In Bed with Science: a Sex Podcast

Leigh Norén | Sex Therapist and Relationship Expert
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Sexuality
  • Updated Biweekly

Sex advice is everywhere - but how much of it is rooted in or science, or reality? I’m Leigh Norén, sex therapist and host of In Bed with Science: a Sex Podcast, where we take findings from the research lab and make them helpful, and actually applicable to your sex life & relationship.

  1. Jun 2

    I Tried Everything And It Was Never Enough | Mismatched Libidos

    A listener wrote in describing herself as a "well-scraped peanut butter jar" — nothing left to give sexually, and tired of trying. She'd had sex four days a week, spent evenings cuddling and massaging, and offered every kind of intimacy she could think of. Yet every week still brought sulking, silent treatment, and rejection tears. After two months of no sex, the pressure finally stopped — so she asked me: why would I ever go back? In this episode, I unpack what that relief is really telling us — and where to go from here. We explore: Why the relief of not having sex is usually relief from the pressure surrounding sex — and why that distinction is importantHow sulking, silent treatment, and emotional withdrawal are all examples of unhealthy relationship communication behaviours, and how they can make it impossible to say yes to sex freelyWhat happens when sex becomes a partner's primary way of feeling loved and important — and how that puts unsustainable pressure on the other personThe questions I'd ask if I were working with this couple, including when sex became this loaded and what the relationship looks like outside the bedroomWhat happens when sex becomes a partner's primary way of feeling loved — and the pressure that puts on the other partner The questions I'd ask if I were working with this couple, and why I wouldn't start with "how to get you to want more sex" Timestamps: 01:46 – The Listener's Question 02:24 – Why You're Depleted (And Why That Makes Sense) 04:18 – "Why Would I Ever Go Back?" — The Real Question 05:20 – The Relief Isn't About Sex — It's About Pressure 06:12 – What the Absence of Fighting Really Means 07:50 – Understanding the Behaviours: Sulking, Stonewalling & Withdrawal 10:19 – The Gottman Four Horsemen & Sexual Rejection 13:04 – Why "Just Try Harder" Fails the Low-Desire Partner 14:21 – What I Would Do If I Were Your Sex Therapist 17:41 – The Key Question: Do You Want to Want Sex Again? 18:59 – The Path Forward: Removing Pressure Before Rebuilding 22:58 – Summary & Takeaways 26:09 – Outro & Working with me Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

    27 min

  2. May 19

    The Hidden Reason You’re Struggling to Orgasm With Your Partner

    Difficulty orgasming isn’t always about you. At least, not in the way you might think. In this minisode of In Bed with Science, I’m talking about one of the less discussed reasons orgasm can become harder with a partner: when your orgasm starts to feel like proof that they’re good at sex. Orgasms aren’t gifts. And when your partner’s care, effort or disappointment becomes part of the experience, pleasure can quickly turn into pressure. In this episode, we explore: Why “giving” someone an orgasm can be an unhelpful way to think about sexHow a partner’s investment in your orgasm can make it harder to relaxWhy pressure and self-monitoring can get in the way of pleasureWhat to do when orgasm has become the goal of sex Your orgasm isn’t a performance review of your partner’s skills. And it isn’t the only proof that sex was good. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

    10 min

  3. May 5

    AI Vs. Therapy for Low Libido: I Put It To The Test

    AI is being turned to as a replacement for therapy. As a sex therapist who specialises in low libido, I wanted to know - can it actually help with something as nuanced as low sex drive in a marriage? So I put it to the test. I pretended to be a typical client of mine - a woman in a long-term relationship, struggling with low desire and shame around her turn-ons - and turned to both a trained mental health bot and ChatGPT to see what they got right, what they got wrong, and what most people would never notice was missing. We look at what the research says about AI's accuracy in sexual & mental health, why feeling understood isn't necessarily the same as actually being understood, and where AI genuinely helps versus where it might make things like low libido and relationship issues worse. In this episode, we explore: What the research reveals about how AI chatbots actually perform on sexual health and therapy scenariosThe results of my own experiment pretending to be a client struggling with low sex drive and shame around what turns her onHow AI tends to over-validate, skip the questions a sex therapist would ask, and offer solutions before it knows youHow AI can sneakily reinforce the very patterns that create low desire and sexual problems in marriage in the first placeWhen AI is a useful thought partner for relationship and sex issues, and when it falls short of what real therapy does 02:44 - My Bias as a Therapist (Let's Be Honest) 06:13 - What the Research Says: AI Chatbot Studies 08:20 - The Experiment: Testing an AI Therapy Bot 11:46 - Test 1 – The Mental Health Bot 13:24 - Test 2 – ChatGPT 20:04 - What ChatGPT Got Wrong 22:03 - Why AI Can't Replace the Therapeutic Relationship 25:54 - AI vs. Self-Help Books: Is It the Same? 31:24 - Final Takeaway: When AI Helps & When It Falls Short Today's studies: Evaluation of Artificial Intelligence Chatbots for Providing Sexual Health Information: A Consensus Study Using Real-World Clinical Queries Published in BMC Public Health in 2025. A Comparison of Responses from Human Therapists and LLM-Based Chatbots Published in JMIR Mental Health in 2025. The Ability of AI Therapy Bots to Set Limits With Distressed Adolescents Published in JMIR Mental Health in 2025. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

    33 min

  4. Apr 21

    ‘Men Will Have Sex With Anything’? A Sex Therapist Breaks Down the Harmful Myth

    We've all heard it before: "Men always want sex". They’re simple and always raring to go. As a sex therapist specialising in low libido and mismatched desire, I know the toll these kinds of myths can take on the individual and the relationship at large. In this minisode, I break down one of the most common myths about male sexuality — and how it contributes to low desire, performance pressure, and shame. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

    6 min

  5. Apr 7

    Low Sex Drive in Women & Mindfulness, with Dr. Lori Brotto

    Low desire in women is often treated as a hormonal problem or a relationship one. But what if the problem isn’t low libido persay, but rather a lost connection to your body? In this episode, I talk to psychologist and leading sex researcher Dr. Lori Brotto about the science of mindfulness and why it’s become one of the most effective psychological treatments for low desire and arousal in women. We discuss how mindfulness improves sexual wellbeing, why physical arousal and mental desire don’t always match, and why pills designed to “fix” low desire often fall short. We explore: What mindfulness actually is — and why it’s often misunderstoodWhy improving body awareness (interoception) can influence desireThe research behind mindfulness-based sex therapyWhy physical arousal and mental desire don’t always alignThe limits of medications designed to treat low desireThe role of shame and self-criticism in sexual difficultiesWhy relationship therapy alone often doesn’t resolve sexual problemsWhere to start if you’re curious about using mindfulness to reconnect with desire 02:31 - How Dr. Lori Brotto Got Into Sex Research 05:29 - What Is Mindfulness, Really? 14:34 - How Mindfulness Works for Low Desire 18:11 - Arousal Non-Concordance (& Why It Matters?) 21:49 - The Problem with Pharmaceutical Solutions 24:59 - Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire 29:22 - Why Relationship Therapy Alone Often Isn't Enough 30:46 - The Mirror Exercise & Confronting Shame 33:18 - How Often Should You Practice Mindfulness? 37:06 - Mindfulness for Neurodivergent People 40:49 - What If You Hate Mindfulness? 42:28 - The Hope Effect & Reducing Distress 43:34 - Mindfulness Research On Men 46:26 - The Importance of Women's Sexual Health Research 48:57 - Closing Thoughts: Interoception, Self-Compassion & Why Sexual Health Matters Papers mentioned in this episode:  Effects of Group Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy versus Supportive Sex Education on Sexual Concordance and Sexual Response Among Women with Sexual Interest/Arousal DisorderMindfulness-Based Sex Therapy Improves Genital-Subjective Arousal Concordance in Women With Sexual Desire/Arousal DifficultiesGroup mindfulness-based therapy significantly improves sexual desire in womenHomework adherence in mindfulness-based cognitive interventions for female sexual dysfunction: a scoping review Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

    55 min

  6. Mar 3

    Why We Have Sex We Don't Want (& How To Approach it)

    Sometimes low libido doesn’t look like avoiding sex. Sometimes it looks like having sex you didn’t really want in the first place. In this episode, I talk about something that’s far more common than most of us realise: saying yes to sex in a committed relationship even when you’re not really in the mood. It's about the kinds of moments where you agree because it feels easier than arguing, because you don’t want to disappoint your partner, or because you hope you’ll “get into it” once you start. We look at what the research says about why we do this, when it’s more neutral, and when it reduces desire and closeness further - or becomes harmful.  Toward the end, I share a simple reflection exercise to help you understand your own “yes” — and whether it’s something that it's helpful, or costing you something.  In this episode, we explore: Why saying yes to unwanted sex is incredibly common in long-term relationshipsThe difference between saying yes because you want connection — and saying yes to avoid conflict or guiltThe subtle forms of pressure that don’t look like pressureWhen and why sexual compliance can sometimes lead to positive outcomes, and why it more often leads to negative outcomes. A ​guided, free exercise to work out your own 'yes' 02:20 - What Is Sexual Compliance? 05:37 - Today's Research Paper: How Common Is Unwanted Sex? 07:03 - Why People Say Yes: Approach vs. Avoidance Motives 09:35 - It's About Power 11:29 - The Mental Load & Desire Connection 12:31 - The Two Types of Pressure: Explicit vs. Implicit 14:20 - Monogamy & the Unspoken Contract 16:21 - What Are the Consequences? 18:23 - My Sex-Therapist "Neutral at Worst" Stance & What it Means 19:36 - Avoidance Motives & Long-Term Harm 21:48 - Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire 22:29 - Free Exercise: Identifying Your Pattern 28:52 - Breaking the Cycle & Finding Support The study discussed in this episode is Sexual Compliance in Finnish Committed Relationships: Sexual Self-Control, Relationship Power, and Experienced Consequences by Himanen & Gunst, published in The Journal of Sex Research. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

    32 min

  7. Feb 3

    ADHD, Autism & Sex: Why Sex Feels So Hard, with Dr. Bowen Marshall

    For many neurodivergent people, sex becomes draining or disconnected over time, even when there’s desire and care underneath it all. Sex can start to feel like something you’re being evaluated on — rather than something you get to enjoy. In this episode, I talk with licensed counsellor Bowen Marshall about how ADHD, Autism, masking, and performance expectations affect our sex lives — and why so many people end up feeling like they need to "get sex right", instead of actually feeling pleasure. We specifically talk about: Attachment patterns and sexWhy sex can start to feel like performance rather than pleasureHow masking and self-monitoring undermine sexual connection and pleasureThe role dopamine plays in desire, arousal, and motivationWhy many people don’t know what they enjoy — and why that’s not a failureHow expectations around sex create pressure and anxietyWhat it can look like to shift focus from “doing it right” to what actually feels good Chapters: 1:48 - Introducing Bowen Marshall 4:02 - Bowen's Journey into Specializing in Neurodivergence 9:54 - Understanding Masking & Attachment Theory 17:57 - How Masking Shows Up in Relationships 22:42 - The Hot Stove Analogy: Understanding ADHD Challenges 28:55 - Sexual Challenges with ADHD & Autism 33:34 - Performance vs. Connection: When Sex Becomes a Test 38:08 - Dopamine, Motivation & the ADHD Brain 42:41 - Sex, Dopamine & Competing Sources of Pleasure 47:57 - P*rn vs. Partnered Sex: The McDonald's vs. Michelin Analogy 52:43 - Using Kink Language for Better Communication 57:11 - Final Advice: Finding What Feels Good 59:37 - Where to Follow Bowen Marshall 1:00:03 - A Sex Therapist's Reflections: Expectations & Presence 1:05:45 - Closing & Resources Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

    1h 5m

  8. Jan 6

    “We Used to Have Such Great Sex”: Can Sexual Nostalgia Help Desire?

    “We used to have such great sex" is one of the most common things I hear from clients as a sex therapist and coach. Along with this confession usually comes grief, shame, and worry that something important to them is lost forever. In this episode, I explore the science of sexual nostalgia: why remembering past sexual connection can sometimes help rekindle desire — and why, in other cases, it can actually make things worse. I also include a free exercise toward the end to help you revisit past positive sex memories and increase desire. We talk about: Why remembering “how it used to be” can either ignite desire or shut it downWhen nostalgia becomes a resource — and when it turns into griefHow sexual turn-ons can become turn-offs, and what to do if that happens for youA guided, free exercise to ignite desire by diving into sexual nostalgia Chapters: 01:41 What is Sexual Nostalgia? 04:09 Study Overview: Sexual Nostalgia & Satisfaction 04:43 Attachment Styles & Nostalgia 05:33 When Nostalgia Helps vs. Hurts 08:41 Clinical Insights: Attachment & Desire 12:05 Using Nostalgia as a Tool, Not a Time Machine 12:39 How Turn-Ons Change Over Time & What To Do About It 17:41 Nostalgia vs. Fantasy 19:53 Guided Exercise: Access Desire Through Memory 21:21 Interpreting Your Response to the Exercise 24:27 Closing Thoughts & How to Get Support The study discussed in this episode is Rose Colored Glasses: An Exploration of the Relationship between Sexual Nostalgia and Sexual Satisfaction by Thompson et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research. Download the free exercise Access Desire Through Memory. Interested in my services? Check them out here Join my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here. Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link

    27 min
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About

Sex advice is everywhere - but how much of it is rooted in or science, or reality? I’m Leigh Norén, sex therapist and host of In Bed with Science: a Sex Podcast, where we take findings from the research lab and make them helpful, and actually applicable to your sex life & relationship.

Information

  • Creator
    Leigh Norén | Sex Therapist and Relationship Expert
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    22
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Kessel och Norén Consult & Holding AB All Rights Reserved.
  • Show Website
    In Bed with Science: a Sex Podcast

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