a residential treatment center. Both carries stigma, both requires a label, and neither fits the vast majority of people who weren't maybe physically addicted but were drinking more than they wanted to. In this episode, Tess sits down with Vedant Pradeep, co-founder of Reframe, an app for helping people reduce their alcohol intake or quit drinking altogether. With six million downloads and research partnerships at Emory and Harvard, Reframe was built on a simple but powerful idea: you have agency over your behavior, and the path to change is built through neuroscience, habit loops, and self-efficacy, not shame and labels. Vedant and Tess go deep on the 12-step model's core assumption, that you are powerless, and why it may be the very thing that keeps people stuck. They explore what it actually looks like when you stop avoiding triggers and start rewiring the loops underneath them. They also get into the surprising data on private drinking and loneliness in younger generations, why "Damp January" outperforms "Dry January" for lasting change, and what GLP-1 medications might do for addiction treatment the way SSRIs did for mental health. What listeners will learn: Why the 12-step model's self-efficacy problem may be keeping more people stuck than it helps The difference between the "I can't drink" identity and the "I don't drink" identity, and why one word changes everything What loneliness, boredom, and stress data reveal about why Gen Z is drinking more privately than publicly Why small experiments like Damp January outperform total abstinence commitments for most people, including a stat that may surprise you How to use an app as a diagnostic: what it means if you try to cut back and genuinely can't What the 66-day habit change science says about why 28-day insurance-covered programs often fail Reframe Med: how the app now connects users with naltrexone prescriptions for people whose cravings need more than behavioral change Why Vedant believes GLP-1 medications could do for addiction what Prozac did for depression What listeners will learn: CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction: Who Is Vedant Pradeep and What Is Reframe 01:14 Origin Story: From OCD Research to Spotting a Gap in Alcohol Support 03:27 Why Reframe Chose Neuroscience Over the 12-Step Model 06:23 The Spectrum of Alcohol Use: Mindful Moderation vs. Abstinence 09:56 How Neural Pathways Drive Drinking Habits (And How to Rewire Them) 11:26 The Identity Shift: "I Don't Drink" vs. "I Can't Drink" 12:19 Gen Z, Loneliness, and the Rise of Private Drinking 17:07 The Moment That Starts Change: Relationship Crisis as Catalyst 22:10 Why Damp January Works Better Than Dry January for Most People 28:32 The Insurance Problem: Why 28-Day Programs Fall Short of the Science 35:12 What's Next for Reframe: Peak Human Condition and Reframe Med 43:00 GLP-1 Medications and the Future of Addiction Treatment GUEST AND RESOURCE CREDITS Guest: Vedant Pradeep, Co-Founder, Reframe App: Reframe available on iOS and Android Download/site: reframeapp.com

    Reframe Your Relationship With Alcohol

  7. Sep 23

    Why Gen X Wears Not Caring Like a Badge of Honor

    Ask a Gen Xer how they're doing and watch what happens. They'll say they're "fine." Somewhere along the way, a generation turned that into an identity one that prides itself on low maintenance, toughness, and some who is never going to make a big deal out of anything. Host Tess Brigham makes the case that this isn't actually who Gen X is. It's who they had to become. And the real cost isn't the armor itself. It's what happened when they started wearing it like a medal. Drawing on research into latchkey kids, family systems theory, and Trevor Noah's concept that we can only dream in the shape of what we've actually seen, Tess unpacks where the "I don't need anything" posture came from, what it built, and how it impacts the day to day lives of Gen X and the people they care about. What listeners will learn: What the 1984 research on latchkey kids actually found, and why self-reliance wasn't a philosophy Gen X chose Why the "I don't care" posture isn't indifference, it's armor that had a very specific job at a very specific age Murray Bowen's family systems research on over-functioning, and why staying constantly capable is often about managing anxiety, not just being responsible Why Gen Z doesn't actually irritate Gen X The difference between a person who is genuinely at peace and a person who has gotten very good at not showing you the alternative A single reflection question to carry into the week CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement 01:32 What It Really Means to Say "I'm Fine": The Gen X Identity 02:00 The Research: Latchkey Kids and What Self-Reliance Actually Built 03:42 You Can Only Dream in the Shape of What You've Seen 05:18 The Armor: Why "I Don't Care" Was Never Indifference 06:45 Bowen's Family Systems Theory: Overfunctioning and the Anxiety Underneath It 08:15 Why Gen Z Irritates Gen X (It's Not What You Think) 09:24 What Gen X Actually Cares About — And Never Got Permission to Say 10:15 When Do You Get to Put the Armor Down? 11:00 The Reflection Exercise: A Question to Sit With This Week Listen now, and subscribe to The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes.

    Why Gen X Wears Not Caring Like a Badge of Honor

  8. Sep 16

    How Too Much Information Is Paralyzing Younger Generation

    There's a name for what a lot of young people are doing right now, and it's not laziness. Dr. Suzanne Degges-White calls it life shelving: the decision to put the big stuff on hold because the weight of choosing feels like too much. In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Degges-White, licensed counselor, professor of counselor education at Northern Illinois University, longtime Psychology Today contributor, and author of several books on relationships, including her upcoming title Was It Something I Said? Understanding Family Estrangement. With over two decades of teaching and clinical work, Dr. Degges-White brings a perspective on Gen Z that is both deeply researched and genuinely compassionate. What follows is a wide-ranging conversation about why this generation struggles to decide, what the infodemic is doing to young people's ability to think deeply, what Gen Z actually learned by watching millennials burn out, and what both sides of a family estrangement need to hear before it's too late. What listeners will learn: What life shelving is, why it's happening, and what it actually costs to keep delaying The infodemic effect: how drowning in information leaves people less equipped to make decisions, not more How identity development has shifted from adolescence to a decade-long process now expected to last until 26 or 28 Why public lives and public mistakes have made risk-taking feel unbearable for a generation What Gen Z is actually asking for at work, and why it looks like entitlement but isn't always What Gen Z saw when they watched millennials work themselves into the ground, and why their response makes complete sense The trophy generation debate: the science behind it was wrong, but the blame landed on the kids anyway The 10 unspoken rules of friendship, what happens when one gets broken, and why intergenerational friendships matter more than most people realize What Dr. Degges-White's research on family estrangement reveals about both the person who leaves and the one left behind CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Degges-White 00:58 Origin Story: Happenstance Theory and the Path to Northern Illinois 04:31 What Is Life Shelving? The Paradox of Choice and Why Young People Are Stalling 08:18 Why Feeling Stuck Feels Like a Personal Failure (And Why It Isn't) 09:30 The Infodemic Effect: Too Much Information, Not Enough Wisdom 11:18 Identity Development in 2026: Why Growing Up Now Takes Until 28 18:25 Public Lives, Public Mistakes: The Fear That Keeps People From Taking Risks 22:48 Gen Z in the Workforce: Self-Care Days, Deadlines, and the Entitlement Debate 27:03 The Push-Pull: Validating Gen Z While Still Holding a Standard 31:00 What Gen Z Learned From Watching Millennials Burn Out 40:36 Friendships: Toxic Patterns, Intergenerational Bonds, and the 10 Unspoken Rules 51:43 Family Estrangement: What the New Book Reveals About Both Sides

    How Too Much Information Is Paralyzing Younger Generation
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About

Host Tess Brigham (licensed therapist, certified coach) tackles the generational challenges and complexities of navigating life and work. From the unique struggles of Gen Z to the evolving perspectives of Millennials, Gen X, and Boomers, Tess offers practical advice, expert insights, and real conversations to bridge the generational gap in the workplace.

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  • Creator
    WRKdefined Podcast Network
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    86
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © All rights reserved by WRKdefined
  • Show Website
    The Gen Mess with Tess

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