Disrupting Default

Hema Crockett and Michael Crockett
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Philosophy
  • Updated Biweekly

Stop living life on someone else's settings.  We follow so many rules we never agreed to. Work 40 hours a week. Buy a house. Save for retirement the "right" way. But who decided these were the only options?  Disrupting Default is the podcast that challenges the assumptions everyone takes for granted. In quick 15-20 minute conversations, we pick apart one societal norm and explore what happens when you choose a different path entirely.  Why do we structure education the way we do? What if the traditional career ladder is actually a trap? How did we decide that being busy equals being important? Each episode unpacks the hidden logic behind our collective choices and reveals the alternatives hiding in plain sight.  This isn't about being contrarian for the sake of it. It's about recognizing that most of our "defaults" aren't natural laws – they're just habits we can change.  Think of it as a software update for your brain. We'll help you identify which defaults are worth keeping and which ones are ready for an upgrade.  Join us for honest conversations that might just change how you see everything. Because the most radical thing you can do is think for yourself.  Short episodes, big questions, real alternatives. 

  1. Men Don't Talk About It

    May 27

    Men Don't Talk About It

    The alpha archetype tells men what they’re supposed to be. This episode asks what happens when they actually live by that script - and what it’s quietly costing them. In Episode 2, Hema and Mike follow the thread from Episode 1 of Season 2 into the real human cost of emotional silence: the conditioning and what disrupting this default actually looks like - for men and the people around them. In this episode, you’ll discover: •       How the conditioning starts: “don’t cry,” “man up,” “don’t be sensitive” - and how it becomes so automatic it’s invisible by adulthood •       What boys are taught vs. girls: the different emotional scripts handed to children and what they cost adults •       Male friendships: built around activity, not conversation - and why vulnerability is often only unlocked by crisis •       For men - where to actually start: it’s not an overhaul; it’s one honest pause, one real conversation, one thing you stop numbing •       For the people around men - how to ask differently, how to stay in the conversation instead of rushing to fix it, and why modeling vulnerability is the most powerful move •       What this is not: not forced vulnerability, not pathologizing stoicism - just creating the option that was never there   The silence isn’t strength. Tune in now. Perfect for: Men who’ve been told to handle it alone, partners and friends who want to show up differently, anyone who has watched someone they love carry something they didn’t have to carry alone.

  2. The Alpha Male Myth

    May 13

    The Alpha Male Myth

    SEASON 2 PREMIERE! The alpha male - dominant, aggressive, never asking for help - is one of the most sold archetypes in modern culture. There’s just one problem: it was built on science the original researcher spent decades trying to retract. Nobody listened. It was too profitable. In this episode, Hema and Mike kick off Season 2 by dismantling the alpha myth from the ground up: where it came from, what it’s actually describing, and who profits from keeping it alive. Plus, what the myth is costing women too. In this episode, you’ll discover: •       The science that started it all: Dave Mech’s 1970s wolf study, what he got wrong, and why he spent decades trying to undo it •       What wild wolf packs actually look like: not a dominance hierarchy - a family, led through trust and cooperation •       What the alpha archetype is really describing: insecurity performing as confidence, control masquerading as leadership •       Who profits from keeping this alive: the self-help industry, supplement culture, social media influencers selling dominance as a personality •       What actual leadership looks like: psychological safety over fear, emotional intelligence over aggression, earned trust over demanded respect •       For men - what to unlearn: when dominance is a performance, not a choice, and what the men others actually respect long-term have in common •       For women - the trap on the other side: why executive women are told to be more alpha, penalized when they are, and what the double bind really looks like •       The actual alternative: clarity over volume, consistency over dominance, leading in a way that’s sustainable for everyone Ready to disrupt the alpha default? Tune in now. Perfect for: Men who’ve been handed the alpha blueprint, executive women navigating the double bind, anyone in a leadership role questioning whether the dominant model actually works, and anyone exhausted from performing strength instead of just having it.

  3. Season 2 of Disrupting Default

    May 6

    Season 2 of Disrupting Default

    Season 2 premieres May 13th. Bolder, deeper, and more uncomfortable than ever - nothing is off limits.

  4. Diet Coke Logic

    Apr 15

    Diet Coke Logic

    Diet Coke Logic (Why We Negotiate With Ourselves Over Food) SEASON 1 FINALE! You don't need to negotiate with yourself over food. You don't need to earn dessert with a salad. You don't need Diet Coke to make your burger acceptable. Food is fuel, pleasure, culture, and connection – but it's not a moral test. In this episode, Hema and Mike end Season 1 on something lighter but just as relatable: the mental gymnastics we do around food. Ordering a burger and fries with a Diet Coke like the zero calories somehow cancel out the 2,000 on your plate. "I'll eat a salad so I can have dessert." "I had dessert, so I'll run extra tomorrow." Here's the truth: we've turned food into constant negotiation, treating our bodies like bank accounts where we deposit salads and withdraw desserts. We're doing mental math, compensating, balancing, earning, and paying back – like our hunger requires permission. In this episode, you'll discover: The Diet Coke delusion: ordering massive meals with Diet Coke like that balances it out (it's not about health, it's about feeling like you made ONE better choice) What we're really doing: negotiating with ourselves ("I can have this IF I do this one small thing"), the Diet Coke becomes permission The compensation equation: constant mental math (salad for lunch = pasta for dinner, dessert today = skip breakfast tomorrow, extra workout = burn off cookie) Pre-compensation vs. post-compensation: either way you're negotiating, either way food isn't just food – it's a credit/debit system The exhaustion of constant calculation: too busy tracking and adjusting to enjoy anything, salad isn't satisfying – it's currency for dessert "Earning" your food: we've moralized eating ("I was good" = salad, "I was bad" = pizza, "I earned this dessert" = worked out) What are we even earning?: permission to eat what we want? freedom from guilt? why do we need to earn something our body needs to survive? The "cheat day" mentality: if you're cheating, who are you betraying? (frames eating as a test you're passing or failing) The language we use: "I'm being good" (restrictive), "I'm being bad" (eating what you want), "I cheated," "I fell off the wagon" The cycle it creates: restrict → cheat → guilt → restrict harder → repeat (food becomes stress, not nourishment) What if we just... ate?: hungry? eat. want dessert? have it. no pre-compensation, no post-compensation, no math The truth: Diet Coke doesn't make your meal healthier (and that's okay), food isn't a transaction, a salad doesn't buy dessert rights, your body isn't an Excel spreadsheet This connects to everything in Season 1: the measuring, the earning, the constant negotiation with yourself, the guilt, the "shoulds." Whether it's productivity, retirement, friendships, mornings, or meals – we've been living on autopilot, following scripts we never chose, exhausting ourselves trying to meet standards that don't make sense. Ready to disrupt the Diet Coke default? Tune in now. Perfect for: Anyone ordering Diet Coke with ridiculous meals, eating salads to "earn" dessert, doing extra workouts to compensate, treating food as moral choices, exhausted from constant calculation, or ready to just eat without negotiating with themselves.

  5. Sorry Not Sorry

    Apr 1

    Sorry Not Sorry

    Sorry Not Sorry (Why We Apologize for Existing) You don't need to apologize for existing. You don't need to make yourself smaller to make others comfortable. "Sorry" should mean something – it should be reserved for actual apologies, actual accountability, actual remorse. In this episode, Hema and Mike expose how "sorry" has become a reflex we use constantly without thinking. "Sorry, one quick thing" before contributing in a meeting. "Sorry if this is a dumb question" when it's not dumb, you just don't want to seem annoying. But here's the truth: none of these require an apology. You didn't do anything wrong. You're not bothering anyone. You have a right to ask questions, move through space, contribute. But you're apologizing anyway – and "sorry" has lost its meaning. It's not about remorse or accountability anymore. It's social lubrication, a verbal tic, a way to make yourself smaller. In this episode, you'll discover: Sorry as reflex, not apology: we say it constantly without thinking, for things that don't require apology How sorry has lost meaning: it's not remorse, it's not accountability – it's a way to manage others' reactions The gendered apology gap: women apologize significantly more than men, even when they did nothing wrong Why women apologize preemptively (to avoid conflict or displeasure) while men apologize when they believe they actually did something wrong How we've been socialized differently: women taught to be accommodating and pleasant, not "difficult" – taking up space = demanding = bad The workplace manifestation: women say "sorry" before sharing ideas, men just share; women apologize for emails, men send without preamble The cost of constant apologizing: undermining yourself before you start, signaling your contribution is an imposition, making yourself smaller to make others comfortable What we're really saying: "please don't be mad at me," "I don't want to inconvenience you," "I'm afraid of conflict" How to disrupt this: count how many times you say it, catch yourself before you say it, replace with something that doesn't diminish you, reclaim your space Alternatives: "Thanks for your time" instead of "sorry for taking your time," "Excuse me" instead of "sorry for existing," or just ask the question without preamble The truth: you have a right to ask questions, send emails, contribute in meetings, move through public spaces, have needs, take up room From undermining yourself before you even start to teaching people your presence is negotiable, we break down why "sorry" has become a way to manage everyone else's potential displeasure – and why you're not sorry, you're just conditioned to act like your presence is an inconvenience. Ready to disrupt the sorry default? Tune in now. Perfect for: Anyone saying sorry constantly without thinking, apologizing before asking questions, softening contributions with apologies, managing others' reactions preemptively, making themselves smaller to make others comfortable, or those ready to reclaim their space without apology.

  6. Morning on Autopilot

    Mar 18

    Morning on Autopilot

    Morning on Autopilot (Why We Start Every Day Without Thinking) How you start your day DOES matter – but only if you're starting it with intention, not just running through motions you copied from someone else or habits you never chose. In this episode, Hema and Mike expose how we're living Groundhog Day every morning: alarm, snooze, phone, email, coffee, shower, rush, repeat. We've been told that how you start your day sets the tone for everything, and that's true. But here's the problem: despite knowing this, most of us are running our mornings on complete autopilot. We're not starting with intention – we're blindly following habits we never chose. And that reactivity sets the tone for everything that follows. In this episode, you'll discover: The billionaire morning routine trap: we're obsessed with copying successful people's mornings ("5 habits of billionaires," "what CEOs do before 6am") Why we blindly adopt habits that worked for someone else: 5am wake-ups, cold showers, meditation, green juice – none of it chosen for YOU The problem with imitation: their morning works for THEIR life (they have help, flexibility, resources you don't have) What we actually do on autopilot: hit snooze 3+ times (already ignoring your own decision), reach for phone before eyes are open, check email before your own thoughts How we're starting reactive, not intentional: first input is other people's emails and demands, first emotion is stress from what's already waiting The cost of autopilot mornings: setting the tone as reactive and scattered, everyone else's agenda before yours, never getting centered Intention vs. imitation: a routine can be mindless (same actions, zero thought), intentional morning is chosen (you know WHY) Why you can't outsource intention: reading "5 habits of successful people" won't make you successful, following their routine won't give you their results How to disrupt this default: recognize autopilot, stop copying, ask what YOU need, make one intentional choice, build from there The real shift: put phone in another room, give yourself 10 minutes of YOUR thoughts first, choose one thing that works for YOUR life From blindly copying billionaire routines to hitting snooze while starting the day behind, we break down why most of us are living someone else's morning – and what it looks like to actually choose yours. Ready to disrupt the morning autopilot? Tune in now. Perfect for: Anyone following morning routines they read about, hitting snooze multiple times, checking phone before consciousness, scrolling for 20 minutes without realizing, doing the same things every morning from a different life season, or ready to start their day with actual intention.

  7. The Retirement Trap

    Mar 4

    The Retirement Trap

    The Retirement Trap (Why We Work 40 Years to Live at 67) You don't have to accept the 40-year grind just because that's how it's always been done. You don't have to defer living until you're 67. You don't have to treat work as something to endure and retirement as the only escape. In this episode, Hema and Mike expose how retirement is one of the biggest defaults we've never questioned. You work for 40-50 years doing something you tolerate (or hate), so when you're 67, you can finally enjoy life – when your knees hurt, your energy is low, and half your dreams require a body you no longer have. We call this "the golden years." But here's the truth: we've been sold a narrative where life now is about work, and life later is about living. You're spending your best years for productivity and your tired years for rest – and we've accepted this as inevitable. In this episode, you'll discover: The retirement script: work hard, save enough, sacrifice enough, and you'll get to enjoy life later (life now = work, life later = living) Where retirement at 65 even came from: Otto von Bismarck created it in 1889 at age 70 when life expectancy was 58-62 – they picked an age most wouldn't reach Why it was designed for economic efficiency, not your benefit: manage the workforce, get older workers out, make room for younger workers How it's been raised to 67 due to longer lifespans and Social Security funding gaps The math: spend 40-50 years working, maybe get 10-15 years of freedom IF you're healthy The problem with "work now, live later": trading your best years (20s-60s energy) for potentially your worst (65+ mobility issues and health problems) Why the model assumes you hate your work (you're counting down until escape, freedom only comes when you stop working) The financial reality: average U.S. retirement savings is $65,000 – nowhere near enough; people work into their 70s by necessity, not choice How to disrupt this default: mini-retirements throughout life, sabbaticals, extended breaks between jobs while you have energy to enjoy them Alternative models: FIRE movement, multiple income streams, retiring from corporate life but not from purpose The real disruption: building a life you don't need to retire from From deferring joy for decades to accepting that your presence is worth less as you age, we break down why the retirement model was designed in 1889 for a world that no longer exists – and why we're still living like it's the only option. Ready to disrupt the retirement default? Tune in now. Perfect for: Anyone counting down years until 67, deferring experiences for "someday," enduring work they hate because that's the deal, saving for a future that might not come, or ready to value their time NOW and build a life where retirement becomes irrelevant.

  8. Friendship Maintenance

    Feb 18

    Friendship Maintenance

    Friendship Maintenance (Why We Stay Friends Out of Obligation) You're not a bad person for wanting to walk away from a friendship that no longer serves you. You're not cruel for admitting some relationships have run their course. You're not selfish for prioritizing your own energy and peace. In this episode, Hema and Mike expose how we've turned friendship into maintenance work – another obligation to manage instead of a relationship that adds to your life. You're remembering birthdays out of duty, responding to group chats you dread, showing up to events because you "should," and sending texts you don't mean. It feels like a chore, not a choice. You're maintaining the friendship, not enjoying it. But here's the truth: staying in a friendship that drains you isn't kindness – it's performance. In this episode, you'll discover: How we've turned friendship into tasks: birthdays, group chats, obligation hangouts, "we should get together!" texts that feel hollow Why the relationship becomes a checkbox: measuring friendship by actions (did I text them?) instead of actual connection Why we stay in dead friendships: history feels like a binding contract, fear of being the "bad guy," overwhelming guilt, social pressure The belief that good people don't let friendships die (even when the relationship is one-sided and draining) The cost of obligatory friendship: exhaustion, performing instead of being yourself, depleted energy, transactional dynamics How you're taking up space that could go to real connection by maintaining dead friendships Why not all friendships are meant to last forever (people grow in different directions – that's normal) How to let friendships end without cruelty: most end with a slow fade, not a fight; you don't owe anyone a breakup conversation The alternative: keep only friendships that energize you, invest in reciprocal relationships, quality over quantity From "we've been friends for 15 years" to "real friends stick together through everything," we break down why we're taught that longevity equals obligation, and why you're allowed to let relationships evolve, change, and yes – even end. Ready to disrupt the friendship obligation default? Tune in now. Perfect for: Anyone maintaining friendships out of guilt, dreading certain group chats, feeling drained after hangouts instead of energized, performing friendship instead of feeling it, or ready to spend their finite energy on connections that genuinely matter.

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About

Stop living life on someone else's settings.  We follow so many rules we never agreed to. Work 40 hours a week. Buy a house. Save for retirement the "right" way. But who decided these were the only options?  Disrupting Default is the podcast that challenges the assumptions everyone takes for granted. In quick 15-20 minute conversations, we pick apart one societal norm and explore what happens when you choose a different path entirely.  Why do we structure education the way we do? What if the traditional career ladder is actually a trap? How did we decide that being busy equals being important? Each episode unpacks the hidden logic behind our collective choices and reveals the alternatives hiding in plain sight.  This isn't about being contrarian for the sake of it. It's about recognizing that most of our "defaults" aren't natural laws – they're just habits we can change.  Think of it as a software update for your brain. We'll help you identify which defaults are worth keeping and which ones are ready for an upgrade.  Join us for honest conversations that might just change how you see everything. Because the most radical thing you can do is think for yourself.  Short episodes, big questions, real alternatives. 

Information

  • Creator
    Hema Crockett and Michael Crockett
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    19
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Show Website
    Disrupting Default