Back Porch Btchn Podcast

Patryck
  • 5.0 (8)
  • Comedy Interviews
  • Updated Weekly

A Southern conversational podcast hosted by Patryck that blends southern charm with honesty about life, mental health, dating, and modern culture. Each episode features "Porch Mail: Y'all's Bitching" where listeners submit complaints for Patryck to validate and expand on, followed by deep dives into topics like personal growth, gay dating in small communities, social media toxicity, and the messy reality of being human. With his signature mix of self-deprecating humor and genuine insight, Patryck creates a space for authentic conversations that make listeners feel seen.

  1. 12/24/2025

    Season Finale: Christmas, Chaos and Consumerism

    The Final Episode of Season 1 - A Christmas Special About Capitalism, Family Dysfunction, and Why You're Doing This to Yourself. In the uproarious season finale of Back Porch Bitching, host Patryck wraps up the year with laughs, rants, and enough holiday chaos to fill Santa's sleigh. Kicking off with a heartfelt shoutout to fans and guests, he dives into the absurdity of holiday spending and the infamous family gatherings. Patryck hilariously critiques the insane amounts of money dropped on gifts we don’t really want to give, all while painting a vivid picture of Aunt Jean waddling in with her dessert and a questionable leg ulcer, alongside Uncle Terry endlessly droning about football. Seriously, nobody asked for a recap of his church softball team's ejections! While cracking jokes about holiday consumerism and bizarre family dynamics, Patryck also tackles the deeper stuff—like loneliness during the holidays—because life isn’t all eggnog and tinsel. He encourages listeners to set boundaries and prioritize their own peace instead of falling into the holiday trap of obligation. As he signs off, Patryck promises bonus episodes might drop if he gets bored enough, leaving everyone with a hearty "Merry Christmas!" and a reminder to cherish the chaos that comes with family and festive food—just maybe avoid Aunt Jean's homemade candy. Here’s to a wild ride as we look forward to Season 2!

    51 min

  2. 12/10/2025

    Flashers On, Brains Off - A Holiday Survival Guide

    Episode 14: Flashers On, Brains Off - A Holiday Survival Guide Patryck is BACK after battling a respiratory infection (survived COVID and the holidays only to get taken out by a basic cold) and he's got THOUGHTS about the holiday season. This week's chaos: Snow Drama: People who can't drive in snow but insist on going 3 mph with flashers on, plus essential workers risking their lives while others work from their couch in pajamas (sit DOWN) Porch Mail delivers: The Starbucks bear cup frenzy that had people FIGHTING and flipping them on eBay (Patryck's bitter he didn't get one)Brenda texting out of nowhere with buck-toothed Bobby's Christmas list: PlayStation 5, Tecovas boots, and cash for granddaddy's Chevy. Bobby is 8.Main Topic - Holiday Season Chaos: The weird Thanksgiving-to-Christmas transition where money flies out the window "like meth on payday," work becomes completely useless from Thanksgiving to January ("let's circle back after the first of the year"), and everyone's pretending they like their coworkers at Christmas parties. Cookie swaps from questionable kitchens (chocolate chips or diaper flecks?), fighting Bethany at Target at 6 AM, buying $50 candles for Janet who you hide from in bathroom stalls, and drunk girls dry humping Santa statues while butchering Mariah Carey. The real talk: We're all barely holding it together with tinsel and prescription medication, chasing those tiny moments of actual magic through the chaos. One more episode left in Season 1! The holidays: Where we financially ruin ourselves for people we wouldn't piss on if they were on fire the other eleven months of the year.

    32 min

  3. 11/26/2025

    Turkey, Trauma, and Aunt Jean's Diabetic Toe

    Y'all Better Sit Down for This One: Episode 13 Thanksgiving Special Honey, Patryck is serving up a Thanksgiving survival guide hotter than a deep fryer in someone's driveway (don't do that, by the way - you'll burn your whole house down). What you're getting into: This episode is your field guide to surviving Thanksgiving with your sanity mostly intact. We're talking about the whole blessed mess - from work potlucks where you don't trust nobody's kitchen, to that one aunt who's been "roommates" with Linda for 27 years (bless their hearts, we love them), to your cousin who never got over that knee injury and won't shut up about football. Patryck's laying down the law on Southern Thanksgiving: cornbread dressing is superior, PEE-CANS (not PEE-KANS) and marshmallows are mandatory on sweet potato casserole, and if you show up with boxed mac and cheese, you might as well just turn around and go home. We're also addressing the drunk uncle on the side-by-side, Aunt Jean showing everyone her diabetic toe pictures, and why that green gelatin salad from up North needs to stay up North where it belongs. But here's the real talk: As chaotic and messy as Thanksgiving is, cherish it. Not everyone's got a table to sit at. Not everyone's got people - crazy as they may be - to share a meal with. Whether it's blood family or chosen family, be grateful for the folks who show up. So grab your stretchy pants, hide some mini bottles in your pockets for when the political talk starts, and remember - the chaos is what makes the memories. #BackPorchBitching #ThanksgivingEpisode #HolidayChaos #ThanksgivingHumor #FamilyDrama #PodcastLife #HolidayPodcast #ThanksgivingSpecial #ComedyPodcast #SouthernThanksgiving

    34 min

  4. 11/12/2025

    Your Opinion Ain't The Gospel (And Neither Is Mine)

    This week Patryck is DONE with people who think their opinion is the only one that matters: ✨ "Respectfully" being the most disrespectful word in corporate speak ✨ People who think going through something makes them the expert on YOUR life ✨ When did we stop having conversations and start making demands? Porch Mail is SPICY: Richmond's whitewashed progressive movementCyclists yelling "ON YOUR LEFT" like it's a declaration of war The truth bomb: Opinions are like assholes - everyone has one and some are louder than others. We've lost the art of respectful disagreement and it's killing our relationships. Season 1 finale countdown: Thanksgiving special coming + last episode first week of December! If you've ever wanted to scream "YOUR OPINION ISN'T FACT" at someone, this episode is for YOU. Link in bio 🎧 #BackPorchBitching #HotTakes #TaylorSwift #UnpopularOpinions #WorkplaceDrama #PodcastLife #RealTalk #RespectfullyNo #OpinionsArentFacts

    26 min

  5. 10/29/2025

    Sexy Plumbers and Demon Twinks

    Episode 11: Patryck is taking on sexy Halloween costumes and we are DYING 💀 What’s scarier than a haunted house? Stretch marks with a Michael Myers mask. C-section scars and a sexy nun costume. A sexy plumber who’s going to “sexily unclog your toilet.” Make it make sense! This week’s chaos: ​ Gay men with costumes so specific they need a PowerPoint to explain (Cindy Crawford’s mole? The wine stain from the 2003 VMAs??)​ Straight men pretending they didn’t spend 45 minutes on that contour​ Ryan Murphy turning every true crime story into softcore porn (Ed Gein made FURNITURE, Ryan!)​ What actually scares us: demon twinks, American doll teeth, and capitalism Patryck’s closing wisdom: “That’s not a costume, Linda, that’s just you in your underwear with a calculator you don’t even know how to use.” Happy Halloween, y’all! 🍬🍺 #BackPorchBitching #HalloweenEpisode #SexyHalloween #HalloweenCostumes #PodcastLife #RealTalk #HalloweenHumor #SpookySeason #RyanMurphy #TrueCrime #HalloweenRant #ComedyPodcast #LGBTQ #GayPodcast

    29 min

  6. 10/28/2025 ·  Bonus

    Spooky Stories: The Vanishing Ghost Car of Cooper River Bridge

    February 24, 1946. A family of five waves at passing strangers as they cross Charleston's Cooper River Bridge. Seconds later, a drifting ship slams into the bridge. A 240-foot span collapses. The green Oldsmobile plunges 150 feet into the water below. For decades afterward, drivers reported seeing that same green Olds on the bridge—stopping and starting erratically. Those who got close enough saw five pale figures inside: lifeless, staring, frozen in death. Then the car would simply vanish. When they demolished the old bridge in 2005, the sightings stopped. But in Charleston, where the fog rolls thick off the harbor, some folks still remember the ghost car and wonder— Are the Lawsons finally at rest? Or are they still out there, driving on a bridge that no longer exists? 👻 Some journeys never end. #SouthernGhostStories #Charleston #CooperRiverBridge #GhostCar #SouthCarolina #HauntedHistory #TrueGhostStories #SouthCarolina #CHS

    14 min

  7. 10/22/2025

    Three-Day Hangovers and Sacred Bedrooms

    Your 30s are WEIRD and nobody warned us, so Patryck is breaking it all down: Why do hangovers last 3 days now? Why is your bedroom suddenly off-limits to everyone including yourself? Why do you need a month to mentally prepare for hosting? And why does every dating app conversation feel like a job interview about your five-year plan? This episode covers: ✨ The switch that flips at 30 🍺 Three-day hangover recovery protocols 🏠 Home buying chaos 💀 Dating pools that make you want to stay single forever 😤 People who say "ex-presso" and sheriffs with ungodly mustaches BONUS: Patryck's advice for things to do before 40 (from someone who's screwed up enough to know what actually matters) ONLY 5 EPISODES LEFT IN SEASON 1! We're pausing after Episode 15, so catch up now! If you've ever wondered why adulting in your 30s feels like a completely different game, this episode will have you saying "FINALLY someone gets it." Link in bio 🎧 #BackPorchBitching #Episode10 #30sLife #AdultingIsWeird #PodcastLife #RealTalk #GrowingUpIsWeird #MillennialProblems #ThirtyFlirtyAndThriving

    34 min

  8. 10/21/2025 ·  Bonus

    Spooky Stories: The Hole That Won't Stay Filled

    In 1864, Methodist preacher Bill Skeeto spoke out against the Confederacy and paid a substitute to fight so he could nurse his dying wife. The town called him a deserter and a coward. On a cold November day, men he thought were friends ambushed him by the Choctawhatchee River. They hanged him from an oak tree, but Bill was so tall his toes touched the ground. So they dug a hole beneath his feet with a crutch—and watched him slowly strangle to death. Bill's final words: "If you hang me here, you will never forget this spot." For over 150 years, that hole has remained near Newton, Alabama. You can fill it with dirt, pack it down, even dump trash in it. But when you return, it's swept clean—like invisible hands keep it that way. Legend says it's Bill Skeeto's ghost, marking the spot where an innocent man died, making sure nobody forgets.

    15 min
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5
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

A Southern conversational podcast hosted by Patryck that blends southern charm with honesty about life, mental health, dating, and modern culture. Each episode features "Porch Mail: Y'all's Bitching" where listeners submit complaints for Patryck to validate and expand on, followed by deep dives into topics like personal growth, gay dating in small communities, social media toxicity, and the messy reality of being human. With his signature mix of self-deprecating humor and genuine insight, Patryck creates a space for authentic conversations that make listeners feel seen.

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