Drunk By Noon

Canadian Comedy Cartel
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Montreal's very own weekly comedy podcast where 3 stand-up comedians try to interview somebody they know. Usually it's another stand-up "comedian" but sometimes we get lucky and its somebody with an actual personality. There's an asian woman that sits in silence in the background for the first couple of episodes. Part of the Montreal Canadian Comedy Cartel

  1. 4d ago

    Season 4 Update

    Coming back in July folks; follow us on Spotify if you haven't already. Instagram: canadiancomedycartel Facebook: The Canadian Comedy Cartel Youtube: Drunk By Noon Tiktok: drunkbynoonpod See y'all in July.

    1 min

  2. May 18

    Tier One Operator Billionaire (Ep. 50)

    Welcome back to Drunk By Noon! In this milestone Episode 50, we’re joined by friend of the pod, George, for a chaotic deep dive into everything from secret PMC startups and AI drone training to post traumatic JFL disorder. We're all tier one operator F1 billionaires and we kill at Wendy's after our moms drop us off except for Peter whose mom threw him into a wood chipper at age six so he took the bus. Homeless people want to be friends with us. In this episode, we cover: The JFL Conspiracy: Our hot takes on the Jerry Seinfeld headlining announcement and why Montreal bookers might be looking for a protest. The Hand Reveal: A 5-year-long mystery finally comes to light—we discuss Peter’s "character" and God’s blind spot. Military Dreams & Regrets: Why we all wish we joined the reserves at 18 for that sweet pension and the reality of Nigerian roommates in winter survival training. The Philosophy of Porn: A high-level comedic analysis of search histories, Teletubbies, and why some content is "straighter" than you think. Childhood Pranks & Psychosis: Hallucinating cyclopses in a synagogue and the time Samson scared a random kid at camp for his own personal thrill. Whether we're talking about the "Garlic Kings of Comedy" or the "Lebanese Weight Watchers," this episode is packed with the kind of unfiltered stories that only happen after a few drinks. Follow the Guest: Check out George Assily on the Lebanese Weight Watchers podcast and catch him live at the Garlic Kings of Comedy. Subscribe to Drunk By Noon for more weekly chaos, comedy, and questionable life choices. Timestamps: 00:00 – Episode 50 Kickoff: Friend of the Pod, George! 00:17 – Debating "The List" & The Big Jay Epstein Files 02:02 – Pre-Show Rituals: Green Room Chaos & The Guardian Interview 04:00 – Classic Gaming Nostalgia: Call of Duty & Medal of Honour Rants 05:54 – SS Soldier Cosplay 06:38 – What is an F1 Billionaire? Tier Three Operator Talk 07:09 – Jerry Seinfeld at JFL0 8:20 – Hot Takes on JFL Booking & The Montreal Latino Population 12:13 – George’s Secret Career: Life as a Military Startup Contractor 13:14 – THE HAND REVEAL: A 5-Year Mystery Finally Explained 15:08 – God’s Blind Spot 17:08 – Wendy’s Breakthroughs 18:32 – Psychotic Breaks & The Orthodox Jews 21:12 – Explaining Middle Eastern Affairs 23:18 – The Katt Williams Impression Marathon 27:26 – Lebanese Weight Watchers 30:30 – Corporate Comedy Disasters 34:08 – The "Philosophy" of Corn: Teletubby Gbangs? 39:52 – George Floyd’s Secret Film Career? (Floyd the Landlord) 42:20 – Discord Billions: How George Got a Job via Discord 46:02 – Military Regrets: Why We Should Have Joined at 18 50:12 – The Science of Pranks: The 4 AM Devil Mask Incident 52:51 – Plugs: Lebanese Weight Watchers & Garlic Kings of Comedy #DrunkByNoon #ComedyPodcast #JFL #JustForLaughs #MilitaryHumour #MontrealComedy #PodcastLife #Episode50

    54 min

  3. May 11

    Make America Hallucinate Again (Ep. 49)

    Is the world collectively hallucinating, or is it just another episode of Drunk By Noon? 🍻 In Episode 49, we’re diving deep into the weirdest corners of modern reality. We kick things off with the news of Trump and Joe Rogan discussing the potential legalization of psychedelics. Will mushrooms actually become the new frontier for medical research, or are we just risking a collective case of schizophrenia? We debate the "modern-day wizard" look and whether conventional rehab paths are still the way to go.Things get even more surreal as we explore the "insider trading" of reality on Poly Market, the mystery of the first evolved eyeball 👁️, and a theory that God might just be a very small fish at the bottom of the ocean. 🐟 Finally, we take a trip (metaphorically) to New York City to figure out why it’s a magnet for both the ultra-rich and the "abjectly poor," before ranting about the true villains of Montreal: incompetent leasing agents. Topics covered in this episode: The legalization of psychedelics & mushroom companies.Trump, Joe Rogan, and the "fast track" for drug research. Poly Market, betting on reality, and market manipulation. Evolution: Did meat or mushrooms make us human? The mystery of the first eyeball and God-as-a-fish theories. Why New York City feels like it’s on the brink of destruction. The nightmare of Montreal rental applications and drunk leasing agents. Timestamps: 00:00 - Welcome to Episode 00:57 - Trump & Joe Rogan’s Psychedelic Legalization Laws 02:11 - Conventional Rehab vs. The "Modern-Day Wizard" Look 03:54 - Jordan Peterson, Matt Dillahunty, and Nicotine Cures 05:05 - Why you shouldn't do Mushrooms with your Therapist 06:26 - Stoned Ape Theory: Did Monkeys Evolve on Mushrooms? 07:46 - Brain Development: The Real Reason Humans Cook Meat 08:06 - Evolution Mystery: Where did the first Eyeball come from? 11:07 - Betting on Reality with Poly Market 12:28 - Insider Trading & Trump’s influence on the Market 15:58 - Trump’s comedic tweets & "The End is Near" 18:20 - Montreal Legend: The "Hollywood" Homeless Guy 20:56 - Why NYC feels like it’s on the brink of destruction 22:40 - The Magnetism of Poverty vs. Success in New York 25:52 - Is New York actually crazier than other cities? 27:50 - The "Logic" of being homeless in a warm climate 29:43 - Navigating the system: Comfort in the cesspool 32:04 - Rant: The nightmare of Montreal Rental Applications Don't forget to follow us to join the noon-time chaos!

    33 min

  4. May 4

    Tinder Fingers (Ep. 48)

    The guys return for an episode fuelled by Tinder fails, botched dental work, and international fugitives. Pecker attempts to coach the crew through a Persian Tinder match, while the table discusses why Brazil is the ultimate destination for global hide-and-seek. The highlight of the episode comes when the group finally notices a physical detail about Peter that has been right in front of them for an entire year. From Rodrigo Duterte’s wild presidency in the Philippines to the chemistry of extracting gold from electronics in India, this episode covers the high-brow and the low-brow with equal irreverence. Timestamps: 00:00 - The Gym & Hidden History 02:15 - Tinder Advice 04:05 - The 500km Dating Distance Problem 05:10 - The "Not Sponsored" Instagram Nose Strip Review 06:00 - Dental Dramas & Doctor Mentors 08:20 - The Big Reveal: Addressing Peter's Hand 11:10 - Family Secrets & "Mind Your Business" 13:40 - Survival Stories: The Combine Harvester Incident 18:40 - The "Useless Wizard" & Pickle Ball 23:15 - Fred Durst & The Worst Movie Ever Made 27:40 - Philippine Bounty Hunters & Global News If you enjoyed the chaos, make sure to Subscribe and hit the bell icon! Follow the podcast: Instagram: @canadiancomedycartelFacebook: The Canadian Comedy Cartel In this episode: The Dating Game: "Rooftop adventures" and Tinder hookers. Health & Beauty: Why nasal strips fall off if you have a personality. Medical Horror: Mentors who cover for their friends' botched surgeries. The Big Reveal: Peter's three-fingered hand and his father's "mind your business" parenting style. Cinema Corner: Defending 'House of a 1000 Corpses' and roasting Fred Durst’s directorial debut. Global Economics: 24% interest rates in Iran and why everyone is buying gold.

    36 min

  5. Apr 27

    Muslim Christmas at the Airport (Ep. 47)

    Welcome back to Episode 47 of the Drunk By Noon podcast! This week, the guys are joined by the return of the hilarious Saba Jakeman.In this episode, Saba pulls back the curtain on her side hustle as a "professional catfisher" (aka an OF manager). She breaks down the bizarre world of dealing with 60-year-old clients, and the specific phrase that almost got her fired.We also dive deep into a chaotic mix of topics including: ✅ Politics & Predictions: Why Donald Trump might announce a war while standing next to the Easter Bunny. ✅ Media & History: The 1980s bill that killed honest journalism and why TLC turned into a "medical freakshow" channel. ✅ Survival Lore: The weird science of "Rabbit Starvation" and the dangers of withdrawal. ✅ Montreal Stories: Growing up in Dorval, racial ambiguity, and a legendary moment at the Comedy Nest. Support the Guest:Catch Saba Jakeman at the Detroit Women of Comedy Festival on May 16th! Follow the Show:🔔 Subscribe for more unfiltered conversations and local Montreal comedy chaos. #DrunkByNoon #MontrealComedy #Podcast #StandUpComedy #Trump #JFL #ComedyNest Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro & Welcome back Saba Jakeman 00:45 – The "Online Pimping" Job: Professional Catfishing 01:30 – Getting in trouble with the boss: The "Jewish" incident 05:15 – Politics, Polymarket, and Trump’s Easter Bunny 08:40 – The Fairness Doctrine: Why the media is broken 12:20 – Rabbit Starvation & Benzo vs. Heroin withdrawal 18:10 – Immigration stories: Getting arrested for saying "Canada" 24:35 – Racial ambiguity in Dorval & South Asian prejudices 31:37 – "Days Since a Comic Got N*ked": The David Incident at Comedy Nest 32:30 – Saba’s Plugs: JFL Showcase & Detroit Comedy Festival

    33 min

  6. Apr 20

    Murphy's Law (Ep. 46)

    Welcome back to another episode of Drunk By Noon! In Episode 46, we’re joined by Montreal’s own rising comedy star and 2025 JFL New Face, Tom Murphy.In this episode, Tom opens up about his journey in the Montreal comedy scene, his upcoming move to Austin, Texas, and the whirlwind process of getting married and immigrating. We dive into the realities of American representation for comedians, what it’s actually like performing at legendary spots like Gotham Comedy Club, and the differences between the Canadian and US comedy circuits.He also share his thoughts on the "hacky" labels in comedy, and why he's striking while the iron is hot. Whether you're a fan of stand-up comedy or just love a good, unfiltered conversation, this episode has it all. Follow Tom Murphy:Instagram: @tomdlmurphy Check out his new open mic at Ye Olde Orchard on Monkland on 9pm Sundays. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe to Drunk By Noon for more episodes. Timestamps: 00:00 - Introduction: Welcome Tom Murphy 00:54 - The Solo Podcast Struggle & Lighting Woes 01:23 - Wedding Bells & A Low-Key Proposal 04:47 - Immigration Realities: Moving to Texas 06:03 - Movie Talk: John Travolta & The Microchip 06:45 - Why the Rush to Get Married? 08:34 - Planning a Non-Religious Wedding in Quebec 09:22 - The Legend of Dean Himself 10:56 - Why Austin, Texas? (90 Day Fiancé Vibes) 11:59 - The "Arrest Dreams" & Missing Jail on Tuesdays 14:10 - 27 Counts of Prison Escape?! 15:43 - Life Inside: Parole Officers & Mental Health 17:34 - Tom Murphy’s JFL New Faces Experience 19:32 - The Truth About Management vs. Agents 22:11 - Performing at Gotham Comedy Club & Sesh Comedy 23:58 - The Best Comics You’ve Never Heard Of 25:56 - The Decision to Move: Steam in Montreal vs. Starting Over 27:58 - Striking While the Iron is Hot 29:11 - Nick Mullen, Adam Friedland, & The Cum Town Legacy 30:52 - The Stavros Halkias Hurley’s Story 32:12 - Who is Black Leopard? 33:00 - Finding Loopholes: Character Comedy & Recovery Lines 34:09 - The Austin Plan: Kill Tony & Remote Work 36:06 - Reviewing the Infamous Kill Tony Montreal Clips 41:51 - Outro: Where to find Tom Murphy

    42 min

  7. Apr 13

    Grapes and Apes (Ep. 45)

    This week on Drunk By Noon, the chaos reaches new heights. We dive deep into the Derek Chauvin prison stabbing and pension drama, the absolute absurdity of the "Manosphere" and Louis Theroux's latest documentary, and why the "Red Pill" community is actually living in a contradiction. From the bizarre conspiracy of Nordic alien hybrids to the questionable logic of growing tomatoes on Mars instead of cocaine in Montreal—nothing is off limits. Plus, Michael recounts his experience self-excluding from the casino (and the AI facial recognition that comes with it). Timestamps: 0:00 – Peter’s Mint Conspiracy & The Fentanyl Theory 1:12 – Prison Hierarchy: Derek Chauvin’s 2035 Release Date 3:43 – The Cowboy Comedian 5:11 – Louis Theroux vs. The Manosphere: Insecure Influencers 7:20 – The Red Pill Contradiction: Trans Creators & The Matrix 11:53 – Is it Illegal to Fake Autism? 13:00 – Nordic Aliens & The "Human-Alien Hybrid" Conspiracy 15:33 – JD Vance, Demons & The CERN Portal Theory 18:21 – Sneako’s Rebrand & Selling Your Soul for 13-Year-Old Fans 22:15 – The "Lighthouse" Focal Point & The Deli Waiter Story 24:45 – Freeing the Genie vs. The Will Smith Aladdin Bomb 27:52 – The Nazis’ Anti-Smoking Campaign 30:25 – CERN, Black Holes & Anti-Matter Spaceships 31:34 – Why can't we grow Cocaine in Montreal? 35:12 – The Area 51 Simulation & Vince Vaughn Movies 41:12 – Mike Self-Excludes from the Casino: AI Facial Recognition 44:06 – How do you pitch r*** aliens for your country?

    49 min

  8. Apr 6

    The 1000$ Open Mic (Ep. 44)

    In this episode of the Drunk By Noon podcast, we are joined by Montreal's rising open mic comedy star, Jon Allen! Jon breaks down the unbelievable story of how a friend paid him a cool $1,000 just to do his very first stand-up set—and why that might end up being the financial peak of his comedy career. We also get into his agonizing ride through a brutal gallbladder attack that struck after eating an entire Domino's pizza, what it’s like being pumped full of hospital drugs, and the hilarious reality of airport security, working at a milk factory and when the last time the Colts won the Superbowl. Follow us on Instagram:@canadiancomedycartel Come see us live: comedycartel.ca Timestamps: 00:00 – Does Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Oz actually hold up? 01:30 – Jon Allen’s Gallbladder surgery 03:05 – Introducing Montreal’s rising comedy star Jon Allen 04:00 – The Domino’s Pizza Gallbladder attack 06:25 – Hospital Highs: Fentanyl, Morphine, and Surgeon stories 08:40 – Why Jon hasn't showered in a full week 10:45 – The "Microplastics & Intermittent Fasting" lifestyle 12:40 – How to get paid $1,000 for your first-ever comedy set 15:00 – Weird Airport Security: The fake Superman & Batman 16:45 – Attempted kidnappings and bizarre customs incidents 19:15 – Smuggling animals: Ants, turtles, and wooden statues 20:25 – Invasive species: Asian Lady Beetles & toxic vines 22:10 – Atlantic City: Boardwalk luxury vs. Hard Ghetto 23:30 – Why Jon Allen hates Toronto 24:05 – Working at the Lactalis Milk Factory (The Lactantia truth) 26:20 – "Milking" the clock on warehouse night shifts 29:00 – The most bizarre surgery story from Ontario 33:25 – Getting paid a lump sum of cash on stage 34:20 – The reality of Just For Laughs (JFL) auditions 37:45 – The Corey Holcomb & Christina Payne controversy 43:40 – Outro/Plugs

    44 min
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About

Montreal's very own weekly comedy podcast where 3 stand-up comedians try to interview somebody they know. Usually it's another stand-up "comedian" but sometimes we get lucky and its somebody with an actual personality. There's an asian woman that sits in silence in the background for the first couple of episodes. Part of the Montreal Canadian Comedy Cartel

Information

  • Creator
    Canadian Comedy Cartel
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    51
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Canadian Comedy Cartel
  • Show Website
    Drunk By Noon

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