"There are five different types of domestic violence — and physical is just one of them." That's the sentence that reframes this entire conversation. When most people hear "domestic violence," they picture bruises. Kat Polsinelli — a survivor, TEDx speaker, and coach — walks Greg Pihs through the four other kinds most of us never name: the emotional, the psychological, the financial, and the slow erosion of self that keeps someone in a relationship for years. In this episode, Kat shares her story with remarkable honesty: a strict Catholic upbringing and a desire to "check every box," a first relationship that turned controlling, five years she couldn't fully account for, the debt and isolation, having her ex arrested — and then surviving the stalking that came after. She talks about the moment that became her TEDx talk: standing "eye to eye" with her teenage son and, for a split second, not recognizing who she'd become. That was the wake-up call. From there the conversation turns to the rebuild. Kat and Greg — two people who've each done the work — dig into presence, self-worth, and the small daily disciplines of healing: learning to actually accept a compliment, the power of "let me think on that and get back to you," and why so many of us (girls especially) are quietly conditioned to "be nice" until we let people run us over. At the heart of it is a belief Kat lives by: no emotion is inherently negative unless it's left unresolved. Fear, sadness, guilt — they're information, not enemies. It closes on a hard, freeing idea borrowed from Tony Robbins: if you're going to hate someone for the bad, you have to hate them for the good, too — so you might as well choose to love the growth that came from the pain. Healing, Kat suggests, isn't a finish line you cross. It's a practice you keep choosing. ⏱️ CHAPTERS 0:00 Intro 0:17 A word from our sponsor (Bryan Nale) 1:08 Welcome — meet Kat (Real Chats with Kat, TEDx, coaching) 3:26 The 5 types of domestic violence — physical is only one 3:42 Kat's backstory: a strict Catholic upbringing 4:43 The first relationship, and how control creeps in 8:09 Isolation, lost jobs, and quiet debt 9:18 Having her ex arrested — then surviving the stalking 11:42 Five years in: "eye to eye with my kid" (her TEDx moment) 13:13 "What you went through isn't what your life has to be" 15:05 Rock bottom, back to college, and wanting to help others 20:29 Peeling the onion: where is the center? 24:11 Learning presence and quieting the thoughts 27:17 Why presence isn't taught in our society 31:44 Building self-worth and not taking things personally 35:30 The power of the pause — building boundaries 41:25 Learning to actually accept a compliment 45:57 Honesty, respecting people's time, and saying the hard thing 56:48 How girls are conditioned to "be nice" 1:00:39 "No emotion is negative unless it's left unresolved" 1:02:01 Why men are taught not to cry 1:09:55 Is healing ever really "finished"? 1:17:27 Tony Robbins: hating the bad means hating the good 1:21:23 The book that was too intense to finish 1:23:29 Where to find Kat: The Lotus Effect & The Dragon Reclaimed 1:25:16 Outro 💡 KEY TAKEAWAYS • There are five types of domestic violence and physical is only one. Emotional, psychological, and financial abuse are just as real — and often invisible from the outside. • Getting an abuser arrested isn't the end of the story. Kat is also a survivor of stalking — "a whole other realm of turmoil" that came afterward. • Your past isn't your destiny. "Just because you go through things and experience something doesn't mean that's what your life has to be." • No emotion is inherently negative unless it's left unresolved. Fear, sadness, and guilt are information you're meant to feel and move through — not enemies to suppress. • Boundaries beat "being nice." Many of us are conditioned to be polite until we let people run us over. Even a simple "let me think on that and get back to you" rebuilds your footing. • Healing isn't a finish line. You keep meeting your limiting beliefs and choosing differently — and, as Tony Robbins puts it, if you'd hate someone for the bad you'd have to hate them for the good, so choose to love what you became. 💜 If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you're not alone. In the U.S., the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 — call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. Guest: Kat Polsinelli — domestic violence & stalking survivor, TEDx speaker, and coach/facilitator; host of the podcast "Real Chats with Kat"; founder of The Lotus Effect (the-lotus-effect.com) and the community The Dragon Reclaimed. Host: Greg Pihs — Greg's YouTube channel: Success After Trauma Greg's book: "The Power and the Pain" (available on Amazon) If this episode made you think of someone who needs to hear it, please share it with them. 🌱 Spread the Positive is shedding light on what's going right in the world. 👉 Like, subscribe, and we'll see you next week. #PowerInThePain #GregPihs #DomesticViolenceSurvivor #DomesticAbuseAwareness #Healing #Boundaries #SelfWorth #TEDx #TraumaRecovery #MentalHealth #SuccessAfterTrauma #SpreadThePositive
