Did you play sports as a child? If you did not play, did you want to play or was it not affordable for your family? As a child, I was not allowed to play sports in school. Even at elementary age, my twin sister and I were always denied to play any sport outside of school. There were times when we wanted to. We were allowed to participate in certain things, like Girl Scouts, but sports were automatic no. Through middle and high school, we were allowed to play in the band, but had we wanted to do Color Guard, Volleyball, or any activity considered a sport, that would not be allowed. I was finally able to convince my parents to allow me to participate in Cross Country. Mainly, I hoped to have a letter for a letter jacket and it was the only thing they would remotely consider. By the way, I was terrible at it. I tried really hard but was definitely not a runner - distance or otherwise. As an adult, something difficult to see is children unable to participate in sports they want to try. I mainly am referring to when money isn’t an issue or for something offered to be paid for by a friend or family member. Overhearing a child be disappointed about not being allowed to play with their friends is heartbreaking. It is even more difficult when realizing that the child expressed interest in advance and was denied participation. They have observed their friends practicing and playing together and are extremely sad and feel excluded from everyone by not being allowed to play. I definitely understand not being able to afford extracurricular activities. I have been on the receiving end of being a single parent, with an extended amount of time (3+ years) not receiving financial support, and having to figure out how to house, clothe, and feed everyone. It can feel overwhelming to think of anything extra. However, having the ability to afford a little more - that changes the situation. Allowing other siblings to participate - changes the situation. Personally, with my own children, I have tried to allow them freedom to choose things they are interested in. Also, there have been times where I have encouraged them and had them try an activity even with somewhat of a lack of interest to begin with. Watching an activity and participating in an activity are vastly different perspectives. Sometimes the best tool for learning is experience through direct participation. I think that there are times when parents unintentionally live vicariously through their children. As the adult, it is natural to consider our personal interests when looking at activities for our children. We must work hard to make decisions that fully consider all aspects of an activity - cost, time, experience level, child’s interest, parents’ interest, what will be gained, etc. Recent observations out with my family have made me want to be more aware regarding my children’s interest and wishes. I hope to continue to grow in ways that make them feel comfortable sharing their dreams with me in an unfiltered way. What would you take away from these types of parenting situations? How does this change when a child shares more than one home? As an adult that was formerly a child unable to participate, please take my advice to truly listen and consider what your child wants to do. Be ok with knowing that your child is not you and they might have vastly different interests and desires for their life. Get full access to Mary Toune at marytoune.substack.com/subscribe
