Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz

Rav Shlomo Katz
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“Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz” is a series about the everyday holy work of raising children with heart, patience, and honesty. Join Rav Shlomo in learning from the sefer Da Et Yeladecha by Rav Itamar Shwartz, author of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, and explore how Torah and Chazal guide us in building a healthy, loving connection between parent and child. This isn’t about perfect techniques or quick fixes. It’s about creating a foundation of truth, learning to really listen, and finding the right “funnel” so that what we want to give actually reaches our children. Each shiur is meant to be practical, gentle, and encouraging, and something you can take home and live with.

  1. 22. The Significance of Jewish Parenting

    May 31

    22. The Significance of Jewish Parenting

    What changes when we stop seeing parenting as behavior management… and start seeing it as caring for a נשמה? In this deeply moving episode of Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore the uniquely Jewish foundation of parenting — not merely raising functional children, but honoring the divine soul hidden within them. Through stories from Reb Shlomo Carlebach, reflections on “בצלם אלוקים,” and practical shifts in consciousness, this conversation reframes what kavod for children באמת means. Why do Jewish parents give honor to children? Is it psychological? Emotional? Or something much deeper? ----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Opening Blessings and Sponsor Acknowledgments01:25 Choosing Our Focus for the Final Weeks05:07 Reb Shlomo’s Lesson on Respect for Jewish Children08:42 VeAhavta LeReiacha Kamocha and Family Hierarchy11:35 Seeing Our Children as Divine Souls13:37 A Personal Moment Recognizing Children as Souls22:27 Starting Point: Placing the Soul at the Center24:08 Correct Prayer Phrase for the Soul28:09 Nekudat Motza: Parenting Beyond Dependence31:07 Love Exercise: Visualizing Affection for Others34:09 Koach Ha'emuna: Faith Strength Over Intellect36:50 Jewish vs Psychological Reasons for Honoring Children48:37 Shtikel Elokus: Tiny Pieces of Hashem as Our Source50:36 When Kids Feel Unlovable: Using Neshama as a Remedy51:58 Reb Leo’s Lesson: Learning Emunah Every Day53:00 Building an Emunah Muscle: Never Wait for the Neshamas

    54 min
  2. 21. Parenting Based on the First Word of the Ten Commandments

    May 24

    21. Parenting Based on the First Word of the Ten Commandments

    Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore the Gemara’s teaching that “Anochi” means: “Ana Nafshi Kesavis Yehavis” — “I gave over My soul.” From there, he opens a deeply practical conversation about what our children are actually receiving from us every day. Are we only giving them food, clothing, routines, and structure… or are we giving them our hearts within those things too? Through stories, Torah, and honest reflection, this episode reframes the entire relationship between physical caregiving and emotional connection, and asks what it means to build a home where love is truly felt — not just assumed. ----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Opening Greetings and Sponsorship Acknowledgments01:18 Unrealistic Expectations for Children’s Emotional Growth02:48 Integrating Feelings into Our Industrial Lifestyle04:13 Lawsuit Over Being Brought Into the World06:42 Giving Our Soul Through Everyday Acts09:12 Why Are Children Born Completely Helpless?16:17 Embedding Love Into Daily Actions21:24 Limits of What We Can Actually Give22:59 A Potato with a Heart Metaphor24:01 Putting Heart Into Everyday Gifts25:05 The Verse About Guiding a Child27:15 Merging Love with Physical Provision28:39 Love in the Simple School Sandwich30:40 Why God’s Soul in the Torah Matters32:34 Giving Gifts with a Good Eye34:24 Integrating Soul When Providing Basics36:42 Balancing Effort and Emotional Connection46:08 Adam’s Need for Life Mirrors God’s Gift to Us47:58 Closing Blessing and Encouragement for the Week

    48 min
  3. 20. What Do You Ask Your Child When They Come Home From Shul?

    May 10

    20. What Do You Ask Your Child When They Come Home From Shul?

    What happens when a child goes to shul… but never develops a taste for tefillah? In this deeply honest episode of Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore the tension every parent feels between obligation and connection. Is “good chinuch” just getting children to sit quietly in shul — or helping them discover something that genuinely touches their soul? Through the lens of chush ha’ta’am — a child’s inner sense of taste and emotional connection — this shiur opens up difficult but essential questions about parenting, authenticity, fear, and what children actually experience when they walk into a beit knesset. Along the way, Rav Shlomo speaks about compliments, expectations, honesty in religious life, the emotional memory of shul, and why the question “How was davening?” may not be enough.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Sponsorship and Dedication for the Shiur01:01 Humility Needed in Parenting Approaches02:46 Introducing Chush HaTa’am Concept in Parenting04:26 Taking Children to Shul: The Routine05:35 Assessing the Child’s Reaction After Shul08:30 When Kids Can Read Yet Miss the Meaning10:48 Probing the Real Source of Shul Enjoyment21:18 Role of Compliments in Encouraging Shul Attendance23:24 Why Kids Need a Taste for Prayer24:50 Balancing Obligations and Personal Experience26:20 Adults Also Struggle with Shul Attendance30:25 Modeling Joy in Shul for Kids35:04 Unrealistic Expectations for Young Children40:26 Honesty About Personal Shul Struggles43:51 Fear vs. Authentic Parenting in Religion45:10 When Answers Aren’t Satisfying46:23 Isidor Rabi’s Deep Question to Children47:35 Creating Spaces for Children’s Insight49:37 Authenticity and Consistency Across Life51:08 Modern Orthodoxy Identity Split52:30 Family Tradition of Sitting Together54:00 Changing Seats After Mourning55:16 Rashi’s Query on Recounting Names

    55 min
  4. 19. The Parenting Mistake of Confusing Empathy with Permission

    Apr 19

    19. The Parenting Mistake of Confusing Empathy with Permission

    Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue exploring one of the most misunderstood יסודות in parenting: the difference between acknowledgment and enabling. Building on the concept of chush ha’ta’am—a child’s inner sense of preference and desire—Rav Shlomo explains why a child’s feelings must be recognized as real, even when their actions can’t be accepted. Just as we would never deny a child’s physical reality, we can’t dismiss their emotional world without causing deeper harm. Through practical examples—from food preferences to more complex emotional and החיים situations—this shiur lays out a clear framework: first acknowledge, then guide. Skipping that first step doesn’t create discipline—it creates distance. The challenge is learning how to validate what a child feels without reinforcing what may not be healthy or appropriate. And that delicate balance is where real chinuch begins.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Sponsorship Announcements01:11 Recap: Food Discipline & Chush HaTa’am03:51 Understanding the Sense of Taste07:48 Coke Zero & Real vs. Perceived Desire14:36 Personal Story: Discovering Taste as a Child17:25 Physical Limits: Nails, Hair, and Reality19:33 Encouraging Kids to Explore Preferences21:44 Toy Guns & Boundaries in Chinuch24:01 Desire Is Real: First Step in Parenting29:00 Acknowledging Kids’ Preferences Beyond Food33:53 Elevating Above Physical Desire35:17 Responding to Extreme Emotional States36:39 Intermarriage & Real Feelings vs. Values41:40 Know Emotions Before Trying to Remove Them43:58 Balancing Food Talk in the Home

    56 min
  5. 18. The Hidden Message Behind “What’s for Dinner?”

    Apr 12

    18. The Hidden Message Behind “What’s for Dinner?”

    There’s a question every home faces almost every day. “What’s for dinner?” It sounds simple. Maybe even trivial. But in this shiur, Rav SHlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David uncover how that question is actually a gateway into one of the deepest יסודות of parenting. What happens when a child says, “I don’t like this”? Do we push? Do we ignore? Do we accommodate? Rav Shlomo opens up a completely different דרך — one that doesn’t get stuck on the food at all, but sees it as an expression of something much deeper: a child’s עולם הרגשות. We explore:  Why suppressing a child’s preferences may “work”… but at a cost  The difference between acknowledging and indulging  How food becomes a language for emotional expression  Why children must first feel seen before they can be guided And how to hold the tension between גבולות and רגישות ----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t Chapters00:00 Opening Greeting and Shabbat Blessing01:14 Sponsor Acknowledgments and Memorial Tributes02:52 Importance of Children’s Emotional World03:58 Core Parenting Question: What’s for Dinner?05:09 Two Dinner Strategies: Individual vs Uniform06:57 Analyzing the Textual Example on Food09:51 The Snake’s Curse and Taste Concept10:53 God-given Sense of Taste Explained19:28 Acknowledging Children’s Food Preferences21:39 Extending Taste Principle Beyond Food24:00 Masking Deeper Issues Behind Food Preferences25:48 Parenting Book Review and Khush Ha-Ta'am27:30 Shul Leadership vs Parental Authority29:07 Children's Meal Requests Reveal Emotional Needs30:13 Managing Multiple Dinner Options for Kids32:13 Gift of Midrash Iyov and Hidden Messages45:42 Questioning Suppressing a Child's Taste Preferences46:57 Importance of Recognizing Child's Feelings First48:08 Taste of Love Over Food49:30 Generational Differences in Emotional Acknowledgment50:55 Daily Meal Acknowledgment Practice52:27 Guiding Eating Habits Through Lenatev

    53 min
  6. 17. How Am I Supposed to Know How to Truly Parent?

    Feb 22

    17. How Am I Supposed to Know How to Truly Parent?

    Parenting can feel like you’re expected to know how to do something you’ve never done before — and then do it differently for each child. In this week’s Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David go deeper into a core yesod: investing in a child’s emotional development isn’t a “nice extra” — it’s essential. We talk about the pressure parents feel, the fear of “getting it wrong,” and why failure is often the only real way we learn (“ein habayshan lamed / אין הביישן למד”). From there, we move into practical, real-life tools: upgrading the quality of conversations as kids get older, creating daily emotional check-ins, and integrating a child’s emotional world into normal home life (not only reacting when something goes wrong).  Along the way: a powerful “good questions” chinuch story, humility in parenting, and a big reminder that self-care and emotional health in the parent is often a prerequisite to building it in the child.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Opening and Sponsorship Acknowledgments 01:29 Emotional Development Is a Must 03:52 Physical Growth vs Emotional Needs 05:52 Parents’ Self-Criticism and Growth 08:51 Learning Through Failure (Ein Habayshan Lamed) 10:38 Humility in Parenting 11:44 Divine Intent in Parenting 13:10 Practical Steps for Emotional Investment 18:05 Age-Specific Emotional Strategies 22:51 Recording Device Test for Family Talk 25:35 Daily Parent-Child Check-In: “How Was Your Day?” 26:38 The “Good Questions” Lesson from Isadore Rabi 28:39 Integrating a Child’s Emotional World into Daily Life 31:14 Limits of the Chinuch Obligation After Bar/Bat Mitzvah 35:15 Hebrew Mistake Story: Accordion vs. Playing 37:36 Making Emotional Talk a Regular Part of Home Life 43:03 Parent Self-Care as Prerequisite for Child’s Emotional Health

    54 min
  7. 16. Developing My Child’s World of Emotions

    Feb 15

    16. Developing My Child’s World of Emotions

    This week’s shiur comes with a warning: parenting is triggering because it not only exposes our children’s inner world, it exposes ours. Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue the conversation about the three garments of the soul—thought, speech, and action— and apply it to a core parenting question: How do we build our child’s world of emotions in a healthy, Torah-aligned way? We explore what it can look like when a parent is emotionally blocked (chasum), how that can echo through marriage, friendships, and even one’s relationship with Hashem—and why “being frum” is not the same thing as emotional closeness. Along the way, we touch on attachment theory (including Rabbi Yaakov Danishefsky’s Attached), the difference between “open” and “everything goes,” and why chinuch isn’t only about fixing negative emotions—but also about actively building confidence, love, and joy. Takeaway: Emotional safety isn’t permissiveness. It’s a home where the child can grow and where feelings can be named, held, and guided… without shutting the child down or turning the home into a free-for-all.---------- For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Sponsorship and Memorial Acknowledgments01:23 Trigger Warning and Parenting Focus02:37 Three Garments of the Soul04:59 Emotional Blockage in Parents08:29 Childhood Origins of Emotional Closure11:09 Open vs Closed Emotional States14:43 Illusion of Spiritual Closeness16:49 Attachment Theory and the Book “Attached”21:04 Scope of Emotional Education48:20 Psychologists vs Parental Duty in Child Development49:25 Common Questions and Experience of Seasoned Parents51:32 Beyond Negative Emotions: Building Confidence and Joy53:37 Love and Joy as Part of Chinuch55:03 Conclusion and Next Session Plans

    55 min
  8. 15. Love Puts Everything In Perspective

    Feb 8

    15. Love Puts Everything In Perspective

    When parenting gets loud—mischief, nerves, anger—what actually brings you back to yourself? Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue the conversation about love, but take it somewhere very practical: love as the daily mindset that quiets anger and restores perspective in the moment. We explore why “hashkacha” tricks to suppress frustration often fail, and why the most effective preparation is what happens before the moment: training yourself to think loving thoughts throughout the day. Along the way, we learn from the “default emunah” example of Reb Leo Dee, connect this to Azamra (finding the good), and reframe success in parenting: not “did my child behave,” but who did I become when I could’ve lost it—and didn’t. We close by opening the next focus: emotional investment in children, the tension between authority and hierarchy in the home, and how to keep parenting from becoming pressure, so it can return to wonder. ----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Sponsorship and Introduction01:03 Continuing Last Week's Topic02:07 Soul’s Three Garments: Thought, Speech, Action03:15 Thinking Love: Machshava05:07 Dealing with Child Mischief and Anger07:09 Attempting to Suppress Anger (lehashkiach)12:29 Extreme Faith Example from Reb Leo17:51 Azamra: Recognizing Good in Others22:35 Outcome Focus: Becoming a Calm Parent23:46 Parenting: From Pressure to Wonderment24:54 Finding the Real Outcome of Parenting26:06 Defining the Perfect Goal for Our Children27:15 Upcoming Focus: Emotional Investment in Children28:47 The Best Friend vs Spouse Debate30:41 Natural Love vs Deeper V'ahavta l'Reiache32:46 Couples as Model for Mutual Love36:10 Authority and Hierarchy in the Home41:24 Practical Solution: Daily Loving Thoughts44:15 When Parental Love Expressions Fade45:15 Connecting Children to Their Souls48:12 Guilt and Uncertainty Over Monitoring a Child’s Soul49:17 Navigating Parenting in a Modern, Secular-Influence…51:05 Self-Examination: Am I Poisoning My Child’s…53:58 Protecting the Body vs. Protecting the Soul55:36 Seeking Practical Solutions Amidst Parenting…57:40 Balancing Authority with Humility in the Household

    58 min
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About

“Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz” is a series about the everyday holy work of raising children with heart, patience, and honesty. Join Rav Shlomo in learning from the sefer Da Et Yeladecha by Rav Itamar Shwartz, author of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, and explore how Torah and Chazal guide us in building a healthy, loving connection between parent and child. This isn’t about perfect techniques or quick fixes. It’s about creating a foundation of truth, learning to really listen, and finding the right “funnel” so that what we want to give actually reaches our children. Each shiur is meant to be practical, gentle, and encouraging, and something you can take home and live with.

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