This Is Not What I Had Planned

Carolyn Tate
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  • Parenting

Join mother-son duo Carolyn Tate and Connor Radford for the conversations you wish you could have about life in a queer and neurodiverse family. No sugar-coating, no BS - just real talk about gender, identity and mental health, plus practical advice for any families still trying to figure this stuff out. Whether you're questioning, supporting someone who is, or just trying to understand - this is your space to have some real chats, find your people, and know you're not the only one doing life a little bit differently. Got a question you want us to answer? Email us at tinwihp@stellarcontent.com.au

Episodes

  1. TINWIHP's FAQs episode

    06/17/2025

    TINWIHP's FAQs episode

    Here's your podcast summary in the established format: Ever wondered what questions you can and can't ask about trans people? In this episode, Connor and Carolyn tackle the most common FAQs they get asked - from bathroom etiquette to dead names, from medical costs to finding good doctors. They share honest answers about the practicalities: what happens when you use the wrong pronouns (spoiler: you won't go to jail), how to handle running into old friends, and whether you need medical treatment to "qualify" as trans. Plus, they dive into the trickier territory of enjoying art from problematic creators and why punching down isn't actually funny. Quick Wisdom If you're curious about trans people: Ask yourself if it's actually your business first. Some questions (like dead names) are generally off-limits, whilst others depend on your relationship and the setting. When in doubt, follow their lead and remember that trans people are just trying to live their lives like everyone else. If you're supporting someone who's trans: You will mess up pronouns sometimes - just apologise briefly and move on without making it about you. Focus on finding community resources and trust your gut when choosing healthcare providers. And remember, whether someone's trans identity is "just a phase" doesn't matter - supporting them always does. Need support? Here are some great Australian resources: Open Doors Youth Service (Brisbane): https://opendoors.net.au - includes Jelly Beans support group for trans peopleRainbow Health Australia: https://rainbowhealthaustralia.org.au/research-resourcesTranscend Australia: https://transcendaus.orgPFLAG Australia: https://pflagaustralia.org.au (for families and friends)Switchboard Victoria: https://switchboard.org.au (national LGBTIQA+ helpline)Running time: 33 minutes

    27 min
  2. How do you navigate the medical side of a gender transition?

    06/10/2025

    How do you navigate the medical side of a gender transition?

    Connor and his mum Carolyn dive deep into the medical side of transitioning, sharing their real experience navigating hormone blockers, testosterone, and top surgery from ages 15-18. They discuss the practical realities - from choosing between pills and injections to finding the right GP - whilst also tackling the recent Queensland legislation changes that have made access harder for young people. This episode offers an honest look at what the medical transition process actually involves: the waiting lists, the documentation, the reversible and irreversible aspects, and how to build a support team that truly understands. Whether you're just starting to consider medical transition or you're supporting someone who is, their insights provide practical guidance for navigating this complex but ultimately rewarding journey. Quick wisdom If you're considering medical transition: Create a clear plan of your priorities - what effects do you want and in what order? Research your options thoroughly, get your name on waiting lists early (you can always slow things down but speeding up is harder), and remember that flexibility is key as your needs may evolve. If you're a parent: The process is gentler than you might expect, with reversible options like hormone blockers allowing time to settle into each stage. Find healthcare providers who care about your whole family - the right support makes all the difference. Don't be afraid to seek legal advice if needed for parental consent issues. Need support? Essential resources and links: Rainbow Health Australia resources: https://rainbowhealthaustralia.org.au/research-resourcesQueensland Children's Gender Service: Phone 07 3069 7377, Email CHQ-Gender@health.qld.gov.auRoyal Brisbane & Women's Hospital Gender Service (18+): Phone 07 3646 3357Open Doors Youth Service Brisbane: https://www.opendoors.net.au/ (for Jelly Beans trans teen group and LGBTIQ+ youth support)Holdsworth House Medical Centre, Fortitude Valley (Dr Reece Young)Australian Professional Association for Trans Health (AusPATH): https://auspath.org.au/PFLAG+ Australia (Parents, Families, Friends): https://pflagaustralia.org.au/PFLAG+ Brisbane: https://www.pflagbrisbane.org.au/LGBTIQ+ Health Australia: https://www.lgbtiqhealth.org.au/Minus18 (LGBTQ+ youth support): https://www.minus18.org.au/Transcend Australia (parent-led support network)QLife (LGBTI peer telephone and webchat support): 1800 184 527Running time: 36 mins

    33 min
  3. Is it hard to find love when you're trans?

    06/03/2025

    Is it hard to find love when you're trans?

    Ever worried about whether your trans child will find love and happiness in relationships? The world can be a cruel place, so what can you do to make it better? In this episode, Connor and his mum Carolyn dive into the realities of dating and relationships as a trans person - from finding safe spaces to navigating when and how to share your identity with potential partners. They explore how Connor's generation has created their own support networks, why many trans people seek each other out for relationships, and the importance of self-love before looking for romantic love. Plus, they tackle the age-old parental worry about grandchildren and why your child's life choices aren't actually about you. Quick Wisdom If you're trans and dating: Focus on loving yourself first - if you can't see your own worth, you won't believe others when they tell you they love you. Take time to work out what you actually want from a relationship versus what you think you need for validation. If you're a parent: Your child's relationship status and decisions about having children aren't about you. Stay open, available, and non-judgemental. The more stable love they feel at home, the less desperately they'll seek it elsewhere. And remember - trans relationships are just like any other relationships, complete with the usual ups and downs. Need support? This list of resources from Rainbow Health Australia is a great place to start: https://rainbowhealthaustralia.org.au/research-resources Running time: 24 minutes

    22 min
  4. How do you deal with haters and bullying?

    05/27/2025

    How do you deal with haters and bullying?

    Trigger and potty mouth warning: Please note this episode discusses suicidal ideation for a brief moment. And sorry but we also drop a couple of F-bombs in this one. About this episode: Ever wondered how to help your child face the world when it feels like everyone's watching? In this episode, Connor and his mum Carolyn tackle the tough stuff - dealing with haters, building resilience, and supporting your child through the challenges that come with being different. They share the real conversations: the fears parents carry, the school situations that test everyone, and how family support can make all the difference. Whether you're worried about your child facing bullying or you're navigating public attention yourself, their insights offer practical wisdom for building confidence and weathering the storms together. Quick wisdom If you're facing criticism: Not everyone's opinion matters. Focus on the people who truly support you, build your confidence from within, and remember that resilience grows stronger with each challenge you face. If you're a parent: You can't shield your child from everything, but you can prepare them. Create open communication at home, advocate fiercely when needed, and help them build the inner strength to handle whatever comes their way. Your unconditional support is their foundation. Need support? This list of resources from Rainbow Health Australia is a great place to start: https://rainbowhealthaustralia.org.au/research-resources Running time: 36 mins

    36 min
  5. What's the deal with queer culture and body modifications?

    05/20/2025

    What's the deal with queer culture and body modifications?

    Trigger warning: In this episode we do speak about self harm as it relates to body mods, and the blurry line there can be between the two. If you're concerned about listening with your child, maybe listen first and decide if you think it's appropriate. ReachOut have some excellent resources about self harm here: https://au.reachout.com/mental-health-issues/selfharm/help-services-for-self-harm We recommend speaking to your doctor or counsellor about any concerns. In an emergency, please call 000. Show notes: Connor and Carolyn have a heart-to-heart about body modification - from Connor's perspective as both a trans person and a professional body piercer. They explore how body mods can be a powerful way for young people to express their authentic selves, plus all the things Carolyn wishes she'd known as a parent navigating this journey with Connor. The Good Stuff We Cover: • How body modifications can help young people feel more at home in their bodies • The unexpected ways Connor's career choice has helped other young people feel seen and supported • Why having a trusted professional matters more than you might think • How Carolyn learned to balance parental concern with supporting Connor's choices • What makes the difference between a safe, affirming piercing experience and a potentially harmful one Hot Tips: • Parents: Focus on safety and support rather than control • Young peeps: Find professionals who make you feel genuinely comfortable and respected • Everyone: Research proper aftercare (seriously, it matters) Real Talk: Every family's journey is different, and that's okay. The key is finding what works for your family while keeping communication open and honest. Sometimes the best thing we can do as parents is step back, listen, and trust our kids to know themselves. Length: 35 mins

    24 min
  6. How do you start your social transition?

    05/13/2025

    How do you start your social transition?

    Connor and Carolyn chat about the early days of social transition - from trying out new names at Starbucks to dealing with high school friend dramas. Lots of practical chat about what worked, what didn't, and why your mum might get a bit punchy at the markets (and why she'll never be sorry about it). The Good Stuff We Cover: • Why friends are usually a great first testing ground (and why that can also get complicated) • The utility of inventing new Instagram personas every week • How Connor landed on his name (after trying approximately 47 others) • What to do when medical receptionists and others need your "other" name • Why Carolyn had her boxing gloves on 24/7 for a while there • The unexpected chill of younger siblings Hot Tips: • Want to test drive a new name? Order a coffee. Seriously. • Got weird admin stuff to deal with? Write it down instead of saying it • Feeling lost with style? Start with what feels good, not what you think you "should" wear Real Talk: There's no rulebook here. Some stuff works, some doesn't, and that's totally fine. It's all about finding what clicks for you. Length: 35 mins

    35 min
  7. How do you talk about gender identity with your family?

    05/06/2025

    How do you talk about gender identity with your family?

    Ever wondered how to start that conversation about gender identity with your family? You're not alone. In this episode, Connor and his mum Carolyn share their journey - from those first uncertain conversations to building a stronger relationship based on trust and understanding. They share the real stuff: the worries, the wins, and the stuff they both wish they'd handled better. Whether you're questioning your gender or you love someone who is, their story offers honest insights and plenty of "wish we'd known that earlier" moments. Quick Wisdom If you're questioning: There's no race to figure it all out. Take it slow, try things out, and know that detours are all part of the story. If you're a parent: You don't need to have all the answers - unconditional love is what it's all about. Listen lots, hug often, and don't stress about getting everything perfect all the time. Good intentions and a willingness to learn go a long way. Need support? This list of resources from Rainbow Health Australia is a great place to start: https://rainbowhealthaustralia.org.au/research-resources Running time: 29 minutes

    28 min
  • 7 Episodes

About

Join mother-son duo Carolyn Tate and Connor Radford for the conversations you wish you could have about life in a queer and neurodiverse family. No sugar-coating, no BS - just real talk about gender, identity and mental health, plus practical advice for any families still trying to figure this stuff out. Whether you're questioning, supporting someone who is, or just trying to understand - this is your space to have some real chats, find your people, and know you're not the only one doing life a little bit differently. Got a question you want us to answer? Email us at tinwihp@stellarcontent.com.au

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