This Is Why We Can't Have A Podcast!

Jen & Ashten
  • 5.0 (18)
  • Comedy
  • Updated Semiweekly

Join us on a heartfelt journey as we explore the unexpected path to becoming best friends. From chance encounters at a theater program to bonding over shared experiences during a pandemic, this episode delves into the laughter, challenges, and deep connections that have shaped our friendship. Discover how a simple trip to Beaver's Bend turned into a lifelong bond, filled with ups, downs, and everything in between. Tune in for a candid conversation about friendship, life, and the moments that bring us closer together.

  1. 2d ago

    Why You Should NEVER FaceTime From The Shower (And Other Dating Advice)

    Would you pay $350 to bring a FAKE BOYFRIEND to Thanksgiving dinner? 😂 Because apparently that's an actual business idea, and Jen and Ashten have QUESTIONS! This week on **This Is Why We Can't Have a Podcast**, we're diving headfirst into the ridiculous world of modern romance, questionable dating decisions, and the things that give us the absolute ICK. Ashten takes us on a people-watching adventure at a country bar, where she's left wondering if anyone actually expects to find true love between the two-stepping and tequila. Meanwhile, Jen discovers that you can apparently RENT a boyfriend for Thanksgiving, complete with matching outfits, a fake love story, and a platinum package that includes kissing your mother on the cheek! And just when you think things couldn't get weirder, we're discussing a bizarre viral White House appearance that has the internet making comparisons to animatronics and lizard people. 🦎 **In this episode:**- 🤠 Finding love in all the wrong places — the Urban Cowboy edition- 💰 Rent-a-boyfriend Thanksgiving packages from $75 to $350- 🚩 Dating icks, cringey TikTok men, and couples who sit on the same side of the booth- 🎄 Why Hallmark movies make absolutely no sense- ❤️ The little things that actually matter in a relationship- 🛁 The great bath-versus-shower debate- 🦎 A viral White House appearance and the internet's wildest reactions- 📱 Why Jen probably shouldn't FaceTime from the shower! There's also a surprisingly heartfelt conversation about love, loss, and appreciating the little things your partner does for you. It's friendship, Gen X versus Millennial opinions, unsolicited relationship advice, and enough rabbit holes to keep us talking all night. **JOIN THE CONVERSATION!** 👇 Would YOU rent a boyfriend for Thanksgiving? What's your biggest dating ICK? And are you Team Hallmark or Team Absolutely Not? Tell us in the comments because, as usual, the comment section might be the best part! 👍 LIKE, SUBSCRIBE & SHARE if you enjoy two best friends saying the things everyone else is thinking! #ThisIsWhyWeCantHaveAPodcast #FunnyPodcast #RentABoyfriend #DatingIcks #GenXVsMillennial #GirlTalk #DatingHumor #Thanksgiving #RelationshipHumor #PodcastComedy

  2. Oct 2

    The Crybaby Pastor, a Botched Execution & 763 Dives for Love | True Crime + Chaos

    A murder trial involving a former American Idol contestant turned pastor, a reported execution attempt that left everyone asking WHAT HAPPENS NOW?!, AI scams, TikTok investigators…and one husband whose love story nearly broke us. 😳😭 Welcome back to This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast, where Jen and Ashten somehow manage to go from true crime to Kiefer Sutherland, quilting, dating, catfishing, the lost art of romance, and becoming YouTube famous in approximately 30 minutes. This week, we’re talking about: 🔪 The “Crybaby Pastor” murder case — a former American Idol contestant and pastor accused of killing his wife, an alleged affair, thousands upon thousands of text messages, a suspicious 911 call, and the details that immediately had investigators asking questions. ⚖️ The execution story taking over social media — after reported attempts to carry out an execution failed, the internet has ALL the theories. What happens when an execution doesn’t go according to plan? And how much of what we’re seeing online can we even trust anymore? 📱 AI, catfishing & TikTok detectives — between fake accounts, bots sliding into DMs, social media investigators, Ring cameras and everybody documenting everything, HOW does anyone think they're getting away with anything in 2026? 💔 763 dives for the love of his life — a Japanese man has continued searching for his wife, who disappeared during the 2011 tsunami, returning to the water again and again for years. And yes…this one absolutely destroyed us. Which leads us to an important question: Have we completely lost the art of falling in love? We’re talking romance, relationships, flirting before “sliding into the DMs” existed, why people need to start WOOING each other again, and whether the younger generations might actually bring some of it back. PLUS: 😂 Jen's rapidly growing quilting YouTube channel🧵 Grandma hobbies are officially COOL again🎬 The Lost Boys vs. The Goonies🤖 Why we don't know what on the internet is real anymore❤️ The kind of love that lasts a lifetime✈️ And why Jen is apparently abandoning Ashten for Ohio and Connecticut Basically: true crime, relationships, nostalgia, internet insanity, friendship, quilting and complete chaos. Which is exactly why…we can’t have a podcast. 👇 TELL US IN THE COMMENTS: Do you think romance and “wooing” need to make a comeback? Could you tell if an AI account was catfishing you? And what true crime case has you completely obsessed right now? 👍 LIKE the episode💬 COMMENT and join the conversation🔔 SUBSCRIBE for more This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast #TrueCrime #TrueCrimePodcast #AmericanIdol #MurderTrial #TrueCrimeCommunity #Dating #Relationships #Catfishing #AI #TikTok #GenX #Millennial #ComedyPodcast #Podcast

    The Crybaby Pastor, a Botched Execution & 763 Dives for Love | True Crime + Chaos

  3. Sep 25

    Sleepover Witchcraft, the Black Dog & Why We’re Never Leaving the House

    Would you tell your best friend her outfit isn’t working? Jen and Ashten start with that dangerous question, then somehow end up revisiting “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board,” Ouija boards, cemetery scares, and the mysterious “black dog” stories truckers keep telling. Jen also brings a stack of stories involving a shopping scam, a roller coaster, and true crime. Add in a little AI panic and a proposed best-friend compound, and staying home starts to sound pretty good. Tell us in the comments: Would you want a friend to warn you about an outfit? And did “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board” actually work at your sleepovers? Subscribe for more conversations with Jen and Ashten on This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast.

  4. Sep 18

    # 🦛 Congo Anxiety, Sister Wives & The Idaho Four Rabbit Hole

    Ashten has discovered that she may not be an empath…but she is definitely an anxiety empath, and TikTok has handed her the ultimate nightmare: explorer Ash Dykes preparing to take an inflatable kayak through the Congo surrounded by hippos, crocodiles, disease, and approximately 47 other ways to die. Then they bring us back to the important things in life: Sister Wives drama. Janelle is dating, Meri is moving on, Kody and Robyn may finally be exiting stage left, and naturally we have thoughts. But things take a much darker turn when we dive back into the Idaho Four murders and the Amber Vance YouTube series that has Jen completely sucked into the rabbit hole. The roommates, the timeline, disturbing audio recordings, the dog, the demolished house…there are a LOT of questions. Also: Jen declares war on McDonald’s over an absolutely unacceptable Hello Kitty/Godzilla Happy Meal toy, we discuss why she’ll watch true crime for hours but refuses to read subtitles, and somehow the podcast ends with vines taking over the ceiling. Basically: TikTok gave us anxiety, TLC gave us gossip, YouTube gave us a conspiracy spiral…and McDonald’s gave us trash. This is why we can’t have a podcast.

  5. Sep 11

    Remembering 9/11, Widowhood & Duct Tape at 30,000 Feet ✈️

    We start this episode on a more serious note as we remember September 11th, talk about what it was like to actually live through that day, and wonder whether younger generations can ever really understand how much it changed everything. Then Ashten gets very real about grief, widowhood, and the comment that sent her over the edge this week: “You shouldn’t waste your life.” We talk about why being single does NOT mean your life is wasted, why there is no timeline for finding love after loss, and why society is so uncomfortable with women simply being okay on their own. And because this is This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast, things quickly derail. 😂 We’ve got a belligerent airline passenger getting DUCT TAPED TO HIS SEAT, strangers becoming best friends on a plane, influencers apparently ruining the US Open, Emma discovering she is definitely not a Pilates princess, the terrifying modern dating pool, and one very important question: Do chat rooms still exist?! Somehow we go from national tragedy to widowhood to Richard Simmons and gluteus maximus complaints in under an hour. Honestly… this is exactly why we can’t have a podcast. 🎙️ This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast

  6. Sep 4

    Ignored Texts, JP Miller is the devil (allegedly) & the Thirst Trap Grotto Girls 😬📱🔥

    Jen is officially on probation for taking more than 24 hours to answer Ashten’s text, and apparently being busy building an empire is NOT an acceptable excuse when you’re on someone’s emergency contact list. 😂 After the friendship intervention, we get into the disturbing Mica Miller story and The Death of a Pastor’s Wife—the red flags, the allegations surrounding JP Miller, stalking, manipulation, and why this case is even more unsettling the deeper you go. Then things take a HARD left into the COVID-era TikTok thirst trap known as William White. What started with lip-syncing, good hair, and women throwing money at their screens somehow turned into the Grotto Girls, hundreds of thousands of dollars, Disney Mama, fan-club warfare, leaked photos, catfishing, and grown women basically reenacting Lord of the Flies on social media. Also: apparently someone is currently pretending to be a 49ers player and allegedly swindling women out of money, which naturally leaves us wondering… What should WE pretend to be so we can finally get rich? Welcome to another episode of This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast—where friendship comes with a 24-hour response policy and TikTok continues to prove that absolutely nothing good happens when the internet gets hot, bothered and organized.

  7. Aug 28

    Dolly, Dating Disasters & TikTok’s No-Shower Era

    This week, we honor Dolly Parton the only way we know how: with questionable facts, a debate about who she ran to first in heaven, and the horrifying realization that Jen once thought she was married to Porter Wagoner. Then things take a darker turn when a prison nurse falls in love with a convicted murderer, moves him into her home, and gives us yet another reason to stop treating red flags like romantic décor. We also spiral through Boeing documentaries, fake sign-language interpreters, retinol warnings, hypothetical teenage bullies, and TikTok’s latest contribution to society: people refusing to shower. It’s grief, murder, body hair, and bad decisions—all in one episode. And this is why we can’t have a podcast.

  8. Aug 21

    Dirty Socks, Sister Wives New Love & Gettin' Petty About Shetty

    This week, we’re defending Ashten’s dirty socks from anonymous internet cowards, declaring a code-red financial diet, and celebrating some much-deserved Sister Wives romance news. Ashten adjusts to Emma leaving for college—until a perfectly timed FaceTime call proves she still loves her—and Jen gets extremely petty about Ashten’s love for Jay Shetty. Add trad-wife debates, Hollywood rabbit holes, unexplained hair loss, and the usual wildly unnecessary arguments, and you’ll understand exactly why we can’t have a podcast.

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5
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About

Join us on a heartfelt journey as we explore the unexpected path to becoming best friends. From chance encounters at a theater program to bonding over shared experiences during a pandemic, this episode delves into the laughter, challenges, and deep connections that have shaped our friendship. Discover how a simple trip to Beaver's Bend turned into a lifelong bond, filled with ups, downs, and everything in between. Tune in for a candid conversation about friendship, life, and the moments that bring us closer together.

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